Xa Kuvuka Ingxabano Emtshatweni
AKAKHO umyeni okanye umfazi onengqondo okuthandayo ukuxabana neqabane lakhe, nakuba ixhaphake gqitha loo nto. Elinye iqabane lidla ngokusuka lithethe into ize icaphukise elinye. La maqabane aqala ngokuphakamisa amazwi, acaphuke, ibe iyaqala ke ingxabano agibiselane ngamazwi ahlabayo. Emva koko ayaqumbelana kungabikho ufuna ukuthetha nomnye. Ethubeni, umsindo uyehla lize elinye licele uxolo kwelinye. Kubakho uxolo okwelo xesha—de aphinde axambulisane.
Ukuxhwithana kwezibini ezitshatileyo yinto yemihla ngemihla kwiziqhulo namabali angapheliyo eenkqubo zikamabonwakude, kodwa xa oko kusenzeka ngokwenene akubi yinto yokuhlekisa kwaphela. Eneneni, umzekeliso weBhayibhile uthi: “Amazwi angacingisiswanga anokuhlaba njengekrele.” (IMizekeliso 12:18, iToday’s English Version) Ewe, amazwi arhabaxa anokushiya umntu edandathekile ixesha elide nasemva kokuba iphelile loo ngxabano. Ukuxambulisana kunokukhokelela nakugonyamelo.—Eksodus 21:18.
Kakade ke, ngenxa yokungafezeki komntu, ezinye iingxaki zomtshato aziphepheki. (Genesis 3:16; 1 Korinte 7:28) Sekunjalo, iingxabano ezingapheliyo azimele zamkelwe njengento eqhelekileyo. Abaphengululi bathi into yokusoloko isibini sikruthakruthana yenza kube lula ukuba siphethe ngokuwuqhawula umtshato. Ngoko ibalulekile into yokuba wena neqabane lakho nifunde ukuzisingatha ngoxolo iiyantlukwano.
Ukuqonda Imeko
Ukuba nihlala nixambulisana kumtshato wenu, zama ukukhangela enoba akunagalelo ngandlel’ ithile ngezinto ozenzayo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, kwenzeka ntoni xa wena neqabane lakho ningavumelani kumbandela othile? Ngaba ingxubusho yenu ikhawuleza ingalawuleki kube sekuvuka izithuko nityholana? Ukuba kunjalo, yintoni onokuyenza?
Okukuqala, hlolisisa ngokunyanisekileyo indlela wena onokuba negalelo ngayo kule ngxaki. Ngaba ucaphuka msinya? Ngaba ungumntu othanda impikiswano? Lingathini iqabane lakho ngawe kulo mbandela? Lo mbuzo wokugqibela ubalulekile ukuba uwucingisise, kuba wena neqabane lakho nisenokuba neembono ezahlukeneyo ngobunjani bomntu othanda impikiswano.
Ngokomzekelo, masithi iqabane lakho lithanda ukuzithenga, ngoxa wena uliqhakraqhakra elithetha phandle lingenazintloni xa lithetha ngalo. Usenokuthi: “Ndikhule sithetha ngale ndlela sonke ekhaya. Asikokuxambulisana oku!” Kusenokwenzeka ukuba asikuko kuwe. Noko ke, kusenokwenzeka ukuba oko wena ukujonga njengokuthetha phandle kuyalihlaba iqabane lakho yaye livakalelwa kukuba uyalihlasela. Ukuqonda ukuba wena neqabane lakho nithetha ngeendlela ezahlukahlukeneyo kunokuninceda niphephe ukungaqondani.
Khumbula nokuba ukuxambulisana akusoloko kuthetha ukunkqangaza. UPawulos wabhalela amaKristu wathi: ‘Makususwe kuni ukumemeza nokutshabhisa.’ (Efese 4:31) ‘Ukumemeza’ kubhekisela ekunyusweni kwelizwi, ngoxa kona ‘ukutshabhisa’ kubhekisela kumongo waloo nto ithethwayo. Xa kujongwa ngaloo ndlela, nabantu abasebezayo kunokutshiwo ukuba bayaxambulisana xa becaphukisana okanye benyembana.
Unoko engqondweni, phinda ucinge ngendlela osingatha ngayo iyantlukwano neqabane lakho. Ngaba uthanda ukuxambulisana? Njengoko sibonile, ubukhulu becala impendulo yaloo mbuzo ixhomekeke kwindlela elikujonga ngayo iqabane lakho. Kunokuba uyibethe ngoyaba imbono yalo usithi likhathazeka msinya, zama ukuzibona ngendlela elikujonga ngayo, uze uphucule xa kufuneka. UPawulos wabhala: “Ngamnye makafune, kungekhona ingenelo yakhe, kodwa eyomnye umntu.”—1 Korinte 10:24.
‘Nikela Ingqalelo Kwindlela Ophulaphula Ngayo’
Enye indlela yokusingatha iyantlukwano ifumaneka kumazwi kaYesu athi: “Nikelani ingqalelo kwindlela eniphulaphula ngayo.” (Luka 8:18) Yinyaniso ukuba, apha uYesu wayengathethi ngonxibelelwano emtshatweni. Ukanti, lo mgaqo uyasebenza kule nkalo. Uphulaphula kangakanani xa iqabane lakho lithetha? Ngaba uyaqalisa kona kwaukuliphulaphula? Okanye usuka nje ulingene emlonyeni, uze nesicombululo sengxaki ongakhange uyiqonde kwaukuyiqonda? IBhayibhile ithi: “Ukuba nabani na uphendula umbandela ngaphambi kokuwuva, bubudenge obo kuye nokuthotywa.” (IMizekeliso 18:13) Ekubeni kunjalo, xa ningaboni ngasonye neqabane lakho, nimele nithethe ngaloo mbandela yaye niphulaphulane kakuhle.
Kunokuba uyigalele amanzi imbono yeqabane lakho, zama ukuba ‘novelwano.’ (1 Petros 3:8) KwisiGrike santlandlolo, ngokusisiseko eli gama lithetha ukubandezeleka kunye nomnye umntu. Ukuba iqabane lakho lixinezelekile yinto ethile, nawe umele uvakalelwe ngaloo ndlela. Zama ukujonga izinto ngendlela elizijonga ngayo.
Kuyacaca ukuba indoda ehlonel’ uThixo, uIsake yakwenza oko. IBhayibhile isixelela ukuba uRebheka, umfazi wayo waphazamiseka gqitha yingxaki ethile yentsapho eyayibandakanya unyana wakhe uYakobi. Wathi kuIsake: “Ndiyabenyanya ubomi bam ngenxa yezi ntombi zakwaHeti. Ukuba kwiintombi zeli lizwe, uYakobi uthe wathabatha umfazi ezintombini zakwaHeti, njengazo ezi, bungaba salunga ngantoni na ubomi kum?”—Genesis 27:46.
Noko yinyaniso ukuba ngenxa yokuxhalaba, uRebheka wawuthabathela phezulu lo mbandela. Ngaba ngokwenene wayebenyanya ubomi bakhe? Ngaba wayenokukhetha ukufa ngokwenene xa unyana wakhe etshata enye yeentombi zakwaHeti? Mhlawumbi wayengenakude akwenze oko. Sekunjalo, uIsake akazange ayibethe ngoyaba indlela avakalelwa ngayo uRebheka. Kunoko, waqonda ukuba uRebheka unezizathu ezivakalayo zokuxhalaba, ibe wenza okuthile ngaloo nto. (Genesis 28:1) Nawe unokwenza okufanayo xa iqabane lakho lixhalatyiswe ngumbandela othile. Kunokuba uyigalele amanzi ngathi ayibalulekanga imbono yalo, liphulaphule, ulihlonele, yaye usabele ngendlela ebonisa uvelwano.
Ukuphulaphula Nengqiqo
Umzekeliso weBhayibhile uthi: “Ingqiqo yomntu ngokuqinisekileyo imenza azeke kade umsindo.” (IMizekeliso 19:11) Xa nixambulisana kulula gqitha ukwenza nantoni na ongakhange uyicinge ngenxa yelizwi elihlabayo leqabane lakho. Kodwa oku, kudla ngokuwukhwezela ngakumbi loo mlilo. Ngoko, xa uphulaphule iqabane lakho, zama ukuva kungekhona loo mazwi liwathethayo kodwa yiva eyona nto ilenza lithethe loo mazwi. Ukuqiqa ngolo hlobo kuya kukunceda ukwazi ukubona ngaphaya kwezo zinto zicaphukisayo uze ulungise oyena nobangela waloo ngxaki.
Ngokomzekelo, masithi umfazi wakho uthi kuwe, “Awukhe uchithe ixesha nam!” Unokusuka nje uphathwe emanyeni koko uze uqalise ukuzithethelela. Unokusuka uthi ukuphendula: “Ndichithe imini yonke nawe kwinyanga ephelileyo!” Kodwa xa uphulaphule kakuhle, unokufumanisa ukuba umfazi wakho akaceli nje ukuba uchithe imizuzu okanye iiyure ezingakumbi naye. Kunoko, usenokuba ufuna nje umqinisekise, ukuxelela ukuba uziva engakhathalelwanga yaye engathandwa.
Masithi ungumfazi yaye umyeni wakho uzityand’ igila ngezinto ezimxhalabisayo kwizinto osandul’ ukuzithenga. Engakholelwa umyeni wakho ubuza oku, “Ungayichitha njani imali engaka?” Usenokufuna ukuzithethelela ngezibakala zemeko yoqoqosho lwentsapho okanye uthelekise izinto ezithengwe nguwe nezo zithengwe nguye. Kodwa ukuba nengqiqo kuya kukunceda uqonde ukuba umyeni wakho akathethi ngobungakanani bemali oyichithileyo. Kunoko, usenokuba ukhathazwa kukwenza kwakho isigqibo sokuthenga ngemali eninzi ngaphandle kwakhe.
Kakade ke, sibini ngasinye sinendlela yaso kwimibandela yobungakanani bexesha esifuna ukulichitha kunye nendlela ezimele zenziwe ngayo izigqibo zokuthenga. Ingongoma kukuba xa ningaboni ngasonye, ukuba nengqiqo kuya kuninceda nibambe umsindo nize niyiqonde eyona ngxaki nijamelene nayo. Kunokusuka nje usabele ngendlela ongayicingisisanga, landela isibongozo sombhali weBhayibhile uYakobi sokuba ‘ukhawuleze ukuva, ucothe ukuthetha, ucothe ukuqumba.’—Yakobi 1:19.
Xa uthetha, khumbula ukuba ibaluleke gqitha indlela othetha ngayo neqabane lakho. IBhayibhile ithi, “ulwimi lezilumko luyaphilisa.” (IMizekeliso 12:18) Xa ningavumelani neqabane lakho, ngaba usebenzisa amazwi ahlabayo okanye akhethwe kakuhle? Ngaba akha umqobo okanye enza nixolelane? Njengokuba sibonile, umsindo okanye ukuphendula ungacinganga kuyikhwezela ngakumbi ingxabano.—IMizekeliso 29:22.
Ukuba ukungavumelani kwenza nigibiselane ngamazwi abukhali, zama ukucombulula eyona nto nithetha ngayo. Nikela ingqalelo kwisizathu sokungavumelani, kungekhona emntwini. Funa eyona nto imele yenziwe kunokufuna ukuba ngubani ochanileyo. Ulumke amazwi akho angayikhwezeli ngakumbi ingxabano. IBhayibhile ithi: “Ilizwi elibangela intlungu linyusa umsindo.” (IMizekeliso 15:1) Ewe, oko ukutshoyo nendlela okutsho ngayo kungenza iqabane lakho lisebenzisane nawe okanye lingafuni.
Injongo Mayibe Kukucombulula Iyantlukwano, Ingabi Kukoyisa Kwingxoxo
Xa sisingatha iyantlukwano, usukelo lwethu imele ibe kukufumana isicombululo kunokufuna ukugqwesa. Ningakwazi njani ukufumana isicombululo? Eyona ndlela iphumelelayo kukufumana isiluleko seBhayibhile, yaye ngokukhethekileyo amadoda amele abe ngawokuqala ukwenjenjalo. Kunokungxama uveze iimbono zakho ngemicimbi okanye iingxaki, kutheni ungazami ukuqonda indlela azijonga ngayo uYehova izinto? Thandaza ucele uxolo lukaThixo oluya kulondoloza intliziyo namandla akho engqondo. (Efese 6:18; Filipi 4:6, 7) Zabalazela ukunyamekela kungekuphela nje izilangazelelo zakho zobuqu, kodwa kwanezilangazelelo zeqabane lakho.—Filipi 2:3, 4.
Into edla ngokuyenza mandundu imeko kukuvumela iimvakalelo ezibuhlungu nokungakwazi ukuzibamba kulawule iingcinga nezenzo zakho. Kwelinye icala, ukuthobela isiluleko seLizwi likaThixo kwenza nibe noxolo, nivumelane aze noYehova anisikelele. (2 Korinte 13:11) Ngoko, lawulwa ‘bubulumko obuvela phezulu,’ ube neempawu zobuthixo uze uzuze iingenelo ezifunyanwa “ngabo benza uxolo.”—Yakobi 3:17, 18.
Enyanisweni, sonke simele sifunde ukusingatha iyantlukwano ngoxolo, kwanokuba oko kuthetha ukuncama izinto ezithile esizithandayo. (1 Korinte 6:7) Ewe, umele usebenzise isiluleko sikaPawulos sokuba ‘ulahle ingqumbo, umsindo, ububi, intetho etshabhisayo, nentetho engamanyala emlonyeni wakho. Uhlube ubuntu obudala kunye noqheliselo lwabo, uze wambathe ubuntu obutsha.’—Kolose 3:8-10.
Kakade ke, maxa wambi uthetha izinto ophinda uzisole ngazo kamva. (Yakobi 3:8) Xa kuthe kwenzeka oko, cela uxolo kwiqabane lakho. Qhubeka usenza umgudu. Ethubeni, wena neqabane lakho niya kuyibona indlela eniphucule ngayo ekusingatheni iyantlukwano.
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Iindlela Ezintathu Zokusingatha Iyantlukwano
• Liphulaphule iqabane lakho.—IMizekeliso 10:19
• Yihlonele imbono yalo.—Filipi 2:4
• Sabela ngendlela ebonakalisa uthando.—1 Korinte 13:4-7
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Oko Unokukwenza
Buza iqabane lakho le mibuzo ingezantsi uze uphulaphule iimpendulo zalo ngaphandle kokuliphazamisa. Neqabane lakho linokwenza oko kuwe.
• Ngaba ndithanda ukuxambulisana?
• Ngaba ndiyakuphulaphula xa uthetha, okanye ndisuka ngokungxama ndikungene emlonyeni ungekagqibi?
• Ngaba xa ndithetha ndivakala njengomntu ongenaluvelwano okanye onomsindo?
• Singayiphucula njani indlela esithetha ngayo—ngakumbi xa singavumelani ngombandela?
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 21]
Ngaba uyaphulaphula?
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 22]
“Ndiziva ndingakhathalelwanga yaye ndingathandwa”
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 22]
“Awukhe uchithe ixesha nam!”
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“Ndichithe imini yonke nawe kwinyanga ephelileyo”