When Childhood Is Lost

“Childhood is the most basic human right of children.”​—“The Hurried Child.”

YOU would likely agree that all children should be able to enjoy a relatively carefree and innocent childhood. Nonetheless, it is a sad fact of life that for many young boys and girls, such a childhood is out of reach. Just think of the thousands, perhaps millions, of childhood dreams that are shattered when children become victims of war. Imagine, too, all those children whose lives are blighted by slavery or abuse.

For most of us, it is difficult to imagine how a child feels when forced to live on the streets because of feeling safer there than at home. Just when they need all the love and protection they can get, such children have to learn to be streetwise enough to fend off predators eager to exploit them. Again and again, childhood itself is a casualty of our troubled times.

“I Wish I Could Have My Childhood Back”

Carmen, aged 22, struggled through her childhood years.a She and her sister were forced to live on the streets in order to escape their father’s abuse and their mother’s neglect. Despite the dangers of living this way, both girls managed to dodge some of the pitfalls that engulf so many young runaways.

Still, Carmen grieves for her childhood, for she really cannot recall having one. “I went from infancy to 22 years of age with nothing in between,” she laments. “Now I am married and have a child of my own, but I crave to do the things little girls do, like playing with dolls. I want to be loved and hugged by parents. I wish I could have my childhood back.”

There are large numbers of children who suffer as Carmen and her sister did. They live on the streets, essentially robbed of their childhood. Many of these engage in crime in order to survive. News reports and statistics show that children are getting involved in crime at startlingly early ages. Exacerbating that problem is another one: Many girls become parents while still in their teens​—really, children themselves.

A Hidden Social Crisis

Not surprisingly, increasing numbers of children wind up in foster care. An editorial printed in the Weekend Australian newspaper reported: “A crisis in foster care has crept up on us. More children from broken homes and fractured families are falling through the cracks.” The newspaper also noted: “Some foster children go for months, even years, without any contact from caseworkers, while others are moved from carer to carer, never finding a permanent home.”

One reported case involved a 13-year-old girl who was placed in 97 foster homes in a period of three years​—some placements lasting just one night. She recalls now the intense feelings of rejection and insecurity that afflicted her. For many foster children like her, childhood has been lost.

Little wonder, then, that experts today speak of the growing tragedy of lost childhood. If you are a parent, you may look at these grim facts and count yourself fortunate to be able to provide your children with a home and the necessities of life. But there is another danger. In today’s world childhood is not always lost altogether. Sometimes it is merely rushed. How so, and with what effects?

[Footnote]

When Childhood Is Rushed

UNDER a brooding sky, the motor of the single-engine airplane roared as the small craft gathered speed and lifted off the runway. It had been a media event, with news coverage, cameras pointing, and reporters asking admiring questions and gushing with compliments. Who was attracting all this attention? Not the only licensed pilot aboard the plane and not the lone passenger​—an adult male—​but, rather, the passenger’s daughter. She was seven years old.

The little girl was to fly the plane. There was a record of some kind to be broken and a tight schedule to be met. The media would be waiting at the next stop. So despite the gloomy weather, the three climbed aboard, with the child sitting on a cushion so that she could see over the instrument panel and using extenders so that her feet could reach the floor pedals.

The flight was all too brief. Facing a sudden storm, the plane veered, stalled, and crashed, killing all three aboard. The media suddenly trumpeted grief instead of praise. A few reporters and editors wondered whether the media had played a role in the tragedy. Many people began to insist that no child should fly a plane. In the United States, laws were enacted to that effect. But behind the sensationalism and simple solutions lurked deeper issues.

That tragedy made some people think seriously about a trend of our times. Children today are being hurried through childhood, rushed into taking on adult tasks at a very early age. Granted, the effects are not always so dramatic or so tragic. But they can be profound and long lasting. Let us consider a few of the ways in which childhood can be rushed.

Educated in a Hurry

Parents are understandably eager to see their children succeed. But when that eagerness turns into anxiety, parents may overload their children, pushing them too hard, too soon. The process often starts innocently enough. For instance, it is becoming increasingly common for parents to enroll their young children in after-school activities, ranging from sports to lessons in music or ballet. Often, special tutoring is added.

Of course, it is not wrong to encourage a child’s talents or interests. But is there a danger of excess? Clearly there is when some children seem to have almost as many pressures as harried adults do. Time magazine notes: “Kids who once had childhoods now have curriculums; kids who ought to move with the lunatic energy of youth now move with the high purpose of the worker bee.”

Some parents hope that their young children might launch careers as athletic, musical, or acting prodigies. Before their children are born, parents are already enrolling them in preschool, hoping to improve their prospects of success. In addition, some mothers enroll in “prenatal universities” that offer music education for babies still in the womb. The aim is to stimulate their developing brains.

In some countries children are assessed for reading and math skills before they are six years old. Such practices have raised concerns about emotional damage. What happens, for example, to a child who “fails” kindergarten? David Elkind, author of the book The Hurried Child, notes that schools tend to label children too quickly and too early. They do so, Elkind argues, for management reasons rather than for reasons related to the effective teaching of children.

Is there a price for pressuring children to become, in effect, competent little adults before their time? Elkind is troubled by the way society has embraced the notion of making children competent to carry adult burdens. He says: “It reflects our tendency to accept the increasing and unrelenting stresses on today’s young people as ‘normal.’” Indeed, notions of what is normal for children seem to be changing rapidly.

In a Hurry to Win

Many parents seem to think it normal, even advisable, to teach their children that winning is everything​—especially in sports. Olympic medals are an incentive for many children today. In order to bask in the glory of a few moments of victory and to secure a good living in adulthood, some children are driven to rush through or even to forgo their childhood.

Consider female gymnasts. They start at a very young age with rigorous routines that put their tiny bodies under enormous stress. They spend years preparing mentally and physically for the Olympic competitions. Of course, only a few will be winners. Will the losers feel that the end results were worth the sacrifice of much of their youth? In the long run, even the winners may have doubts on that score.

Emotionally, these little girls may be rushed through childhood in a relentless drive to become superstar athletes. But physically their natural development may be hindered by such rigorous training. In some, bone growth is hampered. Eating disorders are common. In a number of cases, puberty is delayed​—even for years. However, many girls today face the opposite problem: the early onset of puberty.​—See the box above.

Children With Everything Except a Childhood

If you were to believe the entertainment media, you might think that having the ideal childhood means being indulged with all sorts of luxuries. Some parents work extremely hard to provide every possible material comfort for their children, including a lavish home, unlimited entertainment, and expensive clothes.

Yet, more than a few children raised that way are involved in drinking, drugs, and sullen, rebellious behavior. Why? Many seethe with resentment because they feel neglected. Children need parents who are there to love and care for them. Parents who are too busy to do so may believe that they are working to ensure their children’s happiness​—but they may well be doing the opposite.

Dr. Judith Paphazy describes “parents who both work, from good socio-economic groups,” and says that often they “indulge their children because they subconsciously realise their pursuit of things comes at the cost of the family.” In her view parents in such cases try to “buy their way out of being parents.”

The children often pay a high price. Although they may have many material luxuries, they lack the most essential ingredients of a good childhood: parental time and love. Without guidance, without discipline and direction, they face very adult questions too soon, with little or no preparation. ‘Should I take drugs? Engage in sex? Get violent when I’m angry?’ They will likely find their own answers, taking them from peers or TV or movie characters. The results often bring childhood to an abrupt, even tragic, end.

Being the Other “Adult”

When a two-parent family suddenly becomes a single-parent family, whether through death, separation, or divorce, children often suffer emotionally. Of course, many single-parent families manage well. But in some, the children are rushed through their childhood.

Understandably, a single parent may suffer from loneliness at times. As a result, though, some allow a child​—often the eldest—​to take on the role of the other “adult” in the family. The parent may, perhaps out of desperation, confide in a young son or daughter, burdening the child with problems that the child is not ready to bear. Emotionally, some single parents become overly dependent on a child.

Other parents abandon their responsibilities altogether, forcing a child to take on the role of the adult in the family. Carmen and her sister, mentioned earlier, left such a situation behind when they took to the streets. Still children themselves, they had been put in the position of parenting their younger siblings. The load was more than they could carry.

Without a doubt, rushing children through childhood is a dangerous practice, one to be avoided if at all possible. But there is good news: Adults can take positive steps to ensure that their offspring enjoy years of childhood happiness. What steps? Let us examine some time-tested answers.

[Box on page 6]

The Challenge of Early Puberty

Are girls reaching puberty at younger ages today? Among scientists, the question is controversial. Some say that in the middle of the 19th century, the average age for the onset of puberty in girls was 17, whereas it is under 13 today. According to a 1997 study of 17,000 girls, about 15 percent of white girls and 50 percent of African-American girls in the United States show early signs of puberty at the age of eight! However, some doctors dispute these findings and caution parents against simply accepting extremely early development as “normal.”

In any case, this situation presents a challenge both to parents and to children. Time magazine comments: “Even more troubling than the physical changes is the potential psychological effect of premature sexual development on children who should be reading fairy tales, not fending off wolves. . . . Childhood is short enough as it is.” The article raises this troubling question: “If young girls’ bodies push them into adulthood before their hearts and minds are ready, what will be forever lost?”

Often, what is lost is innocence​—through sexual exploitation. One mother states bluntly: “Girls who look more mature for their age are like honey [to a bee]. They attract older boys.” The price of being pressured into engaging in sexual activity at an early age is high. A young girl can lose her self-respect, clean conscience, and even physical and emotional health.

When Childhood Is Cherished

A GOOD childhood depends largely on good parenting. But what does good parenting involve? You have likely heard advice on the subject. Commit time to your children. Listen to them. Give them sound guidance. Empathize with them, sharing their joys and sorrows. Be a true friend to them without relinquishing your authority as a parent. Of course, such oft-repeated principles will help parents to do their job well. But there is something more basic and more important that must come first.

Millions of parents around the world have found that following Bible principles is the key to good parenting. Why? Because the wise Author of the Bible, Jehovah God, is the one who originated the family arrangement. (Genesis 1:27, 28; 2:18-24; Ephesians 3:15) Naturally, then, his inspired Word is the best place to look for guidance on child rearing. How, though, can a book as old as the Bible shed light on the modern tendency to rush children through childhood? Let us consider some Scriptural principles that apply.

“According to the Pace of the Children”

Jacob, the son of Isaac, was the father of more than a dozen children. The Bible records his wise words regarding a family journey: “The children are delicate . . . Let my lord [Esau, Jacob’s elder brother], please, pass on ahead of his servant, but may I myself continue the journey at my leisure . . . according to the pace of the children.”​—Genesis 33:13, 14.

Jacob knew that his children were not little adults. They were “delicate”​—smaller, frailer, and needier than grown people. Instead of forcing his children to travel at his pace, he slowed his pace to match theirs. In this respect he mirrored the wisdom that God shows toward his human children. Our Father knows our limitations. He does not expect more of us than is reasonable.​—Psalm 103:13, 14.

Even some animal creations reflect such wisdom, for God has made them “instinctively wise.” (Proverbs 30:24) For instance, naturalists have observed that an entire herd of elephants will match its pace to that of a baby elephant in their midst, moving slowly until the little one is able to keep up.

Some segments of modern society have lost sight of godly wisdom. But you do not have to follow suit. Keep in mind that your child is “delicate”​—unable to shoulder adult burdens and responsibilities. If, for example, you are a single parent with some difficult personal problem and feel tempted to confide in your child, resist the urge. Instead, seek out a mature adult friend who can help you to sort matters out​—preferably one who will help you to apply the Bible’s wise counsel.​—Proverbs 17:17.

In a similar vein, do not let the pace of your child’s life become so harried, so scheduled, so regimented, that all the youthful fun is squeezed out of life. Set a pace that is right for your child, not one that slavishly matches the pace of today’s world. The Bible wisely counsels: “Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mold.”​—Romans 12:2, Phillips.

“For Everything There Is an Appointed Time”

Another wise Bible principle states: “For everything there is an appointed time, even a time for every affair under the heavens.” Of course, there is a time for work. Children have much work to do​—including schoolwork, chores at home, and spiritual activities. However, the same Bible passage says that there is also “a time to laugh” and “a time to skip about.”​—Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4.

Children have a special need to play, to laugh, to vent their youthful energy in a relatively carefree manner. If their every waking moment is scheduled with school, after-school activities, and other serious responsibilities, then their need for play may go unmet. That, in turn, may cause them to become exasperated, even downhearted.​—Colossians 3:21.

Consider how to apply the same Bible principle in still other ways. For instance, since there is a time for everything, does that not suggest that childhood is the time to be a child? You will likely answer yes, but your children may not always agree. Very often, little boys and girls want to do what they see adults doing. For example, young girls may be tempted to dress and groom themselves as if they were women. The early onset of puberty may increase the pressure they feel to appear older.

Wise parents see the danger in such a tendency. Some advertisements and entertainment in this degraded world present children as sexually aware and precocious. Makeup, jewelry, and provocative clothing styles are increasingly common among little ones. But why make children more tempting to perverted people who seek to exploit them sexually? By helping children to dress in a way that is appropriate for their age, parents apply another Bible principle: “The shrewd one that has seen the calamity has concealed himself.”​—Proverbs 27:12.

Another example: Allowing sports to become a child’s top priority can lead to an unbalanced life, one in which there is no longer an appointed time for everything. The Bible wisely admonishes: “Bodily training is beneficial for a little; but godly devotion is beneficial for all things, as it holds promise of the life now and that which is to come.”​—1 Timothy 4:8.

Do not let your children buy into the “winning is everything” mentality. Many parents drain all the fun out of sports and games by driving their children to be supercompetitive, to win at all costs. Some children thus feel driven to cheat or even injure other players in order to win. Surely winning is never worth such a cost!

Learning Self-Control

Learning that there is a time for everything is often difficult for children. It is not easy for them to wait patiently when they want something. To make matters worse, human society seems bent on a quest for instant gratification. The entertainment media often convey the message, “Get what you want and get it now!”

Do not give in to such influences by pampering and spoiling your children. “The ability to delay gratification is an important aspect of emotional intelligence,” says the book The Child and the Machine. “Self-discipline and social harmony provide a potent antidote to the increasing violence that is occurring among children both in and out of school.” The Bible contains this helpful principle: “If one is pampering one’s servant from youth on, in his later life he will even become a thankless one.” (Proverbs 29:21) Although the verse pertains directly to the handling of young servants, many parents have found that the same principle greatly benefits their children.

Among the needs of children, acquiring what the Bible calls “the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah” ranks very high. (Ephesians 6:4) Loving discipline helps children to develop such qualities as self-control and patience. These traits will help them find happiness and fulfillment throughout life.

When All Threats to Childhood Will End

You may wonder, though, ‘Did the wise, loving God who inspired these helpful principles really intend for our world to be the way it is? Did he mean for children to grow up in a world that is often more dangerous than nurturing?’ You may be comforted to learn that Jehovah God and his Son, Christ Jesus, have tender love for mankind, including children of all ages. They will soon rid the earth of all the wicked.​—Psalm 37:10, 11.

Would you like a preview of that peaceful, happy time? Just picture this scene, as described beautifully in the Bible: “The wolf will actually reside for a while with the male lamb, and with the kid the leopard itself will lie down, and the calf and the maned young lion and the well-fed animal all together; and a mere little boy will be leader over them.” (Isaiah 11:6) In a world that so often cruelly destroys childhood or ruthlessly speeds it up, how comforting to know that God promises such a bright future for mankind on the earth! Clearly, the Creator intends that childhood should be neither lost nor rushed​—only blessed and cherished.