IBhayibhile Inokukunceda Emtshatweni Wakho

UMTSHATO—kwabanye, eli gama livuselela iinkumbulo ezimyoli. Kwabanye, livuselela intlungu. Enye inkosikazi ithi: “Ndivakalelwa kukuba umtshato wethu sele uqhawukile. Ngalo lonke ixesha ndiziva ndingakhathalelwanga kwaye ndililolo.”

Yintoni ebangela ukuba luphele uthando phakathi kwabantu ababini ababenze isifungo sokuba baya kuthandana baze banyamekelane? Esinye isizathu kukungafundiswa ngoko kubandakanyekileyo emtshatweni. Enye intatheli ebhala ngemibandela yezonyango ithi: “Sitshata singakhange sifundiswe ngomtshato.”

Uphando olwenziwe yiThe National Marriage Project, yeRutgers University yaseNew Jersey, eUnited States, lubonisa ukuba bambalwa abanolwazi ngomtshato. Abaququzeleli beli phulo babhala besithi: “Abaninzi ekwathethwa nabo kolu phando bakhuliswa ngabazali abangonwabanga emtshatweni okanye abaqhawule umtshato. Babazi kakuhle abantu abangonwabanga emtshatweni kodwa abaqinisekanga ukuba abantu abonwabileyo emtshatweni baba njani. Abanye xa bechaza umtshato ophumelelayo bathi ngumtshato ‘ongafaniyo nowabazali bam.’”

Ngaba wona amaKristu akanazo iingxaki emtshatweni? Anazo. Kaloku, amanye amaKristu kwinkulungwane yokuqala kwafuneka ade alulekwe ngokuthe ngqo ukuba ‘ayeke ukufuna ukukhululeka’ emtshatweni. (1 Korinte 7:27) Ngokucacileyo, nawuphi na umtshato wabantu ababini abangafezekanga uza kuba nazo iingxaki, kodwa sinokulufumana uncedo. Amadoda nabafazi banokuluphucula ulwalamano lwabo ngokusebenzisa imigaqo yeBhayibhile.

Liyinyaniso elokuba, iBhayibhile asiyoncwadi ethetha ngomtshato kuphela. Noko ke, ekubeni iphefumlelwe nguMsunguli womtshato, sinokulindela ukuba imigaqo yayo ibe luncedo. Esebenzisa umprofeti uIsaya, uYehova uThixo wathi: “Mna, Yehova, ndinguThixo wakho, Lowo ukufundisa okuyingenelo kuwe, Lowo ukubangela unyathele endleleni ofanele uhambe ngayo. Owu ukuba nje kuphela okunene ubunganikela ingqalelo kwimiyalelo yam! Ngoko uxolo lwakho beluya kuba njengomlambo, nobulungisa bakho njengamaza olwandle.”—Isaya 48:17, 18.

Ngaba uthando olwaluphakathi kwakho neqabane lakho luyaphola? Ngaba ubopheleleke kumtshato ongenalo uthando? Enye inkosikazi esele ineminyaka engama-26 itshatile ithi: “Kunzima nokuyichaza indlela ekubuhlungu ngayo ukuba kulwalamano olunjalo. Yintlungu engapheliyo.” Kunokuba uhlale kumtshato onganelisekanga kuwo, kutheni ungazimiseli ukwenza okuthile? Inqaku elilandelayo liza kubonisa amadoda nabafazi indlela imigaqo yeBhayibhile enokubanceda ngayo ukuba bahlakulele umoya wokuzinikela emtshatweni.

Indlela Onokuwomeleza Ngayo Umtshato Wakho

KHAWUBE nomfanekiso-ngqondweni wendlu engakhathalelwanga. Ipeyinti iyaxobuka, uphahla luyawohloka, nengca ayisachetywa. Kucacile ukuba, le ndlu iye yonakaliswa zizaqhwithi ezinamandla kangangeminyaka, yaye bekungekho mntu uyikhathaleleyo. Ngaba ifanele idilizwe? Akunjalo. Ukuba isiseko sayo somelele yaye isakhiwo sizinzile, le ndlu inokulungiswa.

Ngaba imeko yaloo ndlu ikukhumbuza ngomtshato wakho? Ukutyhubela iminyaka, kusenokwenzeka ukuba umtshato wakho ubuhlaselwa, ngokungathi kunjalo, zizaqhwithi ezinamandla. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba ukusa kumlinganiselo othile omnye wenu okanye nobabini niye nawutyeshela umtshato wenu. Usenokuba uvakalelwa njengoSandy. Emva kweminyaka eli-15 etshatile, wathi: “Kwakungekho nto eyayisidibanisa, ngaphandle nje kokuba sitshatile. Yaye oko kwakunganelanga.”

Nokuba umtshato wakho sele ufikelele kweli nqanaba, musa ukukhawuleza ukugqiba ngelithi ufanele uqhawulwe. Mhlawumbi umtshato wakho unokulungiswa. Kuxhomekeke ekuthini nina nobabini nizinikele kangakanani na omnye komnye. Ukuzinikela kunokunceda umtshato uzinze xa kukho iingxaki. Kodwa yintoni ukuzinikela? Yaye iBhayibhile inokukunceda njani ukuze ukwazi ukuzinikela?

Ukuzinikela Kuquka Ukuzibophelela

Ngokutsho kwesinye isichazi-magama, ukuzinikela “kukuzibophelela okanye ukuziva unyanzelekile.” Ngamanye amaxesha, eli gama lisetyenziswa kwinto ethile, njengesivumelwano kwezoshishino. Ngokomzekelo, umakhi unokuziva enyanzelekile ukuba aphumeze oko kubhalwe kwisivumelwano asityobeleyo sokuba akhe indlu. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba akamazi umntu ogunyazise ukuba kwenziwe lo msebenzi. Sekunjalo, uziva enyanzelekile ukuba aligcine ilizwi lakhe.

Nangona umtshato ungesosivumelwano sezoshishino, xa umntu ezinikele kuwo ufanele azive ebophelelekile. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba wena neqabane lakho nenza isifungo phambi kukaThixo naphambi kwabantu sokuba niya kuhlala kunye, enoba sekumnyam’ entla.