Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ndinokukuphepha Njani Ukwenzakaliswa Kukudlala Ngothando?

“KUQHUBEKA ntoni ngawe? Kanti unentliziyo embi ngolu hlobo?” Enesingqukru yaye edidekile, uMichelle unkqangisa uEduard ngesizathu sokuba ambambise isisila sehobe. Angathini ukuvuselela uthando lwakhe, aze akugqiba athi akazimiselanga ntweni ngaye? UEduard uthi ebengenazinjongo zakumvisa intliziyo ebuhlungu, kodwa uMichelle akanakuze amxolele. Umgqala uEduard njengodlalani okhohlakeleyo.

Ukudlala ngothando kuthetha ukuvuselela uthando lomnye kungekho nto ozimisele kuyo. Ukwenza oko kuyenzakalisa kamva, kwanaxa kusenziwa lulutsha olusahamba isikolo olufuna nje ukutsalel’ ingqalelo kulo okanye ukuzigwagwisa. Yaye xa abo sebethe dlundlu noko nabasexabisweni lokutshata bedlala ngeemvakalelo zabanye, umphumo usenokuba ziintlungu ezingathethekiyo kunye neentliziyo ezibuhlungu.

Bambi oodlalani babatyumza iintliziyo ngabom abanye abantu, kwanangolunya, beshiya intlaninge yamaxhoba amsulwa ekrekrethwa ngumvandedwa. Noko ke, okubangel’ umdla kukuba, oodlalani abaninzi benziwa kukungabi namava kunokuba benolunya. Kwizihlandlo ezininzi abafana neentombi baye bangayiqondi indlela izenzo zabo ezizichaphazela ngayo iimvakalelo zabanye. Okanye basenokuphambukiswa ‘ziintliziyo zabo ezinenkohliso’ baze bazame ukulithethelela ikhondo labo lokudlala ngothando.​—⁠Yeremiya 17:⁠9.

Khawuqwalasele imeko kaEduard noMichelle. Kwasekuqaleni kwabo nje ukuthandana, uEduard wamcacisela mhlophe uMichelle ukuba nangona wayemthanda njengomhlobo, wayengenazinjongo zakumtshata. Sekunjalo, wayenamaxesha okumkhupha aze enze nezinye izinto kunye naye, ancokole naye emnxebeni, baphane nezipho. Wayede ambambe nangesandla. Kambe ke, uEduard yena wayeqiqa ngelokuba, lo gama nje engazibikanga, wayengenatyala. Ngoko waba yinkuku esikw’ umlomo xa uMichelle wamxelela indlela amthanda ngayo.

Sekunjalo, kucacile ukuba uEduard wavumela intliziyo yakhe yamkhohlisa. Ungakuphepha njani ke wena ukwenza impazamo efanayo? Yaye ngaba kukho ndlela ithile ongakuphepha ngayo ukwenzakaliswa kukudlala ngothando?

Ukudlala Ngothando Kuyamenzakalisa Nodlalani

Okokuqala, umele uqonde ukuba ukuphatha omnye ngokungathi unomdla wokutshata naye ngoxa ungenawo oko kukuxoka, qwaba ke. Udlalani uphila ubomi obumbaxa benkohlakalo. Ulindele ukuba abanye banyaniseke kuye, kodwa yena utshila ngasidanga simbi. Ufana nomrhwebi owayephila ngexesha lokubhalwa kweBhayibhile ‘owayenamatye amabini’ awayewasebenzisa kwisikali sakhe sokulinganisa​—⁠elinye lilelokwenyani, kanti elinye lilelokuqhatha abathengi. Isenzo esinjalo sobumbaxa ‘sasilisikizi’ kuYehova yaye sikwanjalo nangoku. (IMizekeliso 12:​22; 20:​23) Kwakhona kusenokukuzisela igama elibi.

Umbhali uKathy McCoy ulumkisa ngokubhekele phaya kwinqaku elikwiphephancwadi iSeventeen ukuba ukudlala ngothando “kunokuthibaza amandla akho okwabelana nabanye ebomini, yaye kunokwenza ukuba abantu bacezele kude kuwe. Ekuhambeni kwexesha, ukudlala ngothando ngokungazikhathaleli iimvakalelo zabanye kuye kube ngamava adakumbisayo.”

Indlela Yokuphepha Ukuba Ngudlalani

Ngoko umele uhlolisise intshukumisa yakho xa uziva utsaleleke kowesini esahlukileyo. Ngaba ngokwenene unomdla wokutshata? Ukuba akunawo, siyintoni ke isizathu sokumnikel’ ingqalelo ngokugqithiseleyo loo mntu? Yaye ukuba ucinga ngokutshata, kusafuneka uziqeqeshe ukuba ube nolwazelelelo, unyaniseke, yaye ungabi lowexu-wexu xa uthandana nobani othile. IBhayibhile ichaza ulwalamano oluhle phakathi komfana owayengumalusi kunye nentombi eselula. Akakho owayelilulwane okanye owayebambise omnye iliwa; babenyanisekile yaye bephakelana ngezimvo zabo.​—⁠INgoma yazo iiNgoma 2:⁠16.

Ukuphila ngaloo migaqo kukwavelisa iziqhamo ezihle nanamhlanje. UJuan noAnaeli banexesha elingaphezu kweminyaka emibini ngoku betshatile. UJuan uthi: “Inye jwii into esincedileyo ukuba sonwabe ngokwenene. Ngegama nje elinye ndingathi, KUKUNYANISEKA.” Ukunyaniseka omnye komnye kubancede ukuba babeke isiseko esiluqilima abanokwakhela kuso uthando lokwenene. Kwincwadi yakhe ethi Loving Each Other​—⁠The Challenge of Human Relationships uLeo Buscaglia uthi: “Asinakuzibeka esichengeni ngokwakhela ulwalamano phezu kobuxoki, kwanokuba buncinane kangakanani. . . . Yinyaniso kuphela enokusenza sithembane ngokwenene nto leyo engundoqo kulwalamano oluhlala luhleli.” Kwakude kudala iBhayibhile yakubopha ngabande linye ukunyaniseka kunye nothando isithi: ‘Masithi ke sinyanisekile eluthandweni, sikhule ezintweni zonke.’​—⁠Efese 4:15; thelekisa IMizekeliso 3:⁠3.

Kambe ke, kwanobani ozama ukunyaniseka aze amis’ ingqondo usenokubandakanyeka kulwalamano olungayi ndawo. Kuya kuba kukunyaniseka ukuthethathethana ngokucokisekileyo ngalo mbandela yaye, ukuba kuyimfuneko, niphelise into ebekusithiwa mkhozi ngayo.a Noko ke, uErik wenza amadinga noIngrid ngaphezu konyaka ngaphambi kokuthi aqonde ukuba abanakutshata. Endaweni yokuba azichaze ngokuphandle iimvakalelo zakhe, wazama ukuhla nomcinga ngokuthe ngcembe. Yakuba inyaniso ivelile ekugqibeleni, uIngrid wenza esi simbonono: “Lonke eli xesha bendimlindile ukuba ade aphume entweni, suke yena wandigqebh’ olungophiyo!” Kubububele benkwalambisa ukufane uncekelele ukuqhubeka nokuthandana okunganik’ ithemba lakuphumelela. Yaye unokugqalwa njengodlalani ngokwenjenjalo.

Noko ke, ngokufuthi amagingxi-gingxi ekuthandaneni nokungaqondani kunokuthintelwa zisuka nje ngokusebenzisa isiluleko seBhayibhile esithi: “Makungabikho namnye ufuna okukokwakhe ukulungelwa; elowo makafune nokomnye.” (1 Korinte 10:24) Kunjengokuba umbhali uKathy McCoy ekubeka oku ngale ndlela: “Kuphaphele uze usabele ngokunenkathalo kwiimvakalelo ozivuselela kwabanye.” Ewe, sebenzisa uMthetho Omkhulu kulwalamano lwenu uze ‘ngalo lonke ixesha ubaphathe abanye ngendlela obuya kuthanda ukuba bakuphathe ngayo.’ (Mateyu 7:​12, The New English Bible) Khumbula ukuba nabanye abantu baneemvakalelo. Kuphephe ukwenza abanye bakucingele ngendlela ephosakeleyo kunokuba ubagxeke ngokuthi abakuqondi kakuhle.

Musa Ukwenzakaliswa Ngudlalani!

Ngoko, unokukuphepha njani ukuba lixhoba loku? Okokuqala, kuphephe ukuyiwela phezulu ingqalelo yowesini esahlukileyo. Musa ukugqiba kwelokuba sihlandlo ngasinye ubani ebobotheka luncumo sukuba enomdla wokuthandana nawe.

Kwanabanye abasele bedlulile kwishumi elivisayo banempazamo yokuthabatheka ngokukhawuleza gqitha. UJonathan wadumb’ intloko nguDeborah nakubeni wayedume ngokuba ngudlalani. Ngokukhawuleza baganana. Wandula ke, engabhungisanga, uDeborah waluphelisa olo lwalamano lwabo. Ezama ukuqina isibindi, uJonathan wazama ukuyiquma intlungu awayenayo, esithi: “Andimkhathalele. Ndizimisele ukuqhubeka ndizonwabisa kanye njengokuba bendisenza ngaphambili!” Kodwa emva koko wazogquma ubuso ngezandla zaza zee waxa iinyembezi. Uphi uDeborah xa kungoku? Wayesephinde wagana izihlandlo ezibini, sihlandlo ngasinye ephelisa ulwalamano kwangendlel’ efanayo.

Ngoxa ngokucacileyo uDeborah wayebekek’ ityala ngakumbi, naye uJonathan wayengekho msulwa ngokupheleleyo. Kuba, kwaJonathan lowo wayengudlalani odumileyo. Ngaloo ndlela wasebenza kuye siqu umgaqo othi: ‘Uvuna oko ukuhlwayeleyo.’ (Galati 6:⁠7) Ungenzi impazamo efanayo nawe. Ekubeni oodlalani besiba nomtsalane kwabanye oodlalani, ngoko akunakufane kwenzeke ukuba ube lixhoba ukuba ubaphatha ngentlonelo abesini esahlukileyo.

Kwakhona uJonathan waye wasilela ukubonakalisa ubulumko nengqiqo. IMizekeliso 14:15 ithi “onobuqili uyakuqonda ukunyathela kwakhe.” Ngamany’ amazwi, qiqa phambi kokuba wenze. Ngaphambi kokuba uthandane nomntu othile, buza kubantu abakhulileyo nabanokuthenjwa enoba loo mntu unodumo oluhle kusini na. (Thelekisa IZenzo 16:⁠2.) Ukuba uJonathan wayekwenzile oko, mhlawumbi ngewayefumanise ukuba uDeborah wayesaziwa ngokuzingca ekuqhubaneni nabahlobo bakhe.

Okokugqibela, ufanele uwazi umahluko phakathi kothando nentabatheko. UDeborah wayengazinzanga gqitha, ephandlwa ngokulula ngamanye amatyendyana abafana. Oku kwakufanele kumvul’ amehlo uJonathan abone ukuba lo mntu wayengamthandi kuyaphi. Uthando lokwenene luzinzile.​—⁠Thelekisa INgoma yazo iiNgoma 8:⁠6.

Ukudambisa Intlungu

Kusenokwenzeka ukuba endleleni esa kuthando lokwenene kubekho amagingxi-gingxi namahla-ndinyuka angaphephekiyo. Kodwa ukuba ukrekrethwa ngumvandedwa ngenxa yokuba kuye kwadlalwa ngothando lwakho, musa ukuphelelwa lithemba ebomini. UMichelle (okhankanywe ekuqaleni) akazange abe nengqumbo okanye ngokuzingca abe nenqala. Kunokuba azilibazise ngoEduard, waziphilela ubomi bakhe yaye ukususela ngoko uye wanandipha amalungelo amaninzi kwinkonzo yobuKristu. Kutshanje uye waganwa lityendyana elifanelekileyo lomfana.

De utshate, zihlonele. Akuyomfuneko ukuba udlale ngothando lwabanye okanye wenze amadinga nodlalani ukuze ufunde ngabesini esahlukileyo okanye ukuze ufumane umntu omthanda ngokwenene. Cezela kude kubantu besini esahlukileyo abafihl’ intloko okanye abanomdla nje wokuzigwagwisa. Yiba nolwazelelelo, unyaniseke, yaye ungabi ngozingcayo ngentetho nangezenzo zakho. Ngokwenjenjalo, unokukuphepha ukwenzakaliswa kukudlala ngothando.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 18]

Ukudlala ngothando kusenokukhokelela ekubeni kubekho ukungaqondani neentliziyo ezibuhlungu