Ukuthemba Abantu Okanye Ukungabathembi

KUNOKUBA nzima ukwazi enoba ufanele ubathembe abantu okanye ungabathembi. Zombini ezi zinto zineengozi zazo, ngakumbi kwihlabathi apho inkohliso nokuqhatha kuxhaphake gqitha khona. Sekunjalo sonke sifuna abahlobo abathembekileyo abaya kusixhasa ngamaxesha kaxakeka. (IMizekeliso 17:17) Malunga neminyaka engamawaka amabini eyadlulayo, umbhali ongumRoma uPhaedrus wayichaza ngale ndlela le ntsinda-badala: “Ukuthemba abantu okanye ukungabathembi kuyingozi.”

Ukuthemba Abantu Kunokuba Yingozi

Kutheni ukuthemba ubani kusenokuba yingozi? Kaloku, khawuqwalasele isilumkiso esinikelwe kwiphephancwadi iPsychology Today. Lichaza abanye abathi bakusebenzise kakubi ukuthenjwa kwabo ngabanye abantu kanye “njengeengcuka ezambeth’ ufele lwegusha.” Licacile elokuba, ukuba kukho abakhohlisi abanjalo abasingqongileyo, ngokuqinisekileyo ukuthemba abantu ngokugqithiseleyo kuyingozi.

Ubani othemba abantu ngokugqithiseleyo usenokuqhatheka lula, yaye ngenxa yoko, kube lula ukukhohliswa nokuqhathwa. Omnye umzekelo ocacileyo wokuqhatheka lula yayingokaMhlekazi uArthur Conan Doyle, uyise womcuphi ophum’ izandla uSherlock Holmes. Ngowe-1917 amantombazana amabini aselula, uElsie Wright nomza wakhe uFrances Griffiths, athi ayedlala noohili kwigadi yekhaya lawo eCottingley, eNgilani. Ade enza neefoto zaba hili ukuzama ukuqinisekisa oku.

UConan Doyle, owayenomdla onzulu ekukhafuleni emva kokufa konyana wakhe, wawathemba waza wakholelwa neentsomi ezingoohili—njengokuba abanye abantu abaninzi ngelo xesha bawakholelwayo. Kwada kwasemva kweminyaka emalunga nama-55 kamva apho la mantombazana mabini avumayo ukuba ibiyinkohliso yonke leyo yaye ayebasike encwadini abo “hili” ngaphambi kokuba abafote. UFrances Griffiths wavakalisa umothuko kukuba kubekho ubani owayikholelwayo loo ntsomi yabo. Wathi: “Ndandingayazi into yokuba kungaze kubekho umntu onokuqhatheka lula ngolo hlobo ade akholelwe ukuba babekho ngokwenene abo hili.”—Hoaxers and Their Victims.

Ngaba uyawubona umgibe awabambiseka kuwo uConan Doyle? Ngokumfameka wayithemba ngokupheleleyo le ntsomi ngenxa yokuba wayefuna ibe yinyaniso. Umbhali uNorman Moss uthi: “Iingqondo zethu zinokuqhathwa zizinto esiziqhelileyo, size izinto singazijongi ngeliso elibukhali. . . . Maxa wambi, into siyamkela njengeyinyaniso ngenxa yokuba sifuna ibe yinyaniso.” (The Pleasures of Deception) Oko kuvumelana nesilumkiso esanikelwa sisithethi esingumGrike esaziwayo uDemosthenes malunga neminyaka engama-350 ngaphambi kweXesha lethu Eliqhelekileyo: “Akukho nto ilula njengokuzikhohlisa, kuba into ayinqwenelayo umntu udla ngokukholelwa ukuba iyinyaniso.” Ukuthemba nje iimvakalelo zethu kunokuba yingozi.

Kakade ke, usenokucinga ukuba lo mzekelo kaConan Doyle ubaxiwe yaye akunakuze uqhathwe lula njengaye. Kodwa asingabo abo baqhatheka lula kuphela abasengozini yokukhohliswa. Abantu abaninzi abaphaphileyo yaye ngokuqhelekileyo abalumkileyo baye baqhathwa baza bakhohliswa ngabantu ababonakala bethembekile.

Ukungathembi Mntu Kunokuba Yingozi

Noko ke, ukungathembi nabani okanye nantoni na kuneengozi. Ukungathembi mntu kufana nomhlwa. Kunokukhukulisa kuze kutshabalalise ulwalamano oluhle, nolusenyongweni nabantu abathile. Ukuhlab’ amadlala ngokugqithiseleyo nokungathembi mntu kunokukwenza ube ngumntu ongonwabanga kwaphela, ongenabahlobo. Kunokulonakalisa gqitha ulwalamano nabanye abantu nto leyo eyenza umbhali wasemaNgesini uSamuel Johnson abhale, “maxa wambi kumnandi ukuqhathwa kunokuba ungathembi mntu.”

Ukungathembi mntu kunokude kuyibeke esichengeni impilo yakho engokwasemzimbeni. Usenokuba uyazi ukuba iimvakalelo ezithile ezigqithiseleyo njengomsindo zinokukubeka esichengeni sokuhlaselwa sisifo sentliziyo. Kodwa ngaba ubusazi ukuba olunye uhlolisiso lubonisa ukuba ukungathembi mntu kunokwenza into efanayo? Iphephancwadi iChatelaine lithi: “Asingobantu abacaphuka lula bodwa abasesichengeni sokuba nesifo sentliziyo ngenxa yendlela abaziphethe ngayo. Uhlolisiso olutsha ludiza ukuba kwanokugxeka nje okuncinane, njengotyekelo lokuhlab’ amadlala nokungathembi mntu, kunokukubeka engozini.”

Nyathela Ngobulumko

Yintoni onokuyenza? IBhayibhile inikela icebiso elihle kulo mbandela. “Isiyatha sikholwa ngamazwi onke,” itsho njalo IMizekeliso 14:15. Ayithethi ngokuhlab’ amadlala okungakhiyo. Isikhumbuza ngokusengqiqweni ukuba silumke. Kuphela ngumntu ongalumkanga, ongenamava oza kulithemba ngokumfameka lonke ilizwi alivayo. Ngesizathu esihle umzekeliso weBhayibhile uhlabela mgama: “Onobuqili uyakuqonda [ukuqwalasela, NW] ukunyathela kwakhe.” Umbhali wemidlalo yeqonga wasemaNgesini uWilliam Shakespeare wabhala: “Ungaze uthembe iplanga elibolileyo.” Bekuya kuba bubuyatha gqitha ukuhamba kwibhulorho ephezu kwendawo enzulu enamaplanga ocinga ukuba abolile. Ngoko ke, ‘unokukuqwalasela njani ukunyathela kwakho’ ukuze ungathembi abantu abangafanelanga ukuthenjwa?

IBhayibhile isikhuthaza ukuba sikucikide okuthethwa ngabantu kunokuba ngokumfameka samkele yonke into esiyivayo. Ithi: “Indlebe iyakucikida ukuthetha, ikhuhlangubo liyakuva ukudla.” (Yobhi 34:3) Ngaba oko akuyonyaniso? Ngaba ngokuqhelekileyo asikungcamli ukutya ngaphambi kokuba sikuginye? Kwakhona sifanele siwacikide amazwi nezenzo zabantu ngaphambi kokuba siwamkele. Akukho namnye onyanisekileyo oya kukhubeka xa sihlola ukuthembeka kwakhe. Into yokuba sifanele sikuhlole okuthile ukuba kuyinyaniso ixhaswa nasisaci saseSkotlani esithi: “Lowo undikhohlisa kube kanye, lihlazo elo kuye; ukuba undikhohlisa kabini, lihlazo elo kum.”

Umpostile uPawulos wacebisa wathi: “Izinto zonke zicikideni.” (1 Tesalonika 5:21) Igama elisetyenziswe ngumpostile uPawulos ‘lokucikida’ lalikwasetyenziswa xa kucikidwa isinyithi sexabiso ukuze kubonwe ukuba sasisesokwenene kusini na. Umntu olumkileyo wayesoloko ekucikida oko wayekuthenga ukuze abone ukuba kwakukokwenene. Kungenjalo wayeya kufumana oko kwakubizwa ngokuba yigolide yeziyatha—into eyayibonakala njengegolide kodwa enyanisweni, ingenaxabiso.

Yiba Nengqiqo Yaye Ulungelelane

Kakade ke, kufuneka sibe nengqiqo kulo mbandela yaye singabacingeli kakubi abanye. (Filipi 4:5) Musa ukukhawuleza utyhole nabani na ngokuba neentshukumisa ezimbi. Ukutolika iintshukumisa ngendlela ephosakeleyo kunokulonakalisa ngokukhawuleza ulwalamano oluhle, olusenyongweni. Ngokuqhelekileyo kokona kufanelekileyo ngawe ukucingela ukuba abahlobo bakho bafuna ukukwenzela okona kulungileyo kunokuba ubatyabeke ngokuba neentshukumisa ezimbi xa kufika amaxesha kaxakeka.

Kwamkele ukungafezeki neempazamo zabanye. “Ukungathembeki komhlobo kuphelisa konke ukumthemba,” utsho njalo umbhali uKristin von Kreisler. Noko ke, ukungathembeki okunjalo usenokuba ebengakucebanga okanye usenokuba ubangelwe bubuthathaka obuthile yaye ngoku uyazisola. Ngoko ke, uhlabela mgama esithi: “Musa ukuhlala ucinga ngoko kungathembeki—okanye ukuvumele kukwenze ungabathembi abanye.” Musa ukuvumela amava abahlungu namabi akuphange uvuyo lokuba nabahlobo onokubathemba.

Lungelelana. Akukho sizathu sokuba uvale amehlo xa uhlolisisa abantu; umntu olumkileyo uhlala ephaphile. Kwelinye icala, uGqirha Redford Williams ucebisa ukuba sizame ukucingela ukuba abanye benza konke okusemandleni abo, sizame ukuqonda uluvo lwabo, size “siziqhelise ukubathemba abanye” kangangoko kunokwenzeka. Kunokuba kuhle ukuthemba abantu ngokugqithiseleyo kunokuba ungabathembi tu kwaphela.

Umbhali wencwadi yeBhayibhile yeMizekeliso uyavuma ukuba “indoda enezihlobo iyachithwa”—oko kukuthi, abantu baya kuzama ukukusebenzisa kakubi ukubathemba kwakho. Ihlabathi lizaliswe ngabo. Kodwa nika abanye ixesha nethuba lokuba babonise ukuba banokuthenjwa, yaye uya kufumana abahlobo, enyanisweni abaya ‘kunamathela kunomzalwana.’—IMizekeliso 18:24.

Ngoko, ngaba kukho nabani na okanye nantoni na onokuyithemba ngokupheleleyo ngaphandle kokoyika ukuba ukuyithemba kwakho kuya kusetyenziswa kakubi okanye ingathembeki? Ewe, ngokuqinisekileyo ikho. Inqaku elilandelayo liza kuxubusha ngokufutshane ngomntu onokuthembela ngaye ngokupheleleyo.

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 6]

“Isiyatha sikholwa ngamazwi onke; onobuqili uyakuqonda ukunyathela kwakhe.”—IMizekeliso 14:15

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 7]

Kwamkele ukungafezeki neempazamo zabanye