Indlela Onokuwomeleza Ngayo Umtshato Wakho

KHAWUBE nomfanekiso-ngqondweni wendlu engakhathalelwanga. Ipeyinti iyaxobuka, uphahla luyawohloka, nengca ayisachetywa. Kucacile ukuba, le ndlu iye yonakaliswa zizaqhwithi ezinamandla kangangeminyaka, yaye bekungekho mntu uyikhathaleleyo. Ngaba ifanele idilizwe? Akunjalo. Ukuba isiseko sayo somelele yaye isakhiwo sizinzile, le ndlu inokulungiswa.

Ngaba imeko yaloo ndlu ikukhumbuza ngomtshato wakho? Ukutyhubela iminyaka, kusenokwenzeka ukuba umtshato wakho ubuhlaselwa, ngokungathi kunjalo, zizaqhwithi ezinamandla. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba ukusa kumlinganiselo othile omnye wenu okanye nobabini niye nawutyeshela umtshato wenu. Usenokuba uvakalelwa njengoSandy. Emva kweminyaka eli-15 etshatile, wathi: “Kwakungekho nto eyayisidibanisa, ngaphandle nje kokuba sitshatile. Yaye oko kwakunganelanga.”

Nokuba umtshato wakho sele ufikelele kweli nqanaba, musa ukukhawuleza ukugqiba ngelithi ufanele uqhawulwe. Mhlawumbi umtshato wakho unokulungiswa. Kuxhomekeke ekuthini nina nobabini nizinikele kangakanani na omnye komnye. Ukuzinikela kunokunceda umtshato uzinze xa kukho iingxaki. Kodwa yintoni ukuzinikela? Yaye iBhayibhile inokukunceda njani ukuze ukwazi ukuzinikela?

Ukuzinikela Kuquka Ukuzibophelela

Ngokutsho kwesinye isichazi-magama, ukuzinikela “kukuzibophelela okanye ukuziva unyanzelekile.” Ngamanye amaxesha, eli gama lisetyenziswa kwinto ethile, njengesivumelwano kwezoshishino. Ngokomzekelo, umakhi unokuziva enyanzelekile ukuba aphumeze oko kubhalwe kwisivumelwano asityobeleyo sokuba akhe indlu. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba akamazi umntu ogunyazise ukuba kwenziwe lo msebenzi. Sekunjalo, uziva enyanzelekile ukuba aligcine ilizwi lakhe.

Nangona umtshato ungesosivumelwano sezoshishino, xa umntu ezinikele kuwo ufanele azive ebophelelekile. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba wena neqabane lakho nenza isifungo phambi kukaThixo naphambi kwabantu sokuba niya kuhlala kunye, enoba sekumnyam’ entla. UYesu wathi: “Lowo wabadalayo [indoda nomfazi] ukususela ekuqaleni wabenza baba yindoda nebhinqa waza wathi, ‘Ngenxa yesi sizathu indoda iya kumshiya uyise nonina ize inamathele emfazini wayo.’” UYesu wongezelela esithi: “Oko uThixo akubophelele ngedyokhwe ndawonye makungahlukaniswa mntu.” (Mateyu 19:4-6) Ngoko ke, xa kuvela iingxaki wena neqabane lakho nifanele nisigcine eso sifungo.a Enye inkosikazi ithi: “Izinto zaqala ukuba bhetele sakuyeka ukuthetha ngokuqhawula umtshato.”

Noko ke, kufuneka okungakumbi kunokuzinikela. Yintoni enye ebandakanyekileyo?

Intsebenziswano Yomeleza Ukuzinikela Emtshatweni

Ukuzinikela emtshatweni akuthethi ukuba amaqabane omtshato aya kuhlala evumelana kuyo yonke into. Xa kuphakama imbambano, kufanele kubekho umnqweno onyanisekileyo wokuyicombulula kungekuphela ngenxa yesifungo kodwa ngenxa yolwalamano olusenyongweni eninalo. Ngokuphathelele indoda nomfazi, uYesu wathi: “Abasebabini, kodwa banyama-nye.”

Kuthetha ukuthini ukuba “nyama-nye” neqabane lakho? Umpostile uPawulos wabhala wathi “amadoda afanele abathande abafazi bawo njengemizimba yawo.” (Efese 5:28, 29) Ngoko ke, ngokuyinxenye ukuba “nyama-nye” kuthetha ukuba uyayixhalabela intlalo-ntle yeqabane lakho njengoko uyixhalabela neyakho. Abantu abatshatileyo bafanele bayeke ukuthi into “yeyam” kodwa bathi “yeyethu,” bangathi “mna” kodwa bathi “thina.” Omnye umcebisi wabhala wathi: “Omabini amaqabane afanele ayeke ukuqiqa njengabantu abangatshatanga aze aqiqe njengabantu abatshatileyo.”

Ngaba wena neqabane lakho “niqiqa njengabantu abatshatileyo?” Kunokwenzeka ukuba abantu bahlale kunye kangangeminyaka emininzi kodwa sekunjalo bangabi “nyama-nye.” Ewe, oko kunokwenzeka, kodwa enye incwadi ethi Giving Time a Chance ithi: “Umtshato uthetha ukuchitha ubomi kunye, yaye okukhona abantu ababini besenza izinto kunye, kokukhona beya konwaba ngakumbi.”

Ezinye izibini ezingonwabanga zihlala kunye ngenxa yabantwana bazo okanye kuba zifuna inkxaso yemali. Abanye bayanyamezela kuba bagqala uqhawulo-mtshato njengento engafanelekanga okanye boyika ukuba abantu baza kuthini xa besahlukana. Nangona kuyinto entle ukuba umntu anyamezele emtshatweni, khumbula ukuba usukelo lwenu kukuba nolwalamano olunothando, kungekhona nje ukunyamezela ixesha elide.

Ukungazingci Kubangela Ubani Azinikele Ngakumbi Emtshatweni

IBhayibhile yaxela kwangaphambili ukuba ebudeni ‘bemihla yokugqibela,’ abantu baya kuba “ngabazithandayo.” (2 Timoti 3:1, 2) Kanye njengokuba esi siprofeto satshoyo, namhlanje abantu bayazingca. Kwimitshato emininzi, ukuzinikela kungekho siqinisekiso sokuba nawe uza kufumana okuthile kujongwa njengobuthathaka. Noko ke, abantu ababonakalisa umoya wokuzincama bayonwaba emtshatweni. Unokukwenza njani oko?

Kunokuba uhlale uzibuza usithi, ‘Yintoni endiyifumanayo kulo mtshato?’ zibuze, ‘Mna ndenza ntoni ukuze ndomeleze umtshato wam?’ IBhayibhile ithi amaKristu afanele ‘anyamekele, kungekuphela nje izilangazelelo zawo zobuqu, kodwa kwanezilangazelelo zabanye.’ (Filipi 2:4) Ngoxa ucingisisa ngalo mgaqo weBhayibhile, khawucinge ngezinto ozenze kwiveki ephelileyo. Uye wabonakalisa ububele izihlandlo ezingaphi kwiqabane lakho? Xa iqabane lakho belifuna ukuncokola, ngaba uye waphulaphula—enoba ubungenamdla kangako kuloo ncoko? Zingaphi izinto oye wazenza kuba iqabane lakho linomdla kuzo kodwa wena ongenamdla kangako kuzo?

Xa uzibuza imibuzo enjalo, musa ukuzikhathaza ngelithi akuyi kubakho mntu okukhathalelayo okanye okubulelayo ngezinto ezintle ozenzayo. Enye incwadi ithi: “Kwimitshato emininzi, umntu owenza izinto ezintle udla ngokubuyekezwa ngokuhle, ngoko nawe yenza konke okusemandleni wenzele iqabane lakho izinto ezintle, ngaloo ndlela uya kulikhuthaza ukuba nalo lenze izinto ezintle.” Ukuzincama komeleza umtshato wakho kuba kubonisa ukuba uyawuxabisa yaye ufuna ukuwulondoloza.

Kubalulekile Ukuba Nembono Yomtshato Ohlala Uhleli

UYehova uThixo uyakuxabisa ukunyaniseka. Eneneni, iBhayibhile ithi: “Kulowo unyanisekileyo [uYehova] uya kwenza ngokunyaniseka.” (2 Samuweli 22:26) Ukunyaniseka kuThixo kuquka ukuhlala unyanisekile kwilungiselelo lomtshato awalisekayo.—Genesis 2:24.

Ukuba wena neqabane lakho ninyanisekile omnye komnye, umtshato wenu uya kunqabiseka. Xa nicinga ngeenyanga, iminyaka namashumi eminyaka ezayo, nizibona nikunye. Ayithi qatha nokuthi qatha into yokuba niya kuze nahlukane, yaye oku kwenza umtshato wenu unqabiseke. Enye inkosikazi ithi: “Enoba sele endicaphukise kangakanani na [umyeni wam] eyona nto indicaphukisayo koko kwenzekayo, andinaxhala ngokuba umtshato wethu uza kuqhawuka. Ndicinga nje ngendlela esiza kuyilungisa ngayo loo ngxaki. Andithandabuzi nakancinane ukuba izinto ziza kulunga—ingxaki nje kukuba andiyiboni indlela yokuyilungisa ngaloo mzuzu.”

Kubalulekile ukuba nembono yomtshato ohlala uhleli, ukanti imbono enjalo inqabile. Xa kuxatyanwa, elinye iqabane linokuthi, “Ndiza kukushiya!” okanye lithi, “Ndiza kuzifunela omnye umntu onoxabiso ngam!” Kuyavunywa ukuba, amaxesha amaninzi elo qabane alithethi ukuba liza kumshiya ngokwenene. Sekunjalo, iBhayibhile ithi ulwimi ‘lunokuzala yityhefu ebulalayo.’ (Yakobi 3:8) Izisongelo zidlulisela ingcamango ethi: ‘Umtshato wethu andiwugqali njengoya kuhlala uhleli. Ndinokuwuqhawula nanini na.’ Amazwi anjalo anokuwuchitha umtshato.

Xa umtshato wakho uwugqala njengoya kuhlala uhleli, ulindele ukuba uya kuba kunye neqabane lakho naphantsi kwamanzithinzithi obomi. Oku kuyingenelo. Kuya kuba lula kakhulu ngawe neqabane lakho ukwamkela iintsilelo neempazamo nize niqhubeke ninyamezelana yaye nixolelana ngesisa. (Kolose 3:13) Enye incwadi ithi: “Kumtshato ophumelelayo, nobabini niya kuzenza iimpazamo, sekunjalo umtshato wenu uya kuhlala uluqilima.”

Xa wawutshata akuzange uzinikele emtshatweni, kodwa wazinikela emntwini—kwiqabane lakho. Oku kufanele kube negalelo elikhulu kwindlela ocinga nozenza ngayo izinto njengomntu otshatileyo. Ngaba akuvumi ukuba ufanele uhlale neqabane lakho kungekhona nje kuba uhlonela ubungcwele bomtshato kodwa kuba uthanda umntu otshate naye?

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 5]

Oko Unokukwenza Ngoku

Uzinikele kangakanani emtshatweni wakho? Mhlawumbi uyayibona indawo onokuphucula kuyo. Ukuze uzinikele ngakumbi, zama la macebiso alandelayo:

● Khawuzihlole. Zibuze: ‘Ngaba ndiqiqa njengomntu otshatileyo, okanye ngaba ndisacinga yaye ndenza izinto njengomntu ongatshatanga?’ Khawuve uluvo lweqabane lakho ngokuphathelele le nkalo.

● Lifunde eli nqaku neqabane lakho. Nandule ke, ngokuzolileyo, nixubushe indlela eninokuzinikela ngakumbi ngayo emtshatweni wenu.

● Yenzani izinto ezinokuqinisa uzinikelo lwenu. Ngokomzekelo: Bukani iifoto zomtshato wenu nezezinye iziganeko. Yenzani izinto enanithanda ukuzenza ngoxa nanisathandana okanye ngoxa nanisandul’ ukutshata. Fundisisani amanqaku akwiMboniselo nakuVukani! asekelwe eBhayibhileni athetha ngomtshato.

[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 6]

Emtshatweni, Ukuzinikela Kuquka . . . 

● Ukuzibophelela “Oko ukubhambathisileyo, kufezekise. Kulunge ngakumbi ukuba ungabhambathisi kunokuba ubhambathise ungafezekisi.”—INtshumayeli 5:4, 5.

● Intsebenziswano “Ababini balunge ngakumbi kunomnye . . . Ngokuba xa omnye wabo esiwa, omnye unokuliphakamisa iqabane lakhe.”—INtshumayeli 4:9, 10.

● Ukuzincama “Kunoyolo ngakumbi ukupha kunokwamkela.”—IZenzo 20:35.

● Imbono Yomtshato Ohlala Uhleli “Uthando . . . lunyamezela izinto zonke.”—1 Korinte 13:4, 7.

[Imifanekiso ekwiphepha 7]

Xa iqabane lakho lifuna ukuncokola, ngaba uyaphulaphula?