The Hardest Word

“I FELT sorry for my wife,” said the sympathetic husband. “She had worked so hard cooking lunch for some young friends of hers. But when the time for their arrival came, no one showed up. At first she was slightly irritated. Then indignant. Then downright angry to the point of tears as time ticked by. Her ‘gourmet’ lunch began to overcook. Yet no one even called to explain the delay.” He continued: “In situations like this you start fearing the worst. (What’s happened to them? Did they have an accident?) Well, as it turned out, two of them finally showed up. The others never did call.”

While this might be the stage setting for the end of some friendships, Christian conduct fortunately prevailed. Said the husband: “The next day my wife expected tearful apologies when she saw her three forgetful friends. Instead, she got nervous smiles and quick hellos. Several days then passed. I was proud that my wife decided to take the initiative to approach her friends. A few tears, some hugging and the matter was straightened out. Yet a question stuck in my mind: ‘Couldn’t they simply have said, “We’re sorry”?’”

There is truth in the refrain of the popular song that says, “Sorry seems to be the hardest word.” Why is this? Probably because “sorry” is an admission of guilt. True, we seem to have no problem admitting our faults in a general way. Tell a man “You’re imperfect!” and he’ll likely reply, “Aren’t we all?” But tell him that he’s egotistical, proud, haughty, insensitive, childish or irritating and you touch a raw nerve. No wonder the Bible counsels us to overlook, to put up with and to forgive the faults of others.​—Proverbs 17:9; Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13.

While being late for lunch may seem trivial, it is just such minor mishaps that often build seemingly insurmountable barriers between people. Yet the barricade of contention can often be torn down with a simple, “I’m sorry.”

Yes, but who will be the first to say it? “Not me!” you say. You’ve analyzed the situation and judged yourself “innocent.” “Someone has to be right,” you insist. But such reasoning fails to recognize that your “adversary” likely views matters from a different viewpoint. (Proverbs 18:17) Hence, a stalemate. Viewing apology as defeat, both sides dig their trenches and prepare for a long battle.

The Bible shows, however, that even long-standing hostilities can be settled when people are willing to sacrifice their pride. Consider, for example, the patriarch Jacob. He was willing to sacrifice more than pride to end a dispute. Rivalry with his twin brother, Esau, can be traced back to their birth. It erupted into intense hatred when Jacob maneuvered events so as to receive the birthright, something Esau had sold to him for a pot of stew. (Genesis 25:22-34; 27:1-41) Jacob fled for his life! The passing of many years did not lessen Esau’s hatred of Jacob.

Eventually there came a day of confrontation. Jacob humbly sends messengers, requesting a meeting with Esau. In reading the account in Genesis chapters 32 and 33 you can feel the tension build as these feuding brothers prepare to meet; Jacob with his flocks and children, Esau with his band of 400 men! Murder is doubtless in Esau’s mind. Yet Jacob is determined to make peace. He humbly makes a gesture of friendship, and what a gesture! Hundreds of valuable goats and sheep and many cows, camels and bulls, delivered by Jacob’s servants make up the peace offering. Imagine Esau’s surprise upon seeing this display of generosity!

Yet peace would cost even more. Face to face with Esau, what does Jacob now do? “And he himself passed on ahead of them and proceeded to bow down to the earth seven times until he got near to his brother,” doing this as if he were acknowledging someone superior. The effect? “And Esau went running to meet him, and he began to embrace him and fall upon his neck and kiss him, and they burst into tears.”​—Genesis 32:13-15; 33:1-4.

The lesson? In a personal dispute, there is something more important than who is “right” or “wrong.” It is important that peace be restored. So, when you’ve had a disagreement, ask yourself, “Am I seeing matters from his point of view? Have I handled matters in a Christian way? Am I willing to be humble? Can I be the first to say, ‘I’m sorry’ because of having caused someone else some embarrassment?”

There’s a saying, “Sorry’s just a word.” But it is a powerful word. Try being the first to say it.​—Matthew 5:9, 23, 24.