Chapter 11

Keeping the Lines of Communication Open

1, 2. What is communication, and why is it important?

COMMUNICATION is more than just talking. As the apostle Paul put it: If your words are not understood by the hearer, “you will, in fact, be speaking into the air.” (1 Corinthians 14:9) Does what you say get through to your children, and do you really understand what they are trying to tell you?

² For true communication, there must be a transmitting of thoughts, ideas and feelings from one mind to another. If love may be called the heart of happy family living, then communication could be called its lifeblood. Breakdowns in communication between marriage mates spell trouble; they are equally serious, if not more so, when they come between parents and children.

TAKING A LONG-RANGE VIEW

3. During what period in a child’s life should parents expect problems in communication?

³ The greatest stresses on the lines of communication between parents and their children come, not during the early years of a child’s life, but during adolescence—the “teen-age” years. Parents should recognize that this is going to be the case. It is unrealistic for them to expect that, because the earlier years of their children’s lives are relatively trouble free, those later years will be also. Problems will definitely come, and clear, effective communication can be a key factor in solving or reducing them. Realizing this, parents need to look ahead, think ahead, for “better is the end afterward of a matter than its beginning.”—Ecclesiastes 7:8.

4. Must all family communication be in the form of conversation? Explain.

⁴ Many things go into establishing, building up and keeping family lines of communication operating. Over the years, a man and his wife can build up a depth of confidence, trust and mutual understanding that make communication possible even without words—just a look, a smile or a touch can speak volumes for them. They should aim to build up the same strong basis for communication with their children. Before a baby understands speech, parents communicate to it feelings of security and love. While the children are growing up, if the family works, plays and, more than that, worships together, then strong lines of communication are established. Keeping those lines open, however, calls for real effort and wisdom.

ENCOURAGING YOUR CHILD TO BE EXPRESSIVE

5-7. (a) Why is it good for parents to be careful about stopping a child from speaking? (b) How could parents teach children about politeness and courtesy?

⁵ The old saying is that “children should be seen and not heard.” True—at times. Children need to learn that, as God’s Word says, there is “a time to keep quiet and a time to speak.” (Ecclesiastes 3:7) But children crave attention, and parents must guard against stifling free expression unnecessarily. Do not expect a small child’s response to experiences to be the same as an adult’s. The adult sees a single incident as just part of the broad panorama of life. The child may become very excited and so wholly absorbed in some matter of immediate interest that he forgets almost everything else. A small child may burst into the room and excitedly begin relating some event to his father or mother. If the parent cuts the child off with an irritated “Quiet down!” or makes some other angry expression, the child’s enthusiasm may be crushed. Childish chatter may not seem to convey much. But, by encouraging natural expression from your children, you may prevent them later in life from keeping to themselves things that you want and need to know.

⁶ Politeness and courtesy contribute to good communication. Children should learn to be polite, and parents should set the example for them in their own communication with the children, as well as in other ways. Reproof will be necessary and should be given when needed, even with severity. (Proverbs 3:11, 12; 15:31, 32; Titus 1:13) However, if children are habitually cut off, continually corrected or, worse, disparaged and even ridiculed by a parent when they speak, they will likely become withdrawn—or they will go to someone else when they want to talk. The older the son or daughter grows, the more this becomes the case. Why not do this—at the end of this day stop and review your conversations with your son or daughter, and then ask yourself: How many times did I say things that expressed appreciation, encouragement, commendation or praise? On the other hand, how many times did I say things that implied the opposite, that tended to ‘put him or her down,’ that suggested dissatisfaction, irritation or exasperation? You may be surprised at what your review reveals.—Proverbs 12:18.

⁷ Parental patience and self-control are frequently needed. Youths are inclined to be impetuous. They may blurt out what is on their minds, perhaps interrupting an adult conversation. A parent could bluntly rebuke a young one. But sometimes it may be wiser to listen politely, thereby furnishing an example of self-control and then, after answering briefly, kindly remind the child of the need to be polite and considerate. So, here again, the counsel may apply to be “swift about hearing, slow about speaking, slow about wrath.”—James 1:19.

8. How might parents encourage their children to come to them for guidance?

⁸ You want your children to feel moved to seek your guidance when they have problems. You can encourage them to do that by showing that you also seek guidance in life and have someone to whom you look with submission. In commenting on a way he establishes good communication with his children while they are still small, one father said this:

“Nearly every night I have prayers with the children at bedtime. They are generally in their bed, and I kneel beside it and hold them in my arms. I say a prayer and often they say one afterward. It is not uncommon for them to kiss me and say, ‘Daddy, I love you,’ and then reveal something that is in their heart. In the warmth of their bed and the security of their father’s embrace they may tell of some personal problem they want help with or maybe just make an expression of affection.”

At mealtimes and on other occasions, if your prayers are—not routine—but expressive, spoken from the heart and reflecting a genuine personal relationship with your heavenly Creator and Father, this can contribute immeasurably toward a wholesome relationship with your offspring.—1 John 3:21; 4:17, 18.

THE TRANSITION YEARS

9. What can be said about the problems and needs of adolescents when compared with those of younger children?

⁹ Adolescence is a time of transition, a time when your son or daughter is no longer a child but is not yet an adult. Teen-age bodies are undergoing changes, and these affect emotions. The problems and needs of teen-agers differ from those in the preteen period. So the parents’ approach to those problems and needs must be adjusted, for what worked for the preteen-ager will not always work for the adolescent. There is need for more giving of reasons, and this calls for more, not less, communication.

10. (a) Why are simple explanations about sex not sufficient for adolescents? (b) How might parents get into discussions with their child about sex?

¹⁰ The simple explanations you gave to your small child about sex, for example, will not meet the needs of adolescents. They feel sex urges, but embarrassment often keeps them from approaching their father or mother with questions. Parents must take the initiative, and this will not be easy unless they have built up and maintained good lines of communication, particularly by being warm companions of their children, in work and play. The onset of seminal emissions for the boy or menstruation for the girl will be less upsetting if they have been explained beforehand. (Leviticus 15:16, 17; 18:19) A father may, perhaps while on a walk with his son, bring up the matter of masturbation, mentioning that most young men have at least some problem with it, and ask, ‘How are you doing in that regard?’ or ‘Have you found it to be a problem?’ Even some family discussions can deal with related problems of adolescence, with both father and mother contributing their counsel in a relaxed but frank way.

UNDERSTANDING THE NEEDS OF TEEN-AGERS

11. In what ways do adolescents differ from adults?

¹¹ “Acquire wisdom; and with all that you acquire, acquire understanding.” (Proverbs 4:7) As parents, be wise in the ways of the young; show insight as to their feelings. Do not forget how it was for you to be young. Remember, too, that while every older person was once young and knows what it was like, no young person has ever experienced being old. The adolescent youth doesn’t want to be treated like a child anymore, but he is not an adult and does not have many adult interests yet. He still has a lot of play in him and needs some time for it.

12. How do teen-agers want to be treated by their parents?

¹² There are certain things that youths especially want from parents at this stage of life. They want to be understood; they want, more than ever, to be treated as individuals; they want guidelines and direction that are consistent and that take into account their approach to adulthood; they want very much to feel needed and appreciated.

13. How might teen-age children react to parental restrictions, and why?

¹³ Parents should not be surprised because some measure of resistance to restrictions begins to surface in adolescence. This is due to the youths’ approach to eventual independence and the normal desire for wider latitude of movement and choice. Helpless babies need constant parental care, small children need careful protection, but as they grow older the field of activity widens, and the ties with those beyond the family circle increase and strengthen. The gropings toward independence may make a son or daughter somewhat difficult to deal with. Parents cannot let their authority be ignored or overruled—for their children’s own good. But they can cope wisely and maintain communication if they keep in mind what motivates this possibly disturbing conduct.

14. How might parents deal successfully with a child’s desire for greater independence?

¹⁴ Confronted with their son’s or daughter’s urge for greater independence, what are parents to do? That urge is like a compressed spring held in the hand. Let it go suddenly and it will fly off uncontrolled in an unpredictable direction. Hold it in too long and you exhaust yourself and weaken it. But let it go gradually in a controlled way and it will stand in its proper place.

15. What shows that Jesus’ growth to adulthood came under parental direction?

¹⁵ We find an example of such controlled growth toward independence in the case of Jesus as a young lad. Of his preteen years, the historical account at Luke 2:40 says that “the young child continued growing and getting strong, being filled with wisdom, and God’s favor continued upon him.” His parents doubtless played a major role in his development, for, though he was perfect, his wisdom would not be automatic. They regularly provided the spiritual climate for his training, as the account goes on to relate. At the age of 12, while the family was in Jerusalem attending the Passover festival, Jesus went to the temple and engaged in conversation with the religious teachers there. Evidently his parents allowed their 12-year-old son this degree of freedom of movement. They departed from Jerusalem without realizing that he was being left behind, perhaps assuming that he was with other returning friends or relatives. Three days later they found him at the temple, not trying to teach his elders but “listening to them and questioning them.” His mother pointed out the mental anguish they had experienced and Jesus, with no disrespect, in effect replied that he thought they would surely know where to find him when they were ready to leave. Though he exercised some freedom of movement, the account says that Jesus thereafter “continued subject to them,” adjusting to their guidelines and restrictions as he entered his teen years, and he “went on progressing in wisdom and in physical growth and in favor with God and men.”—Luke 2:41-52.

16. When parents experience problems with an adolescent, what should they keep in mind?

¹⁶ Similarly, parents should allow teen-age sons or daughters a degree of independence, gradually increasing it as they near adulthood, letting them make more and more personal decisions, under parental guidance and supervision. When difficulties arise, understanding why will help parents to avoid making great issues of minor things. Many times a teen-ager is not deliberately rebelling against his parents, but he is trying to establish a degree of independence without knowing how to go about it. So, the parents may make mistakes, perhaps making issues of the wrong things. If the matter is not too serious, let it pass. But when it is serious, be firm. Do not ‘strain out gnats’ nor ‘swallow camels.’—Matthew 23:24.

17. What factors should parents take into consideration when placing restrictions on adolescent children?

¹⁷ Parents can help the continuance of a fine relationship with their adolescent sons and daughters by showing good balance in the restrictions they place on them. Remember that while the “wisdom from above is first of all chaste,” it is also “reasonable” and “full of mercy,” “not hypocritical.” (James 3:17) There are some things that the Bible shows to be totally unacceptable, including stealing, fornication, idolatry and similar gross wrongs. (1 Corinthians 6:9, 10) With many other things, the rightness or wrongness may depend on the extent or degree to which a matter is carried. Food is good, but if we eat too much we become gluttons. So, too, with some forms of recreation, such as dancing, playing games, having parties, or similar activities. Many times it is not what is done, but the way it is done and the company in which it is done. So, just as we would not condemn eating when what we really mean is gluttony, parents would not want to make a blanket condemnation of some youthful activity if the real objection is to the extreme form or degree to which some carry it, or to some undesirable circumstances that could creep in.—Compare Colossians 2:23.

18. How might parents caution their children about associates?

¹⁸ All young people feel the need for having friends. Few may be considered “ideal,” but, then, don’t your own children have their weak points? You may want to restrict their associations with some young persons because of viewing these as potentially harmful. (Proverbs 13:20; 2 Thessalonians 3:13, 14; 2 Timothy 2:20, 21) With others, you may see some things you like and some things you do not like. Rather than excluding one completely because of some lack, you may want to express appreciation to your children for their friend’s good qualities while pointing out the need for caution in the weaker areas, encouraging your son or daughter to prove a force for good in those areas, to the lasting benefit of the friend.

19. In harmony with the principle set forth at Luke 12:48, how can children be helped to have the right view of freedom?

¹⁹ One way to aid your teen-age son or daughter to develop a right view toward increased freedom is to help him or her see that greater responsibility goes with greater freedom. “To whom much was given, much will be demanded of him.” (Luke 12:48) The more responsible children show themselves to be, the greater trust the parents can place in them.—Galatians 5:13; 1 Peter 2:16.

COMMUNICATING COUNSEL AND CORRECTION

20. What besides power or authority over children is needed to prevent a breakdown of communication?

²⁰ If a person counsels you but doesn’t understand your position, you feel his counsel is unrealistic. If he has the power to force you to follow his demands, you may resent this as unjust. Parents should keep in mind that “the understanding heart is one that searches for knowledge,” and “a man of knowledge is reinforcing power.” (Proverbs 15:14; 24:5) You may have power over your children, but, if it is reinforced by knowledge and understanding, you will be more effective in communicating with them. Failure to show understanding when correcting young persons can lead to a “generation gap” and a breakdown of communication.

21. How should parents handle children who become involved in serious wrongdoing?

²¹ What will you do if your child does get into difficulty, makes a serious mistake or commits some wrong that takes you by surprise? You should never condone the wrong. (Isaiah 5:20; Malachi 2:17) But realize that now of all times your son or daughter needs understanding help and skillful direction. Like Jehovah God, you may in effect say, ‘Come and let us set matters straight; the situation is serious, but by no means beyond repair.’ (Isaiah 1:18) Angry outbursts or harsh condemnations may throttle communication. All too many youths who go wrong have said: ‘I couldn’t talk to my parents—they would have been furious with me.’ Ephesians 4:26 says: “If you are angry, do not let anger lead you into sin.” (New English Bible) Hold your emotions in check while you hear what your son or daughter has to say. Then your fairness in listening will make the correction you give easier to accept.

22. Why should parents never imply that they have given up on their children?

²² Perhaps it is not just one incident but a period of difficulty, a pattern of manifesting some undesirable trait. Though discipline is essential, parents must never by word or spirit imply that they have given up on the child. Your long-suffering will be a measure of the depth of your love. (1 Corinthians 13:4) Do not combat evil with evil, but conquer it with good. (Romans 12:21) Only harm is done if a youth is humiliated before others by statements that he is “lazy,” “rebellious,” “good for nothing,” or “hopeless.” Love does not stop hoping. (1 Corinthians 13:7) A youth may go so far as to become delinquent and leave home. Though in no way expressing approval, parents can keep the way open for his return. How? By showing that they reject, not him, but his course. They can continue to express to him their belief that he has within him good qualities and their hope that these will win out. If that proves to be the case, he will, like the prodigal son of Jesus’ illustration, be able to turn homeward with the assurance that his repentant return will not be greeted with harshness or coldness.—Luke 15:11-32.

A SENSE OF INDIVIDUAL WORTH

23. Why is it important for adolescents to feel that they are valuable members of the family?

²³ All human creatures need some recognition, to be accepted and approved, to feel that they belong. To get the acceptance and approval needed, of course, a person cannot become too independent. He must stay within the bounds of conduct approved by the group with which he belongs. Youths in their teens feel that need to belong in the family. Make them feel that they are valuable members of the family circle, contributing to its welfare, even being allowed to share in some of the family’s planning and decisions.

24. What should parents avoid doing so that one child does not become envious of another child?

²⁴ “Let us not become egotistical,” says the apostle, “stirring up competition with one another, envying one another.” (Galatians 5:26) Praise from a parent when a son or daughter does well will help to prevent such a spirit from rising; but comparing a youth unfavorably with someone else who is frequently held up as superior will create envy or resentment. The apostle said that each one should “prove what his own work is, and then he will have cause for exultation in regard to himself alone, and not in comparison with the other person.” (Galatians 6:4) The youth wants to be accepted for what he himself is and for who he is and for what he is able to do, being loved by his parents for these things.

25. How can parents aid their children to develop a sense of worth?

²⁵ Parents can help their son or daughter develop a sense of worth by training such a one to take on life’s responsibilities in all areas. They have been training their children since infancy, in honesty, truthfulness and right treatment of others; they build on this earlier foundation by showing how these qualities apply in human society. How to take on the responsibility of a job and be dependable at it is included. Jesus, in his “progressing in wisdom” as a teen-ager, evidently learned a trade at his foster father Joseph’s side, for even when he reached the age of 30 and began his public Kingdom work, people referred to him as “the carpenter.” (Mark 6:3) During the teen-age period, boys especially should learn what it means to work and to satisfy an employer or a customer, even though the work be as simple in nature as running errands. They can be shown that by being diligent, serious and reliable workers they gain self-respect and the respect and appreciation of others; that not only are they a credit to their parents and family but they also “adorn the teaching of our Savior, God, in all things.”—Titus 2:6-10.

26. What ancient custom acknowledged that a daughter was a valuable member of the family?

²⁶ Daughters, too, can learn the arts of housekeeping and homemaking and earn appreciation and praise both inside and outside the family. A daughter’s potential worth to her family is illustrated by the practice in Bible times of exacting a dowry or bride price when a daughter was given in marriage. This was doubtless viewed as a compensation for the loss of her services to the family.—Genesis 34:11, 12; Exodus 22:16.

27. Why should educational opportunities be used to good advantage?

²⁷ Opportunities for education should be used to good advantage to equip young ones for meeting life’s challenges in the present system of things. Such young ones are included in the apostle’s encouragement that “our people also learn to maintain fine works [honest employment, New English Bible] so as to meet their pressing needs, that they may not be unfruitful.”—Titus 3:14.

THE PROTECTION OF THE BIBLE’S MORAL CODE

28, 29. (a) What counsel does the Bible give about associations? (b) How can parents help their children to heed this counsel?

²⁸ Parents are understandably concerned when circumstances, perhaps the neighborhood in which they live or the school their children attend, oblige these to associate with some youths who are delinquent and self-destructive. Parents may realize the truth of the Bible’s statement that “bad associations spoil useful habits.” They are therefore unwilling to accept the begging child’s argument: ‘Everyone else gets to do it; why can’t I?’ Probably not everyone is, but even so, it isn’t reason enough for your child to do it if it is wrong or unwise. “Do not be envious of bad men [or children], and do not show yourself craving to get in with them. For despoiling is what their heart keeps meditating, and trouble is what their own lips keep speaking. By wisdom a household will be built up, and by discernment it will prove firmly established.”—1 Corinthians 15:33; Proverbs 24:1-3.

²⁹ You cannot trail your children through school or through life. However, by building up your household with wisdom you can send with them a good moral code and right principles for guidance. “The words of the wise ones are like oxgoads.” (Ecclesiastes 12:11) In ancient times these goads were long sticks with pointed tips. They were used to prod the animals to keep moving in the right direction. Wise words of God will keep us moving the right way, and, if we stray, will cause our conscience to prick us to change our course. For your children’s lasting welfare, send such wisdom along with them. Communicate it to them by both word and example. Instill a set of true values, and that is what your children will seek in others they choose as personal companions.—Psalm 119:9, 63.

30. How can parents provide their children with a God-given moral code?

³⁰ In all of this, remember that moral values are far more likely to be instilled if there is a home atmosphere in which those principles are respected and followed. Have the attitudes you want your children to have. In your own home, within the family circle, be sure that your children find adult understanding, love, forgiveness, a safe degree of freedom and independence along with justice and fairness, and the feeling of acceptance and belonging that they need. In these ways communicate to them a God-given moral code to take with them beyond the family circle. You can give them no finer heritage.—Proverbs 20:7.

Chapter 12

Making Your Parents’ Hearts Rejoice

1. Why is it right to honor one’s parents?

WHETHER we are still very young, are moving into adulthood, or are now grown men and women, all of us are someone’s children. It would be hard to estimate the worth of all the 20 years or so of care, work, money and self-sacrificing effort that have been expended on most of us from infancy to adulthood. And, in reality, our parents gave each of us something we cannot possibly give to them in return. For, whatever else we may owe them, we owe them our present life. Without them, we would not be. This obvious truth of itself should be more than enough reason for heeding the divine command: “‘Honor your father and your mother’; which is the first command with a promise: ‘That it may go well with you and you may endure a long time on the earth.’”—Ephesians 6:2, 3.

2. Why should we feel indebted to our parents?

² While we are first indebted to our Creator as the true Source of all life, we should feel a deep sense of indebtedness to our parents. What can we give to them in exchange for what they gave us? God’s Son said that all the world’s possessions cannot buy life, for you simply cannot put a price tag on life. (Mark 8:36, 37; Psalm 49:6-8) God’s Word tells us: “Do not you people be owing anybody a single thing, except to love one another.” (Romans 13:8) In a special way, we should feel moved to keep giving love to our parents as something owed them as long as they and we live. While we cannot give them life as they gave it to us, we can contribute to them something that makes life worth living. We can contribute to their joy and their feeling of deep satisfaction. We can do that in a special way that possibly no other persons can, for we are their children.

3. According to Proverbs 23:24, 25, what qualities in a child can contribute toward his parents’ joy?

³ As Proverbs 23:24, 25 says: “The father of a righteous one will without fail be joyful; the one becoming father to a wise one will also rejoice in him. Your father and your mother will rejoice, and she that gave birth to you will be joyful.” It is a natural desire of parents to be able to take pride in what their children do, to find pleasure in them. Is that the case with our parents?

4. What does Colossians 3:20 direct children to do?

⁴ In large measure that depends on whether we genuinely respect their position and listen to their counsel. For those who are still young, God’s counsel is: “Children, be obedient to your parents in everything, for this is well-pleasing in the Lord.” (Colossians 3:20) “Everything” clearly does not mean that parents have authority to require things out of line with God’s Word, but it does show that, while we are young, they are responsible to guide us in all aspects of life.—Proverbs 1:8.

5. What might a young person ask himself as to what he would expect from children of his own?

⁵ Are you now young? Someday you may be a parent. Would you want children who treated you with respect, or children who were defiant, perhaps who pretended to listen, but who disobeyed when out of your sight? Rather than bringing joy, Proverbs 17:25 says: “A foolish son is a vexation to his father and a bitterness to her who gave him birth.” (The Bible in Living English) Just as you have a special ability to make your parents happy, you also, more than any other persons, can bring them deep sadness and disappointment. Your conduct will determine which way it will be.

ACQUIRING WISDOM TAKES TIME

6. What illustration shows that wisdom usually comes with age?

⁶ It is good for youths to appreciate that age is an important factor in acquiring wisdom. Are you 10 years old now? You can see that you know more than when you were five, can’t you? Are you 15? You know more than when you were 10, don’t you? Are you approaching 20? You must appreciate that you know still more than when you were 15. It is easy to look back and see that age makes you wiser, but it is difficult to look ahead and accept this truth. No matter how wise a young person may feel, he or she should realize that the future can and should bring greater wisdom.

7. What lesson about wisdom can we learn from the counsel given to King Rehoboam?

⁷ What is the point of this? That your parents, because they are older than you and have more experience than you do, reasonably are also wiser than you in coping with the problems of life. This is difficult for many young persons to accept. They may refer to older persons as “old fogies.” Some may be, but many are not, no more than all young persons are irresponsible just because some are. It is not unusual for the young to think themselves wiser than the old. A king of Israel made this blunder, with disastrous results. When 41-year-old Rehoboam succeeded his father Solomon as king, the people asked that their burdens be made lighter. Rehoboam consulted older men, who counseled gentleness and kindness. He then went to young men and they advised harsh measures. He took their advice. The result? Ten of the 12 tribes rebelled and Rehoboam was left with only about one sixth of his kingdom. The aged, not the young, gave the wise counsel. “Is there not wisdom among the aged and understanding in length of days?”—Job 12:12; 1 Kings 12:1-16; 14:21.

8. What attitude toward older persons, including parents, does the Bible encourage?

⁸ Do not consider the advice of your parents outdated just because they are no longer youths. Rather, as God’s Word says: “Listen to your father who caused your birth, and do not despise your mother just because she has grown old.” Age deserves respect. “Before gray hair you should rise up, and you must show consideration for the person of an old man, and you must be in fear of your God. I am Jehovah.” True, many young people ignore these commands. But doing so has not brought happiness—not to themselves and certainly not to their parents.—Proverbs 23:22; Leviticus 19:32.

DO YOUR PART

9. How is a family affected when one of its members complains needlessly or rebels?

⁹ There is no getting around it—what you do affects other people. If one member of the family suffers, all are disturbed. Also, if one is a complainer or a rebel, the peace of the entire family is disrupted. In order to have a happy family life, each one must do his part.—Compare 1 Corinthians 12:26.

10. Why is it beneficial for children to learn to do good work?

¹⁰ There are positive, constructive things that you can do. Parents work hard to care for the needs of the family. If you are young and living at home, you can help. Much of life is spent at work. Some people complain about it. But if you learn to do good work and to do it with a good motive, it will bring genuine satisfaction. On the other hand, a person who doesn’t do his share but expects others to do everything for him never knows that satisfaction, and he is a source of irritation to others, as the Bible says, just like ‘smoke in one’s eyes.’ (Proverbs 10:26; Ecclesiastes 3:12, 13) So, when chores are assigned to you at home, do them and do them well. And if you really want to bring pleasure to your parents, do some extras, without being asked. You will probably find that work the most enjoyable of all—because you did it simply out of your heart’s desire to bring happiness to them.

11. How can a child’s words or actions reflect favorably on his parents?

¹¹ When people are impressed by a young person, they almost always want to know whose child he or she is. When young David demonstrated remarkable courage and faith, King Saul right away asked: “Whose son is the boy?” (1 Samuel 17:55-58) You bear your family’s name. What you do and the kind of person you are will affect the way people view that name and the parents who gave it to you. There are so many ways you can bring honor to your parents—in your neighborhood and at school—by showing kindness, helpfulness, respect and friendliness to others. And at the same time you thereby honor your Creator.—Proverbs 20:11; Hebrews 13:16.

12. Why is it good for children to cooperate with the efforts of their parents to train them?

¹² Your parents’ happiness is bound up with your own. Their efforts at training you are aimed to give you a good start on the road of life. Cooperate with them and you will give them great pleasure, for they want the best for you. As the inspired writer expressed it: “My son, if your heart has become wise, my heart will rejoice.” (Proverbs 23:15) If your parents recognize their responsibility before God to guide you in ways of true wisdom, help them to discharge that responsibility faithfully. “Listen to counsel and accept discipline, in order that you may become wise in your future.”—Proverbs 19:20.

13. What might help a child to have the right view of restrictions that are imposed by his parents?

¹³ There may be times when you feel that your parents require too much of you or that the restrictions are too many. To achieve the right balance in matters of discipline is not easy. Someday, if you have a family, you may find that you face the same problem. If your parents restrict your association with certain youths, or guard you against the use of drugs, or limit your association to some extent with those of the opposite sex, stop and think how much better it is to have parents who discipline than to have ones who don’t care! (Proverbs 13:20; 3:31) Heed their discipline. You’ll benefit yourself and make their hearts rejoice.—Proverbs 6:23; 13:1; 15:5; Hebrews 12:7-11.

14, 15. When problems arise among family members, the application of what Bible principles might help a child to preserve peace?

¹⁴ Of course, many situations that arise at home are not of your own making. But how you react influences the atmosphere of the household. The Bible counsels: “If possible, as far as it depends upon you, be peaceable with all men.” (Romans 12:18) It is not always easy to do this. We are all different; we see things differently and react differently. There will be conflicting opinions and desires. Suppose the conflict is with your brother or sister. You may feel that the other person is being selfish. What will you do?

¹⁵ Some children would promptly shout an accusation and demand that one of their parents intervene. Or, they might take things into their own hands, shoving and hitting, in order to get their way. But an inspired proverb says: “The insight of a man certainly slows down his anger.” (Proverbs 19:11) In what way? In that it causes him to consider extenuating circumstances. (Perhaps the act was not deliberate.) It makes him remember the many times when he himself has been in the wrong. (And how grateful he is for God’s forgiveness!) It may also make him realize that, even if his brother or sister is in the wrong, it would still be wrong on his part to let his anger disrupt the peace of the entire household. Of a person with such insight, the proverb goes on to say: “It is beauty on his part to pass over transgression.”—See also Colossians 3:13, 14.

16. What course of conduct on the part of their children makes God-fearing parents rejoice?

¹⁶ Basically, what makes God-fearing parents rejoice is the same as what makes the heart of Jehovah rejoice. What makes them feel hurt is what makes him feel hurt. (Psalm 78:36-41) Parents who do not know the mind of Jehovah God may rejoice if their children become popular in the world, make a name for themselves, make lots of money, and so on. However, parents having Jehovah as their God know that this world and its desires are passing away but that “he that does the will of God remains forever.” (1 John 2:15-17) So, what really makes them happy is to see their children obey their Creator, do his will and reflect his qualities. It is true that godly parents are happy when their children do well in their studies at school. But they are happier when their conduct at school and elsewhere reflects loyalty to God’s standards and a desire to please him. And they are especially pleased when those children continue to find pleasure in Jehovah’s ways right on up through their adult life.

RESPONSIBILITY TO CARE FOR PARENTS

17-19. How might adult sons and daughters show that they appreciate their parents?

¹⁷ Our concern for our parents should not cool off if we leave home when we have grown up. We want them to be happy throughout their lives. For many years they cared for our needs, often at considerable sacrifice to themselves. What can we do now to show that we are appreciative?

¹⁸ We can keep in mind the godly requirement: “Honor your father and your mother.” (Matthew 19:19) We may be busy. But we need to realize that it means a great deal to our parents to hear from us and to have us visit them.

¹⁹ As the years pass, “honor” may be shown in other ways. If there is need for material help, show appreciation for all that they did for you, and also for Jehovah’s righteous requirements. The apostle Paul wrote concerning those who are elderly: “If any widow has children or grandchildren, let these learn first to practice godly devotion in their own household and to keep paying a due compensation to their parents and grandparents, for this is acceptable in God’s sight.”—1 Timothy 5:3, 4.

20, 21. (a) According to Matthew 15:1-6, what does honoring one’s parents include? (b) Is there something that would excuse a person from honoring his parents in this way?

²⁰ The fact that “honor” to one’s parents may include material support is clearly shown in the Scriptures. On one occasion the Pharisees had accosted Jesus and accused his disciples of violating traditions. Jesus countered: “Why is it you also overstep the commandment of God because of your tradition? For example, God said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘Let him that reviles father or mother end up in death.’ But you say, ‘Whoever says to his father or mother: “Whatever I have by which you might get benefit from me is a gift dedicated to God,” he must not honor his father at all.’ And so you have made the word of God invalid because of your tradition.”—Matthew 15:1-6.

²¹ By declaring that their money or property was “a gift dedicated to God” they were, according to tradition, freed of responsibility to care for their parents. But Jesus did not agree. And we today need to take this to heart. It is true that, as a result of “social welfare” in many lands, some needs of elderly parents may be cared for. But is the provision really sufficient? If not, or if there is no such provision at all, children who honor their parents will do what they can to fill any actual lack. Indeed, caring for one’s aged parents who are in need is, as the apostle Paul said, an evidence of “godly devotion,” of one’s devotion to Jehovah God himself, the Originator of the family arrangement.

22. What besides material things should we give to our parents?

²² We should never think, however, that if parents in their later years have suitable food, clothing and shelter, nothing more is required. They also have emotional and spiritual needs. They need love and reassuring attention, many times desperately so. All our lives we need to know that someone feels love for us, that we belong to someone, that we are not alone. Children should not turn away from their elderly parents, as to either their physical or emotional needs. “He that is maltreating a father and that chases a mother away is a son acting shamefully and disgracefully.”—Proverbs 19:26.

23. How can a child be a source of joy to his parents?

²³ From youth on into adult life, children have an important place in the lives of their parents. Many children are a source of grief and disappointment. But if you respect your parents’ position and listen to their counsel, if you express genuine love and affection for them, you can be a daily source of joy to their hearts. Yes, “give your father and your mother cause for delight, let her who bore you rejoice.”—Proverbs 23:25, New English Bible.

Chapter 13

The Later Years

1, 2. (a) What problems may arise after children leave home? (b) How do some try to deal with the problem of advancing age?

IF OUR lives are not filled with some activity, physical or mental, we become bored. Life seems empty, and we become restless. This problem sometimes arises for married persons when their children grow up and leave home. For their past many years, life was filled with the responsibilities of parenthood. Now all this activity and the responsibility of raising a family suddenly come to an end.

² Besides that, as the years pass, physical changes begin to occur. Wrinkles appear, hair begins to turn gray, the hairline may recede, and aches and pains that were never noticed before manifest themselves. The fact is that we are getting older. Refusing to face the facts, some persons put forth frantic efforts to prove that they are just as young as they ever were. They suddenly become very active socially—rushing to parties or indulging heavily in sports. This flurry of activity provides something to do, but does it bring lasting satisfaction? Will it make a person feel genuinely needed so that his life has real meaning?

3. While recreation may be enjoyable, what should be avoided?

³ Recreation can, of course, be enjoyable. And in your later years of life you may find that you have time to do some things that could not be done when your children were young. But letting pleasure-seeking become the dominant concern can bring serious problems.—2 Timothy 3:4, 5; Luke 8:4-8, 14.

THE BEAUTY OF PROVING LOYAL

4, 5. What can result when an older person feels that he has to prove he is still attractive to the opposite sex?

⁴ At this time of life not a few persons seem to feel that they have to prove that they are still attractive to the opposite sex. They may begin by flirting with someone at a social gathering or elsewhere. Men, especially, have “affairs” with younger women, and in this time of the “new morality” there are also many women who seek reassurance by having extramarital “affairs.” Although perhaps married for many years, some begin to nourish ideas about starting a “new life” with a new marriage mate. They may try to justify what they are doing by pointing to the faults of their mate—while generally making light of their own shortcomings, including their lack of loyalty, both to their mate and to righteous principles.

⁵ They may know that Jesus said: “Whoever divorces his wife, except on the ground of fornication [porneia: gross sexual immorality], and marries another commits adultery.” Although Jesus was here showing that it is not right to divorce one’s mate on “every sort of ground,” they are willing to use any ground for divorce that secular laws allow. (Matthew 19:3-9) Then they proceed to get a new mate, often someone with whom they were involved before divorce proceedings ever began. While knowing what God’s Word says about such conduct, they may reason that in his great mercy God will “understand.”

6. How does Jehovah God view disrespect for the marriage covenant?

⁶ To avoid being enticed by such immoral thinking, we do well to consider what Jehovah, by means of his prophet Malachi, said to the people of Israel: “‘This is the . . . thing that you people do, this resulting in covering with tears the altar of Jehovah, with weeping and sighing, so that there is no more a turning [with approval] toward the gift offering or a taking of pleasure in anything from your hand. And you have said, “On what account?” On this account, that Jehovah himself has borne witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you yourself have dealt treacherously . . . And you people must guard yourselves respecting your spirit, and with the wife of your youth may no one deal treacherously. For he has hated a divorcing,’ Jehovah the God of Israel has said.” (Malachi 2:13-16) Yes, treachery in dealing with one’s marriage mate, disrespect for the marriage covenant—these are condemned by God; they damage one’s relationship with the Life-Giver.

7. Why does disrespect for the marriage covenant not lead to happiness?

⁷ Is this the way to a better life? Hardly. Any new marriage entered into by such persons rests on shaky ground. For one thing, they have shown that, even in this most precious relationship, they could not be counted on. True, they may see something appealing in the personality of the new mate that the former one did not have. But to get this, they sought their own pleasure regardless of causing hurt and heartache. Surely this is not a quality that works toward marital happiness.

8. In marriage, what is more valuable than physical beauty?

⁸ The beauty of remaining true to a marriage mate far surpasses any physical beauty. Physical beauty inevitably fades with the years, but the beauty of loyal devotion grows with each passing year. To seek another person’s happiness, and to be willing to put his or her interests ahead of your own, can bring lasting satisfaction, for there really is “more happiness in giving than there is in receiving.” (Acts 20:35) If two persons have been married for a number of years, and if they have communicated with and confided in each other, if they have shared work and goals and hopes, the hard times with the good—and have done this out of love—their lives will be genuinely united, interlaced. They have very much in common—mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The romantic love that may have blinded them somewhat to each other’s faults before marriage will give way to a heartfelt devotion that causes each one to see the shortcomings of the other as an opportunity to be of help, to fill a need. Between them there is a feeling of genuine trust, a sense of security, knowing that they will stay by each other no matter what problems may arise. For them it seems only the natural thing to be loyal to each other. As Micah 6:8 states: “He has told you, O earthling man, what is good. And what is Jehovah asking back from you but to exercise justice and to love loyal love and to be modest in walking with your God?”—Marginal reading.

GROWN-UP CHILDREN—A NEW RELATIONSHIP

9-11. (a) Is it God’s purpose for the relationship of parents and their children to remain identical throughout life? (b) What bearing does this have on the advice that parents may give to their grown children? (c) When their children are married, whose headship should parents respect?

⁹ Although husband and wife are to remain together throughout life, that is not the Creator’s arrangement for parents and their children. It is true that when your children were growing up they needed you every day. Not only were there physical needs that had to be cared for, but guidance was required. When they did not readily respond, you may have insisted on certain things that were for their own good. But when they establish their own household, the relationship between you and them changes to some extent. (Genesis 2:24) This does not mean that your feelings toward them change, but that there is a shifting of responsibility. So the way in which you do things for them needs to change.

¹⁰ At times they may still need advice. And it is an evidence of wisdom if they listen to sound advice from those who have more experience in life. (Proverbs 12:15; 23:22) But when offering counsel to sons or daughters who are on their own, it is wise to do it in a way that shows you recognize the fact that decisions now rest with them.

¹¹ This is very important if they are married. There are some countries where long-established custom places the bride under the supervision of her mother-in-law. Elsewhere, in-laws exert strong influence in family affairs. But does this really result in happiness? The Creator of the family knows what is best, and he says: “A man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife.” (Genesis 2:24) The responsibility for decisions now rests, neither with the parents of the husband nor with the parents of the wife, but with the husband. “A husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation,” God’s Word says. (Ephesians 5:23) Pleasure in doing things for your grown children, and later for your grandchildren, can be greatly enhanced when there is respect for this arrangement.

ENJOY DOING THINGS FOR OTHERS

12. (a) After their children establish homes of their own, how might parents deepen their love for each other? (b) What else might they do to make their lives more meaningful?

¹² There is a need that all of us have to feel that our lives are useful, that they have meaning. Satisfying this need is important to your own well-being. Apart from your children, there are many others in whose lives you can help to fill a need. What about your own marriage mate? While your children were growing up, much of your attention was directed to them. Now you have opportunity to do more things in a personal way for each other. This can help to deepen your relationship. But why limit your kind deeds to your own household? You can ‘broaden out’ by giving assistance to neighbors who become ill or by sharing time with elderly ones who are lonely or by providing material aid, in whatever ways you can, to persons who through no fault of their own come into material need. (2 Corinthians 6:11, 12) The Bible tells us of Dorcas, a woman who gained great love because she “abounded in good deeds and gifts of mercy that she was rendering” on behalf of widows. (Acts 9:36, 39) It commends those who are kind to the afflicted ones. (Proverbs 14:21) The Scriptures include ‘looking after orphans and widows in their tribulation’ as a vital part of the worship that is pleasing to God. (James 1:27) And the Bible encourages all of us: “Do not forget the doing of good and the sharing of things with others, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.”—Hebrews 13:16.

13. What motivation makes helping others worth while?

¹³ Does this mean that becoming engrossed in purely humanitarian activities is the key to happiness? Actually, unless the motivation is a spiritual one, a desire to imitate God in showing love, it can lead to frustration. (1 Corinthians 13:3; Ephesians 5:1, 2) Why? Because there may well be disappointments when persons do not appreciate your kindness or when they try to take unfair advantage of your generosity.

14, 15. What makes life truly happy and satisfying?

¹⁴ On the other hand, when a person is truly using his life in the service of God, his greatest satisfaction comes from knowing that what he is doing is well pleasing to his Creator. And his ability to do things for other people is not limited by material resources. He has “the glorious good news of the happy God,” Jehovah, and the privilege of sharing it with others. (1 Timothy 1:11) From the Bible he knows how to cope with the problems of life now, and what the grand hope that God holds out for the future is. And what a pleasure it is to share such good news with others, and then to draw their attention to the Source of it, Jehovah God! As the inspired writer of Psalm 147:1 said: “Praise Jah, you people, for it is good to make melody to our God; for it is pleasant—praise is fitting.”

¹⁵ It is when we understand Jehovah’s will in connection with life and when we honor him that our own lives become filled with meaning. (Revelation 4:11) Genuine satisfaction will be yours if, to the extent that your circumstances permit, you participate fully in sharing Bible truths with other people. Although your own children may be grown, you can enjoy aiding ‘spiritual children’ to grow. And as you see them develop into mature Christians, you will feel as did the apostle Paul when he wrote to some that he had thus assisted: “What is our hope or joy or crown of exultation—why, is it not in fact you? . . . You certainly are our glory and joy.”—1 Thessalonians 2:19, 20.

BE FLEXIBLE WHEN CIRCUMSTANCES CHANGE

16, 17. (a) When it comes to problems, what should be avoided? (b) Even if a person loses his mate in death, what can help him not to be alone in facing new challenges?

¹⁶ In time, of course, most people find that they are no longer able to do as much as they once did. They need to be flexible, to be willing to make adjustments. Where there are health problems, these require attention. But it is wise to be balanced, not becoming so engrossed in these matters that one fails to see the opportunities that each day of life affords. Problems will exist, and if there is something constructive that one can do about them, it is wise to do it. But worry accomplishes nothing, and wishing that things were different does not change them. So, instead of longing for the past, take hold of the opportunities of the present.

¹⁷ The same applies if, in later years of life, you again find yourself in the single state. If you had a happy marriage, you no doubt will cherish fond memories. But life goes on, and this is a time when adjustments are needed. There are new challenges to be met, and if you live in a way that demonstrates faith in God, you will not be alone in meeting them.—Psalm 37:25; Proverbs 3:5, 6.

18-20. What factors can make life meaningful even in later years?

¹⁸ Despite life’s unpleasant aspects, there is much that can bring us pleasure—fine friends, opportunities to do things for other people, the enjoyment of a good meal, a gorgeous sunset, the singing of birds. Furthermore, while our present circumstances may not be ideal, we have God’s assurance that he will bring an end to wickedness and will remove from mankind all sorrow, anguish, sickness and even death itself.—Revelation 21:4.

¹⁹ It is true that the person who has taken a largely materialistic view of life may find his later years very empty. The writer of Ecclesiastes described the results of such living by saying: “Everything is vanity.” (Ecclesiastes 12:8) But concerning men of faith, such as Abraham and Isaac, the Bible says that they reached the end of their lives “old and satisfied.” (Genesis 25:8; 35:29) What made the difference? These men had faith in God. They were convinced that in God’s due time the dead would live again, and they looked forward to the time when God himself would establish a righteous government for all mankind.—Hebrews 11:10, 19.

²⁰ In your situation, too, if you do not allow the problems of the present to blind you to the many good things around you and the marvelous future that God has in store for his servants, your life will have meaning, and each day will bring you satisfaction, right on through the later years.

[Picture on page 176]

The more two lives overlap, the more two become one

Chapter 14

Building as a Family for an Eternal Future

1. In promoting family happiness, why is it good to think about the future?

TIME keeps on moving. The past may hold many fond memories for us, but we cannot live in the past. We can learn from the past, including past mistakes, but we can live only in the present. And yet, even though a family may be getting along well at present, the fact must be faced that the present is only momentary; today soon becomes yesterday, and the present quickly becomes the past. So, it is vital to family happiness that we keep looking to the future, preparing for it, planning for it. What it will be like, for us and those close to us, will depend to a large extent on the decisions we make now.

2. (a) Why do many persons not want to think about the future? (b) If we desire a happy future, to whom should we listen?

² What are the prospects? For the majority of mankind, what thoughts they have for the future often extend only a few short years. Many prefer not to look very far toward the future because all they can foresee is an unpleasant ending, with the family circle being broken by death. For many, their moments of happiness are quickly overshadowed by the anxieties of life. But by listening to the One “to whom every family in heaven and on earth owes its name,” there can be much, much more to life.—Ephesians 3:14, 15.

3. (a) What prospects did God put before the first humans? (b) Why did things turn out differently?

³ When the first human pair were created, it was not God’s purpose that they or their future children would live for just a few troubled years and then die. He gave them a paradise home and set before them the prospect of unending life. (Genesis 2:7-9, 15-17) But they forfeited that prospect for themselves and their offspring by deliberately violating the law of God, the One on whom their lives depended. The Bible explains it this way: “Through one man [Adam] sin entered into the world and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men because they had all sinned.”—Romans 5:12.

4. What arrangement has Jehovah God made so that his original purpose regarding humankind will be realized?

⁴ God, however, lovingly made provision to redeem the human family. His own Son, Jesus Christ, laid down his perfect human life in behalf of all the offspring of Adam. (1 Timothy 2:5, 6) Jesus thus purchased back or redeemed what Adam had lost for us, and the way was opened for those who would exercise faith in this provision to have the same opportunity for life that God had set before the first human pair. Today, if not overtaken by serious illness or accident earlier in life, a person may live for 70 or 80 years, and a few live a little longer. “But the gift God gives is everlasting life by Christ Jesus our Lord.”—Romans 6:23.

5-7. (a) If we do God’s will now, to what can we look forward in the future? (b) What question might you raise about helping your family?

⁵ What can this mean for your family? For persons who listen to and obey God’s commandments it can mean an eternal future. (John 3:36) In his unfailing Word, God promises that he will remove the present oppressive system of things and cause all the affairs of mankind to be administered by a perfect and righteous government that he himself provides. (Daniel 2:44) Showing this, his Word tells us that he purposed “to gather all things together again in the Christ, the things in the heavens and the things on the earth.” (Ephesians 1:10) Yes, then there will be universal harmony, and the human family will be united earth wide, free from racial strife, political division, heartless crime and the violence of war. Families will dwell in security, “and there will be no one making them tremble.” (Psalm 37:29, 34; Micah 4:3, 4) This will be because all those then living will be persons who have “become imitators of God, as beloved children,” and they will “go on walking in love.”—Ephesians 5:1, 2.

⁶ Under the direction of God’s Kingdom rule, the human family will then work unitedly in the joyful project of bringing the earth to the paradise state that the Creator purposed, a garden home providing an abundance of food for all mankind. All earth’s immense variety of bird, fish and animal life will come under the kind dominion of humans and serve to their pleasure, for this is God’s stated purpose. (Genesis 2:9; 1:26-28) No more will disease, pain, the debilitating effects of old age, or the fear of death mar the human family’s enjoyment of life. Even those “in the memorial tombs” will return to share in the grand opportunities that life will then afford.—John 5:28, 29; Revelation 21:1-5.

⁷ What can you do to help your family realize the fulfillment of these prospects?

WHAT DO WE NEED TO DO?

8. To gain God’s approval, what is required of us?

⁸ None of us should mistakenly conclude that simply by living what we view as a “good life” we will be among those who gain life in God’s new system of things. It is not for us to decide what the requirements are; God rightly does that. One day when Jesus was teaching in Judea, a man asked: “By doing what shall I inherit everlasting life?” The answer was: “‘You must love Jehovah your God with your whole heart and with your whole soul and with your whole strength and with your whole mind,’ and, ‘your neighbor as yourself.’” (Luke 10:25-28) Clearly, much more is involved than just saying that we believe in God, or periodically going to meetings where the Bible is discussed, or occasionally doing kind things for certain persons. Rather, the faith that we profess should deeply influence our thoughts and desires and actions every day, all day long.

9. What Scriptural principles can help us to be balanced in our view of the common affairs of life?

⁹ Keeping in mind and treasuring our relationship with God will help us to act with wisdom and will assure his approval and help. (Proverbs 4:10) By viewing all the affairs of life as they relate to him and his purposes, we will be able to keep good balance in the way we use our lives. We must work to care for our physical needs. But God’s Son reminds us that anxious concern and eager pursuit of material things will not lengthen our lives in the slightest; seeking first God’s kingdom and his righteousness will lengthen them unendingly. (Matthew 6:25-33; 1 Timothy 6:7-12; Hebrews 13:5) God purposes that we thoroughly enjoy our family life. Yet to become so wrapped up in family affairs that we fail to show genuine love for those outside the family circle would be self-defeating, would give our family a narrow outlook on life and would rob us of God’s blessing. Family fun and recreation bring the greatest enjoyment when they are kept in their place, never being allowed to crowd love for God into the background. (1 Corinthians 7:29-31; 2 Timothy 3:4, 5) By doing all things, as a family or as individuals, in harmony with the sound principles of God’s Word, our lives will be deeply satisfying, with a sense of genuine accomplishment, and we will be laying a sound foundation for an eternal future. So, “whatever you are doing, work at it whole-souled as to Jehovah . . . for you know that it is from Jehovah you will receive the due reward of the inheritance.”—Colossians 3:18-24.

BUILDING AS A FAMILY

10. How important is regular Bible discussion in the home?

¹⁰ If the members of a family are to continue to work toward the same goals, home discussions of God’s Word are very valuable, really essential. Each day offers many opportunities for a person to relate to the purposes of the Creator things that are seen and done. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9) It is good to set aside regular times for all to join in reading and discussing the Bible together, perhaps with the help of publications that explain the Bible. Doing this has a unifying effect on the family. Family members can then use God’s Word to help one another to cope with problems that may come up. When parents set a good example, not letting such periods of family Bible discussion be easily infringed upon by other interests, this impresses upon the children the vital importance of deep respect and appreciation for God’s Word. His Son said: “Man must live, not on bread alone, but on every utterance coming forth through Jehovah’s mouth.”—Matthew 4:4.

11. When it comes to spiritual progress, what tendency should be avoided in the family?

¹¹ In a body, “there should be no division,” but “its members should have the same care for one another.” (1 Corinthians 12:25) That should be true of a family body. One mate should not be so preoccupied with his own spiritual progress in knowledge and understanding that he fails to show sincere concern for that of his marriage partner. If, for example, a husband does not give sufficient attention to his wife’s spiritual needs, in time she may no longer cherish the same goals that he does. If parents do not take enough personal interest in the spiritual growth of their children, helping them to see how the principles of God’s Word apply and can bring the greatest happiness in life, they may find that the hearts and minds of their children will be drawn away by the materialistic spirit of the world around them. For the everlasting good of your whole family, keep the taking in of knowledge from God’s Word as a regular, vital part of your family life.

12. With whom should we not neglect to associate?

¹² If, indeed, ‘love begins at home,’ it should not end there. God’s Word foretold that his true servants would become, even during the present system of things, a global family of brothers and sisters. He tells us that “as long as we have time favorable for it,” we should “work what is good toward all, but especially toward those related to us in the faith,” those in the “entire association of [our] brothers in the world.” (Galatians 6:10; 1 Peter 5:9) As a family, meeting together regularly with those of that bigger “family” should be a joy, one not easily forfeited in favor of other interests.—Hebrews 10:23-25; Luke 21:34-36.

13. What responsibility do we have toward persons outside the Christian congregation?

¹³ But our love should not be limited just to those already within “God’s household,” his congregation. (1 Timothy 3:15) As God’s Son said, if we love only those loving us, our brothers only, ‘what extraordinary thing have we done?’ To be like our heavenly Father, we must reach out wholeheartedly to all persons and show kindness and helpfulness to any and all, seeking ever to share the good news of God’s kingdom with them, taking the initiative. When we express godly love in this way as a family, our life takes on real meaning and purpose. All of us, parents and children alike, experience what it means to show love to its full extent, in the way that God shows it. (Matthew 5:43-48; 24:14) We also share in the full happiness that only such wholehearted giving can bring.—Acts 20:35.

14. The application of what counsel promotes happy family life?

¹⁴ What grand prospects are ahead for families who manifest such love! They have learned that the way to make their family life happy is to apply the counsel of God’s Word. Despite the problems and pressures of life that affect all persons, such families experience right now many fine results from doing so. But they are looking beyond the present, and they are not thinking in terms of just a few years of life before death ends it all. With confidence in the reliability of the promises of God, each member of the family will happily build for an eternal future.

15. What questions might you ask yourself about the benefits of the Scriptural guidelines set forth in this book?

¹⁵ This book has shown from the Bible that God’s purpose in creating the earth is to have it inhabited. He established the family to accomplish this. Jehovah God also gave guidelines for fathers, mothers and children, and these have been considered. Have you been able to apply some of these principles in your family? Have they helped you to make your family life happier? We hope so. But what does the future hold for you and your family?

16-18. What grand conditions has Jehovah God purposed for this earth?

¹⁶ Would you like to help in caring for the earth, in making its fields produce bumper crops and its deserts to blossom? Would you like to see thorns and thistles give way to orchards and majestic forests? Would you and your family be pleased to exercise dominion over animals, not with guns, whips and steel bars, but through love and mutual trust?

¹⁷ If your heart yearns for the time when swords will be beaten into plowshares and spears into pruning shears, when there will be no more makers of bombs or fomenters of war, then you would rejoice in Jehovah’s new system of things. Oppressive political rule, commercial greed and religious hypocrisy will be things of the past. Every family will dwell in peace under its own vine and fig tree. The earth will ring with the happy cries of resurrected children and with the stirring songs of many birds. And the air will be exhilarating with fragrance of flowers instead of stifling with industrial pollution.—Micah 4:1-4.

¹⁸ If it is your heartfelt hope to see the lame leap like the stag, to hear the tongue of the mute sing, to watch the eyes of the blind open, to learn that the ears of the deaf are unstopped, to witness sighing and crying give way to smiles, and tears and mourning give way to laughter, and pain and death give way to health and eternal life, then do your utmost to aid yourself and your family to take the action needed to live forever in Jehovah’s new system where such conditions will exist forever.—Revelation 21:1-4.

19. How may you and your family be among those who will enjoy the blessings of God’s new system?

¹⁹ Will your family be among the happy throngs who will fill the earth at that time? It is up to you. Follow Jehovah’s instructions for family life now. Work as a family to prove now that you would fit into the life-style of that new system. Study God’s Word, apply it in your lives, tell others of the hope ahead. By so doing, you as a family will be making “a good name” with God. “A good name is to be chosen rather than abundant riches; favor is better than even silver and gold.” Such a name Jehovah will not forget: “The remembrance of the righteous one is due for a blessing.” (Proverbs 22:1, margin; Pr 10:7) By Jehovah’s undeserved kindness you and your family may be blessed with an eternal future of supreme happiness.

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