Abazali Abangenamaqabane, Baneengxaki Ezininzi

“Zininzi iingxaki endijamelana nazo. Ngamany’ amaxesha ndihlala kwigumbi lokuhlambela ndilile. Inzima gqitha imeko endikuyo.”—UJANET, UMAMA ONGENAQABANE ONABANTWANA ABATHATHU.

ZININZI izinto ezibangela ukuba kubekho abazali abangenamaqabane. Ezinye iintsapho zisala zinomzali omnye ngenxa yemfazwe, iintlekele zemvelo okanye isifo.

Abanye abazali baye bagqibe ekubeni bangatshati. Ngokomzekelo, eSweden malunga nesiqingatha sabantwana balapho sizalwa ngabazali abangatshatanga. Ezinye iintsapho ziba nomzali omnye ngenxa yoqhawulo-mtshato. Uphando lubonisa ukuba abantwana baseMerika abangaphezu kwama-50 ekhulwini ngaxa lithile ebomini babo bahlala nomzali omnye.

Ukuqonda Ucelomngeni

Kuba nzima kakhulu koomama abasandul’ ukufelwa ngabayeni. Kuye kufuneke basingathe iimbopheleleko zeentsapho zabo ngoxa besesentlungwini yokufelwa ngamaqabane abo. Ukuzama ukuqhelana nale meko kusenokuthabatha iinyanga, kwaneminyaka njengoko bezama ukuhlangabezana nocelomngeni lwezoqoqosho nelokuthuthuzela abantwana babo. Lo mama ungumhlolokazi usenokukufumanisa kunzima ukusingatha ezi mbopheleleko zongezelelekileyo. Loo nto inokubangela umntwana angayifumani inyameko yomzali ngexesha afuna ngalo ingqalelo nothando ngokukhethekileyo.

Abanye oomama abangatshatanga idla ngokuba ngamantombazana aselula nangenamava. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba abazange bagqibe kwaukufunda. Ekubeni bengaqeqeshelwanga misebenzi ithile, badla ngokuba ngamahlwempu okanye bafumane imali encinane kwiindawo abaqeshwe kuzo. Ukuba abafumani nkxaso kwizalamane zabo mhlawumbi kubazali babo, aba mama baya kuba nembopheleleko eyongezelelekileyo yokufuna umntu oza kunyamekela abantwana babo. Umama ongatshatanga usenokuba nezakhe iingxaki, ngokomzekelo usenokuba neentloni ngemeko akuyo yaye usenokuziva elilolo. Abanye basenokuba noloyiko lokuba ukuba nomntwana kuya kwenza bangaze bafumane qabane lifanelekileyo. Abantwana abakhulele kwiintsapho ezinjalo, basenokungonwabi ngenxa yokungayazi kakuhle imvelaphi yabo nokunqwenela ukufumana uthando nenyameko yomzali abangahlali naye.

Ngokufanayo, abazali abaqhawule umtshato banezabo iingxaki. Abanye abazali basenokuba nengqumbo ngenxa yoqhawulo-mtshato. Ngenxa yokuziva bengaxabisekanga okanye bengathandwa basenokungakwazi ukubonakalisa uthando kubantwana babo. Oomama ekufuneka bafune umsebenzi basenokukufumanisa kuluxanduva ukukhulisa abantwana. Basenokuvakalelwa kukuba abanalo ixesha namandla okunyamekela iintswelo zabantwana babo, nabo ekufuneka bahlangabezane nokutshintsha kweemeko emva koqhawulo-mtshato lwabazali babo.

Ucelomngeni Abajamelene Nalo Abazali Abaqhawule Umtshato

Abazali abangenamaqabane bayazi ukuba iintswelo zabantwana babo azifani yaye ziyatshintshatshintsha. Kubazali abaqhawule umtshato, kusenokuba nzima ukufumana amathuba okunyamekela iintswelo zokomoya zabantwana babo.

Ngokomzekelo, umthetho usenokungabavumeli abanye abazali abangamaNgqina kaYehova abaqhawule umtshato ukuba bahlale nabantwana babo. Basenokufuna imvume esemthethweni yokubonana nabantwana babo ngexesha abanokukwazi ngalo ukuya nabo kwiintlanganiso zamaKristu. Eli lungiselelo linokwenza ukuba umntwana aqhubeke enxulumana nebandla lamaKristu, nto leyo enokubanceda kakhulu abantwana abanabazali abaqhawule umtshato.

Abazali abaqhawule umtshato abangafane babonane nabantwana babo kufuneka bazame iindlela zokubabonisa ukuba bayabathanda. Ukuze aphumelele ekwenzeni oku, umzali kufuneka akwazi ukukuphawula ukutshintshatshintsha kweemvakalelo zomntwana wakhe. Oku kubaluleke ngakumbi xa umntwana efikisa yaye eqalisa ukuba nomdla wokunxulumana nabanye.

Ukuze umzali aphumelele kufuneka azazi izinto umntwana wakhe anokukwazi ukuzenza, ubuntu bakhe nendlela acinga ngayo. (Genesis 33:13) Umzali nomntwana ngabantu abakuthandayo ukuncokola nokuhlala kunye. Basoloko bekulungele ukuncokola. Omnye uyakhathala yinto eyenzeka kubomi bomnye.

Kufuneka Ulwazelelo

Emva koqhawulo-mtshato, abantwana bayangenelwa ngokusoloko benxibelelana nabazali bobabini. Masithi abazali baneenkolelo zonqulo ezingafaniyo, omnye liNgqina likaYehova, omnye akalilo. Kubalulekile ukuba bathethe ngokukhululekileyo ngezo nkolelo ukuze baphephe ingxabano. Umpostile uPawulos wabhala: “Ukuba nengqiqo kwenu makwazeke ebantwini bonke.” (Filipi 4:5) Abantwana bafanele bafundiswe ukuhlonela ilungelo labazali lokuqhelisela iinkolelo zabo.

Umzali ongeloNgqina usenokunyanzelisa ukuya nomntwana wakhe ecaweni. Yintoni enokwenziwa ngumzali oliNgqina likaYehova? Unokwabelana nomntwana ngeenkolelo zakhe zonqulo. Ekuhambeni kwexesha umntwana unokuzenzela isigqibo ngokuphathelele unqulo, njengoko kwaba njalo ngoTimoti oselula, ekusenokwenzeka ukuba wafundiswa imigaqo yeBhayibhile ngunina noninakhulu. (2 Timoti 3:14, 15) Ukuba umntwana uziva emathidala ukuya kwenye inkonzo yonqulo, mhlawumbi into enokumnceda kukuqwalasela ingxelo yeBhayibhile ethetha ngoNahaman, owathi emva kokuba ebe ngumnquli wokwenyaniso waqhubeka nomsebenzi wakhe wokupheleka ukumkani ukuya kunqula endlwini kaRimon. Le ngxelo inokumqinisekisa umntwana ukuba uYehova uyamthanda yaye uyasiqonda isizathu sokuba aye kwinkonzo yonqulo olwahlukileyo.—2 Kumkani 5:17-19.

Ukuze aphumelele umzali umele akwazi ukufundisa abantwana bakhe indlela yokuqiqa aze ayiqonde indlela abavakalelwa ngayo. (Duteronomi 6:7) Liyinyaniso elokuba, abazali abangazange batshate basenokuziva beneentloni ngendlela ababephila ngayo. Noko ke, abazali abanjalo bafanele bakhumbule ukuba abantwana banabazali ababini. Abantwana bafuna ukwazi ngabazali babo bobabini, yaye bafuna ukuziva bethandwa, bangavakalelwa ngokungathi babakho ngempazamo. Ngokuthetha kakuhle ngomzali ongekhoyo nangokumphendula ngendlela anokuyiqonda amnike nenkcazelo ekufuneka ayazi umntwana, umzali unokumenza azive ethandwa.

Abazali bafanele bakhumbule ukuba ulwalamano analo umntwana nomzali wakhe lulo olunokumfundisa ukubonakalisa uthando nokuba nentlonelo ngegunya. Ngokubaqeqesha ngothando abantwana bakhe, umzali ongumKristu unokwenza ukuba babe nolwalamano oluhle noYehova baze bawahlonele amalungiselelo ebandla.—Genesis 18:19.

Kubalulekile Ukuba Abantwana Basebenzisane Nabazali

Abantwana abahlala kwiintsapho ezinomzali omnye bafanele baqonde ukuba ukuze intsapho iphumelele, kubalulekile ukuba basebenzisane nabazali babo. (Efese 6:1-3) Ukuthobela kwabo umzali kubonisa ukuba bayamthanda yaye bayawuxabisa umgudu awenzayo wokwenza ikhaya libe yindawo ekhuselekileyo neyolonwabo. Ekubeni unxibelelwano luxhomekeke kumacala amabini, abantwana abahlala nomzali omnye kufuneka bakhumbule ukuba bamele bamxhase umzali wabo kwimigudu yakhe yokuzama ukuba kubekho unxibelelwano entsatsheni.—IMizekeliso 1:8; 4:1-4.

Abantwana abakhulele kwiintsapho ezinomzali omnye badla ngokukwazi ukusingatha iimbopheleleko ngokukhawuleza kunabantwana abahlala nabazali bobabini. Xa eqeqeshwe ngothando nangenyameko, amakhwenkwe namantombazana anokuba nobuchule namava yaye anokuziva exabisekile. Kwakhona, abantwana banokunikwa imisebenzi ethile ukuze bancedise ekugcineni ikhaya licocekile.

Oku akuthethi ukuba injongo yomzali ongenaqabane kukuyeka abantwana bakhe baphile njengabantu abakhulu. Ngokuqinisekileyo akubobulumko ukuyeka umntwana enze ngokubona kwakhe.

Abazali abangenamaqabane badla ngokucinga ukuba kufuneka baphathe abantwana babo ngokungathi ngabahlobo abalingana nabo. Ngoxa bubalulekile ubuhlobo phakathi kwabazali nabantwana, abazali abangenamaqabane bafanele bakhumbule ukuba umntwana ngumntwana yaye akaqolanga ngokwaneleyo ukuba umzali angakwazi ukuzityand’ igila kuye. Abantwana bakho balindele ukuba ube ngumzali.

Intsapho inokuphumelela xa kukho intsebenziswano nolwalamano olusenyongweni phakathi kwabazali nabantwana. Njengoko besanda abantwana abakhuliswa ngumzali omnye, sonke sifanele siluqonde ucelomngeni abajamelana nalo abazali abangenamaqabane nabantwana babo size sibakhuthaze yaye sibaxhase.

[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 9]

Indlela Abachaphazeleka Ngayo Abantwana

Abazali abangenamaqabane badla ngokungabi nathuba laneleyo lokunyamekela mntwana ngamnye njengokuba bekuya kuba njalo ngabazali ababini. Maxa wambi umzali ongenaqabane uhlalisana nomnye umntu ongelilo iqabane lakhe. Noko ke, ulwalamano lwabantu abahlalisanayo ludla ngokungaqini njengolomtshato. Abantwana beentsapho ezinjalo bakhula behlala nabantu abahlukahlukeneyo.

Ngokutsho kolunye uhlolisiso, “abantwana beentsapho ezinomzali ongenaqabane badla ngokungaziphathi kakuhle, kunabantwana abakhulele kwiintsapho ezinabazali bobabini.” Noko ke, xa kuqwalaselwa olu hlolisiso kufunyaniswa ukuba ukungabikho kwemali yokuxhasa intsapho “ngoyena nobangela wokubakho komahluko kwindlela abakhula ngayo aba bantwana.” Kakade ke, oku akuthethi ukuba abantwana abakhulele kwiintsapho ezinomzali omnye abayi kuphumelela ebomini. Xa beqeqeshwe kakuhle, banokuphumelela.