Ingene wokomeza umubano wanyu

NIWIHE ishusho y’inzu igeze ahatemba. Irangi ririko riravako, igisenge carageseye, eka mbere n’imbuga ntiyitabwaho. Biribonekeza yuko iyo nyubakwa imaze imyaka n’iyindi ikubitwa n’imvura y’ibihuhusi maze ntiyitabwaho. Yoba ikwiye gusamburwa? Si ngombwa. Niba umushinge ukomeye, n’impome zikaba zihagaze, kumbure iyo nzu yoshobora gusanurwa.

Uko ivy’iyo nzu vyifashe, vyoba bica bikwibutsa umubano wanyu? Twovuga ko ari nk’aho ibihuhusi bikaze bimaze imyaka n’iyindi vyonona ubucuti bwo mu mubano wanyu. Hashobora kuba hari ukuntu umwe muri mwebwe yawufashe minenegwe canke mukaba mwabigize mwempi. Ushobora kwumva umerewe nk’uko Sandy yumvise amerewe. Hashize imyaka 15 yubatse, yavuze ati: “Nta na kimwe caduhuza atari ukuba twubakanye. Kandi ivyo ntivyari bihagije”.

Naho umubano wanyu woba ushitse kuri urwo rugero, ntuce wihutira gushika ku ciyumviro c’uko ukwiye kuwusenyura. Kumbure urashobora kuwusanasana. Biva ahanini ku ndagano mwagiraniye n’uwo mwubakanye. Iyo ndagano irashobora gutuma umubano ugira itekane mu bihe bitoroshe. Mugabo none, indagano ni iki? Kandi Bibiliya ishobora gute kugufasha kuyikomeza?

Indagano irimwo ivyo utegerezwa gushitsa

Nk’uko inyizamvugo imwe ibivuga, ijambo indagano ryerekeza ku “kuba hari ikintu utegerezwa gukora canke kuba hari ico umutima ukugobera gukora”. Rimwe na rimwe, iryo jambo rirakoreshwa ku kintu utagira wewe wenyene, nk’amasezerano y’ivy’ubucuruzi. Nk’akarorero, umwubatsi yoshobora kwumva ko ategerezwa gushitsa ivyo kontara yo kwubaka inzu yateyeko umukono imusaba. Ashobora kuba atazi nyene gutanga ako kazi. Mugabo, arumva ko abwirizwa gushitsa amasezerano.

Naho umubano w’ababiranye utameze nk’ivy’ubucuruzi bitagiramwo inyiyumvo, indagano ijanye n’umubano w’ababiranye irimwo kwumva ko hari ivyo utegerezwa gushitsa. Kumbure wewe n’uwo mwubakanye mwararaganye icese imbere y’Imana n’abantu ko muzogumana naho hoza iki. Yezu yavuze ati: “Uhereye mbere na mbere [uwaremye umugabo n’umugore] yabaremye bar’uburyo bubiri, [maze a]vuga [a]ti Ni co gituma umuntu azosiga se na nyina, akabana n’umugore wiwe akaramata”. Yezu yongeyeko ati: “Ico Imana yamatanije, umuntu ntaz’akimature” (Matayo 19:4-6). Igihe ingorane zivyutse rero, wewe n’uwo mwubakanye mukwiye kwiyemeza mushikamye gushitsa indagano mwagizea. Umukenyezi umwe avuga ati: “Tumaze kureka kwiyumvira ivy’ukwahukana nk’aho ari wo muti wonyene, ni ho ibintu vyaciye bitangura kugenda neza”.

Ariko rero, indagano y’ivy’ukwabirana irimwo n’ibindi uretse ukwumva ko hari ico umuntu ategerezwa gushitsa. Ni ibindi biki birimwo?

Ugukorera hamwe birakomeza indagano yagizwe n’ababiranye

Indagano ababiranye bagize ntisigura yuko hatazokwigera haba ukutumvikana hagati yabo. Igihe amahane avyutse, bakwiye kugira icipfuzo gikomeye c’ugutorera umuti iyo ngorane, bitavuye gusa ku ndagano bagize, ariko bivuye ku rukundo rwo mu kanyengetera bafitaniye. Ku biraba umugabo n’umugore, Yezu yavuze ati: “Bituma batakiri babiri, ariko baba babaye umubiri umwe”.

Kuba “umubiri umwe” n’uwo mwubakanye bisobanura iki? Intumwa Paulo yanditse yuko “abagabo . . . bakwiye gukunda abagore babo nk’imibiri yabo bgite” (Abanyefeso 5:28, 29). Ku ruhande rumwe rero, kuba “umubiri umwe” bisigura kwumva ko urajwe ishinga n’ukumererwa neza kw’uwo mwubakanye nka kurya wumva urajwe ishinga n’ukumererwa neza kwawe. Abubakanye bakwiye guhindura uburyo bwabo bwo kwiyumvira, aho kwiyumvira ngo “rwanje”, bakiyumvira ngo “rwacu”, aho kwiyumvira ngo “jewe” bakiyumvira ngo “twebwe”. Umukenyezi umwe atanga impanuro, yanditse ati: “Abubakanye bompi bategerezwa kureka kwiyumvira mu mitima yabo nk’aho ari abirebange, bakiyumva mu mitima yabo ko bubatse”.

Mwe n’uwo mwubakanye, mwoba mwiyumva ‘mu mitima yanyu ko mwubatse’? Birashoboka ko mubana imyaka myinshi yamara ntimube “umubiri umwe” muri ubwo buryo. Egome, ivyo birashobora gushika, mugabo igitabu kimwe (Giving Time a Chance) kivuga giti: “Umubano w’ababiranye usobanura gusangira ubuzima, kandi uko abantu babiri barushiriza gukorera ibintu hamwe, ni ko ubuzima bwabo bwo mu mubano burushiriza kumera neza”.

Abubakanye bamwebamwe badahimbawe, bagumana kubera abana babo canke kugira bagume batekaniwe mu vy’amahera. Abandi bumirako kubera bafise ivyo bemera bikomeye cane bibabuza kwahukana canke kubera batinya ico abandi bokwiyumvira hamwe bosambura. Naho ari vyiza kubona iyo mibano imara igihe, mwibuke yuko intumbero yanyu ikwiye kuba iyo kugira ubucuti burangwa urukundo, atari gusa ubucuti buramba.

Ibikorwa bitarimwo ubwikunzi birakomeza indagano ababiranye bagize

Bibiliya yari yarabuye yuko mu “misi y’iherezo” abantu bobaye “bikunda gusa” (2 Timoteyo 3:1, 2). Nk’uko ubwo buhanuzi bwabibuye, ico abantu bashimikako muri kino gihe bisa n’uko ari ukwihayagiza kumeze nk’ukwisenga. Mu mibano myinshi, gutanga uzi ko ata co na we uzogirirwa bibonwa ko ari ikimenyetso c’ubugoyagoye. Ariko rero, mu mubano umerewe neza, abubakanye bompi baragaragaza agatima ko kwiheberanira. Ivyo wobikora gute?

Aho kuguma wibaza ngo ‘Uwu mubano uriko unyungura iki’?, niwibaze uti: ‘Ndiko nkora iki kugira ngo nkomeze umubano wacu’? Bibiliya ivuga yuko abakirisu badakwiye ‘kwiyumvira ivyabo gusa, ariko bakwiye kwiyumvira n’ivy’abandi’ (Ab’i Filipi 2:4). Mu gihe uzirikana kuri iyo ngingo ngenderwako ya Bibiliya, nusuzume ivyo wakoze mu ndwi iheze. Ni kangahe wakoze ikintu kiranga umutima mwiza, urondera gusa inyungu y’uwo mwubakanye? Igihe uwo mwubakanye yashaka kuvuga, woba warumvirije naho utumva ko ushaka kuvyumviriza? Ni ibikorwa bingana gute wakoze vyashimishije uwo mwubakanye kuruta uko wewe vyagushimishije?

Igihe usuzuma ibibazo nk’ivyo, ntubabazwe n’uko ibikorwa vyiza ukora bitazobonwa canke ngo ubishimirwe. Igitabu kimwe kivuga giti: “Mu migenderanire itari mike, inyifato nziza irandukira, ari na co gituma wogira uko ushoboye kugira ngo uremeshe uwo mwubakanye kugira inyifato nziza mu kurushiriza kuyigira wewe ubwawe”. Ibikorwa biranga ukwiheberanira birakomeza umubano wanyu kubera ko vyerekana yuko uwuha agaciro kandi ushaka kuwuzigama.

Kubona ko umubano uzoramba ni ikintu ntahara

Yehova Imana araha agaciro ukudahemuka. Kukaba nkako, Bibiliya ivuga iti: “Ku [“ntahemuka,” NW] [wewe Yehova] uzokwiyerekana ur’[“intahemuka,” NW]” (2 Samweli 22:26). Kuguma uri intahemuka ku Mana birimwo kuguma uri intahemuka ku ndinganizo y’ivy’umubano w’ababiranye Imana yatanguje.​—Itanguriro 2:24.

Niba wewe n’uwo mwubakanye mudahemukiranira, murumva yuko umubano wanyu uzoramba. Igihe mwiyumvira amezi, imyaka nk’ingahe canke mirongo iri imbere, muriha ishusho muri kumwe. Iciyumviro c’uko mutazoba mwubakanye ntikiruha kiza no mu bwenge, kandi ukubona ibintu muri ubwo buryo biratuma ubucuti bwanyu butekanirwa. Umukenyezi umwe avuga ati: “N’igihe nyene nshavuriye [umugabo wanje] kandi nkaba nshavujwe canecane n’ibiriko biradushikira, simpagarika umutima yuko umubano wacu ugiye gusambuka. Ndazwa ishinga n’ukuntu twosubiza hamwe. Sinkekeranya na buhorobuhoro yuko tugiye gusubiza hamwe, mugabo sinca mbona ukuntu twobigenza”.

Kubona ko umubano uzoramba ni ikintu ntahara kiri mu bigize indagano wagiraniye n’uwo mwubakanye, naho usanga kibuze mu mibano myinshi. Igihe abubakanye bahazutse, umwe muri bo ashobora kwadukana amajambo nk’aya ngo “Ndaguhevye!” canke ngo “Ngiye kwironderera uwumpa agaciro koko!” Ego ni ko, amajambo nk’ayo akenshi ntaba avuye ku mutima. Ariko Bibiliya irerekana yuko ururimi rushobora kuba ‘rwuzuye ubumara bwica’ (Yakobo 3:8). Ayo majambo y’iterabwoba nta ho ataniye n’ukuvuga ngo: ‘Simbona yuko umubano wacu uzoramba. Nshobora kubivamwo igihe ico ari co cose’. Kuvuga ikintu nk’ico birashobora gusambura umubano w’ababiranye.

Igihe ubona ko umubano uzoramba, witega kubana n’uwo mwubakanye mu marushwa yose yobashikira. Ivyo birimwo akunguko karushirije. Bizotuma wewe n’uwo mwubakanye mworoherwa cane no kwemera ubugoyagoye be n’amakosa kandi mubandanye kwihanganiranira no guharirana ata kangonongono (Ab’i Kolosayi 3:13). Agatabu kamwe kavuga gati: “Mu mubano w’ababiranye mwiza, birashoboka ko mwempi mukora amakosa, be n’uko umubano uguma ushikamye naho ivyo vyoshika”.

Igihe wagira ubugeni, ntiwagiriye indagano urwego ruraba ivy’ukwabirana, ariko wayigiriye umuntu muzima, ni ukuvuga uwo mwubakanye. Ico kintu gikwiye kugira akosho gakomeye ku buryo wiyumvira ubu no ku buryo ukora uko uri umuntu yubatse. Ntiwemera none yuko ukwiye kugumana n’uwo mwubakanye bitavuye gusa ku kuba wemera mu buryo bukomeye ubweranda bw’umubano w’ababiranye ariko kandi bivuye ku rukundo ukunda uwo muntu mwabiranye?

[Akajambo k’epfo]

[Uruzitiro/Ifoto ku rup. 5]

Ico wokora ubu

Umubano wanyu ukomeye ku rugero rungana iki uravye indagano mwagize? Kumbure urabona aho mworyohora. Kugira ukomeze indagano yawe, gerageza ibi bikurikira:

● Niwisuzume. Ibaze uti: ‘Noba numva vy’ukuri ko mu mutima wanje nubatse, canke ndaciyumvira nkongera ngakora ibintu nk’aho noba ndi umwirebange?’. Nurondere kumenya uko uwo mwubakanye akubona muri ivyo.

● Nusome iki kiganiro uri kumwe n’uwo mwubakanye. Maze, mutekereje, muganire uburyo mwoshobora gukomeza indagano mwagiraniye y’ivy’ukwabirana.

● Uri kumwe n’uwo mwubakanye, nimuje mu bikorwa bikomeza indagano yanyu. Nk’akarorero, rabe amafoto y’ubugeni bwanyu be n’ibindi bintu vy’intibagirwa vyabaye. Kore ibintu vyabanezera mu gihe c’ukureshanya canke mu myaka ya mbere y’umubano wanyu. Nimwigire hamwe ibiganiro bishingiye kuri Bibiliya vyo mu Munara w’Inderetsi na Réveillez-vous! bivuga ivy’umubano w’ababiranye.

[Uruzitiro/Ifoto ku rup. 6]

Mu mubano w’ababiranye, indagano irimwo . . .

● Ivyo utegerezwa gushitsa “Ushitse ico wasezeranye. Wopfuma utagira ico usezerana, hak’usezerana ntushitse”.​—Umusiguzi 5:4, 5.

● Ugukorera hamwe “Babiri baruta umwe, . . . kuk’umwe niyatemba mugenzi we azomuvyura”.​—Umusiguzi 4:9, 10.

● Ukwiheberanira “Gutanga kuzana [“agahimbare,” NW], kuruta guhabga”.​—Ivyakozwe 20:35.

● Kubona ko umubano wanyu uzoramba “Urukundo . . . rwihanganira vyose”.​—1 Ab’i Korinto 13:4, 7.

[Amafoto ku rup. 7]

Igihe uwo mwubakanye ashaka kuvuga, woba wumviriza?