Mi Kamap Free From Nogud Feeling wea Mi Kasem Taem Mi Young

Story bilong Eusebio Morcillo

Long September 1993, mi go long wanfala prison. Mi go for baptism bilong wanfala prisoner, wea datwan hem smol sista bilong mi Mariví. Samfala prisoner witim samfala bigman long prison standap lukluk nomoa taem mi duim baptism hia. Bifor mi storyim hao nao sista bilong mi stap long prison, mi laek for storyim laef bilong mifala taem mifala smol.

MI BORN kam long Spain long May 5, 1954, and mi nao firstborn long eitfala pikinini. Mariví nao mek-thri. Grani bilong mifala hem lanem mifala long teaching bilong Catholic, mi hapi tumas long datfala taem from mi tingse mi fren gud witim God. Spiritual saed long haos bilong dadi and mami bilong mifala hem nomoa nao. Dadi savve killim mami and mifala olketa pikinini evritaem. Mifala fraet evritaem, and mi barava feel nogud for lukim Mami hem safa.

Taem mi go skul, mi kasem samfala nogud samting moa. Wanfala teacher wea hem priest, savve bangam hed bilong mifala long wall sapos ansa bilong mifala hem no stret. Nara priest savve spoelem olketa pikinini saed long sex taem hem stap witim olketa for lukim skul buk bilong olketa. Nara samting tu, mi konfius and fraet long olketa teaching bilong Catholic, olsem hellfire. Love bilong mi for God hem gogo for finis nao.

Laef Bilong Mi Hem Iusles Nao

From mi no kasem eni spiritual help mi start for gogo long olketa naet club and kaban witim olketa pipol wea raf and duim dirty fasin. Staka taem olketa faet savve kamap and olketa iusim olketa naef, chain, glass, and chair for faet. Mi trae for no insaed long olketa faet olsem, bat wanfala taem samwan killim mi and mi hafded nao.

Gogo mi les long olketa ples olsem and mi lukaotem olketa naet club wea no raf tumas. Nomata olsem, olketa savve iusim tumas olketa drug long olketa ples hia tu. Winim wei for mekem mi feel gud, olketa drug hia mekem mi fraet and mi garem olketa nogud dream.

Nomata mi les long olketa ples olsem mi pullim kam smol brata bilong mi José Luis, and wanfala gud fren Miguel, for start gogo long olketa ples olsem. Laef bilong mifala witim staka nara young wan long datfala taem long Spain hem iusles nomoa. Mi willing for duim eni samting for kasem selen for peim olketa drug. Mi shame nao.

Jehovah Sevem Mi

Long olketa year hia, mi samfala taem story witim olketa fren bilong mi abaotem God and why nao iumi stap. Mi lukaotem eniwan for story witim abaotem diswan. Mi lukim wanfala man wea mi waka witim Francisco, hem difren from olketa narawan. Hem luk olsem hem hapi, honest, and man wea kaen long pipol, so mi disaed for storyim olketa feeling and tingting bilong mi long hem. Francisco hem wanfala Jehovah’s Witness, and hem givim mi wanfala Wastaoa wea storyim olketa drug.

Bihaen mi readim disfala story, mi prea olsem long God: “Lord, mi savve iu stap, mi laek savve long iu and duim will bilong iu. Plis helpem mi!” Francisco and olketa nara Witness iusim Bible nao for encouragem mi and olketa givim mi olketa Bible buk for readim. Gogo, mi luksavve olketa givim mi disfala help wea mi askem long God. No longtaem bihaen, mi start for storyim olketa samting wea mi lanem long olketa fren bilong mi and José Luis.

Wanday, taem mi and samfala fren lusim wanfala music concert mi lukluk long olketa hia and mi barava tingim hao fasin bilong mifala hem kamap barava nogud nao from olketa drug wea mifala iusim. Long datfala taem nao mi disaed for lusim olketa nogud wei bilong mi and kamap wanfala Jehovah’s Witness.

Mi askem Francisco for wanfala Bible. Hem agree and hem givim datfala buk Truth Where Bringim Man Long Life All-the-Way.a Taem mi readim and mi lukim hao God promis for finisim krae, and dae bae nomoa nao, mi barava feel sure mi faendem nao datfala truth wea savve mekem olketa man free. (John 8:​32; Revelation 21:4) Bihaen, mi go long wanfala meeting long Kingdom Hall bilong Olketa Jehovah’s Witness. Mi tinghae tumas long hao olketa fren gud and love wea pipol showimaot.

From mi barava laek for talem narawan abaotem samting wea happen long Kingdom Hall, mi stretawe kolem kam José Luis and olketa fren bilong mi and mi story for olketa. Samfala day bihaen mifala evriwan go long wanfala meeting. Wanfala gele wea sidaon long front hem luk kam long mifala. Luk olsem hem fraetem mifala evriwan wea garem long hair and hem nating luk kam bihaen moa. Ating hem sapraes fogud taem hem lukim mifala werem gudfala kaleko kam long Kingdom Hall long week bihaen.

No longtaem bihaen, mitufala Miguel go long wanfala circuit assembly bilong Olketa Jehovah’s Witness. No enitaem bifor mitufala lukim wei wea olketa difren pipol stap gud tugeta. Mifala tingim tu hao long disfala sem building no longtaem bifor mifala hipap long wanfala music concert. Bat long disfala assembly, olketa pipol and music wea kamap mekem mifala garem gudfala feeling.

Full sekson bilong mifala start for studyim Bible. Samting olsem eitfala month bihaen, long July 26, 1974, mitufala Miguel baptaes. Mitufala evriwan 20 year nomoa. Nara fofala long disfala sekson baptaes tu-thri month bihaen. Bible training wea mi kasem muvim mi for start helpem mami bilong mi (wea showimaot patient fasin) long olketa waka long haos and for storyim tu niufala biliv bilong mi long hem. Mitufala start for fren gud. Mi markem staka taem tu for helpem olketa smol brata and sista bilong mi.

Gogo, mami bilong mi witim sixfala long sevenfala brata and sista bilong mi lanem truth long Bible and baptaes olsem Olketa Jehovah’s Witness. Long 1977, mi maritim Soledad. Hem nao datfala gele wea luk kam long first taem wea mifala kam long Kingdom Hall. Insaed tu-thri month nomoa, mitufala kamap pioneer, hem nao nem wea Olketa Jehovah’s Witness iusim for olketa man wea preachim disfala gud nius full-taem.

Wanfala wea Mi Lovem Hem Gud Bak

Smol sista bilong mi Mariví, olketa spoelem hem saed long sex taem hem pikinini and diswan barava spoelem hem. Taem hem teenager, hem duim olketa nogud fasin olsem, iusim drug, steal, and jury fasin. Taem hem 23 year, hem go long prison and hem gohed nomoa long olketa nogud fasin.

Long datfala taem mi wanfala circuit overseer, wanfala traveling minister bilong Olketa Jehovah’s Witness. Long 1989, mitufala Soledad kasem assignment long ples wea Mariví hem stap long prison. No longtaem bifor diswan, olketa bigman tekem pikinini bilong hem, wea diswan mekem hem sorre fogud, gogo hem laek dae nomoa. Taem mi go lukim hem mi offerim Bible study long hem, and hem acceptim. Bihaen long wanfala month nomoa hem finis for iusim drug and tobacco. Mi barava hapi tumas taem mi lukim Jehovah givim strong long hem for mekem hem changem laef bilong hem.​—Hebrews 4:​12.

No longtaem bihaen hem start for study, Mariví start for preach long olketa nara prisoner and olketa bigman long prison. Hem gohed long disfala preaching waka nomata olketa muvim hem go long olketa nara prison. Long wanfala prison, hem go long olketa cell for preach long olketa prisoner. Insaed olketa year hia, Mariví startim staka Bible study witim olketa prisoner long olketa difren prison.

Gogo, Mariví talem mi hem laek dedicate long Jehovah and baptaes. Bat olketa no letem hem for go aotsaed long prison for baptaes, and olketa no letem eniwan insaed for duim. Hem stap fofala year moa long datfala nogud prison. Hao nao hem strongim faith bilong hem? Long barava taem bilong olketa kongregeson meeting, hem followim sem program long cell bilong hem. And tu, hem evritaem duim study seleva and prea.

Gogo, Mariví muv go long wanfala prison wea garem wanfala swimming pool. Hem lukim chance nao for hem baptaes. Tru nao, olketa letem Mariví for baptaes. Olsem hao mi startim story bilong mi, long datfala taem nao mi standap givim baptism tok bilong hem. Mi stap witim hem long disfala barava nambawan taem long laef bilong hem.

From fasin bilong hem bifor, Mariví kasem AIDS. Nomata olsem, gudfala fasin bilong hem mekem olketa letem hem aot from prison bifor long date wea Judge markem. Hem lusim prison long March 1994. Hem stap witim Mami and hem busy for duim Christian waka go kasem taem hem dae, tufala year bihaen.

Mi Winim Olketa Nogud Feeling

Mi tu kasem samfala trabol from olketa samting wea kasem mi long laef bilong mi. Wei wea dadi killim mi and fasin bilong mi taem mi teenager spoelem tingting bilong mi. Bihaen mi big kam, mi staka taem kasem guilty feeling, and tu, mi savve feel iusles nomoa. Samfala taem mi barava wikdaon fogud. Nomata olsem, Bible barava helpem mi for winim olketa nogud feeling hia. Long olketa year hia, wei for ting raonem olketa scripture olsem Isaiah 1:​18 and Psalm 103:​8-​13 hem helpem mi for daonem disfala guilty feeling wea savve kakam bak evritaem.

Prea tu hem narafala samting mi iusim for winim hao mi savve feel iusles nomoa. Staka taem mi prea long Jehovah, gogo mi laek krae nomoa. Nomata olsem, toktok long 1 John 3:​19, 20 strongim mi, hem sei: “From diswan bae iumi savve iumi garem truth, and front long hem bae iumi mekem heart bilong iumi no wari long eni samting wea heart maet judgem iumi long hem, bikos God hem winim heart bilong iumi and hem savve long evri samting.”

From mi prea long God witim heart “wea brek and pisis,” mi luksavve mi gud lelebet distaem winim bifor. Bible promisim hao Jehovah hem tinghae long olketa wea lukaotem hem and olketa wea sorre long olketa samting wea olketa duim bifor, and distaem olketa duim will bilong hem.​—Psalm 51:17.

Taem mi start kasem feeling for daotem miseleva, mi trae kasem olketa gudfala spiritual tingting olsem Philippians 4:⁠8 hem storyim. Mi baeheartim finis Psalm 23 and disfala Sermon Long Maunten. Mi tingim bak olketa scripture hia taem mi kasem olketa nogud tingting. Diskaen wei for aotem olketa nogud tingting hem barava helpem mi long olketa naet wea mi no savve sleep gud.

Praise wea mi kasem from waef bilong mi and olketa mature Christian savve helpem mi tu. Firstaem mi faendem hem hard tumas for acceptim disfala praise, bat gogo, Bible helpem mi luksavve hao love hem “bilivim evri samting.” (1 Corinthians 13:7) And tu, isisi, mi hambol for luksavve mi no fit for duim samfala samting.

Wanfala gud samting wea kamaot from olketa nogud feeling wea mi savve kasem, hem wei wea mi wanfala traveling overseer wea garem feeling for narafala man. Mitufala waef preachim disfala gud nius full-taem for klosap 30 year. Hapi wea mi kasem taem mi helpem narafala man hem savve helpem mi for winim olketa nogud feeling and for no tingim tumas olketa samting wea happen bifor.

Distaem, taem mi ting go bak long olketa blessing wea Jehovah hem givim mi, mi laek talem toktok olsem man wea raetem Psalm talem, wea sei: “Blessim Jehovah, . . . hem forgivim evri rong bilong iu, hem healim evri sik bilong iu, Hem sevem laef bilong iu from hol, Hem showimaot loving-kaeness and mercy long iu.”​—Psalm 103:​1-4.

[Footnote]

[Blurb long page 30]

Staka taem mi kasem guilty feeling and mi feel iusles nomoa. Bat Bible barava helpem mi for winim olketa nogud feeling hia

[Piksa long page 27]

Brata bilong mi José Luis and fren bilong mi Miguel followim nogud and gudfala example bilong mi

[Piksa long page 28, 29]

Famili bilong Morcillo 1973

[Piksa long page 29]

Mariví taem hem prisoner

[Piksa long page 30]

Mi witim waef, Soledad