Indlela Yokuvikela Abantwana Bakho

BAMBALWA kithina abafuna ukugxila endabeni yokunukubezwa kwabantwana ngokobulili. Kuyabashaqisa abazali ukucabanga nje ngakho! Kodwa ukunukubezwa okunjalo kuyiqiniso elisabisayo nelingajabulisi ezweni lanamuhla, futhi imiphumela yako ingabalimaza kakhulu abantwana. Ingabe kuyazuzisa ukucabanga ngalokhu? Yini obungayenza ukuze abantwana bakho bahlale bevikelekile? Ngokuqinisekile awulahlekelwa lutho uma ufunda ngamaqiniso angajabulisi okunukubezwa. Ulwazi olunjalo lungawenza ngempela umahluko.

Ungavumeli uhlupho lokunukubezwa kwabantwana lukuphuce isibindi. Okungenani, unamandla umntanakho angenawo—amandla okuyothatha iminyaka, ngisho namashumi eminyaka, ukuba umntanakho abe nawo. Iminyaka edlule iye yakwenza waba nolwazi, okuhlangenwe nakho nokuhlakanipha okukhulu. Isihluthulelo siwukuba uqine futhi usebenzise lawo mandla ekuvikeleni umntanakho. Sizoxoxa ngezinyathelo ezintathu eziyisisekelo ezingathathwa yibo bonke abazali. Yilezi: (1) Yiba umvikeli wokuqala womntanakho ekunukubezweni, (2) nikeza umntanakho ulwazi oludingekayo oluyisisekelo, (3) bese umhlomisa ngamathuluzi okuzivikela ayisisekelo.

Ingabe Ungumvikeli Wokuqala?

Umthwalo oyinhloko wokuvikela abantwana ekunukubezweni usemahlombe abazali, hhayi kubantwana. Ngakho kufanele kufundiswe abazali ngaphambi kwabantwana. Uma ungumzali, kunezinto ezimbalwa okudingeka uzazi ngokunukubezwa kwabantwana. Kudingeka wazi ukuthi obani abanukubeza abantwana nokuthi bakwenza kanjani. Ngokuvamile abazali bacabanga ukuthi abanukubezi bangabantu abangaziwa, abafuna izindlela zokuthumba abantwana bese bebadlwengula. Ngokuqinisekile bakhona abantu abanjalo ababi. Imithombo yezindaba isitshela ngabo nsuku zonke. Kodwa abavamile. Emacaleni angaba ngamaphesenti angu-90 okunukubezwa kwabantwana, umenzi walesi senzo kusuke kungothile umntwana amaziyo kakade futhi amethembayo.

Ngokwemvelo, umuntu akakwamukeli ukuthi umakhelwane olungile, uthisha, isisebenzi sezenhlalakahle, umqeqeshi noma isihlobo singakhanukela umntanakhe. Empeleni, abantu abaningi abanjalo. Asikho isidingo sokusola bonke abantu abakuzungezile. Noma kunjalo, ungamvikela umntanakho ngokwazi ukuthi umnukubezi ngokuvamile usebenza kanjani.—Bheka ibhokisi elisekhasini 6.

Ukwazi amaqhinga anjalo kungakwenza wena, njengomzali, ukulungele kangcono ukuba umvikeli wokuqala. Ngokwesibonelo, uma othile obonakala ethanda kakhulu abantwana kunabantu abadala ekhetha ukunaka ngokukhethekile umntanakho futhi amuphe izipho noma acele ukumnakekela noma ukushaywa umoya naye, uyokwenzenjani? Ingabe kufanele uphethe ngokuthi lowo muntu ungumnukubezi? Cha. Ungasheshi ukufinyelala iziphetho. Kungenzeka lowo muntu akanacala. Noma kunjalo, kungakwenza uqaphe. IBhayibheli lithi: “Noma ubani ongenalwazi uba nokholo kuwo wonke amazwi, kodwa okhaliphile uyazicabangela izinyathelo zakhe.”—IzAga 14:15.

Khumbula, noma isiphi isenzo somusa esibonakala simangalisa kungenzeka vele siyisimanga. Hlolisisa noma ubani ofuna ukuchitha isikhathi eyedwa nomntanakho. Menze azi lowo muntu ukuthi ungafika noma nini uzobheka umntwana. UMelissa noBrad, abazali abasebasha babafana abathathu, bayaqaphela lapho beshiya umntwana eyedwa nomuntu omdala. Lapho enye yamadodana izofundiswa umculo ekhaya, uMelissa watshela uthisha: “Ngizolokhu ngiphuma ngingena njengoba usekhona.” Ukuqapha ngale ndlela kungase kuzwakale kuwukweqisa, kodwa laba bazali bancamela lokho kunokuba abantwana babo banukubezwe.

Hileleka ngokugcwele ezintweni ezenziwa umntanakho, ubazi abangane bakhe futhi uhlole nomsebenzi wakhe wesikole. Yazi yonke imininingwane ngohambo oluhlelwayo. Uchwepheshe othile wezokusebenza kwengqondo owachitha iminyaka engu-33 esebenza ngamacala okunukubezwa ngokobulili wathi usebone amacala amaningi ayengagwenywa ukube nje abazali babeqaphile. Ucaphuna umnukubezi othile owaboshwa ethi: “Abazali basinika abantwana ngesihle. . . . Ngokuqinisekile babengenzela izinto zibe lula.” Khumbula ukuthi abanukubezi abaningi bafuna izisulu okulula ukuzithumba. Abazali abahileleka ngokugcwele ekuphileni kwabantwana babo bakwenza kube nzima ukuba babe yizisulu.

Enye indlela yokuba umvikeli wokuqala womntanakho ukuba isilaleli esihle. Abantwana ngeke balibeke ngembaba ukuthi banukubeziwe; baba namahloni futhi bakhathazeke ngendlela ozosabela ngayo. Ngakho lalelisisa, ubone ngisho nezimpawu ezicashile.a Uma umntanakho esho okuthile okukukhathazayo, ngesineke buza imibuzo ukuze akhiphe okusenhliziyweni.b Uma ethi akafuni ukuba umnakekeli othile abuye, mbuze isizathu. Uma ethi umuntu omdala udlala naye imidlalo engasile, mbuze: “Umdlalo onjani? Wenzani?” Uma ekhononda ngokuthi othile ubemkitaza, mbuze, “Ukukitaze kuphi?” Ungazilulazi izimpendulo zomntwana. Abanukubezi batshela umntwana ukuthi akukho muntu ozomkholelwa; futhi ngokuvamile kuyiqiniso. Uma umntwana enukubeziwe, isinyathelo esikhulu sokululama siwukuba umzali amkholelwe futhi amsekele.

Nikeza Umntanakho Imfundo Eyisisekelo

Incwadi ethile ekhuluma ngokunukubezwa kwabantwana icaphuna umnukubezi owaboshwa ethi: “Nginike umntwana ongazi lutho ngobulili, uyobe unginike isisulu sami esilandelayo.” Lawo mazwi ahlasimulisayo ayisikhumbuzo esiwusizo kubazali. Abantwana abangazi lutho ngobulili bayizisulu ezikhohliswa kalula abanukubezi. IBhayibheli lithi ulwazi nokuhlakanipha kungasophula “kumuntu okhuluma izinto ezonakele.” (IzAga 2:10-12) Akukhona yini lokho okufunela umntanakho? Khona-ke, njengesinyathelo sesibili esiyisisekelo sokumvikela, ungakugwemi ukumfundisa ngale ndaba ebalulekile.

Kodwa ukwenza kanjani lokhu? Abazali abaningi bakuthola kunzima ukuxoxa nabantwana babo ngobulili. Umntanakho angase akuthole kunzima nakakhulu ukukhuluma ngale ndaba, futhi cishe akunakwenzeka ukuba akhulume ngayo. Ngakho thatha isinyathelo kuqala. UMelissa uthi: “Sasheshe saqala, ngokubiza izitho zomzimba ngamagama. Sasisebenzisa amagama azo angempela, hhayi awokudlala, ukuze sibabonise ukuthi akukho lutho olubi noma olubangela amahloni nganoma iyiphi ingxenye yomzimba wabo.” Kamuva kuba lula ukudlulela engxoxweni ephathelene nokunukubezwa. Abazali abaningi bamane batshele abantwana babo ukuthi izingxenye zemizimba yabo ezivalwa yizingubo zokubhukuda ngezabo kuphela futhi zikhethekile.

UHeather, okukhulunywe ngaye esihlokweni esandulele, uthi: “Mina noScott satshela indodana yethu ukuthi ipipi lingelakhe yedwa, aliyona into yokudlala. Akukho muntu okufanele adlale ngalo—ngisho nomama, ubaba noma udokotela. Uma simyisa kudokotela, ngiyamchazela ukuthi udokotela uzohlola nje ukuthi yonke into ihamba kahle, yingakho-ke engase athinte laphaya.” Bobabili abazali bahlanganyela kulezi zingxoxo njalo, futhi baqinisekisa umntwana ngokuthi angeza kubo abatshele uma othile emthinta ngendlela engafanele noma emenza azizwe engakhululekile. Ochwepheshe bezokunakekelwa kwabantwana nokunqandwa kokunukubezwa kwabo batusa ukuba bonke abazali babe nezingxoxo ezinjalo nabantwana babo.

Abaningi baye bathola ukuthi incwadi ethi Funda KuMfundisi Omkhuluc iwusizo ngempela ekufundiseni ngale ndaba. ISahluko 32, esithi “Indlela UJesu Avikelwa Ngayo,” sinomyalezo ongagwegwesi kodwa oduduzayo esiwuphathele abantwana ngezingozi zokunukubezwa nokubaluleka kokuzivikela. UMelissa uthi: “Le ncwadi isinikeze indlela enhle yokugcizelela lokho esiye sakutshela abantwana bethu.”

Ezweni lanamuhla abantwana kufanele bazi ukuthi kunabantu abafuna ukuthinta abantwana noma abafuna ukuba abantwana babathinte ngezindlela ezingafanele. Lezi zixwayiso akufanele zenze abantwana besabe noma bangabethembi bonke abantu abadala. UHeather uthi: “Kuwumyalezo nje wokuziphephisa. Futhi ungomunye wemiyalezo eminingi, iningi layo elingahlobene nokunukubezwa. Lokhu akuyesabisi neze indodana yami.”

Imfundo oyinika umntanakho kufanele ihlanganise nombono olinganiselayo endabeni yokulalela. Ukufundisa umntwana ukulalela kuyisifundo esibalulekile futhi esinzima. (Kolose 3:20) Kodwa izifundo ezinjalo zingase zeqise. Uma umntwana efundiswa ukuthi kumelwe njalo alalele noma imuphi umuntu omdala, kungakhathaliseki izimo, usengozini yokunukubezwa. Abanukubezi bayashesha ukubona abantwana abavuma konke. Abazali abahlakaniphile bafundisa abantwana babo ukuthi ukulalela kunemibandela. KumaKristu, lokho akuyona into enzima. Kumane nje kusho ukubatshela ukuthi: “Uma othile ekutshela ukuthi yenza into uJehova uNkulunkulu athi ayilungile, ungayenzi. Ngisho nomama nobaba akufanele bakutshele ukuthi yenza okuthile uJehova athi akulungile. Futhi kufanele njalo utshele umama noma ubaba uma othile efuna ukuba wenze okuthile okungalungile.”

Okokugcina, tshela umntanakho ukuthi akukho muntu okufanele amcele ukuba akufihlele okuthile. Mtshele ukuthi kufanele akutshele njalo uma othile emcela ukuba akufihlele noma ngabe yini. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi utshelwani—ngisho noma esongelwa noma yena ngokwakhe enze okuthile okungafanele—kufanele njalo eze kumama noma kubaba futhi amtshele ngakho. Akudingeki ukuba imfundo enjalo imthuse umntanakho. Ungamqinisekisa ngokuthi abantu abaningi bebengeke bazenze izinto ezinjalo—bamthinte lapho kungafanele khona, bamcele ukuba angamlaleli uNkulunkulu, noma bamcele ukuba agcine imfihlo. Njengokuhlela indlela yokuphuma lapho kuqubuka umlilo, lena yimiyalezo nje “eyisixwayiso” futhi cishe ayisoze yasebenza.

Hlomisa Umntanakho Ngamathuluzi Ayisisekelo Okuzivikela

Isinyathelo sesithathu esizoxoxa ngaso siwukutshela umntanakho izinto ezilula okufanele azenze uma kwenzeka othile ezama ukumnukubeza wena ungekho. Enye indlela etuswa ngokuvamile injengomdlalo. Abazali babuza imibuzo ethi “Ubungenzenjani uma . . . ?,” bese umntwana ephendula. Ungase uthi, “Ubungenzenjani uma silahlekelana esitolo? Ubungangithola kanjani?” Impendulo yomntwana ingase ingabi yilokho obukulindele, kodwa ungamsiza ngokumbuza eminye imibuzo, enjengokuthi “Ikhona into ephephile ocabanga ukuthi ubungayenza?”

Ungasebenzisa imibuzo efanayo ukubuza umntwana ukuthi iyiphi indlela ephephile abengasabela ngayo uma othile ezama ukumthinta ngendlela engafanele. Uma imibuzo enjalo imethusa kalula umntwana, ungase uzame ukulandisa indaba ngomunye umntwana. Ngokwesibonelo: “Intombazanyana ethile ihleli nesihlobo esithandayo, kodwa lesi sihlobo sizama ukuyithinta endaweni engafanele. Ucabanga ukuthi yini okufanele iyenze ukuze izivikele?”

Yini okufanele ufundise umntanakho ukuba ayenze ezimweni ezinjengalezo ezichazwe ngenhla? Umlobi othile uthi: “Impendulo eqinile ethi ‘Hhayi!’ noma ‘Ungangithinti!’ noma ‘Awungiyeke!’ iyaphumelela kakhulu ekwenzeni umuntu ofuna ukunukubeza ingane ahoxe futhi afune esinye isisulu.” Siza umntanakho adlale izigcawu ezimfushane ukuze azizwe enesibindi sokwala ngokuzwakalayo, abaleke ngokushesha, futhi akubikele noma yini eyenzekile. Umntwana okubonakala eyiqonda kahle le ndlela yokumqeqesha angase ayikhohlwe kalula ngemva kwamasonto noma izinyanga ezimbalwa. Ngakho kuphinde njalo lokhu kuqeqesha.

Bonke abantu abanakekela umntwana ngokuqondile, kuhlanganise nabesilisa—kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubaba, usingayise, noma amanye amadoda ayizihlobo—kufanele babe nengxenye kulezi zingxoxo. Ngani? Ngenxa yokuthi bonke abahilelekile kulokhu kufundisa empeleni basuke bethembisa umntwana ukuthi abasoze bazenza lezi zenzo zokumnukubeza. Ngeshwa, abantwana abaningi ngokuvamile banukubezwa khona kanye ekhaya. Isihloko esilandelayo sizoxoxa ngendlela ongawenza ngayo umkhaya wakho ube isiphephelo ezweni elinukubezayo.