Self-Control​—Why So Important?

“By your contributing in response all earnest effort, supply to your faith virtue, to your virtue knowledge, to your knowledge self-control.”​—2 PETER 1:5, 6.

1. What remarkable display of physical self-control occurred in the 19th century?

WITHOUT a doubt, one of the most amazing displays of physical control was furnished by Charles Blondin in the latter half of the 19th century. According to one report, he crossed Niagara Falls a number of times, first in 1859, on a tightrope 1,100 feet [340 m] long and 160 feet [50 m] above the water. After that, he did so each time with a different display of his ability: blindfolded, in a sack, trundling a wheelbarrow, on stilts, and carrying a man on his back. In another setting, he turned somersaults on stilts on a rope stretched 170 feet [52 m] above the ground. To maintain such balance required extremely great physical self-control. For his pains, Blondin was rewarded with both fame and fortune.

2. What other forms of activity are there that demand physical control?

² While few could even come near to duplicating those displays, the importance of physical self-control in the exercise of professional skills or in sports is apparent to all of us. For example, in describing the virtuosity of the late famed pianist Vladimir Horowitz, one musician said: “For me the fascinating thing was a sense of complete control . . . , the sense of an unbelievable energy being harnessed.” Another report on Horowitz spoke of “eight decades of flying fingers in perfect control.”

3. (a) What is the most demanding form of control, and how is it defined? (b) What is the meaning of the Greek word rendered “self-control” in the Bible?

³ It takes great effort to develop such skills. However, even more important and challenging is self-control. It has been defined as “restraint exercised over one’s own impulses, emotions, or desires.” In the Christian Greek Scriptures, the word translated “self-control” at 2 Peter 1:6 and elsewhere, has been defined as “the virtue of one who masters his desires and passions, especially his sensual appetites.” Individual self-control has even been called “the acme of human achievement.”

Why Self-Control Is So Important

4. The lack of self-control has reaped what bad fruitage?

⁴ What a harvest the lack of self-control has been reaping! Many troubles in the world today are primarily due to a lack of self-control. Truly, we are in “the last days,” when ‘critical times hard to deal with are here.’ Men are “without self-control” often because of greed, one form of which is being “lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God.” (2 Timothy 3:1-5) This sobering truth has forcefully been brought home to us by the exclusion of over 40,000 erring individuals from fellowship with the Christian congregation during the past service year, largely because of grossly wrong conduct. To these must be added the many who were given reproof, mostly for sexual immorality but all because of failure to exercise self-control. Also sobering is the fact that some longtime elders lost all their privileges as overseers for the same reason.

5. How might the importance of self-control be illustrated?

⁵ The importance of self-control might be illustrated by an automobile. It has four wheels that enable it to move, a powerful engine that can turn those wheels very rapidly, and brakes that can stop them. However, disaster can result unless there is someone in the driver’s seat to decide where those wheels go, how fast they turn, and when they stop, by making controlled use of the steering wheel, the accelerator, and the brakes.

6. (a) What criterion regarding love might well be applied to self-control? (b) What further counsel must we keep in mind?

⁶ It would be difficult to overemphasize the importance of self-control. What the apostle Paul said at 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 about the importance of love might well be said of self-control. No matter how eloquent we may be as public speakers, no matter how much knowledge and faith we may have gained through good study habits, no matter what works we might be doing to benefit others, unless we exercise self-control, all of that is in vain. We should bear in mind Paul’s words: “Do you not know that the runners in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may attain it. Moreover, every man taking part in a contest exercises self-control in all things.” (1 Corinthians 9:24, 25) Helping us to exercise self-control in all things is Paul’s warning at 1 Corinthians 10:12: “Let him that thinks he is standing beware that he does not fall.”

Warning Examples

7. (a) How did lack of self-control start the human race on its downward course? (b) What other early examples of lack of self-control do the Scriptures give us?

⁷ By allowing emotion rather than reason to govern his actions, Adam failed to exercise self-control. As a result, “sin entered into the world and death through sin.” (Romans 5:12) The first murder was also due to a lack of self-control, for Jehovah God had warned Cain: ‘Why are you hot with anger and why has your countenance fallen? Sin is crouching at the entrance, and will you get the mastery over it?’ Because Cain did not gain the mastery over sin, he murdered his brother Abel. (Genesis 4:6-12) The wife of Lot also failed to exercise self-control. She just could not resist the temptation to look back. What did her lack of self-control cost her? Why, her very life!​—Genesis 19:17, 26.

8. The experiences of what three men of old provide warnings for us as to the need for self-control?

⁸ Jacob’s firstborn son, Reuben, lost the birthright because of his lack of self-control. He violated his father’s lounge by having sexual relations with one of Jacob’s concubines. (Genesis 35:22; 49:3, 4; 1 Chronicles 5:1) Because Moses lost his temper over the way the Israelites tried him with their murmuring, complaining, and rebellion, he was denied the greatly desired privilege of entering the Promised Land. (Numbers 20:1-13; Deuteronomy 32:50-52) Even faithful King David, ‘a man agreeable to God’s own heart,’ got into deep trouble because of his lack of self-control on one occasion. (1 Samuel 13:14; 2 Samuel 12:7-14) All such examples provide us with wholesome warnings that we need to exercise self-control.

What We Need to Control

9. What are some scriptures that highlight the importance of self-control?

⁹ First of all, self-control involves our thoughts and emotions. These are often referred to in the Scriptures by the figurative use of such words as “heart” and “kidneys.” What we let our minds dwell on either helps us or hinders us in our effort to please Jehovah. Self-control is needed if we are to heed the Scriptural counsel found at Philippians 4:8, to keep considering things that are true, chaste, and virtuous. The psalmist David expressed similar sentiments in prayer, saying: “Let the . . . meditation of my heart become pleasurable before you, O Jehovah my Rock and my Redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14) The tenth commandment​—not to desire anything belonging to a fellowman—​required control of one’s thoughts. (Exodus 20:17) Jesus highlighted the seriousness of controlling our thoughts and emotions when he said: “Everyone that keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”​—Matthew 5:28.

10. What Bible texts stress the importance of controlling our speech?

¹⁰ Self-control also involves our words, our speech. Many indeed are the scriptures that counsel us to exercise control of our tongues. For example: “The true God is in the heavens but you are on the earth. That is why your words should prove to be few.” (Ecclesiastes 5:2) “In the abundance of words there does not fail to be transgression, but the one keeping his lips in check is acting discreetly.” (Proverbs 10:19) “Let a rotten saying not proceed out of your mouth, but whatever saying is good for building up as the need may be . . . Let all . . . screaming and abusive speech be taken away from you along with all badness.” And Paul goes on to give counsel to put away from us foolish talking and obscene jesting.​—Ephesians 4:29, 31; 5:3, 4.

11. How does James deal with the problem of controlling the tongue?

¹¹ James, a half brother of Jesus, condemns unbridled speech and shows how hard it is to control the tongue. He says: “The tongue is a little member and yet makes great brags. Look! How little a fire it takes to set so great a woodland on fire! Well, the tongue is a fire. The tongue is constituted a world of unrighteousness among our members, for it spots up all the body and sets the wheel of natural life aflame and it is set aflame by Gehenna. For every species of wild beast as well as bird and creeping thing and sea creature is to be tamed and has been tamed by humankind. But the tongue, not one of mankind can get it tamed. An unruly injurious thing, it is full of death-dealing poison. With it we bless Jehovah, even the Father, and yet with it we curse men who have come into existence ‘in the likeness of God.’ Out of the same mouth come forth blessing and cursing. It is not proper, my brothers, for these things to go on occurring this way.”​—James 3:5-10.

12, 13. What are some scriptures that show the importance of controlling our actions and conduct?

¹² Of course, self-control involves our actions. One area in which great self-control is needed has to do with our relations with those of the opposite sex. Christians are commanded: “Flee from sexual immorality.” (1 Corinthians 6:18, New International Version) Husbands are exhorted to limit their sex interest to their own wives, being told in part: “Drink water out of your own cistern, and tricklings out of the midst of your own well.” (Proverbs 5:15-20) We are plainly told that “God will judge fornicators and adulterers.” (Hebrews 13:4) Self-control is especially needed by those who would cultivate the gift of singleness.​—Matthew 19:11, 12; 1 Corinthians 7:37.

¹³ Jesus summed up the whole matter regarding our actions toward fellow humans when he gave what is generally termed the “Golden Rule,” saying: “All things, therefore, that you want men to do to you, you also must likewise do to them; this, in fact, is what the Law and the Prophets mean.” (Matthew 7:12) Truly, it takes self-control not to let our selfish inclinations or outside pressures or temptations cause us to treat others differently from the way we would want them to treat us.

14. What counsel does God’s Word give regarding food and drink?

¹⁴ Then there is the matter of self-control regarding food and drink. God’s Word wisely counsels: “Do not come to be among heavy drinkers of wine, among those who are gluttonous eaters of flesh.” (Proverbs 23:20) Particularly regarding our day, Jesus warned: “Pay attention to yourselves that your hearts never become weighed down with overeating and heavy drinking and anxieties of life, and suddenly that day be instantly upon you as a snare.” (Luke 21:34, 35) Yes, self-control involves our thoughts and our feelings, as well as our words and our actions.

Why Self-Control Is Such a Challenge

15. How do the Scriptures show the reality of Satan’s opposition to the exercising of self-control by Christians?

¹⁵ Self-control does not come easily because, as all Christians know, we have three powerful forces arrayed against our exercise of self-control. To begin with, there are Satan and his demons. The Scriptures leave no doubt as to their reality. Thus, we read that “Satan entered into” Judas just before he went out to betray Jesus. (John 13:27) The apostle Peter asked Ananias: “Why has Satan emboldened you to play false to the holy spirit?” (Acts 5:3) Most fittingly, Peter also warned: “Keep your senses, be watchful. Your adversary, the Devil, walks about like a roaring lion, seeking to devour someone.”​—1 Peter 5:8.

16. Why must Christians exercise self-control with regard to this world?

¹⁶ In their efforts to display self-control, Christians must also contend with this world that lies “in the power of the wicked one,” Satan the Devil. Concerning it, the apostle John wrote: “Do not be loving either the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him; because everything in the world​—the desire of the flesh and the desire of the eyes and the showy display of one’s means of life—​does not originate with the Father, but originates with the world. Furthermore, the world is passing away and so is its desire, but he that does the will of God remains forever.” Unless we exercise self-control and strongly resist any tendency to love the world, we will succumb to its influence, as did Paul’s one-time fellow worker Demas.​—1 John 2:15-17; 5:19; 2 Timothy 4:10.

17. With what problem as regards self-control are we born?

¹⁷ As Christians, we also need self-control if we are to contend successfully with our own inherited fleshly weaknesses and shortcomings. We cannot escape the fact that “the inclination of the heart of man is bad from his youth up.” (Genesis 8:21) Like King David, ‘with error we were brought forth with birth pains, and in sin our mothers conceived us.’ (Psalm 51:5) A newborn child knows nothing about self-control. When it wants something, it just keeps on crying until it gets it. One report on child training states: ‘Children reason in a way entirely different from adults. Children are self-centered and often unresponsive to the most logical persuasion because they are unable to “put themselves in another person’s place.”’ Truly, “foolishness is tied up with the heart of a boy.” However, with the application of “the rod of discipline,” he gradually learns that there are rules he must obey and that selfishness must be curbed.​—Proverbs 22:15.

18. (a) According to Jesus, what tendencies reside in the figurative heart? (b) What words of Paul show his awareness of the problem of exercising self-control?

¹⁸ Yes, our inborn selfish tendencies furnish a challenge for us when it comes to exercising self-control. Those tendencies reside in the figurative heart, concerning which Jesus said: “Out of the heart come wicked reasonings, murders, adulteries, fornications, thieveries, false testimonies, blasphemies.” (Matthew 15:19) That is why Paul wrote: “The good that I wish I do not do, but the bad that I do not wish is what I practice. If, now, what I do not wish is what I do, the one working it out is no longer I, but the sin dwelling in me.” (Romans 7:19, 20) However, this was not a losing battle, for Paul also wrote: “I pummel my body and lead it as a slave, that, after I have preached to others, I myself should not become disapproved somehow.” Pummeling his body required exercising self-control.​—1 Corinthians 9:27.

19. Why could Paul well say that he pummeled his body?

¹⁹ Well could Paul say that he pummeled his body, for exercising self-control is complicated by many physical factors, such as high blood pressure, bad nerves, lack of sleep, headaches, indigestion, and so forth. In the next article, we will consider qualities and aids that will help us to exercise self-control.

Cultivating the Fruit of Self-Control

“The fruitage of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith, mildness, self-control. Against such things there is no law.”​—GALATIANS 5:22, 23.

1. Who have given us the finest examples of self-control, as seen by what scriptures?

JEHOVAH GOD and Jesus Christ have given us the finest examples of self-control. Ever since man’s disobedience in the garden of Eden, Jehovah has kept exercising this quality. (Compare Isaiah 42:14.) Nine times in the Hebrew Scriptures we read that he is “slow to anger.” (Exodus 34:6) That takes self-control. And certainly God’s Son exercised great self-control, for “when he was being reviled, he did not go reviling in return.” (1 Peter 2:23) Yet, Jesus could have asked his heavenly Father for the support of “more than twelve legions of angels.”​—Matthew 26:53.

2. What fine Scriptural examples do we have of the exercise of self-control by imperfect humans?

² We also have some fine Scriptural examples of self-control exercised by imperfect humans. For instance, this quality was displayed during a notable incident in the life of Joseph, a son of the patriarch Jacob. What self-control Joseph exercised when Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce him! (Genesis 39:7-9) There was also the fine example of the four Hebrew youths who exercised self-control by refusing to eat the Babylonian king’s dainties because of Mosaic Law restrictions.​—Daniel 1:8-17.

3. Who are noted for their fine behavior, as seen by what testimony?

³ For modern examples of self-control, we can point to Jehovah’s Witnesses as a whole. They deserve the commendation given them by the New Catholic Encyclopedia​—that they are “one of the best-behaved groups in the world.” A Philippine university instructor stated that “the Witnesses practice religiously what they learn from the Scriptures.” Regarding the Witnesses’ convention in Warsaw in 1989, a Polish reporter wrote: “55,000 people did not smoke one cigarette for three days! . . . This demonstration of superhuman discipline impressed me with admiration mixed with awe.”

Fearing God and Hating What Is Bad

4. What is one of the greatest aids in exercising self-control?

⁴ One of the greatest aids in cultivating self-control is the fear of God, the wholesome dread of displeasing our loving heavenly Father. How important the reverent fear of God should be to us can be seen by the fact that the Scriptures mention it many times. When Abraham was about to offer up his son Isaac, God said: “Do not put out your hand against the boy and do not do anything at all to him, for now I do know that you are God-fearing in that you have not withheld your son, your only one, from me.” (Genesis 22:12) Emotional stress no doubt ran high, so it must have taken a great deal of self-control on the part of Abraham to proceed with God’s command to the point of lifting up his knife to slay his beloved son Isaac. Yes, the fear of God will help us to exercise self-control.

5. What role does the hating of bad play in our exercise of self-control?

⁵ Closely related to the fear of Jehovah is the hating of bad. We read at Proverbs 8:13: “The fear of Jehovah means the hating of bad.” In turn, the hating of what is bad also helps us to exercise self-control. Time and again, the Scriptures tell us to hate​—yes, abhor—​what is bad. (Psalm 97:10; Amos 5:14, 15; Romans 12:9) That which is bad is often so pleasurable, so tempting, so enticing that we simply must hate it in order to fortify ourselves against it. All such hating of what is bad has the effect of strengthening our determination to exercise self-control and thus serves as a protection to us.

Self-Control, the Course of Wisdom

6. Why is it the course of wisdom to curb our selfish inclinations by practicing self-control?

⁶ Another great aid in our practicing self-control is to appreciate the wisdom of displaying this quality. Jehovah asks us to exercise self-control for our own benefit. (Compare Isaiah 48:17, 18.) His Word contains much counsel showing how wise it is to curb our selfish inclinations by practicing self-control. We simply cannot escape God’s unchangeable laws. His Word tells us: “Whatever a man is sowing, this he will also reap; because he who is sowing with a view to his flesh will reap corruption from his flesh, but he who is sowing with a view to the spirit will reap everlasting life from the spirit.” (Galatians 6:7, 8) An obvious example is that of eating and drinking. Many ills result because people eat or drink too much. All such yielding to selfishness robs a person of self-respect. More than that, an individual cannot yield to selfishness without also damaging his relationships with others. Most serious of all, lack of self-control damages our relationship with our heavenly Father.

7. What is a major theme of the book of Proverbs, as shown by what Bible texts?

⁷ Therefore, we must keep telling ourselves that selfishness is self-defeating. An outstanding theme of the book of Proverbs, which stresses self-discipline, is that selfishness simply does not pay and there is wisdom in exercising self-control. (Proverbs 14:29; 16:32) And let it be noted that self-discipline involves much more than simply avoiding what is bad. Self-discipline, or self-control, is also needed to do what is right, which may be difficult because this goes against our sinful inclinations.

8. What experience highlights the wisdom of exercising self-control?

⁸ Illustrating the wisdom of exercising self-control is the case of one of Jehovah’s Witnesses standing in line at a bank when a man pushed ahead of him. Though the Witness was a little annoyed, he exercised self-control. That very day he had to see a certain engineer to get a signature for some Kingdom Hall plans. And who did this engineer prove to be? Why, the very man who had pushed ahead of him at the bank! Not only did the engineer prove to be very friendly but he charged the Witness less than one tenth of the regular fee. How happy the Witness was that he had exercised self-control earlier that day, not letting himself get provoked!

9. What is the course of wisdom when we meet with abusive reactions in the ministry?

⁹ Time and again when we go from door to door preaching the good news of God’s Kingdom or stand on a street corner trying to interest passersby in our message, we encounter abusive speech. What is the course of wisdom? This wise statement is made at Proverbs 15:1: “An answer, when mild, turns away rage.” In other words, we need to exercise self-control. And not only have Jehovah’s Witnesses found this to be true but others have also. The curative value of self-control is being appreciated more and more by the medical profession.

Unselfish Love Helps

10, 11. Why is love a real help in exercising self-control?

¹⁰ Paul’s description of love at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 shows that its power can help us to exercise self-control. “Love is long-suffering.” To be long-suffering takes self-control. “Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up.” The quality of love helps us to control our thoughts and emotions, to curb any tendency to be jealous, to brag, or to get puffed up. Love moves us to be just the opposite, making us humble, lowly in mind, as Jesus was.​—Matthew 11:28-30.

¹¹ Paul goes on to say that love “does not behave indecently.” It also takes self-control to act decently at all times. The quality of love keeps us from greed, from solely ‘looking out for our own interests.’ Love “does not become provoked.” How easy it is to get provoked because of what others say or do! But love will help us to exercise self-control and not say or do things that we would afterward regret. Love “does not keep account of the injury.” Human nature is inclined to harbor a grudge or to cherish resentment. But love will help us to dismiss such thoughts from our minds. Love “does not rejoice over unrighteousness.” It takes self-control not to take pleasure in what is unrighteous, such as pornography or degrading TV soap operas. Love also “bears all things” and “endures all things.” It takes self-control to put up with things, to endure trialsome or burdensome things and not let them discourage us, cause us to retaliate in kind, or incline us to quit serving Jehovah.

12. What is one way to show our appreciation for all that Jehovah God and Jesus Christ have done for us?

¹² If we truly love our heavenly Father and appreciate his wonderful qualities and all he has done for us, we will want to please him by exercising self-control at all times. Also, if we truly love our Lord and Master, Jesus Christ, and appreciate all he has done for us, we will heed his command ‘to pick up our torture stake and follow him continually.’ (Mark 8:34) That certainly requires that we exercise self-control. Love for our Christian brothers and sisters will also keep us from hurting them by taking some selfish course.

Faith and Humility as Helpers

13. Why can faith help us to exercise self-control?

¹³ Another great help in exercising self-control is faith in God and his promises. Faith will enable us to trust in Jehovah and wait for his due time to set matters straight. The apostle Paul makes the same point when he says at Romans 12:19: “Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, . . . for it is written: ‘Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says Jehovah.’” In this regard, humility can also help us. If we are humble, we will not be quick to take offense because of imagined or real injuries. We will not rashly take the law into our own hands, so to speak, but will exercise self-control and be willing to wait on Jehovah.​—Compare Psalm 37:1, 8.

14. What experience shows that self-control can be acquired even by those greatly lacking in it?

¹⁴ That we can learn to exercise self-control was powerfully brought home in an experience involving a man with a violent temper. Why, he had such a temper that when the police were called because of the rumpus he and his father were causing, he knocked out three policemen before others subdued him! In time, however, he came in touch with Jehovah’s Witnesses and learned to exercise self-control, one of the fruits of God’s spirit. (Galatians 5:22, 23) Today, 30 years later, this man is still faithfully serving Jehovah.

Self-Control Within the Family Circle

15, 16. (a) What will help a husband to exercise self-control? (b) Self-control is especially needed in what situation, as seen from what experience? (c) Why is self-control needed by a wife?

¹⁵ Self-control is certainly needed within the family circle. For a husband to love his wife as he loves himself requires that he exercise much control of his thoughts, words, and actions. (Ephesians 5:28, 29) Yes, it takes self-control for husbands to heed the words of the apostle Peter at 1 Peter 3:7: “You husbands, continue dwelling in like manner with them according to knowledge.” Especially when his wife is not a believer will the believing husband need to exercise self-control.

¹⁶ To illustrate: There was an elder who had a very ill-tempered unbelieving wife. Yet, he exercised self-control, and this benefited him so much that his doctor told him: “John, either you are by nature a very, very patient man or else you have a powerful religion.” We do indeed have a powerful religion, for “God gave us not a spirit of cowardice, but that of power and of love and of soundness of mind,” enabling us to exercise self-control. (2 Timothy 1:7) Additionally, it takes self-control on the part of a wife to be submissive, especially when her husband is not a believer.​—1 Peter 3:1-4.

17. Why is self-control important in the parent-child relationship?

¹⁷ Self-control is also needed in the parent-child relationship. To have children that are self-controlled, parents themselves must first of all set a good example. And when children require discipline of one kind or another, it should always be administered with calmness and in love, which takes real self-control. (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21) Then again, for children to show that they really love their parents calls for obedience, and to obey certainly requires self-control.​—Ephesians 6:1-3; compare 1 John 5:3.

Making Use of the Help God Provides

18-20. What three spiritual provisions must we take advantage of in order to cultivate the qualities that will help us to exercise self-control?

¹⁸ To grow in fear of God, in unselfish love, in faith, in hatred of what is bad, and in self-control, we need to take advantage of all the help Jehovah God has provided. Let us consider three spiritual provisions that can help us to exercise self-control. First of all, there is the precious privilege of prayer. Never do we want to be too busy to pray. Yes, we should desire to “pray incessantly,” to “persevere in prayer.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17; Romans 12:12) Let us make the cultivating of self-control a matter of prayer. But when we come short in exercising self-control, let us contritely supplicate our heavenly Father for forgiveness.

¹⁹ A second area of assistance in displaying self-control is getting the help that comes from feeding on God’s Word and the literature that enables us to understand and apply the Scriptures. It is so easy to neglect this part of our sacred service! We must exercise self-control and keep telling ourselves that there is no more important reading material than the Bible and that provided by “the faithful and discreet slave,” and thus we must give it priority. (Matthew 24:45-47) It has been well said that life is never this and that but this or that. Are we truly spiritual men and women? If we are conscious of our spiritual need, we will exercise the self-control required to turn off the TV and prepare for our meetings or read The Watchtower that may just have arrived in the mail.

²⁰ Third, there is the matter of doing justice to our congregation meetings and the larger assemblies and conventions. Are all such meetings an absolute must for us? Do we come prepared to take part and then do so as we have opportunity? To the extent that we do justice to our meetings, to that extent we will be strengthened in our determination to exercise self-control under all circumstances.

21. What are some of the rewards we can enjoy for cultivating the spirit’s fruit of self-control?

²¹ What rewards can we expect for trying hard to exercise self-control at all times? For one thing, we will never reap the bitter fruits of selfishness. We will have self-respect and a clear conscience. We will save ourselves ever so many troubles and will remain on the road to life. Further, we will be able to do the greatest possible good to others. Above all, we will be heeding Proverbs 27:11: “Be wise, my son, and make my heart rejoice, that I may make a reply to him that is taunting me.” And that is the greatest reward we could possibly have​—the privilege of gladdening the heart of our loving heavenly Father, Jehovah!

“An Overseer Must Be . . . Self-Controlled”

“An overseer must be . . . self-controlled.”​—TITUS 1:7, 8.

1, 2. What example of restraint did William of Orange provide, and with what beneficial results?

HISTORY provides a most noteworthy example involving restraint of the emotions. In the mid-16th century, the young Dutch prince William of Orange was on a hunting trip with King Henry II of France. The king revealed to William the plan he and the king of Spain had to wipe out all the Protestants in France and in the Netherlands​—in fact, in all Christendom. King Henry was under the impression that young William was a devout Catholic like himself and therefore divulged all the details of the plot. What William heard horrified him in the extreme because many of his closest friends were Protestants, but he did not betray what he felt; instead, he showed great interest in all the details the king gave him.

² As soon as William could do so, however, he set in motion plans to foil the plot, and this ultimately led to freeing the Netherlands of Spanish Catholic domination. Because William was able to exercise self-control when he first heard of the plot, he became known as “William the Silent.” So successful was William of Orange that we are told: “He was the real founder of the independence and greatness of the Dutch republic.”

3. Who benefit when Christian elders exercise self-control?

³ By reason of his restraint, William the Silent greatly benefited both himself and his people. In a comparable way, the holy spirit’s fruit of self-control should be manifested today by Christian elders, or overseers. (Galatians 5:22, 23) By exercising this quality, they benefit both themselves and the congregations. On the other hand, failure on their part to exercise self-control can do incalculable harm.

Self-Control​—A Requisite for Elders

4. What counsel of the apostle Paul stresses the need for elders to exercise self-control?

⁴ Paul, himself an elder, appreciated the importance of self-control. When counseling the elders who had come to him from Ephesus, he told them: “Pay attention to yourselves and to all the flock.” Among other things, paying attention to themselves included the need to exercise self-control, to watch their conduct. In writing to Timothy, Paul made the same point, saying: “Pay constant attention to yourself and to your teaching.” Such counsel showed Paul’s awareness of the human tendency on the part of some to be more concerned with preaching than with practicing what they preach. Therefore, he first emphasized the need to watch themselves.​—Acts 20:28; 1 Timothy 4:16.

5. How are Christian elders appointed, and where are their qualifications recorded in the Scriptures?

⁵ Throughout the years, the Scriptural role of elders has gradually become clearer. Today, we see that eldership is an appointive position. Elders are appointed by the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses or its direct representatives. That body, in turn, represents “the faithful and discreet slave.” (Matthew 24:45-47) The qualifications for becoming a Christian overseer, or elder, are given primarily by the apostle Paul at 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9.

6, 7. What specific qualifications of elders require self-control?

⁶ Paul states at 1 Timothy 3:2, 3 that an overseer must be moderate in habits. This and the need for an elder to be orderly require the exercising of self-control. A man qualifying to be an overseer is not a smiter and is not belligerent. These qualifications also require that an elder be self-controlled. Moreover, for an elder not to be a drunken brawler, given to wine, he must exercise self-control.​—See also footnotes to 1 Timothy 3:2, 3.

⁷ At Titus 1:7, 8, Paul specifically stated that an overseer must be self-controlled. Note, however, how many of the other requirements that are listed in these verses involve self-control. For example, the overseer must be free from accusation, yes, irreprehensible. Certainly, an elder could not meet those requirements unless he exercised self-control.

When Dealing With Others

8. What qualities needed by elders in giving counsel underscore the need for self-control?

⁸ Then again, an overseer must be patient and long-suffering in dealing with fellow believers, and this requires self-control. For example, at Galatians 6:1, we read: “Brothers, even though a man takes some false step before he is aware of it, you who have spiritual qualifications [primarily the elders] try to readjust such a man in a spirit of mildness, as you each keep an eye on yourself, for fear you also may be tempted.” To manifest a spirit of mildness takes self-control. For that matter, self-control is also involved in keeping an eye on oneself. Likewise, when an elder is being called on for help by a person in distress, self-control is very important. Regardless of what the elder may think of the individual, he must be kind, patient, and understanding. Rather than be quick to give advice, the elder must be willing to listen and draw out from the individual what really seems to be troubling him.

9. Elders should have what counsel in mind when dealing with distraught brothers?

⁹ Especially when dealing with distraught persons is this counsel at James 1:19 apropos: “Know this, my beloved brothers. Every man must be swift about hearing, slow about speaking, slow about wrath.” Yes, particularly when encountering angry or emotional reactions must an elder be careful not to respond in kind. It takes self-control not to meet emotionally charged words with emotionally charged words, not to “return evil for evil.” (Romans 12:17) To respond in like manner just makes bad matters worse. So here again God’s Word gives elders fine advice, reminding them that “an answer, when mild, turns away rage.”​—Proverbs 15:1.

Self-Control at Meetings of Elders and Judicial Hearings

10, 11. What has happened at meetings of elders, showing the need for self-control on such occasions?

¹⁰ Another area wherein Christian overseers need to be careful to exercise self-control is during meetings of elders. To speak up calmly in the interest of truth and justice sometimes takes great self-control. It also takes self-control to avoid trying to dominate a discussion. Where an elder has such a propensity, it would be a kindness for another elder to offer him counsel.​—Compare 3 John 9.

¹¹ Then again, at meetings of elders, an overearnest elder may be tempted to get emotional, even to raise his voice. How greatly such actions betray a lack of self-control! They are really doubly self-defeating. On the one hand, to the extent that a person loses self-control, to that extent he weakens his own case by allowing emotion to overshadow logic. On the other hand, to the extent that an individual gets emotional, he tends to upset or even antagonize his fellow elders. Besides, unless elders are careful, sharp differences of opinion may cause division in their ranks. This works to their own harm and to that of the congregation.​—Compare Acts 15:36-40.

12. In dealing with what situations must elders be careful to exercise self-control?

¹² Self-control is also greatly needed by elders to avoid being partial or abusing their power. It is so easy to yield to temptation, to let imperfect human considerations influence what one says or does! Time and again, elders have failed to act decisively when one of their children or some other relative was found guilty of wrong conduct. In such situations it takes self-control not to let blood ties impede just action.​—Deuteronomy 10:17.

13. Why is self-control especially needed by elders at judicial hearings?

¹³ Another situation in which self-control is very important is when there is a judicial hearing. Elders must exercise great self-control so that they are not unduly influenced by emotion. They should not be too easily swayed by tears. At the same time, an elder must be careful not to lose his composure when charges fly and aspersions may be cast upon him, as may be the case when dealing with apostates. Here Paul’s words are very fitting: “A slave of the Lord does not need to fight, but needs to be gentle toward all.” It takes self-control to exercise gentleness under pressure. Paul goes on to show that “a slave of the Lord” must be “keeping himself restrained under evil, instructing with mildness those not favorably disposed.” To manifest mildness and to keep oneself restrained when dealing with opposition takes great self-control.​—2 Timothy 2:24, 25.

Self-Control With the Opposite Sex

14. What fine counsel should elders heed in their dealings with those of the opposite sex?

¹⁴ Elders must be keenly alert to exercise self-control when it comes to their dealings with those of the opposite sex. It is inadvisable for an elder to make a shepherding call on a sister alone. The elder should be accompanied by another elder or a ministerial servant. Likely appreciating this problem, Paul counseled the elder Timothy: “Entreat . . . older women as mothers, younger women as sisters with all chasteness.” (1 Timothy 5:1, 2) Some elders have been seen putting their hands on a sister as if with a fatherly gesture. But they could be deceiving themselves, for a romantic impulse instead of pure Christian brotherly affection could well be motivating such a gesture.​—Compare 1 Corinthians 7:1.

15. How does a certain incident highlight the reproach on Jehovah’s name that can result when an elder does not exercise self-control?

¹⁵ How much harm to the truth has resulted because some elders did not exercise self-control in their dealings with sisters in the congregation! A few years ago, an elder was disfellowshipped because he had committed adultery with a Christian sister whose husband was not a Witness. On the very night that the disfellowshipping of the former elder was announced, the aggrieved husband strode into the Kingdom Hall with a rifle and fired at the two guilty individuals. Neither of them was killed, and he was at once disarmed, but the next day a major newspaper featured on its front page the news of ‘a shooting at a church.’ What reproach that elder’s lack of self-control brought upon the congregation and upon Jehovah’s name!

Self-Control in Other Areas

16. Why must elders be careful to exercise self-control when giving public talks?

¹⁶ Self-control is also very much needed when an elder gives a public talk. A public speaker should be a model of confidence and poise. Some try to amuse their hearers with many witty remarks made just for the purpose of getting laughs. This may betray a yielding to the temptation to please their audience. Of course, all yielding to temptation is a lack of self-control. It might even be said that running overtime when giving a talk betrays a lack of self-control, as well as insufficient preparation.

17, 18. What role does self-control play in an elder’s balancing his various responsibilities?

¹⁷ Every hardworking elder must meet the challenge to balance the various demands made upon his time and energy. It takes self-control not to go to one extreme or another. Some elders have been so concerned with the demands of the congregation that they have neglected their families. Thus, when one sister told the wife of an elder about the fine shepherding call he had made on her, the elder’s wife exclaimed: “I wish he would make a shepherding call on me sometime!”​—1 Timothy 3:2, 4, 5.

¹⁸ An elder also needs self-control to balance the time he spends on personal study with that spent in the field ministry or on shepherding calls. In view of the deceitfulness of the human heart, it is very easy for an elder to spend more time than he should at what he finds most pleasurable. If he likes books, he could well be spending more time on personal study than he should. If he finds the house-to-house ministry rather difficult, he may find excuses for neglecting it in the interests of making shepherding calls.

19. What obligation do elders have that underscores the need for self-control?

¹⁹ The obligation to maintain confidentiality also requires that an elder be alert to practice firm self-control. Pertinent here is the counsel: “Do not reveal the confidential talk of another.” (Proverbs 25:9) Experience suggests that this may be one of the most widely violated requirements among elders. If an elder has a wise and loving wife with whom he has good communication, there may be a tendency on his part to discuss or just to mention matters of a confidential nature. But this is improper and most unwise. To begin with, it betrays a trust. Spiritual brothers and sisters come to elders and confide in them because they have confidence that the matter will be held strictly confidential. Imparting confidential matters to one’s wife is wrong, unwise, and unloving also because this places a needless burden upon her.​—Proverbs 10:19; 11:13.

20. Why is it so important for elders to exercise self-control?

²⁰ Without question, self-control is, oh, so important, and especially so for elders! By virtue of their having been entrusted with the privilege of taking the lead among Jehovah’s people, they have greater accountability. Since much has been given to them, much will be required of them. (Luke 12:48; 16:10; compare James 3:1.) It is the privilege and duty of elders to set a fine example for others. More than that, appointed elders are in a position to do more good or more harm than others, often depending on whether they practice self-control or not. No wonder Paul said: “An overseer must be . . . self-controlled.”