Yaphelela Phi Ingqeqesho?

Kwiminyaka yakutshanje, iye yatshintsha indlela eziphila ngayo iintsapho kumazwe amaninzi. Ngaphambili, ibikade ingabazali abalawula iintsapho, ibe abantwana bebemamela. Kodwa ngoku, kwezinye iintsapho izinto zijikile, sele ingabantwana abatsala umkhala. Khawucinge ngale mizekelo iqhelekileyo.

• Inkwenkwe eneminyaka emine esevenkileni nonina, ithatha into yokudlala. Ezama ukuyinqanda unina uthi: “Ngoku unezinto ezingaka usafuna ezinye?” Uthi sele etshilo, azisole ngokubuza. Kuba le nkwenkwe iyakhwina ize ithi, “Ndiyayifuna nje!” Xa sele ithetha njalo unina uyanikezela kuba esonqena isikhalo, kaloku ihlala iliqhinga layo elo.

• Intwazana eneminyaka emihlanu iphazamisa uyise esancokola, ithi: “Ndidikiwe mna ngoku, masigoduke tata!” Uyise uqhawula incoko, agobe ukuze alingane nentombi yakhe, ayicenge athi: “Ndinike nje umzuzu ntomb’ am, uyeva?”

• Kuvakala ukuba uBonga oneminyaka eyi-12 uphinde waphendul’ unothanda kutitshala wakhe. Kodwa endaweni yokuba uyise acatshukiswe nguBonga, ucatshukiswa ngutitshala. Uthi kuBonga: “Njengokuba esemva kwakho nje, ndiza kumenzela inkawu ngenja!”

Nakuba ezi zinto zingenzekanga ngokwenene, siqhelile ukuzibona. Zisibonisa ingxaki ekhoyo emakhayeni abantu, apho abazali benyamezela ubukrwada babantwana babo, bevuma ukulawulwa ngabo, ibe “bebalwela” endaweni yokubavumela bavune oko bakuhlwayeleyo. Incwadi ethi The Narcissism Epidemic ithi: “Iya iqheleka into yokuba abazali banikezele iintambo ezintsaneni. Abantwana babekade besazi ukuba ngubani ophethe isiginkci ekhayeni, ibe babesazi kakuhle ukuba asingabo.”

Kakade ke, abazali abaninzi benza konke okusemandleni abo ukufundisa abantwana babo isimilo, kungekuphela nje ngokuba yimizekelo kubo, kodwa nangokubanqanda xa kufuneka benqandiwe. Sekunjalo, le ncwadi ikhankanywe ngasentla yaleka ngelithi, bathelwa nqa aba bazali “kuba besenza into engamkelekanga ncam.”

Konakala phi? Yaphelela phi ingqeqesho?

Abazali Abasenagunya

Abanye bathi abazali baqala ukuyekelela umxakatho kwiminyaka yoo-1960, xa abantu abazibiza ngokuba ziingcali bacebisa abazali ukuba bangayi ngamandla ebantwaneni babo. Zazisithi: ‘Yiba yitshomi yomntwana wakho, kungekhona umntu ohlal’ ebeka imithetho. Umntwana makanconywe kunokuba aqeqeshwe. Endaweni yokumkhalimela xa esenza into embi, kungcono umgade xa esenza into entle, uze umncome.’ Endaweni yokwazi ukuba kunini apho bafanele banconywe okanye baqeqeshwe, kubonakala ukuba iingcali zithi ingqeqesho iyabaxhaphaza abantwana, baze babacaphukele abazali xa bebadala.

Emva koko, iingcali zaye zaxelela abazali indlela ekubaluleke ngayo ukuba abantwana bazithande. Kwakungathi bafumene elona cebo lokukhulisa abantwana, elithi: Yenza abantwana bakho bazithande. Ewe kona, kubalulekile ukwenza abantwana bazithembe. Ingxaki kukuba ezi ngcali zagabadela kuba zaxelela abazali oku: ‘Nize ningathethi amazwi aza kubenza buhlungu abantwana benu njengohayi nokuthi imbi lent’ uyenzayo.’ ‘Yibethelele kubantwana bakho into yokuba babaluleke kakhulu ibe bangayiyo nantoni na abafuna ukuba yiyo.’ Eyona nto ziyithethayo kukuba ukuziva ubalulekile kubhetele kunokuba ngumntu olungileyo.

Abanye bathi eli cebiso lokwenza abantwana bazive bebaluleke gqitha libenza bacinge ukuba banelungelo lokufumana yonke into, ngokungathi bangookumkani. Incwadi ethi Generation Me ithi eli cebiso liye lashiya abantwana abaninzi “bengakulungelanga ukumelana neempazamo abaza kuzenza ngamaxesha athile kunye nokugxekwa abaza kukufumana ebomini.” Omnye utata ocatshulwe kule ncwadi uthi, “Abantu osebenza nabo, abayihoyanga into yokubaluleka kwakho. . . . Ukuba ufike emva kwexesha emsebenzini, umphathi wakho akazi kube encoma indlela onxibe ngayo. Ukukhulisa abantwana ngale ndlela kukubanqikel’ ilitye elineembovane.”

Izimvo Ezibethabethanayo

Kangangamashumi eminyaka, ibisoloko itshintsha-tshintsha indlela abantwana abakhuliswa ngayo. Utitshala uRonald G. Morrish ubhala athi, “Ziyatshintsha-tshintsha iindlela zokuqeqesha. Loo nto ibonisa ukuba iyatshintsha indlela abantu abaphila ngayo.”a Kanye njengokuba iBhayibhile isitsho, kulula ngabazali ukuba ‘bakhukuliswe ngamaza yaye baphetshethwe yiyo yonke imimoya yeemfundiso.’—Efese 4:14.

Kuyacaca ukuba le ndlela yokuqeqesha iyekeyeke iza neengxaki. Ayinciphisanga igunya abazali abanalo nje kuphela, kodwa iye yashiya abantwana bengakwazi ukwenza izigqibo ezilungileyo ebomini, yaye bengazithembanga ngendlela efanelekileyo.

Ngaba ikhona indlela engcono?