Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ndinokuyeka Njani Ukuxhalaba Ngolu Hlobo?

“Enye yezinto enokubangela uxinezeleko kumntu oselula likamva. Uhleli nje uxhalabile. Ngaba ndifanele ndimke ekhaya? Ndiqhubeke nemfundo? Inkonzo yexesha elizeleyo yona? Ndingatshati bethu? Usuka uminxan’ ingqondo ungazi ukuba mawubambe yiphi, uyeke yiphi.”—UShane, oneminyaka engama-20 ubudala.

NGABA uhleli nje uxhalabile? Uninzi lolutsha lukuloo meko ngenxa yeqela lezizathu. Phecana lithile elalenzelwe ukuba ngumkhomba-ndlela kubazali lantama oku: “Uhlolisiso olusandul’ ukwenziwa ehlabathini jikelele kumlisela nomthinjana ophakathi kweminyaka eli-15 neli-18 ubudala kumazwe angama-41 luye lwabek’ elubala ukuba ukufumana umsebenzi oncumisayo kuyeyona nto iwuxhalabisa kakhulu umlisela nomthinjana namhlanje.” Kulandela ukuxhalaba ngempilo yabazali bawo. Phakathi kwezinye izinto ezazifika ziwuthi hlathu iingqondo kukoyika ukufelwa ngumntu othe ngco ezintliziyweni zawo.

Olunye uhlolisiso olwenziwa liSebe Lezemfundo laseUnited States lwabhaqa ukuba eyona nto yayikhathaza ulutsha oluninzi lwaseUnited States “kukuleqa ukuphuma phambili kwizifundo zalo.” Kwaolu hlolisiso lwadiza ukuba luninzi ulutsha olukhathazeke njengoShane (lo simcaphule kwimbula-mbethe). Ntwazana ithile egama linguAshley, ithi: “Mna ndikhathazwa likamva lam qha.”

Kanti olunye ulutsha lukhathazwa kukungakhuseleki. Olunye uhlolisiso olwenziwa ngowe-1996, lwabonisa ukuba lusondele kuma-50 ekhulwini ulutsha kwelaseUnited States oluvakalelwa kukuba kwisikolo olukuso ugonyamelo luthabath’ unyawo. Luthe kratya kwizigidi ezisibhozo (ama-37 ekhulwini) ulutsha olwantama ukuba lunamntu lumaziyo owakha wadutyulwa!

Noko ke, asizizo zonke iinkathazo ezingaginyisi mathe. Ezona zinto zidla ngokuluxhalabisa kakhulu ulutsha oluninzi zezo zibandakanya unxulumano lwalo. Elinye iphephancwadi elijoliswe kubazali kwi-Internet lithi: “Umlisela nomthinjana udla ngokuxhalabela ukuthandana, kodwa eyona nto iwuxhalabisa ngakumbi kukungabi nabahlobo kwaphela.” Ntombi ithile efikisayo egama linguMeagan ikhala ngelithi: “Umntu wenza njani ukuze ahambisane namaxesha? Mna ndifuna ukuba nabahlobo.” Omnye naye onaloo ngxaki, ngumKristu oneminyaka eli-15 ubudala, uNatanael, yena uthi: “Abantwana esikolweni bayixhalabele gqitha indlela abakhangeleka ngayo. Uya kufika eyona nto iphambili iyindlela abahamba ngayo, abathetha ngayo kwanabajongwa ngayo ngabanye. Bayayoyika into yokuba babonakale bengaqhelekanga.”

Iingxaki—Siphila Nazo

Bekuya kuba kuhle ukuba besinokuphila ubomi obungenazinkathazo. Noko ke, iBhayibhile ithi: “Umntu, ozelwe ngumfazi, unobomi obufutshane obuzele kukuphazamiseka.” (Yobhi 14:1) Iingxaki—neenkathazo ezihamba nazo—siphila nazo. Kodwa ukuba uza kuziqhekez’ intloko ngeenkathazo namaxhala, uza kuzenzakalisa. IBhayibhile ikhupha esi silumkiso: “Inyameko yokuxhalaba esentliziyweni yendoda iya kuyibangela ukuba iqubude.”—IMizekeliso 12:25.

Enye indlela yokuphepha ukuziqhekez’ intloko ngokungeyomfuneko kukuzilawula. UAna oneminyaka eli-16 ubudala uthi: “Uninzi lwabantwana endifunda nabo bazikhathaza ngokukhulelwa okanye ukwasulelwa sisifo esidluliselwa ngeentlobano zesini.” Kodwa ungaphola ingqondo kuzo zonke ezo nkathazo ngokunamathela kwimilinganiselo yokuziphatha yeBhayibhile. (Galati 6:7) Nalapho, ayinakuba zizo zonke iingxaki zakho eziza kucaca okanye zisombuluke lula. Unokukuphepha njani ukuxhalaba ngokugqithiseleyo?

“Xhalaba Ngobulumko”

Abantu abaninzi baxhalaba de kuthi ntsii bangakwazi kwenza nto. Kodwa inqaku elikwelinye iphephancwadi elenzelwe umlisela nomthinjana lathi umntu ‘unokuxhalaba ngobulumko’ ngokwenza ukuxhalaba kumqhubele ekwenzeni okuthile ngemeko leyo emxhalabisayo! IBhayibhile inemigaqo emininzi enokukunceda xa ufuna ukwenjenjalo. Khawuhlolisise IMizekeliso 21:5: “Amacebo okhutheleyo ngokuqinisekileyo ayingenelo.” Makhe sithi, ngokomzekelo, ufuna ukwenza itheko lokudibanisa abahlobo ebandleni. Unokuphepha ukuziqhekeza intloko ngokuceba kakuhle. Khawuzibuze, ‘Kuza kumenywa bani kanye kanye? Ndifuna bafike nini? Ndifuna iphele nini into ebesidibene ngayo? Ndifuna izimuncu-muncu ezingakanani? Ziziphi izinto zokuzonwabisa eziza kuthandwa ngumntu wonke?’ Ukuba ucingisisa kakuhle, uya kubona izinto ziya kuthi tse okwendlela yenqwelo.

Noko ke, into enokukuqhekez’ intloko kukwenza nzima izinto. UYesu Kristu wathi xa wayecebisa ibhinqa elaligejeza ngokungeyomfuneko lilungiselela undwendwe lwalo: “Zizinto ezimbalwa, ezifunekayo, okanye inye kuphela.” (Luka 10:42) Ngoko khawuzibuze, ‘Yintoni oyena ndoqo wokuphumelela kweli theko?’ Ukwenza lula izinto kungakupholisa intloko.

Enye into onokuzixhalabisa ngayo kukukhuseleka kwakho esikolweni. Usenokuba akukho nto unokuyenza kangako ngaloo nto. Kodwa unokuthabatha manyathelo athile ukuze uzikhusele. IMizekeliso 22:3 ithi: “Onobuqili ubona intlekele azifihle.” Ngokuziphepha iindawo eziyingozi—kungekuphela nje iindawo ezikude nabantu kodwa neendawo ezingabekwanga sweni ezisisigqubo sezikrelemnqa—uya kuba uzikhuphile enkathazweni ngaloo ndlela.

Eny’ into eqhekez’ intloko ngumsebenzi wesikolo. Kusenokwenzeka unemisebenzi ebalulekileyo oyinikwe esikolweni ukuba uyenze ekhaya yaye uxhalatyiswa kukuba akuzi kuyigqiba kuselithuba. Nanku umgaqo onokukunceda kweyabaseFilipi 1:10: “Niqiniseke ngezinto ezibaluleke ngakumbi.” Ewe, funda ukubeka izinto ngendawo yazo! Jonga ukuba nguwuphi umsebenzi ongxamisekileyo, uqale ngawo. Landelisa ngoza emva kwawo. Ngokuthe ngcembe uza kubona izinto zilunga.

Cela Ukucetyiswa

Eseyinkwenkwana uAaron, wayedla ngokuzixhalabisa ngokuphumelela iimviwo zokuphela konyaka kude kube buhlungu isifuba. Nantsi into ayikhumbulayo: “Ndathetha nabazali bam ngale nto, bandisa kwagqirha. Wahle wabona ukuba intliziyo yam ingumqabaqaba waza wandichubela ngendlela ukuxhalaba okunokuwuchaphazela ngayo umzimba. Kamva abazali bam bandinceda ndaqonda ukuba ndenze konke okusemandleni am ukulungiselela iimviwo yaye ngoku ekuphela kwento endandimele ndiyibeke esweni yimpilo yam. Laphela lonke elo xhala, iintlungu zesifuba zanyamalala, yaye ndaphuma phambili kwiimviwo zam.”

Ukuba uthe nxolokotho ubhuqwa kukukhathazeka, musa ukuvala phezulu. IMizekeliso 12:25, ekucatshulwe inxalenye yayo ngaphambilana, xa iyonke ithi: “Inyameko yokuxhalaba esentliziyweni yendoda iya kuyibangela ukuba iqubude, kodwa ilizwi elilungileyo liyenza ibe nemihlali.” Ukuba nje uyakuphalaza ‘ukuxhalaba’ kwakho uya kufumana “ilizwi elilungileyo” eliya kukukhuthaza!

Okokuqala, usenokucinga ngokuphalaza imbilini kubazali bakho; basenokuba namacebiso amahle. Abanye abanokukuxhasa ngabo baqolileyo ngokomoya abakwibandla lamaKristu okhonza kulo. UJanelle oneminyaka eli-15 ubudala uthi: “Yayindikhathaza into yokucinga ukuba ndiya kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo, ndisoyika izinto endiza kujamelana nazo apho—ukusetyenziswa kweziyobisi, iintlobano zesini, nogonyamelo—de ndayithetha le nto nomdala webandla. Wandinika amacebiso obulumko. Ndakhawuleza ndomelela kuba ndandisele ndiqonda ukuba ndingayimela loo nto.”

Musa Ukuzibekela Amangomso Izinto

Ngamaxesha athile siba nento edla ngokufuna ukwenziwa, kodwa siyibekele amangomso kuba singathandi ukuyenza ngokwelo xesha. Ngokomzekelo, uShevone oneminyaka eli-19 ubudala wayengevani nomnye umKristu akhonza kunye naye. Wayesazi ukuba kuza kufuneka ihlalelwe phantsi le nto ithethwe, kodwa wayibekela amangomso. Uyalivuma elokuba: “Njengoko ndandiyityhalela ecaleni, yaba ngathi iyaqinisa ukunditya.” Kuthe kusenjalo uShevone wakhumbula amazwi kaYesu akuMateyu 5:23, 24, akhuthaza amaKristu ukuba azilungise ngoko nangoko iingxaki. UShevone uthi xa ekhumbula loo nto: “Ekugqibeleni ndazincama, kwatsho kwee qabu.”

Ngaba ikho le nto uyityhalela ecaleni—umsebenzi ongawuthandiyo okanye kufuneka ungqale umntu kodwa akukhululekanga ukwenza loo nto? Ngoko, qiniseka ukuba uyilungisa ngokukhawuleza, kuba oko kuya kukuzisela isiqabu.

Iimeko Ezithande Ukuba Nzima

Asizizo zonke iimeko ezinokuthiwa qhwii nje. Kukho ityendyana lomfana elibizwa ngokuba nguAbdur. Unina unomhlaza, yaye unina nomninawa wakhe baxhomekeke kuye. Njengaye nabani na ke, uAbdur ukhathazekile yimeko kanina. Kodwa uthi: “Ndiyawathanda amazwi kaYesu athi, ‘Ngubani na kuni onokuthi ngokuba nexhala ongeze ikubhite enye kubude bobomi bakhe?’ Kunokuba inditsho ndijikelezelwe yintloko le meko, ndiye ndizame ukuhlola ukuba yintoni enokuba luncedo.”—Mateyu 6:27.

Akuyondlwan’ iyanetha ukuzithenga uzole kukubi. Abanye baxinana luxinezeleko de bona bangazihoyi, bangatyi. Noko ke, incwadi ethi Helping Your Teenager Deal With Stress ilumkisa ngelithi xa ungasifumani isondlo, “akubi namandla okumelana noxinezeleko yaye uba sesichengeni sokuhlaselwa zizifo.” Ngoko wunyamekele umzimba wakho. Phumla uze utye ngokwaneleyo.

Ukuba uphulaphula eli cebiso leBhayibhile kungatsho kuthi xibilili: “Umthwalo wakho wulahlele kuYehova, yaye yena wokuxhasa. Akayi kuliyekela ilungisa lishukunyiswe.” (INdumiso 55:22) UShane, ocatshulwe ekuqaleni, wayekhathazwa likamva lakhe. Uthi: “Ndaqalisa ukukhokelisa phambili iLizwi likaThixo neenjongo zakhe.” Wahle wayibona into yokuba unokuba nekamva eliqaqambileyo ukuba uphilela ukukhonza uThixo. (ISityhilelo 4:11) Uthi uShane: “Ndayeka ukuzixhalabisa ngesiqu sam. Ndandinento ebalulekileyo yokucinga.”

Ukuba ubona ngathi uxhalaba ngokugqithiseleyo, khangela ezinye iindlela eziphucukileyo zokulwa nale ngxaki yakho. Funa amacebiso kwabo baqolileyo. Yaye eyona nto ibalulekileyo, phosela amaxhala akho kuYehova, ‘kuba ukukhathalele.’ (1 Petros 5:7) Ngoncedo lwakhe, usenokukubona kuphela ukuxhalaba kwakho.

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 13]

Zithi thaca ebazalini zonke iinkathazo zakho

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 14]

Ukuba uzilungisa ngokukhawuleza iingxaki, kuya kuphela ngokukhawuleza ukuxhalaba kwakho