When Hope and Love Vanish
A 17-YEAR-OLD Canadian girl wrote down her reasons for wanting to die. Among others, she listed: ‘Feeling lonely and scared about my future; feeling really inferior to fellow workers; nuclear war; the ozone layer; I am really ugly, so I’ll never get a husband and I’ll end up being alone; I don’t think there’s really too much out there, so why wait around to discover it; it’ll take the burden off everybody else; I’ll never get hurt by anyone again.’
Could these be some of the reasons why young people are killing themselves? In Canada, “except for motor-vehicle accidents, suicide is now the most common cause of deaths among them.”—The Globe and Mail.
Professor Riaz Hassan, of Flinders University of South Australia, states in his paper “Unlived Lives: Trends in Youth Suicide”: “There are several sociological reasons which bear on the question and appear to have significantly influenced the increase in adolescent suicide. These are the high youth unemployment rate; changes in the Australian family; increasing drug use and abuse; increasing youth violence; mental health; and an increasing disjunction between ‘theoretical freedom’ and experiential autonomy.” The paper further states that the results of several surveys have revealed a sense of pessimism about the future and suggest that “a large proportion of young people regard their future and that of the world with fear and trepidation. They see a world devastated by nuclear war and ravaged by pollution and environmental degradation, a dehumanized society in which technology is out of control and unemployment rampant.”
According to a Gallup poll of 16- to 24-year-olds, additional causes of suicide are the expanding gap between rich and poor, increasing numbers of single-parent households, the growing gun culture, child abuse, and a general “lack of faith in tomorrow.”
Newsweek reports that in the United States, “the presence of firearms may be the most pivotal factor [in teenage suicide]. A study comparing adolescent suicide victims who had no apparent mental disorders with kids who didn’t commit suicide found only one difference: a loaded gun in the house. So much for the idea that guns don’t kill people.” And millions of homes have loaded guns!
Fear and an uncaring society can quickly push vulnerable youths to the edge of suicide. Consider: The rate of violent crimes committed against 12- to 19-year-olds is more than double that of crimes against the population in general. Studies found that “young women from 14 to 24 are most likely to be assaulted,” reported Maclean’s magazine. “Women are most often attacked and murdered by the people who say they love them.” The result? These and other fears “erode the confidence and sense of security of these girls.” In one study, almost one third of rape survivors interviewed had considered suicide.
A New Zealand report offers another perspective on young suicide, stating: “The prevailing materialistic, worldly values that equate individual success with wealth, good looks, and power make many young people feel quite worthless and cast out by society.” In addition, The Futurist says this: “[Youths] have a strong propensity for instant gratification, wanting it all and wanting it fast. Their favorite TV programs are soap operas. They would like their world to be filled with the same good-looking people, dressed in the latest fashions, with lots of money and prestige, and without having to work too hard.” The sheer volume of such unrealistic, unfulfillable expectations appears to cause a measure of despair and may lead to suicide.
A Life-Saving Quality?
Shakespeare wrote: “Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.” The Bible says: “Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:8) In that quality there is a key to the problem of young people prone to suicide—their yearning for love and communication. The American Medical Association Encyclopedia of Medicine states: “Suicidal people usually feel desperately lonely, and the opportunity to talk to a sympathetic, understanding listener is sometimes enough to prevent the despairing act.”
Youths often have an overwhelming need for love and a feeling of belonging. Satisfying this becomes harder as each day passes in a loveless and destructive world—a world in which they have little or no say. Parental rejection because of family breakup and divorce can be a contributing factor in adolescent suicide. And this rejection has many faces.
Consider the case of parents who are rarely at home with their children. Mom and Dad may be totally tied up in their jobs or given to some form of recreation that excludes the children. The indirect message to their offspring is a not-too-subtle rejection. Prominent journalist and researcher Hugh Mackay notes that “parents are becoming more and more self-centred. They put themselves first in order to preserve their lifestyles. . . . To put it brutally, children have gone out of fashion. . . . Life is tough and it all gets a bit self-absorbed.”
Then, in some cultures men with a macho self-image may not wish to be seen in a nurturing role. Journalist Kate Legge puts it well: “Men with a public service bent generally choose lifesaving or firefighting over the nurturing tasks . . . They prefer the strong, silent heroism of battling external forces to the people-intensive jobs.” And, of course, one of the most people-intensive jobs today is being a parent. Poor parenting is tantamount to rejection of the child. As a result, your son or daughter may develop a negative self-image and poor social skills. The Education Digest notes: “Without a positive image of themselves, kids don’t have the basis to make decisions in their own best interests.”
Hopelessness Can Result
Researchers believe that hopelessness is a major contributor to suicide. Gail Mason, a writer on youth suicide in Australia, observed: “Hopelessness is considered to correlate more highly with suicidal thoughts than depression. Hopelessness is sometimes defined as one symptom of depression. . . . It commonly takes the form of a general sense of despair and despondency concerning young people’s futures, and in particular their economic future: and to a lesser degree a feeling of hopelessness regarding the global situation.”
Poor examples of honesty by civic leaders do not inspire youths to raise their own levels of ethics and morals. The attitude then becomes, “Why bother?” Harper’s Magazine comments on youths’ ability to detect hypocrisy, saying: “The young, with their keen noses for hypocrisy, are in fact adept readers—but not of books. What they read so acutely are the social signals emanating from the world in which they will have to make a living.” And what do those signals spell out? Author Stephanie Dowrick observes: “We have never been more deluged with information about how to live. We have never been richer or better educated, yet there is despair everywhere.” And there are so few good role models in the upper echelons of political and religious society. Dowrick asks a few pertinent questions: “How do we salvage wisdom, resilience and even meaning out of meaningless suffering? How do we cultivate love in a climate of selfishness, petulance and greed?”
You will find the answers to these questions in our next article, and they may surprise you.
[Blurb on page 6]
“A large proportion of young people regard their future and that of the world with fear and trepidation”
[Blurb on page 7]
“The opportunity to talk to a sympathetic, understanding listener is sometimes enough to prevent the despairing act”
[Box on page 6]
Some Indicators of Suicide
• Problems sleeping, loss of appetite
• Isolation and withdrawal, accident proneness
• Running away from home
• Dramatic changes in appearance
• Drug and/or alcohol abuse
• Agitation and aggression
• Talk about death; written messages of self-destruction; artwork depicting violence, especially against self
• Guilt feelings
• Hopelessness, anxiety, depression, crying spells
• Giving away personal possessions
• Shortened attention span
• Loss of interest in pleasurable activities
• Self-criticism
• Sexual promiscuity
• Sudden drop in school performance, school attendance problems
• Cult or gang membership
• Euphoria after depression
Based on Teens in Crisis (American Association of School Administrators) and Depression and Suicide in Children and Adolescents, by Philip G. Patros and Tonia K. Shamoo
[Pictures on page 7]
Warm love and compassion can help a youth to appreciate life