Taem Raoa Kamap Insaed Marit
NO ENI hasband or waef wea garem gudfala tingting hem laekem raoa for kamap insaed marit, bat diswan hem samting wea happen insaed staka marit distaem. Plande taem, wanfala partner talem samting wea mekem narawan feel nogud. From diswan tufala feel kros, tok big, and gogo raoa kamap wea tufala talem toktok for spoelem narawan. Then, no eniwan long tufala laek for story long each other nao. Bihaen, taem kros hem go daon, tufala tok sorre long each other. Tufala stap gud moa—go kasem next raoa.
Evritaem pipol savve mekfani long raoa wea kamap insaed long marit, bat really hem no fani samting. Tru nao, wanfala wise toktok long Bible sei: “Toktok wea man talem and no tingting gud savve olsem sword wea katem man.” (Proverbs 12:18, Today’s English Version) Tru tumas, raf toktok savve spoelem feeling bilong man for longtaem bihaen raoa hem finis. Wei for argue savve lead go long raf fasin tu.—Exodus 21:18.
Hem tru, from olketa man no perfect, samfala taem hem no savve missim olketa problem insaed marit. (Genesis 3:16; 1 Corinthians 7:28) Nomata olsem, sapos big raoa hem kamap olowe, man shud no tingse diswan hem normal nomoa. Olketa man wea duim research sei staka taem, wei wea hasband and waef raoa olowe savve lead go long divorce. Dastawe, hem barava important for iu and partner bilong iu for lane for deal witim olketa raoa long wei bilong peace.
Ting Raonem Samting wea Happen
Sapos iutufala partner bilong iu argue olowe, trae for luksavve wanem nao mekem raoa kamap. Wanem nao savve happen taem iu and partner bilong iu no agree long wanfala samting? Waswe, evritaem story bilong iutufala hem go difren gogo iutufala faerem nogud toktok long each other and accusim each other tu? Sapos olsem, wanem nao iu savve duim?
Fasfala samting, lukluk gud long iuseleva long honest wei, hao maet iu tu mekem datfala problem for kamap. Waswe, iu savve kros kwiktaem? Waswe, wei bilong iu hem for argue olowe? Waswe, partner bilong iu tingse iu man for argue? Hem important for tingim disfala lastfala kwestin bikos iu and partner bilong iu maet garem difren idea long wanem nao raoa, and wanem nao story nomoa.
Olsem example, maet hem wei bilong partner bilong iu for stap kwaet, bat hem wei bilong iu for tok stret and tok witim strongfala feeling. Maet iu sei: “Taem mi growap, hem nao wei bilong evriwan insaed famili bilong mi for story. Mifala no raoa ia!” And maet for iu datwan hem no wei for raoa. Nomata olsem, maet partner bilong iu ting long wei bilong iu for no hol bak for tok hem olsem iu argue, and hem feel nogud long datwan. Taem iu luksavve hao iu and partner bilong iu garem difren wei for story, diswan savve help for stap klia long wei for no minim each other.
Remember tu hao wei for argue hem no evritaem minim man hem singaot big. Paul raet olsem for olketa Christian: “Aotem from iufala . . . fasin for singaot and tok spoelem narawan.” (Ephesians 4:31) “Fasin for singaot” hem minim man tok big, bat fasin for “tok spoelem narawan” hem minim samting wea man talem. Diswan minim nomata man tok smol, sapos hem mekem narawan feel kros or tok daonem narawan, datwan hem wei for argue.
Taem iu tingim evri samting hia, ting go bak long hao iu deal witim wei wea iu and partner bilong iu no agree long samting. Waswe, hem wei bilong iu for argue olowe? Iumi lukim finis hao ansa bilong datfala kwestin hem depend long tingting bilong partner bilong iu sapos iu man for raoa or nomoa. No sei partner bilong iu hem garem fasin for kwiktaem feel nogud, bat trae for lukim iuseleva olsem hao hem lukim iu, and change. Paul hem raet olsem: “Hem gud for evri man gohed for luk aotem, no gudfala samting for hemseleva, bat for narafala man.”—1 Corinthians 10:24.
“Tingting Gud Abaotem Hao Iufala Lisin”
Narafala wei for deal witim raoa hem stap long disfala toktok bilong Jesus: “Tingting gud abaotem hao iufala lisin.” (Luke 8:18) Long hia Jesus no storyim wei for story tugeta insaed marit, bat principle bilong hem fitim marit. Waswe, iu savve lisin gud long partner bilong iu? Or waswe, iu nating lisin nomoa? Waswe, wei bilong iu hem for kwiktaem givim ansa long olketa problem wea iu no minim gud? Bible hem sei: “Man hem krangge sapos hem ansarem samting bifor hem herem, and hem fit for kasem shame.” (Proverbs 18:13) So taem raoa kamap, iu and partner bilong iu mas storyim datwan and really lisin long each other.
No ting smol long tingting bilong partner bilong iu, traem best for “minim feeling bilong narawan.” (1 Peter 3:8) Long Greek languis bifor, disfala toktok hem minim for safa witim nara man. Sapos partner bilong iu hem wari tumas long wanfala samting, iu tu shud wari. Trae for ting long datwan long sem wei wea hem ting long hem.
Isaac wea worshipim God hem duim datwan. Bible sei waef bilong hem Rebekah hem wari tumas long wanfala famili problem wea son bilong tufala Jacob hem insaed. Rebekah sei olsem long Isaac: “Mi barava heitim disfala laef bilong mi bikos long olketa dota bilong Heth. Sapos Jacob hem tekem wanfala waef from olketa dota bilong Heth olsem olketa dota bilong disfala land, beta wei mi dae nomoa!”—Genesis 27:46.
From Rebekah wari tumas, hem extram toktok bilong hem nao. Waswe, hem really heitim laef bilong hem? Waswe, hem really laek for dae sapos son bilong hem maritim wanfala dota bilong Heth? Maet nomoa. Nomata olsem, Isaac no ting smol long olketa feeling bilong Rebekah. Hem luksavve hao samting wea Rebekah warim hem fitim, and hem duim samting for stretem datwan. (Genesis 28:1) Trae duim sem samting next taem partner bilong iu hem wari long wanfala samting. Winim wei for ting long datwan olsem samting wea no important, lisin long partner bilong iu, respectim tingting bilong hem, and duim samting wea showimaot iu kea.
Lisin and Luksavve
Wanfala wise toktok long Bible hem sei: “Fasin bilong man for luksavve barava katem daon kros bilong hem.” (Proverbs 19:11) Taem raoa kamap big, hem isi tumas for duim samting kwiktaem, and no tingting gud taem partner bilong iu talem samting wea mekem iu feel nogud. Staka taem, diswan hem mekem raoa kamap big nomoa. So, taem iu lisin long partner bilong iu, traem best for no herem wanem hem talem nomoa, bat luksavve long feeling bilong hem tu. Kaen wei for luksavve olsem bae helpem iu for no feel nogud, bat for faendem botom bilong problem.
Olsem example, sapos waef bilong iu sei long iu, “Iu nating spendem taem witim mi!” Maet wei bilong iu hem for feel nogud and sei datwan hem no tru. Maet iu ansa olsem, “Last month, wanfala full day iumi tufala nomoa stap!” Bat sapos iu lisin gud, maet iu luksavve hao waef bilong iu hem no really ask for iu spendem moa taem witim hem. Maet hem feel olsem iu no tingim and lovem hem, so hem laekem iu for talem samting wea no mekem hem feel olsem.
Tingim sapos iu wanfala waef wea hasband bilong iu hem talemaot wei wea hem feel nogud long wanfala samting wea iu peim. Hem sapraes tumas and ask olsem: “Why nao iu spendem big selen olsem?” Maet iu kwiktaem trae for defendim iuseleva and storyim selen wea famili garem, or markem samting iu peim witim samting hem peim. Bat, fasin for luksavve bae helpem iu lukim hao maet hasband bilong iu no storyim selen. Maet hem feel nogud bikos iu no story witim hem bifor iu peim datfala samting wea kostim big selen.
Hem tru, each hasband and waef garem difren wei for disaedem haomas taem tufala spendem tugeta and hao for disaedem wanem for peim. Taem raoa kamap, leson wea iumi shud lanem nao diswan—fasin for luksavve bae mekem kros bilong iu katdaon and iu savve long really reason for samting narawan talem. Iu no kwiktaem nomoa duim samting bat followim advaes bilong James for “kwiktaem for lisin, slow for toktok, slow for kros.”—James 1:19.
Taem iu tok, iu mas remember hao wei wea iu story long partner bilong iu hem important. Bible sei “tongue bilong wisefala man savve healim man.” (Proverbs 12:18) Taem iu and partner bilong iu no agree long wanfala samting, waswe, toktok bilong iu spoelem hem or mekem hem feel gud? Waswe, toktok bilong iu blokem or openem wei for story and stretem problem? Olsem iumi lukim finis, wei for toktok witim kros and no tingting fastaem hem mekem raoa kamap.—Proverbs 29:22.
Sapos wei for no agree long samting hem kamap big raoa, traem best for deal witim main samting. Storyim nomoa samting wea kosim datfala problem, no blamem narawan. Tingim stret samting for duim, no tingim hu nao talem stret samting. Mas careful for toktok bilong iu no mekem raoa kamap moa big. Bible hem sei: “Toktok wea givim pain hem mekem kros kamap.” (Proverbs 15:1) Tru nao, samting wea iu talem and hao iu talem savve affectim wei wea partner bilong iu willing for waka tugeta for stretem problem or nomoa.
Goal Hem for Stretem Problem, No for Win
Taem iumi no agree long samting, goal hem for stretem problem, no for win. Hao nao iu savve stretem problem? Best wei hem for luk aotem and followim kaonsel from Bible, and olketa hasband nao shud duim samting fastaem saed long diswan. No kwiktaem for talemaot strongfala tingting bilong iu long olketa problem, bat tingim hao Jehovah ting long olketa hia. Prea long hem, and luk aotem peace bilong God wea bae protectim heart and tingting bilong iufala. (Ephesians 6:18; Philippians 4:6, 7) Traem best for no ting long samting wea iuseleva interest long hem bat ting long samting wea partner bilong iu interest long hem.—Philippians 2:4.
Staka taem, samting wea savve mekem problem kamap worse nao hem for letem wei wea iu barava feel nogud hem bossim tingting and samting iu duim. Long narasaed, wei wea iu willing for letem kaonsel insaed Word bilong God leadim iu bae mekem iu garem peace, wan mind, and blessing bilong Jehovah. (2 Corinthians 13:11) So, letem “wisdom from antap” leadim iu, showimaot olketa fasin bilong God, and kasem olketa gud samting olsem “olketa wea mekem peace kamap.”—James 3:17, 18.
For tok stret, evriwan shud lane for no letem wei for no agree for kamap raoa, nomata sapos iumi bae no kasem wanem iumi laekem. (1 Corinthians 6:7) Tru nao, followim kaonsel bilong Paul for aotem “fasin for kros, nogud fasin, fasin for tok spoelem narawan, and dirty toktok from mouth bilong iufala. . . . Tek aotem oldfala fasin witim olketa wei bilong hem, and werem datfala niufala fasin.”—Colossians 3:8-10.
Hem tru, samfala taem bae iu talem samting wea iu sorre long hem bihaen. (James 3:8) Taem datwan happen, tok sorre long partner bilong iu. Gohed for waka hard long evri samting hia. Gogo, iu and partner bilong iu bae kamap moabeta long wei for deal witim raoa.
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Thrifala Wei for Daonem Raoa
• Lisin long partner bilong iu.
• Respectim tingting bilong hem.
• Duim samting long loving wei.
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Samting Iu Savve Duim Distaem
Askem partner bilong iu olketa kwestin long daon, and no katem toktok bilong hem taem hem ansa. Then partner bilong iu savve duim sem samting long iu.
• Waswe, mi man for argue olowe?
• Waswe, mi really lisin taem iu talemaot feeling bilong iu, or mi kwiktaem ansa and katem story bilong iu?
• Waswe, toktok bilong mi here olsem mi tok kros or mi no tingim feeling bilong iu?
• Wanem nao iumi tufala savve duim for mekem wei wea iumi story tugeta hem kamap moabeta—especially taem iumi no agree long wanfala samting?
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Waswe, iu savve lisin?
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“Hem no tingim and lovem mi”
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“Iu nating spendem taem witim mi!”
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“Last month, wanfala full day iumi tufala nomoa stap!”