IINDLELA ZOKWENZA INTSAPHO YONWABE
Ukuthetha Nomntwana Wakho Okwishumi Elivisayo Ningakhange Nide Nixambulisane
“Xa intombi yam yayineminyaka eyi-14 yaqalisa ukuphendulana nam xa ndithetha. Xa ndisithi ‘Khawuzokutya,’ ibiye iphendule ithi, ‘Ndiza kutya xa ndifuna.’ Xa ndiyibuza ukuba igqibile na ukusebenza, ibindiphendula ngokuthi, ‘Khawundiyeke!’ Kumaxesha amaninzi, besidla ngokunyukelana.”—UMAKI WASEJAPAN.a
Ukuba ungumzali, ukuxabana nomntwana wakho okwishumi elivisayo kusenokuba yenye yeengxaki ezinzima onokujongana nazo, ibe kusenokufuneka ube nomonde. UMaria, umama waseBrazil onentombi eneminyaka eyi-14 uthi: “Ndiba lugcwabevu xa intombi yam indidelela. Siye sicaphuke de sithethele phezulu.” NoCarmela waseItali unengxaki efanayo. Uthi: “Mna nonyana wam siye sihlisane sinyusana de aye kuzivalela egumbini lakhe.”
Kutheni abantwana abakwishumi elivisayo bethanda ukuxabana nabazali? Akungebi ingxaki ngabahlobo? Kusenokuba kunjalo. IBhayibhile ithi abahlobo banokumenza umntu aziphathe kakuhle okanye ngendlela engafanelekanga. (IMizekeliso 13:20; 1 Korinte 15:33) Indlela ulutsha oluzonwabisa ngayo namhlanje, ikhuthaza ukuba nemvukelo nokungahloniphi kwabantu abaselula.
Kodwa kukho nezinye izinto ekufuneka uziqwalasele—izinto ekulula ukuzenza xa uyiqonda indlela ezisenokumchaphazela ngayo umntwana wakho. Nazi ezinye zazo.
UKUKHULA ‘KWAMANDLA ENGQIQO’
Umpostile uPawulos wabhala wathi: “Xa ndandilusana, ndandifudula ndithetha ngokosana, ndicinga ngokosana, ndiqiqa ngokosana; kodwa ekubeni ngoku ndiyindoda, ndizibhangisile iimpawu zobusana.” (1 Korinte 13:11) Kanye njengokuba amazwi akhe ebonisa, abantwana bacinga ngendlela eyahlukileyo kweyabantu abadala. Njani?
Abantwana bacinga benze, kanti bona abantu abadala bayakwazi ukucingisisa nzulu ngaphambi kokuba benze izigqibo. Abantu abadala baye bacinge ngendlela ezinokubenza bavakalelwe ngayo abanye izenzo zabo. Mhlawumbi bona bayiqhelile loo nto, kodwa bona abakwishumi elivisayo basafunda ukusebenzisa ingqiqo.
IBhayibhile ikhuthaza abantu abaselula ukuba baqhubeke bephucula ‘amandla abo okucinga.’ (IMizekeliso 1:4) Phofu, iBhayibhile ibongoza onke amaKristu ukuba asebenzise ‘amandla awo engqiqo.’ (Roma 12:1, 2; Hebhere 5:14) Noko ke, ngamaxesha athile, indlela umntwana wakho aqiqa ngayo isenokumenza aphikisane nawe nakwinto engenamsebenzi.b Okanye usenokwenza isigqibo esingacingisiswanga kakuhle. (IMizekeliso 14:12) Xa kunjalo, unokuqiqa njani naye kunokuba ninyukelane?
KHAWUZAME ELI CEBISO: Khumbula ukuba kusenokwenzeka ukuba umntwana wakho usazama ukufunda ukuqiqa ngezinto, mhlawumbi naloo nto ayithethayo akaqinisekanga ngayo. Ukuze wazi enoba uqinisekile na ngento ayithethayo, qala ngokuncoma indlela acinga ngayo. (“Ndiyayithanda indlela ocinga ngayo kodwa andivumelani nezinye izigqibo ozenzayo.”) Emva koko, mncede ahlolisise indlela acinga ngayo. (“Ucinga ukuba le nto usandul’ ukuyithetha isebenza ngawo onke amaxesha?”) Isenokukothusa indlela umntwana wakho aphinda ayicingisise ngayo loo nto aze ayilungise.
Lumkela oku: Xa uqiqa nomntwana wakho, sukucinga ukuba kunyanzelekile ukuba kugqibele wena. Enokuba kubonakala ngathi oko ukuthethayo kungena kule indlebe kuphume kuleya, uya kufumanisa ukuba zimncedile umntwana wakho izinto ozithethayo. Ungothuki xa umbona emva kweentsuku ezimbalwa esenza kanye le nto ubuyithetha—mhlawumbi sele esithi uzicingele.
“Ngamaxesha athile sikhe sixambulisane nonyana wam nangezinto ezingenamsebenzi—njengokumosha okanye ukuntlonta udadewabo. Kodwa ke, kumaxesha amaninzi iba ngathi ufuna nje ndibuze ukuba ebecinga ntoni, emva koko ndithi, ‘Oo, kanti ibiyiloo nto,’ okanye ‘Oo kunjalo.’ Xa ndicinga ngezinye iingxabano ebesidla ngokuba nazo, ndicinga ukuba, ukuba ndandithethe ngolu hlobo ngesingazange sixabane.”—UKenji waseJapan.
UKUZAMA UKUZAZI
Abazali abalumkileyo benza kube lula ukuba abantwana babo babachazele oko bakucingayo
Esinye sezizathu ezibalulekileyo zokukhulisa abantwana kukuze mhla bemka ekhaya, bakwazi ukuphila njengabantu abakhulu. (Genesis 2:24) Oko kuquka ukuzazi ukuba ungubani—iimpawu, iinkolelo kunye nezinto ezibalulekileyo kuye. Xa ephenjelelwa ukuba enze into ephosakeleyo, umntwana okwishumi elivisayo ozaziyo ukuba ungubani kanye kanye, akayi kucinga ngemiphumo nje yezenzo zakhe, kodwa uya kuzibuza ukuba: ‘Ndingumntu onjani? Ndiziphethe njani? Umntu oziphethe ngolu hlobo ebeza kwenza ntoni kule meko?’—2 Petros 3:11.
IBhayibhile isixelela ngoYosefu, umfana owayezazi kakuhle. Ngokomzekelo, xa umfazi kaPotifare wayefuna ukulala naye, uYosefu wathi: “Ndingathini ukwenza obu bubi bukhulu kangaka ndize eneneni ndone kuThixo?” (Genesis 39:9) Nangona ngelo xesha amaSirayeli ayengenawo umthetho owalela ukukrexeza, uYosefu wacinga ngendlela uThixo akujonga ngayo ukukrexeza. Ngaphezu koko, amazwi athi “ndingathini,” abonisa ukuba wayengumntu owenza izinto ngendlela kaThixo.—Efese 5:1.
Nomntwana wakho usazama ukuzazi. Intle loo nto, kuba xa ezazi kakuhle uya kukwazi ukumelana nempembelelo yoontanga. (IMizekeliso 1:10-15) Kwelinye icala, oko kuzazi kunokumenza afune ukuzithethelela nakuwe. Umele wenze ntoni ke wena?
KHAWUZAME ELI CEBISO: Endaweni yokuba wehle unyusana naye, khawuzame ukuphinda le nto ebeyithetha. (“Khawume kancinci. Oo uthi . . . ”) Emva koko mbuze imibuzo. (“Yintoni ekwenza ucinge ngolo hlobo?”) Menze akhuphe yonke into esentliziyweni. Mvumele athethe oko akucingayo. Ukuba ubona ngendlela eyahlukileyo kweyakho nangona kungekho nto iphosakeleyo, mbonise ukuba uyayihlonipha indlela acinga ngayo, enoba akuvumelani ncam nayo.
Ukuzazi kakuhle akunto nje iqhelekileyo, kodwa kuluncedo. Ngaphezu koko, iBhayibhile ithi amaKristu akamele afane nabantwana ‘abakhukuliswa ngamaza yaye bephetshethwa yiyo yonke imimoya yeemfundiso.’ (Efese 4:14) Ngoko mvumele ude umkhuthaze umntwana wakho ukuba azame ukuzazi kakuhle.
“Xa ndibamamela abantwana bam, kuba lula ngabo ukuba bandiphulaphule, enokuba into endiyithethayo ayifani naleyo bayicingayo. Ndikulumkele ukubanyanzela ukuba benze into endiyicingayo, kodwa ndiyabayeka bazenzele izigqibo.”—UIvana waseCzech Republic.
YIMA KWINTO OYITHETHAYO KODWA UBE BHETYEBHETYE
Kanye njengabantwana abancinci, abanye abakwishumi elivisayo bayakuthanda ukuphindaphinda into enye de umzali athambe. Ukuba abantwana bakho basoloko besenza loo nto, lumka. Nangona ukwenza into ayifunayo ngelo xesha kubonakala kuluncedo, kufundisa umntwana wakho ukuba ukuvusa ingxoxo kumnceda ayifumane into ayifunayo. Yintoni onokuyenza? Landela eli cebiso likaYesu: “UEwe makabe nguEwe, uHayi wenu, abe nguHayi.” (Mateyu 5:37) Inqabile into yokuba abantwana abakwishumi elivisayo baxambulisane nabazali babo xa besazi ukuba abajiki kwinto abayithethileyo.
Kwangaxeshanye yiba nengqiqo. Ngokomzekelo, mvumele akuchazele isizathu sokuba afune ixesha lokubuya ekhaya landiswe ngeso sihlandlo. Xa ummamela, awuyekeleli nje kuba efuna, kodwa ulandela icebiso leBhayibhile elithi: “Ukuba nengqiqo kwenu makwazeke ebantwini bonke.”—Filipi 4:5.
KHAWUZAME ELI CEBISO: Yibani nentlanganiso njengentsapho apho niza kuthetha ngexesha lokubuya kunye neminye imithetho yasekhaya. Phulaphula kakuhle uze uhlolisise zonke izinto ezibandakanyekileyo ngaphambi kokuba wenze isigqibo. Omnye utata waseBrazil, uRoberto uthi, “Abantwana abakwishumi elivisayo bamele bazi ukuba abazali banokubavumela xa befuna ukwenza izinto ezingangqubaniyo nemigaqo yeBhayibhile.”
Akakho umzali ofezekileyo. IBhayibhile ithi: “Sonke siyakhubeka izihlandlo ezininzi.” (Yakobi 3:2) Xa uzazi ukuba nguwe obangele ukuba nihlisane ninyusana, cela uxolo emntwaneni. Ukuvuma impazamo yakho kubonisa ukuba uthobekile, ibe uya kube umbekela umzekelo omhle umntwana wakho.
“Emva kokuba sixambulisene, ndehla, ndaza ndacela uxolo kunyana wam ngokuba nomsindo. Naye watsho wehla, waza wandiphulaphula.”—UKenji waseJapan.
a Amagama akweli nqaku atshintshiwe.
b Izinto ekuthethwa ngazo kweli nqaku zisebenza kubafana nakumantombazana.
ZIBUZE . . .
Yintoni endiyenzayo mna ebangela ukuba sixambulisane nomntwana wam?
Ndingawasebenzisa njani amacebiso akweli nqaku ukuze ndimazi kakuhle umntwana wam?
Ndinokwenza ntoni ukuze ndikwazi ukuthetha nomntwana wam okwishumi elivisayo singakhange side sixambulisane?