Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ndinokumnceda Njani Umzali Wam Omnye?

“Ukuba ngumzali omnye kufana nokuba ngumntu okwazi ukuphosa nokuganga izinto eziliqela ngexesha elinye. Emva kweenyanga ezintandathu zokuqhelisela, ekugqibeleni sele ukwazi ukuphosa nokuganga iibhola ezine ngexesha elinye. Kodwa wakuba nje ukwazi ukwenza oko, mntu uthile ukuphosela enye ibhola!”​—⁠Umzali omnye.

UMSEBENZI womzali omnye uyindinisa, ngokuqhelekileyo awupheli. Yaye ukuba umama wakho ungumzali omnye, ngokungathandabuzekiyo uyaqonda ukuba uyalufuna uncedo.a Kodwa njengoweshumi elivisayo, ujamelene noko omnye umbhali wakubiza ngokuba “lelona xesha licinezelayo neloyikekayo ebomini.” Kusenokubonakala ngathi kwaukujamelana nje nokuba ngoselula kuluxanduva ngokwaneleyo.

Sekunjalo, njengomzali omnye ocatshulwe ekuqaleni, umama wakho maxa wambi usenokuvakalelwa oyisakele, ezama ukuba ngumama notata wakho. Kuyinyaniso ukuba, uYehova akalindeli okungenakwenzeka kuye nabani na. Kunjengoko omnye umgaqo weBhayibhile usithi: “Into ebalulekileyo kukukulungela ukunikela kangangoko sinako​—⁠koko uThixo akwamkelayo.” (2 Korinte 8:​12, Phillips) Kodwa sekunjalo umzali omnye usenokuvakalelwa ephantsi kwengcinezelo enkulu. Ngaba ufanele ungayikhathaleli ingxaki yakhe, okanye ngaba unaso isizathu esihle sokuzama ukunceda?

“Bababuyekezele Umbuyekezo”

Kweyoku-1 kaPetros 3:⁠8, amaKristu axelelwa oku: “Elokugqiba, cingani nto-nye nonke, velanani.” Ngoko ubuncinane, ngaba uvelwano ngomzali wakho alufanele lukushukumisele ekumncedeni? Eneneni, “kwamkelekile emehlweni kaThixo” ngolutsha olungamaKristu ukuba ‘lubabuyekezele umbuyekezo abazali balo.’​—⁠1 Timoti 5:⁠4.

Ngoxa lo mbhalo ngokungathandabuzekiyo ubhekisela ekunikeleni uncedo lwemali kumzali ofelwe liqabane, ufundisa umgaqo obalulekileyo: Sibatyala abazali bethu okungakumbi kunoko sinokukwazi ukukubuyisela. Yaye xa beswele, kuyimbopheleleko nelungelo lethu ukuzama ukubabuyekeza. Ngokomzekelo, ulutsha oluthile lusebenzisa inxalenye okanye wonke umvuzo walo oluwufumene kwimisetyenzana yesingxungxo ukunceda ekuhlawuleni amatyala asekhaya. Oku kubonisa umbulelo noxabiso lokwenene!

Noko ke, uncedo lwemali yenye nje indlela yokubuyekeza umzali wakho “umbuyekezo.” Asikuko ukuba ufanele uzame ukungena ezihlangwini zomzali wakho ongekhoyo​—⁠oko akunakwenzeka⁠—​yaye akuyomfuneko ukuba uzikhathaze kakhulu, uvakalelwa kukuba unembopheleleko ezeleyo yako konke okuqhubekayo ekhayeni lakho. Oko kusengumsebenzi kamama wakho njengomzali. (Thelekisa IMizekeliso 31:​27.) Kodwa kukho iindlela ezininzi zokoqobo onokuzingqina ngazo uluncedo lokwenene kumama wakho ukuba ungumzali omnye.

Intobelo Iwenza Lula Umthwalo Wakhe

Enye indlela kukulandela nje umyalelo okweyabaseKolose 3:​20 othi: “Nina bantwana, balulameleni abazali benu ezintweni zonke; kuba oko kukholekile kuyo iNkosi.” Usenokukwazi kakuhle ukuwucengceleza lo mbhalo. Kodwa ngaba maxa wambi uyasilela ukuwuthobela?

Omnye umzali omnye ononyana okwishumi elivisayo usebenza iiyure ezininzi ukulungiselela intsapho yakhe. Kodwa uthi ngesingqala: “Unyana wam wenza kube nzima ukuphila xa engandithobeli.” Unyana wakhe uzithethelela ngelithi: “Ndim kuphela indoda ekhaya. Ndimkhulu kunomama, ngoko maxa wambi kunzima kakhulu ngam ukumthobela nokumhlonela njengentloko-ntsapho.”

Ubukhulu bakho okanye isini sakho asikukhululi kumyalelo kaYehova othi: “Ungasilahli isiyalo sikanyoko.” (IMizekeliso 6:​20) Umama wakho ulinikwe nguThixo igunya lokubeka imithetho okanye imiyalelo yasekhaya. Ufanele umhlonele yaye umthobele. Ukuba uyindoda, ngobubele uMama usenokuthi uyindoda yomzi. Kodwa yena uyintloko yekhaya! Yaye ngokumthobela​—⁠kungekhona ukuxambulisana naye lonke ixesha ekucela ukuba wenze okuthile⁠—​umenzela lula umthwalo wakhe yaye wenza kubekho uxolo kwintsapho yakowenu.

Ncedisa Kumsebenzi Wasekhaya

Enye indlela yokuwenza lula umthwalo womzali wakho ikukunceda ngemisetyenzana yasekhaya​—⁠ungalindi de ube uyacengwa ukuze uyenze. Unokuphikisa ngelithi: ‘Kodwa uMama akandiceli ukuba ndenze nantoni na.’ Okumangalisayo kukuba, oku kusoloko kunjalo. Kunjengokuba uCarol V. Murdock ebhala: “UMama omnye okanye uTata omnye uyagxadazela edlula kwigumbi lokuhlala esindwa ngumthwalo wempahla efuna ukuhlanjwa omkhulu ngokwaneleyo ukuba ugobe awona madolo omeleleyo​—⁠yaye abantwana abathathu abaze bayeke ukubukela umabonwakude.”​—⁠Single Parents Are People, Too!

Kutheni abazali abaninzi abangabanye befuna okuncinane kangaka kwinzala yabo? Omnye umama ongumzali omnye uqiqa ngelithi: “Andifuni intombi yam iphoswe kuko nakuphi na ukuzonwabisa ngenxa yokuba kufuneka ndisebenzile. Ndinoloyiko lokuba iya kundicaphukela ngenxa yoko.” Omnye wathi: “Ufuna ukubuyekeza ukungabikho komnye umzali ngokubenzela lula abantwana.” Noko ke, umzali wakho usenokuba neemvakalelo ezinjalo ngenxa yokuziva enetyala ngaphandle kwesizathu. Usenokuvakalelwa enetyala kuba ukuqhubeka nomsebenzi wempangelo kumenza angabi kunye nawe. Okanye usenokuvakalelwa enetyala ngomtshato wakhe oye awaphumelela, eqiqa ngelithi ubekeka ityala ngokuhlala kwakho kwikhaya elinomzali omnye.

Ngokutsho kukaGqr. Richard A. Gardner, umbhali wencwadi ethi The Boys and Girls Book About Divorce, olunye ulutsha luyisebenzisela inzuzo yalo imeko enjalo. Lufuna ukusizelwa yaye luyala ukuba nesabelo kwimisetyenzana yasekhaya. Noko ke, oku kusikhumbuza isimo sengqondo sokungakhathali esabonakaliswa ziinkokeli zonqulo zomhla kaYesu. UYesu wathi ngazo: ‘Zibopha imithwalo enzima, zibe ke zona zingathandi ukuyishukumisa nangomnwe lo wazo.’​—⁠Mateyu 23:⁠4.

Bonakalisa isimo sengqondo esahlukileyo. Kwale ukongeza kumthwalo kamama wakho; musa ukuyityeshela imisetyenzana yasekhaya.

Thabatha Inyathelo Lokuqala

Oku kusenokuthetha ukwenza oko kufuneka kwenziwe ngaphandle kokuba ucelwe. Qwalasela indlela uTony oselula awenza lula ngayo umthwalo kanina. Uthi: “Umama usebenza esibhedlele, yaye iyunifomu yakhe ifuna ukolulwa. Ngoko ndiyamolulela.” Kodwa ngaba lowo asingomsebenzi wamabhinqa? UTony uphendula athi: “Bambi bacinga njalo. Kodwa kuyamnceda umama, ngoko ndiyakwenza.”

Ngaphandle kokuncedisa ngokusebenza, unokwenza okungakumbi ukukhuthaza umama wakho ngokweemvakalelo ngokuvakalisa nje uxabiso. Omnye umzali omnye wabhala oku: “Ndisoloko ndifumanisa ukuba xa ndingonwabanga ngenene okanye ndicaphukile ngenxa yosuku obelunezilingo ngokukhethekileyo emsebenzini ndize ndifike ekhaya​—⁠olo lusuku intombi yam ekhethe ukulungisa itafile ize ilungiselele isidlo sangokuhlwa ngalo.” Wongezelela athi: “Unyana wam uyandigona aze athi, ‘Ungoyena mama ulungileyo ehlabathini.’” Uchukumiseka njani zezi zenzo zothando? Uqhubeka athi: “Sonke isimo sam sengqondo siguquka sibe sihle kwakhona.”

‘Qhubeka Uhamba Enyanisweni’

“Andinaluvuyo lungaphezu kolu, lokuba ndive ukuba abantwana bam bahamba enyanisweni.” (3 Yohane 4) Apha umpostile uYohane wayethetha ngabantwana bakhe bokomoya. Ukuba umama wakho ungumKristu, ngokungathandabuzekiyo uvakalelwa ngendlela efanayo ngawe; ufuna uhambe enyanisweni. Ngenxa yoko usenokulungiselela isifundo seBhayibhile sentsapho esiqhutywa rhoqo kunye nawe.

Ukuqhuba eso sifundo kusenokungabi lula ngaye emva komsebenzi odinisayo wosuku. Yaye ukuba awusebenzisani naye okanye uyakhalaza, isifundo sentsapho sinokuba yingxaki kuye wonke obandakanyekileyo. Ngoko yiba nentsebenziswano! Kulungele ukufundisisa xa ixesha elimiselweyo lifika. Wulungiselele kwangaphambili umbandela eniza kuwufundisisa. Ukuba nentsebenziswano kwakho kusenokuba yintshukumisa kanye umzali wakho ayifunayo yokugcina isifundo siqhubeka rhoqo. Xa usiya kwiintlanganiso zamaKristu yaye usiba nesabelo kumsebenzi wokushumayela kwindlu ngendlu ngaphandle kokuba uthundezwe, ukwabonakalisa ukuba uhamba enyanisweni. (Mateyu 24:​14; Hebhere 10:​24, 25) Ngale ndlela uqinisekisa umama wakho ukuba imigudu yakhe ayilambathi!

Iingenelo

IMizekeliso 3:​27 ithi: “Musa ukwala nento elungileyo kolunge nayo, kwakuba kusemandleni esandla sakho ukuyenza.” Ngokucacileyo, ufanele ube nenkxalabo enjalo ngomzali wakho. Yaye xa uyibonakalisa, ukholisa kungekhona yena kuphela kodwa noYehova uThixo. Enye ingenelo yile: Umzali wakho uya kuba kwisimo sengqondo esilunge ngakumbi ukukunika uncedo xa ulufuna.

Okokugqibela, ukunceda abanye kwakha iimpawu ezintle. Kunjengokuba omnye umbhali ephawula oku: “Abantu abaselula bafuna amathuba okuvakalelwa kukuba bayanceda yaye bayanikela kwabanye. Xa bengenawo la mava, ababi nayo la mvakalelo yokuziva bomelele yaye benamandla ahlala ehleli [abangelwa] kukwazi ukuba ungumntu olungileyo onceda abanye.” Kunjengokuba uYesu wathi: “Ukupha kunoyolo ngaphezu kokuphiwa.” (IZenzo 20:​35) Yaye unokuba nolonwabo olukhulu ukuba ukukhathalela ngokwaneleyo ukunceda umzali wakho omnye.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Imifanekiso ekwiphepha 14]

Oselula olivila okanye ongakhathaliyo wongezelela ingcinezelo kubomi bomzali wakhe . . . Lowo uncedayo ngomsebenzi wasekhaya wenza ube lula umthwalo womzali wakhe