Ubomi Bomtshato—Ukubenza Bube Bobonwabisa Ngakumbi

Yintoni enokwenza umtshato uphumelele?

Lukhokelo lukabani olunokukhokelela kumtshato owonwabisayo?

Zinokuconjululwa njani iingxaki zokuncokolisana?

BEPHENJELELWE ziincwadi ababezifunda ezingenkululeko yamabhinqa, uYasuhiro kunye nentombazana awayethandana nayo, uKayoko, baqalisa ukuhlalisana, benengcamango yokuba babenokuluphelisa nanini na ulwalamano lwabo. Kuphela kusemva kokuba uKayoko wakhulelwayo abathi bawubhalisa umtshato wabo ngokusemthethweni. Noko ke, uYasuhiro waqhubeka enamathandabuzo ngeli lungiselelo lomtshato. Xa kwakunokuvela iingxaki zemali nemvakalelo yokungafanelani, akukho nto yayinokubathintela ekuqhawuleni umtshato.

Ngaxa lithile emva kokuqhawula kwabo umtshato, yaye kungekho waziyo phakathi kwabo, uYasuhiro noKayoko baqalisa ukufundisisa iBhayibhile namaNgqina kaYehova. Emva kwethuba, ngamnye kubo wakufumanisa oko yaye wayenokubona iinguqulelo ezenzekayo kubomi bomnye ngenxa yokusebenzisa imigaqo yeBhayibhile. Bagqiba ekubeni batshate kwakhona. Ngoku, benembono kaThixo ngomtshato, bakulungela ukuzincama ukuze bacombulule iingxaki abanazo.

Yintoni eyenza ukuba umtshato wabo wesibini uphumelele? Yaba kukuhlonela kwabo uMyili womtshato. (Genesis 2:18-24) Ukhokelo olunikelwa ngoyena mcebisi womtshato unamava, uYehova uThixo, lusisikhokelo esisa kumtshato owonwabisayo.

Isikhokelo Esisa Kumtshato Owonwabisayo

Iingxaki zomtshato zinokuconjululwa yaye imitshato inokusinda ukuba omabini amaqabane asebenzisa oko uYesu Kristu wakuthethayo: “Uze uyithande iNkosi uThixo wakho ngentliziyo yakho iphela, nangomphefumlo wakho uphela, nangengqondo yakho iphela. Nguwo lowo owokuqala nomkhulu umthetho. Owesibini ke ufana nawo: Uze umthande ummelwane wakho ngoko uzithanda ngako.” (Mateyu 22:37-39) Nasi isikhokelo esisa kumtshato owonwabisayo. Indoda nomfazi bamele bathande uYehova ngaphambi kokuthanda iziqu zabo okanye bathandane. Olu lwalamano lusenokuthelekiswa nomsonto ontluntathu. “Ukuba umntu uthe wamgagamela oyedwa, bona ababini baya kumisa phambi kwakhe; umsonto ontluntathu awuhle uqhawulwe.”—INtshumayeli 4:12.

Ekubeni ukuthanda uThixo kuthetha ukugcina imithetho yakhe, indoda nomfazi bamele bayibeke imithetho nemigaqo yakhe engehambo yobuntu kwindawo yokuqala ebomini babo. Ngokwenza ngolo hlobo bazenzela umsonto ontluntathu ekuthi kuwo owona msonto womeleleyo ube luthando lwabo ngoYehova. Yaye eyoku-1 kaYohane 5:3 ithi: “Ayinzima ke imithetho yakhe.”

Oku kukhokelela ekuwujongeni umtshato njengelungiselelo elisisigxina. (Malaki 2:16) Siwusekele koku umtshato waso, isibini siya kushukunyiselwa ekuzicombululeni iingxaki zomtshato kunokuba sizibaleke ngokuzama iindlela zokuqhawula umtshato.

Ukubonisa Uthando Ngoyena Mmelwane Wakho Usondeleyo

Ukuze ube nomanyano olusisigxina neqabane lakho, umele ukhulise uthando lwakho ngalo, njengoyena mmelwane wakho usondeleyo. Olu thando alumele lube lolokuzingca. Phawula indlela iBhayibhile ewukhuthaza ngayo lo mgaqo: “Ninaluthando lunye, ninamphefumlo mnye, nicinga ntonye; ningenzi nanye into ngokweyelenqe, nangokozuko olulambathayo. Yithini ngokuthobeka kwentliziyo omnye ambalele omnye ekuthini ngoyena wongamileyo kunaye. Makangathi elowo axunele kwezakhe izinto zodwa, elowo makaxunele nakwezabanye.”—Filipi 2:2-4.

Enyanisweni, kunzima ukungenzi nanye into ngokweyelenqe okanye ngokozuko olulambathayo kweli hlabathi lizingcayo. Xa iqabane lakho lingathabathi inyathelo lokuqala ekubonakaliseni uthando, ukungazingci kuba nzima ngakumbi; kodwa xa unentliziyo ethobekileyo, ulibalela iqabane lakho ekuthini lelona longamileyo kunawe, uya kukufumanisa kulula ngakumbi ukuzicingela izilangazelelo zeqabane lakho. IBhayibhile isibongoza ukuba sibe nengcinga awayenayo uKristu Yesu. Wayesisidalwa somoya esinamandla, kodwa “wathabatha ubume bomkhonzi,” esiba ngumntu. Akuzange kuphelele apho, kodwa xa wayesemhlabeni, “wazithoba, waba ngolulamileyo, wada wesa ekufeni,” okwaba yingenelo kwanakubantu abangazange bamamkele. (Filipi 2:5-8) Ngokubonakalisa esi simo sengqondo, uYesu wazizuza iintliziyo zabaninzi kwabo babemchasa, yaye bexelisa uYesu nabafundi bakhe benza ngolo hlobo. (IZenzo 6:7; 9:1, 2, 17, 18) Okufanayo kunokwenzeka nakuni. Ngokujonga iqabane lakho njengelona longamileyo kunawe nangokuxunela kwizinto zobuqu zeqabane lakho, ngokuthe ngcembe usenokuyizuza intliziyo yalo.

Noko ke, ukujonga iqabane lakho njengelongamileyo kunawe akuthethi ukuba umfazi umele athobe intloko kubungqwabalala bendoda, njengokuba bekunjalo eMpuma. Bobabini indoda nomfazi bamele bamjonge omnye njengoyena wongamileyo kunomnye ngohlobo lokuba ngamnye akulungele ukuzincama ngenxa yomnye. Xa isibini sizibeka elubala iingxaki zaso sinolu phawu lokuthobeka kwentliziyo, sibonisa umdla wokungazingci omnye komnye, yaye xa silandela isiluleko sobuthixo, sisendleleni eyiyo yokucombulula iingxaki zaso. Ngoku makhe sicingisise ngesiluleko esithile sikaThixo.

“Isilili Masingadyojwa”

UYehova, owayila ilungiselelo lomtshato, unocwangciso oluyilwe kakuhle lolwalamano olufanelekileyo phakathi kwendoda nomfazi wayo. Xa wabuzwa enoba kuvumelekile na ukuba umntu amale umfazi wakhe nangasiphi na isizathu, uYesu Kristu wathi: “Oko ke ngoko uThixo akumanyileyo, makungahlulwa mntu.” Wabonisa ukuba kukho isizinzi esinye kuphela esingokwasemthethweni sokuqhawula umtshato uze uphinde utshate xa wahlabela mgama esithi: “Ndithi ke kuni, Othe wamala umfazi wakhe kungengaluhenyuzo, wazeka omnye, uyakrexeza.”—Mateyu 19:3-9.

Ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphandle komtshato, kwanaxa oku kusenziwa kusithiwa kuyathandanwa, asikokubonakalisa uthando konke konke, kubo bobabini abo babandakanyeke kuko. Indoda ethile kumbindi Japan yayithandana namabhinqa aliqela engatshatanga nawo. Umfazi wayo waqalisa ukukrokra waza wakhathazeka. Umtshato wabo wajamelana namanqam. Yafika yona imini xa esinye sezithandwa zayo sayixelela ukuba sasiza kumxelela umfazi wayo ngolo lwalamano lwabo saza safuna ukuba isitshate. Le ndoda izohlwaya ikhumbula oku: “Ulwalamano olunjalo alwenzi namnye ukuba onwabe.” Yaphuma kulo mgxobhozo emva kokuba yenzakalise iimvakalelo zomntu wonke obandakanyekileyo. Umgaqo weBhayibhile ucace gca kulo mbandela. “Umtshato mawubekeke ngeendlela zonke, nesilili masingadyojwa; ke abenza umbulo nabakrexezi, uThixo uya kubagweba.” (Hebhere 13:4) Ngokuthobela lo mthetho, ubani uphepha izifo ezidluliselwa ngeentlobano zesini, iingcinezelo zomtshato nokucinezeleka ngenxa yokuqhubeka nokuthandana okufihlwayo.

Madoda, Bathandeni Nize Nibondle Abafazi Benu

Kwakhona uThixo uye wamisela umgaqo oyintloko entsatsheni. Eyabase-Efese 5:22, 23 ithi: “Nina bafazi, walulameleni awenu amadoda, ngokokululamela iNkosi; ngokuba indoda le iyintloko yomfazi, njengokuba naye uKristu eyintloko yebandla eli.” Ukusebenzisa esi siluleko akuyondlwan’ iyanetha. UShoko, owayefuna ngegunya ilungelo lomyeni wakhe lokwenza izigqibo uyavuma esithi: “Kwakulucelomngeni olunjengentaba kum.” Enengcamango yokuba indoda ifanele ithenge indlu yakuba iyikhathule iminyaka yayo yama-20, wanyanzelela umyeni wakhe ukuba athenge indlu awayesele eyibonile. Noko ke, akuba efunde imigaqo yeBhayibhile ebandakanyekileyo, waqalisa ukumjonga umyeni wakhe ngendlela eyahlukileyo. Oko kwakubonakala njengokunyaba nokuba buthathaka, xa kwajongwa ngembono efanelekileyo, yayikukuthobeka okusengqiqweni, nokululama.

Lo mthetho ufuna ukuba amadoda ayazi into yokuba aphantsi kwegunya eliphakame ngakumbi likaKristu Yesu. (1 Korinte 11:3) Ngenxa yokuba iphantsi kwegunya likaKristu, indoda imele imthande ize imondle umfazi wayo kanye njengokuba naye uYesu ebathanda abalandeli bakhe. (Efese 5:28-30) Ngaloo ndlela, indoda engumKristu iya kucingisisa nzulu ngeemvakalelo, iminqweno nangeentsilelo zomfazi wayo ngaphambi kokuba yenze izigqibo.

“Kuvakalisiwe Ngetyuwa”

UHisako wayenengxaki ekuncokolisaneni nomyeni wakhe. Nanini na ezama ukuxubusha okuthile kunye naye, wayedla ngokuyiphelisa ingxoxo ngokuthi: “Hamba ngoyibonayo.” UHisako ukhumbula oku: “Ndicinga ukuba ukungakwazi kwam ukuthantamisa kwaba ngunobangela wengxaki yethu. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba kwakuya kuba yinto elunge ngakumbi ukuba ndandithethe ngendlela ezolileyo.” Namhlanje, yena kunye nomyeni wakhe bayakwazi ukuyixubusha imicimbi bonwabile. Le nguqulelo yenzeka xa uHisako wasebenzisa esi siluleko silandelayo: “Ukuthetha kwenu makuhlale kumnandi, kuvakalisiwe ngetyuwa, ukuze nazi ukuba nimelwe kukuthini na ukuphendula bonke ngabanye.” (Kolose 4:6) Njengokuba ukutya okugalelwe ityuwa kunencasa ngakumbi, amazwi acingisiswe kakuhle aza avakaliswa ngendlela yobubele kulula ngakumbi ukuwamkela. (IMizekeliso 15:1) Enyanisweni, ngokuba nolwazelelelo kwindlela enithetha ngayo, ngokufuthi ukungavisisani okukhoyo emtshatweni kunokuthintelwa.

Ewe, ukuthanda uYehova uThixo nokuhlonela imigaqo yakhe ngokwenene kuyasebenza. Ukuthanda uYehova kunishukumisela ukuba niwujonge umtshato njengomanyano olusisigxina yaye kuninceda ukuba nizimisele ukuwulondoloza. UThixo ulungiselele imigaqo efanelekileyo eya kuninceda niqhubane nako konke ukungavisisani emtshatweni nize nicombulule iingxaki zenu, ingakhathaliseki indlela ezisenokubonakala zinkulu ngayo. Kwiimeko ezininzi uqhawulo-mtshato alusosikhokelo esisa kubomi obonwabisa ngakumbi, kodwa ukusebenzisa imigaqo yeBhayibhile kusiso. Unokusizuza eso sikhokelo ngokuhlakulela ukuthanda kwakho uYehova. Kutheni ungafundi okungakumbi ngesiluleko sakhe ngokusuka kwincwadi enelona gunya likhokelayo emtshatweni, iBhayibhile?

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 9]

Xa Uqhawulo-mtshato Lungumbandela Wokhetho

NANGONA iBhayibhile ikuvumela ukuqhawula umtshato uze uphinde utshate ngesizathu sohenyuzo, ukukrexeza akuluphelisi nje ngokuzenzekelayo ulwalamano olukhoyo phakathi kwendoda nomfazi. Iqabane elimsulwa linelungelo lokwenza ukhetho enoba liyawuqhawula umtshato okanye akunjalo.—Mateyu 19:9.

UYasuko wajamelana nesi sigqibo. Umyeni wakhe wayephinde wahlala nenye intokazi athandana nayo. Uninazala wambeka ityala uYasuko waza wathi: “Nguwe lo wenza ukuba unyana wam aziphathe ngale ndlela.” UYasuko wayelila imini nobusuku. Abantu abaninzi babemnika amacebiso, kodwa akukho nokuba abemnye owayegxeka ikhondo lomyeni wakhe lokuthandana nomnye umntu. Ngoko, unina, owayeqalise ukufundisisa iBhayibhile, wamxelela oku: “EBhayibhileni, kucaciswe gca ukuba ukukrexeza kuphosakele.” (1 Korinte 6:9) UYasuko wakhululeka ngakumbi akuqonda ukuba kusekho imigaqo yokulungileyo nokubi kweli hlabathi lanamhlanje.

Ngoko uYasuko wenza ukhetho. Nangona wayecinga ukuwuqhawula umtshato kunye nomyeni wakhe, emva kokufundisisa iBhayibhile namaNgqina kaYehova wafumanisa ukuba naye wayengayiphumezi indima yakhe. Ngoko wagqiba ekubeni azame ukusebenzisa imigaqo yeBhayibhile ekucombululeni iingxaki zakhe. Waqalisa ukuyisebenzisa. (Efese 5:21-23) Ukhumbula oku: “Kwakungeyondlwan’ iyanetha. Ndandisoloko ndivukwa likakade lam amaxesha ngamaxesha. Izihlandlo ezininzi ndandithandaza kuYehova ndilila.” Njengoko waguqukayo, nomyeni wakhe waguquka ngokuthe ngcembe. Kwiminyaka enokuba mihlanu kamva, umyeni wakhe wahlukana ngokupheleleyo nentokazi awayethandana nayo. UYasuko uphetha ngelithi: “Ndeyisekile lelokuba ukuthobela iLizwi likaThixo ngokuqinisekileyo kuyingenelo.”

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 11]

Ukunganelisani Ngokwesini Noqhawulo-mtshato

IZIBINI ezininzi zikhankanya ukunganelisani ngokwesini njengesizathu esibangela ziqhawule umtshato. Isalatha apho ingxaki ikhoyo, incwadi ethetha ngenguqulelo ekhoyo namhlanje kwilungiselelo lentsapho enomxholo othi Sekkushuaritii to Kazoku (Isini Nentsapho), ithi: “Ilungiselelo lokuba neqabane elinye lomtshato nenkcazelo ekhoyo namhlanje ezaliswe yinkanuko yesini azihambisani. Umsinga wenkcazelo engesini uyalugqwetha uThando olukhoyo emtshatweni uze ulutshabalalise uthando oluqhelekileyo. Asikuphela nje kokubhengezwa kwesini kodwa iikhasethi zeevideo neencwadi ezivuselela inkanuko ezibonisa amabhinqa athengisa ngemizimba yawo ziyaziwexula iingqondo neentliziyo zabantu. Ngaloo ndlela, abafazi bathwele ubunzima bokuba neentlobano zesini ngokungathi bayadlwengulwa [ngamadoda abo], yaye xa amadoda engavunyelwa awakwazi ukuzilawula.”

Iimpapasho ezibhengeza ukuziphatha okubi, iivideo neenkqubo zikamabonwakude zibonisa isini esigqwethekileyo. Azifundisi oko kubangela ulonwabo lokwenene emtshatweni. Kwakhona ziyakutshabalalisa ukuthembana kwendoda nomfazi abamele bakuhlakulele ukuze babe nomtshato ophumelelayo. IPsychology Today ithi: “Ukulithemba iqabane lakho kukwenza ukhuphele kulo ezona mvakalelo zakho zinzulu nezona zinto zikuxhalabisayo, usazi ukuba liya kuzikhathalela. Ngoxa iimvakalelo zothando okanye uyolo lwesini zisenokuphela ekuhambeni kwexesha, ngokuqhelekileyo, intembelo ihlala ikho.”

Isini asinto ingundoqo ekusekelwa kuyo ubomi bomtshato obuphumelelayo. Umfazi owayeneengxaki ezinzima emtshatweni uthi: “Okwandikhuthaza ngokona kona ngamazwi akwincwadi ethi Ukwenza Ubomi Bentsapho Yakho Bonwabe athi: ‘Ngokuqhelekileyo, ukuba obunye ubudlelwane emtshatweni bulungile, ukuba kukho uthando, intlonelo, ukuncokolisana okulungileyo nokuqondana, kodwa konqaba ukuba isini sibe yingxaki.’”a

Eyona nto yokwenene ebangela ulwalamano lobuqu olusondeleyo phakathi kwezibini ayisosini kodwa luthando. Ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphandle kothando kulilize, kodwa uthando ngaphandle kokuba neentlobano zesini lunokuma. Ngokubeka ukuba neentlobano zesini kwindawo yako, kungabi yeyona nto isisiseko kubomi baso, isibini sinokubunandipha ubuqabane baso size siyicombulule ingxaki yokunganelisani ngokwesini.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 10]

Ukuhlonela imigaqo yeBhayibhile kuya kusinceda isibini ukuba sincokolisane ngokukhululekileyo