Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kungani Kumelwe Ngibe Umzanyana?

“UZIZWA kanjani ngokuba umzanyana wabafowenu nodadewenu abancane?” IPhaphama! yabuza lombuzo edlanzaneni lentsha. Indlela eyasabela ngayo yayihlukahlukene ngokuphawulekayo.

Enye intombazane eyeve eshumini elinambili yathi, “Ngiyazithanda izingane ezincane, ngakho akuyona inkinga.” Omunye umfana oweve eshumini elinambili waze waqhosha: “Ngiyalijabulela igunya!” Nokho, abanye, bazwakalisa ukungathandi kahle okusobala​—⁠noma ukukucasukela. Enye intombazane esencane yachaza, “Ngikwenza ngoba ngiyazi ukuthi abazali bami badinga usizo.” “Kodwa angikuthandi.” Enye intombazane yathi: “Ngezinye izikhathi ngifuna ukuya emabhayisikobho noma ngenze okuthile, kodwa umama uvele athi, ‘Hamba nomfowenu omncane.’ Angifuni ngempela ukuhamba naye.”

“Ngingumlindi Womfowethu Na?”

Indodana yokuqala ka-Adamu, uKayini, ngokungabi naluzwela yabuza lombuzo ngokuphathelene nomfowabo uAbela. (Genesise 4:⁠9) Nawe ngokufanayo ungase ube nomuzwa wokucasuka uma ucelwa ukuba unakekele abakwelamayo. Kungani isikhathi sakho sokuphumula kumelwe sichithwe ushintsha amanabukeni noma unakekela amadolo ahuzukile? Njengoba enye intombazane eneminyaka engu-15 ubudala yakubeka kamuncu: “Anginalo icala lalokho okwenziwa yimi kuphela kodwa nelalokho okwenziwa abafowethu nodadewethu.”

UMarna osemusha unokukhononda okwehlukile: “Uma siya epaki noma kwenye indawo, ngaso sonke isikhathi kumelwe nginakekele abantwana futhi angikwazi ukuzijabulisa. Kuyangihlanyisa. . . . Lapho ngimtshela [uMama], uthi, ‘Ungudadewabo omdala futhi kumelwe unakekele abantwana.’ Ngacasuka futhi ngamtshela, ‘Mhlawumbe abami, hhayi abakho! Uwena owathola abantwana, akuthina. Kumelwe ubanakekele wena.’”​—⁠The Private Life of the American Teenager, nguNorman noHarris.

Abakwelamayo bangase bangakujabuleli ngokufanayo ukuba banekekelwe nguwe. Futhi bangase bakujabulele ukubhuntshisa imizamo yakho engcono kakhulu yokugcina umthetho nokuhleleka. “Ngezinye izikhathi ngiyakucasukela ukuba umzanyana womfowethu nodadewethu,” kwavuma enye intombazane eneminyaka engu-14 ubudala kuyiPhaphama! “Izinto abazenzayo! Ngezinye izikhathi bayalwa, bese ngiyobalamula, futhi bangitshela ukuthi, ‘Ucabanga ukuthi ungubani? Awuyena uMama!’ Bengingeke ngibe nendaba ukuba bekulula ukubagada.”

‘Kungani Kuyimi?’

Lapho elinye iqembu elikhulu labeve eshumini elinambili libuzwa, “Imiphi imisebenzi enicabanga ukuthi intsha kumelwe iyenze ekhaya?” ukuba umzanyana kwabalwa amaphesenti angu-32! Yebo, imisebenzi yokuba umzanyana iyinto evamile entsheni yanamuhla. Ngenxa yesizathu esisodwa, umsebenzi wendlu ungaba ocindezelayo, nonzima kumama. Obaba babhekene nokucindezela komsebenzi wansuku zonke wokuziphilisa. Omama abengeziwe ngokufanayo kumelwe basebenze kokubili ekhaya nasemsebenzini wangaphandle. Ngokuvamile bacindezeleka kakhulu.

Umzanyana wenza kube nokwenzeka ngomama nobaba ukuba bathole inkululeko ethile ngezikhathi ezithile. Futhi uma bobabili besebenza emisebenzini yangaphandle, umzanyana uyaqikelela ukuba abantwana baqondiswe ngokufanelekile abazali baze babuye ekhaya. Yiqiniso, abazali bakho bangase bakwazi ukuqasha umzanyana wangaphandle. Kodwa bebengeke yini bazizwe belondeke kakhulu ngokwazi ukuthi izingane zabo ezincane zisezandleni zelungu lomkhaya elinekhono nelinothando?

Kuyavunywa, umthwalo wokunakekela abakwelamayo ekugcineni uba semahlombe abazali bakho. (Efesu 6:⁠4) Kodwa ukusiza kwakho njengomzanyana kungasiza abazali bakho ekufezeni izibopho zabo. Futhi kuyindlela “[yokwa]zisa uyihlo nonyoko.” (Efesu 6:⁠2) Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuba umzanyana kukuqeqeshela kahle ukuba umuntu omdala. Omunye owesifazane osemusha ukhumbula ngesikhathi enakekela abafowabo nodadewabo omncane lapho unina, ongumzali oyedwa, esebenza njengoweta: “Ngazo zonke izinsuku ngangibanakekela uMama aze abuye ekhaya. Wayengishiya nohlu lwezinto okumelwe zenziwe: ‘Neka izingubo, hlanza indlu, qalisa ukupheka ukudla kwakusihlwa.’” Lokho kuwumthwalo omkhulu ngentombazane eyeve eshumini nambili! Kodwa uthi: “Uma sengibhekisisa ngiyabona ukuthi kwakuyinto engcono kakhulu ezweni engangingayenza. Ngakhula ngokushesha futhi ngaba umuntu okwazi ukunakekela umthwalo wemfanelo.”

Konje, akukho lutho olungelona ubudoda ngokunakekela komfana izingane. Amadoda ngokuvamile ayekwenza lokhu ngezikhathi zeBhayibheli. (Numeri 11:​12) Futhi umphostoli uPawulu akazange akubheke njengokumqeda isithunzi ukuziqhathanisa ‘nomdlezane.’​—⁠1 Thesalonika 2:⁠7.

Ukuba Nombono Oqondile

Nokho, ukuzenza ukuba ukujabulele ukuba umdlezane wabakwelamayo, kungase kudinge ukuba ukwenze izikhathi eziningana. Isilinganiso esithile sokuxabana ngokuvamile siba khona phakathi kwabafana namantombazane bandawonye. Futhi uma uhlala uxabana nowelamana nabo, noma uma ubabheka njengamahlongandlebe, kungase kube nzima ngawe ukuba nombono oqondile wokubanakekela. Khona-ke, kungase kukusize ukuba ucabangele ezinye zezifundo ezifundiswa eBhayibhelini.

Ngokwesibonelo, cabangela ukulandisa kukaJosefa osemusha nabafowabo. Ngenxa yokuthi uJosefa wayethandwa nguyise, abafowabo “bamzonda, futhi bengenakukhuluma kuye ngokuthula.” Khona-ke cabanga indlela uJosefa azizwa ngayo lapho uyise ethi kuye: “Abafowenu abawalusi umhlambi eShekemi na? Woza, ngiyakukuthuma kubo. . . . Hamba-ke, ubone ukuthi basahlezi kahle yini abafowenu nomhlambi, uze ungibuyisele izwi.” Abantu bendawo ngokungangabazeki babekukhumbula ukubulala ngesihluku eShekemi okwashoshozelwa abafowabo bakaJosefa eminyakeni yangaphambili. (Genesise 34:​25-31) Kwakungaba yingozi ngoJosefa ukuya lapho! Hhayi lokho kuphela, kodwa ngokuqinisekile abafowabo babeyokucasukela ukufika kwakhe. Nokho, ngenxa yokuhlonipha uyise nothando lweqiniso ngabafowabo, uJosefa waphendula: “Ngilapha!” futhi wasamukela isabelo.​—⁠Genesise 37:​4, 13, 14.

UMiriyamu osemusha wayengomunye osemusha ophawulekayo. Lapho uFaro waseGibithe ebopha uzungu lokubulala abantwana abangamaHeberu, uMiriyamu wasiza ukuvikela umfowabo omncane uMose. Lapho usana selubekwe endaweni elondekile emkhunjini omncane futhi lwayekwa ukuba luntante lwehle ngomfula iNayili, uMiriyamu akazange ngokungabi nandaba achilizele isimo somfowabo kude njengenkinga yabazali bakhe. Cha, wama “kudana, ukuze azi ukuthi kuyakwenziwani kuye.” UMiriyamu waze ngisho wakwazi ukuhlela ukuba unina siqu kaMose abelwe ukuba amnakekele!​—⁠Eksodusi 2:​4-⁠10.

Yebo, ngokungafani noKayini, lowo ongamnakanga ngendelelo umfowabo, intsha eyesaba uNkulunkulu namuhla ikubheka njengelungelo nomthwalo wemfanelo ukunakekela eyelamana nabo​—⁠ngisho noma kunzima noma kungayilungeli. Incwadi kaJohane wokuQala 4:​21 ithi: “Othanda uNkulunkulu makathande nomzalwane wakhe.” Futhi nakuba lokhu kusebenza ngokuyinhloko kubazalwane bethu abangokomoya, ngeke yini kusebenze ngokufanayo kulabo esihlanganyela nabo kokubili ubuhlobo obungokomoya nobungokwenyama?a

Ukukhathalela kwakho nesithakazelo, isifiso sakho sokuvikela, futhi ngaphezu kwakho konke, uthando lwakho lokungazenzisi ngabakwelamayo kungafeza ngisho nengxenye ebalulekile ekuthuthukeni kwabo okungokomzimba, okungokomzwelo, nokungokomoya. Nakuba kunjalo, ukunakekela abantwana abancane kungaba yinselele yangempela, futhi isihloko sesikhathi esizayo sizoba nokusikisela okuwusizo kokukusiza ukuba ube umzanyana ophumelelayo.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 27]

‘Ngimdala Kakhulu Ukuba Ngidinge Umzanyana!’

Lapho iPhaphama! ibuza elinye iqembu lentsha ukuthi kunini lapho ingane yayindala kakhulu ukuba idinge umzanyana, enye yaqagela yathi “11,” “13,” futhi, ngokungakholeleki neze, ngisho no-“7”! Nokho, enye intombazane esencane, yathi: “Angicabangi ukuthi kunesilinganiso seminyaka. Ngicabanga ukuthi kuya ngokuvuthwa. Ungase ube neminyaka engu-15 futhi ube mncane kakhulu ukuba ungabi nomzanyana.”

Yebo, ukulinganisela kwabazali bakho ukuvuthwa kwakho kungase kuhluke kakhulu kokwakho. Futhi imikhaya ehlukahlukene ingase ikhethe ukusingatha izindaba ngokwehlukile. Ngakho nakuba abanye babangane bakho bengase banakekele umuzi lapho abazali babo beye emabhayisikobho, kungase kudingeke ubhekane “nokwehliswa” kokuba nomzanyana. Lokhu kungaba nzima ngokukhethekile uma umzanyana wakho kungumfowenu noma udadewenu omdala. “Ngangingathandi ukuba umfowethu abe umzanyana wami,” kwavuma uAlisha osemncane. “Ngangingathandi lapho engitshela ukuthi kumelwe ngenzeni!”

Nokho, abazali bakho bayakukhathalela kakhulu. Bafunda emaphephandabeni ngobugebengu obandayo nokuphathwa kabi kwabantwana, futhi banesizathu esihle sokukhathazeka. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukuba wedwa kini kungase kwesabeke kakhulu kunalokho ongase ukuvume. “Ngangesaba ngempela ukuba ngedwa endlini,” kwasho enye intombazane. “Ngakho nganquma ukuthi kungcono ngidumazeke kunokuba ngesabe.”

Kuyavunywa, ngezinye izikhathi abazali babathatha kancane abantwana babo. Futhi uma lokho kubonakala kunjalo, mhlawumbe kungase kudingeke uxoxe nabazali bakho futhi ubaqinisekise ngokuthi ungakwazi ukuba wedwa. Uma ubelesela noma ukhala, ngokunokwenzeka uyobaqinisekisa ngokuthi awukavuthwa. Nokho, uma ukhuluma ngokuqondile nabo​—⁠ngokwesibonelo, indlela ozosisebenzisa ngayo isikhathi sakho futhi ubhekane nezimo eziphuthumayo⁠—​ungase ukwazi ukubenza babone izinto ngendlela yakho. Uma kungenjalo, mhlawumbe ukuzidela okuvumelekayo, njengokuyohlala kubo kamngane wakho, kungase kucatshangelwe.

Njengoba kulindelekile, abazali bakho basengagcizelela ekutheni ube nomzanyana. Kunokuba wenze izinto zibe nzima ngawe nangomzanyana wakho, zama ukumbheka njengokunwetshwa kwesikhashana kwegunya labazali bakho futhi usebenzelane naye ngangokunokwenzeka. Kuthiwani uma kuba khona ukusetshenziswa kabi okuncane kwamandla? (“Udadewethu wayesizakala ngami,” kukhala enye intombazane. “Wayengenzisa imisebenzi okumelwe yenziwe nguye.”) Kungase kube ngcono kakhulu ukulinda abazali bakho baze babuye ekhaya futhi ukhulume nabo ngakho kunokuba ulwisane nomzanyana wakho.