YOUNG PEOPLE ASK

Why Won’t My Parents Let Me Have Any Fun?

Your friends have invited you to a party this weekend. You ask your parents if you can go, but their answer is a firm, “No.” You aren’t surprised. It’s the same answer they gave you last time.

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Why do my parents always say no?

If it seems like your parents always deny your requests, you might conclude that they just don’t want you to have any fun.

A teenager named Marie felt that way when she first got a phone. She says: “My dad put a lot of restrictions on which apps I could download, which people I could communicate with, and how late I could talk to them. Meanwhile, my friends could do whatever they wanted!”

To think about: Was Marie’s dad really out to stop her from having fun? What else might he have been concerned about?

A car driving on a road. On the side of the road is a speed limit sign marked “50.” An inset of the car’s speedometer shows the car is traveling at a speed of 50. — A speed limit restricts your freedom somewhat, but it protects you from potential harm; the same is true of parental restrictions

Try this: Pretend you are a parent, and you have a teenager who just got a phone. What concerns would you have? What restrictions would you put in place to address your concerns? What would you say if your teenager said you didn’t want him (or her) to have any fun?

“My dad always said, ‘Put yourself in my shoes as a parent.’ Doing that forced me to see not only the value of his rules but also his reasons for them. If I had kids, I think I would expect the same things of them that my dad expects of me.”—Tanya.

How can I get my parents to say yes?

A boy sulking with his arms crossed and smoke coming out of his ears.

Don’t do this: Sulk, complain, or argue.

“Yelling accomplishes nothing, and it’s emotionally draining—for you and your parents. If you argue, your parents will view you as immature and undeserving of more freedom.”—Richard.

Try this instead: Avoid responding immediately. Instead, look at the situation from your parents’ viewpoint. Is the problem that they really don’t trust you, or could it be that they just don’t trust the environment you might be getting into or the people you might be with? Why not calmly discuss the matter with them, so that you can find out their reasoning on it?

“There are usually good intentions behind every rule. My parents aren’t trying to restrict my fun; they just want me to have the best kind of fun—the kind that doesn’t bring issues or problems.”—Ivy.

Bible principle: “A stupid person gives vent to all his feelings, but the wise one calmly keeps them in check.”—Proverbs 29:11.

A teenage girl sending and receiving text messages and using social media late at night.

Don’t do this: Go behind your parents’ backs.

“I tried to get around the limits that my dad put on my phone use. I tried to find ways to message my friends late at night or to download apps that my dad didn’t approve of. Eventually, he’d find out, and my restrictions would be stricter because now he couldn’t trust me. Trying to get around restrictions is never a good idea.”—Marie.

Try this instead: Show your parents that you can cooperate with their restrictions and gain their trust.

“Be patient. It might take time for your parents to adjust a rule, but if they see you obeying the rules they have in place, they may be inclined to give you more freedoms.”—Melinda.

Bible principle: “Be obedient to your parents in everything.”—Colossians 3:20.

A teenage boy pleading. Speech bubbles next to him show three other teenagers.

Don’t do this: Put pressure on your parents, perhaps by telling them what other kids your age are allowed to do.

“Pushing and pushing isn’t going to make things run smoother or get you any closer to what you want.”—Natalie.

Try this instead: Use the worksheet “Reasoning on the Rules” to help you discuss the matter with your parents.

“A parent wants to see that you have good judgment. So when I talk to my parents, I try to use logic rather than emotion to state my case. When I do that, I have more success.”—Joseph.

Bible principle: “Honor your father and your mother.”—Ephesians 6:2.