“Owona Matshini Ugqwesileyo Ngokufunda”

KUTHIWA ubuchopho bosana “ngowona matshini ugqwesileyo ngokufunda” ibe kutshiwo ngezizathu ezivakalayo. Usana luzalwa sele lukulungele ukuzigcina engqondweni izinto oluzibonayo, oluzivayo nezenzeka kufutshane nalo.a

Ngaphezu koko, usana luba nomdla kwabanye abantu—ubuso babo, amazwi abo nokuphathwa ngabo. Incwadi kaPenelope Leach enomxholo othi Babyhood ithi: “Kuye kwafundwa izinto ezininzi ngezinto oluba nomdla kakhulu kuzo usana xa luzibona, izandi eziye zitsale zize zithimbe ingqalelo yalo nezinto oluye luthande ukumane luziphinda. Amaxesha amaninzi zonke ezi zinto ziye zenziwe ngumntu ohlala nalo.” Akumangalisi ke ngoko ukubona indima edlalwa ngabazali ekukhuleni komntwana!

‘Ndandithetha Okosana’

Abazali noogqirha babantwana bayakhwankqiswa yindlela usana olukwazi ngayo ukufunda ulwimi ngokuluva nje luthethwa. Abaphandi baye bafumanisa ukuba kwiintsuku nje ezingephi usana luyaqhelana nelizwi likanina yaye lukhetha lona kunelomntu olungamaziyo; ngeeveki nje ezimbalwa luyakwazi ukwahlula phakathi kolwimi oluthethwa ngabazali balo nezinye iilwimi; yaye ngeenyanga nje ezimbalwa sele lukwazi ukwahlukanisa amagama yaye ngenxa yoko luyawazi umahluko phakathi kwentetho evakalayo nezandi nje ezingenantsingiselo.

Umpostile uPawulos owayengumKristu wabhala wathi: “Xa ndandilusana, ndandifudula ndithetha ngokosana.” (1 Korinte 13:11) Luthetha njani usana? Ludla ngokubhibhidla amazinyo. Ngaba leyo yingxolo nje engenamsebenzi? Akunjalo! Kwincwadi yakhe ethi What’s Going On in There?—How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years of Life, uGqr. Lise Eliot uthi, ukuthetha “bubuchule obuntsonkothileyo obufuna intsebenziswano phakathi kwezihlunu ezininzi ezilawula imilebe, ulwimi, inkalakahla nengqula.” Walek’ umsundulu esithi: “Nangona usana lusenokubonakala ngathi lubhibhidla amazinyo kuba nje lufuna ukuhoywa, oku kukwayindlela yokuqeqesha izihlunu ukuba zilungele ukuthetha.”

Abazali baye baluteketise usana lwabo xa lusenza ezi zandi yaye oko kuyanceda. Usana luye luphendule xa luteketiswa. Ukudlala okunjalo phakathi kosana nabazali balo kulufundisa indlela yokuncokola—nto leyo oluza kuyenza ubomi balo bonke.

Ukutshintsha Kwendima Yabazali Njengoko Usana Lukhula

Abazali bahlala bexakekile njengoko bekhulisa usana lwabo. Xa usana lukhala, kufuneka kubekho umntu wokulutyisa. Xa lukhala kwakhona, kufuneka kubekho umntu wokutshintsha ilweyile. Luphinde lukhale kwakhona kuze kufuneke lufunqulwe. Kuyafuneka yaye kubalulekile ukuba usana lunyanyekelwe ngaloo ndlela. Le yeyona ndlela abazali abayifeza ngayo indima yabo yokunyamekela usana lwabo.—1 Tesalonika 2:7.

Xa ucinga ngezi zinto zingasentla, siyaqondakala isizathu sokuba usana lucinge ukuba lungoyena mntu ubalulekileyo emhlabeni nokuba abazali balo bakho ukuze benze yonke into oluyifunayo. Loo mbono iphosakele kodwa ke siyaqondakala isizathu sokuba usana lucinge njalo. Ukhumbule kaloku ukuba kuye kwadlula ixesha elingaphezu konyaka wonk’ umntu ehoye olu sana. Ngenxa yoko lucinga ukuba lungukumkani onezicaka ezininzi. Umcebisi weentsapho uJohn Rosemond uthi: “Kuthatha iminyaka emibini ukwenza usana lucinge ngolu hlobo; ukanti kuthatha elishumi elinesithandathu ukuyilungisa le mbono. Into ehlekisayo kukuba konke oku kwenziwa ngumzali: uqala ngokwenza umntwana wakhe akholelwe ukuba ungukumkani okanye ukumkanikazi aze kamva aphinde amfundise ukuba eneneni akunjalo.”

Xa eneminyaka emibini, umntwana utsho abone ukuba eneneni asinguye ophetheyo njengoko abazali bakhe beyeka ukwenza yonk’ into ayifunayo baze baqalise ukumyalela. Ngoku utsho aqonde ukuba asingobazali abathobela imiyalelo yakhe; kunoko nguye ofanele athobele imiyalelo yabo. Umntwana usenokuqalisa ukungonwabi xa lo nomgogwana wobukumkani bakhe ebhukuqwa. Ngenxa yoko uye azame ukuzilwela. Njani?

Xa Eqalisa Ukungalawuleki

Xa bemalunga neminyaka emibini ubudala, abantwana abaninzi baqalisa ukutshintsha isimilo yaye badla ngokuba nomsindo. Abazali badla ngokuxakwa koku kutshintsha kwezimilo zabantwana babo xa beneminyaka emibini. Ngoku umntwana usenokusoloko esithi “Hayi!” okanye athi “Andifuni!” xa exelelwa. Usenokuqalisa ukukhathazeka njengoko engaqondi ukuba kwenzeka ntoni kuye ukanti kwangaxeshanye engakuqondi noko kwenzeka kubazali bakhe. Usenokubonakala ngathi akabafuni abazali bakhe kodwa kwelinye icala abe efuna ukusoloko ekunye nabo. Kubazali abangayiqondiyo eyona nto yenzekayo, kusenokubonakala ngathi akukho nanye into abayenzayo ephumelelayo. Kwenzeka ntoni?

Cinga ngotshintsho olukhulu oluye lwenzeka kubomi bomntwana. Ukuza kuthi ga ngoku ebekhala nje kube kanye baze abantu beze kuye begilana. Kodwa ngoku uqalisa ukubona ukuba loo nto ibiyeyokwexeshana yaye kuza kufuneka azenzele ezinye izinto. Uya eqonda ukuba kufuneka athobele abazali, njengoko neBhayibhile isitsho ukuba: “Nina bantwana, bathobeleni abazali benu ezintweni zonke, kuba oko kukholekile eNkosini.”—Kolose 3:20.

Kweli xesha linzima, abazali kufuneka baqiniseke ukuba bayamqeqesha umntwana wabo. Ukuba bakwenza oku bengqongqo kodwa kwangaxeshanye benothando, umntwana wabo uza kude aluqhele olu tshintsho. Izinto abamfundisa zona ziza kumenza alungele uqeqesho aza kulufumana njengoko ekhula.

Indlela Aza Kuziphatha Ngayo

Izilwanyana kuquka noomatshini bayakwazi ukuqonda amagama athile yaye banokude bathethe. Kodwa ngumntu kuphela okwaziyo ukuhlola isimilo sakhe. Ngenxa yoko, xa umntwana eneminyaka emibini ukuya kwemithathu uyakwazi ukuba neemvakalelo ezifana nekratshi, ukuzisola, ukuziva enetyala nokuhlazeka. La ngamanyathelo okuqala anokumenza abe ngumntu omdala onesimilo—okwaziyo ukuyimela into elungileyo naxa abanye besenza izinto ezingalunganga.

Malunga neli xesha, abazali bavuyiswa kukubona kusenzeka enye into emangalisayo emntwaneni wabo. Umntwana wabo uqalisa ukuyikhathalela indlela abavakalelwa ngayo abanye abantu. Xa wayeneminyaka emibini ubudala wayedla ngokudlala ephakathi kwabanye, ngoku uqalisa ukudlala kunye nabo. Kwakhona, uyababona abazali bakhe xa bonwabile yaye usenokufuna ukubakholisa. Ngenxa yoko unokufundiseka lula.

Umntwana oneminyaka emithathu ubudala uqalisa ukwahlula phakathi kwento efanelekileyo nengafanelekanga, elungileyo nembi. Kucacile ukuba eli lixesha lokuba abazali baqeqeshe abantwana babo besenzela ukuba babe ngabantu abadala abaqeqesheke kakuhle.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 5]

Kwiintsuku nje ezingephi usana luyaqhelana nelizwi likanina yaye lukhetha lona kunelomntu olungamaziyo

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 6]

Umntwana oneminyaka emithathu ubudala uqalisa ukwahlula phakathi kwento efanelekileyo nengafanelekanga, elungileyo nembi

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 6]

ISIZATHU SOKUBA UMNTWANA EMAN’ UKUBA LUGCWABEVU

Kwincwadi ethi New Parent Power uJohn Rosemond uthi: “Abanye abazali bacinga ukuba abantwana baba nomsindo kuba kukho mpazamo ithile abayenzileyo abazali. Ngenxa yoko baye bacinge ukuba ekubeni benze into ephosakeleyo bafanele bayilungise ngokukhawuleza kangangoko kunokwenzeka. Ngenxa yoko, nangona bebethe hayi ekuqaleni basenokujika bathi ewe. Okanye ukuba bebembethile umntwana baye bamnike okungaphezu koko ebekucelile kuba befuna ukungaziva benetyala. Elo cebo liyasebenza. Umsindo womntwana uyathomalala, umzali yena uziva ekhululekile yaye umntwana ufunda ukuzifuna ngomsindo ongakumbi izinto kuba ebona ukuba elo cebo liyamsebenzela.”