Isahluko Seshumi Nantathu
Lapho Umshado Usengcupheni Yokuchitheka
1, 2. Lapho umshado ungaphansi kokucindezeleka, yimuphi umbuzo okufanele ubuzwe?
NGO-1988 owesifazane waseNtaliyane ogama lakhe linguLucia wayecindezeleke kakhulu.a Ngemva kweminyaka eyishumi umshado wakhe wawuphela. Wayezame izikhathi eziningi ukubuyisana nomyeni wakhe, kodwa lutho. Ngakho bahlala ngokuhlukana ngenxa yokungafanelani futhi manje kwakudingeka akhulise amadodakazi amabili eyedwa. Ekhumbula leso sikhathi, uLucia uthi: “Ngangiqiniseka ukuthi akukho lutho olwalungasindisa umshado wethu.”
2 Uma unezinkinga zomshado, ungase uyiqonde indlela uLucia azizwa ngayo. Kungenzeka ukuthi umshado wakho usobishini futhi uyazibuza ukuthi ungasinda yini. Uma kunjalo, uyokuthola kuwusizo ukucabangela lombuzo: Ingabe ngiye ngazilandela zonke izeluleko ezinhle uNkulunkulu azinikeza eBhayibhelini ukuze zisize zenze umshado uphumelele?—IHubo 119:105.
3. Nakuba isehlukaniso sivamile, yikuphi ukusabela okubikwayo phakathi kwabantu abahlukanisile nemikhaya yabo?
3 Lapho ibambene phezulu phakathi kwendoda nomkayo, ukuqeda umshado kungase kubonakale kuyinkambo elula kunazo zonke. Kodwa, nakuba amazwe amaningi eye aba nokwanda okushaqisayo kwemikhaya echithekayo, izibalo zamuva zibonisa ukuthi amaphesenti amaningi amadoda nabesifazane ahlukanisile ayazisola. Abaningi baba nezinkinga zempilo ezengeziwe, ezingokomzimba nezingokwengqondo, kunalabo abahlala beshadile. Ukukhungatheka nokungajabuli kwezingane zabazali abahlukanisile ngokuvamile kuhlala iminyaka. Abazali nabangane bomkhaya obhidlikile nabo baphatheka kabi. Kuthiwani futhi ngendlela uNkulunkulu, uMsunguli womshado, asibheka ngayo lesi simo?
4. Kufanele zixazululwe kanjani izinkinga emshadweni?
4 Njengoba kuphawuliwe ezahlukweni ezandulelayo, uNkulunkulu wayehlose ukuba umshado ube isibopho sakho konke ukuphila. (Genesise 2:24) Pho kungani imishado eminingi kangaka ichitheka? Kungase kungenzeki ngobusuku obubodwa. Ngokuvamile kuba nezimpawu ezixwayisayo. Izinkinga ezincane emshadweni zingakhula kancane kancane zize zibonakale zingasenakunqobeka. Kodwa uma lezi zinkinga zixazululwa masinyane ngosizo lweBhayibheli, ukuchitheka okuningi kwemishado kunganqandwa.
YIBA NOMBONO ONGOKOQOBO
5. Yisiphi isimo esingokoqobo okufanele kubhekwane naso kunoma imuphi umshado?
5 Isici esiholela ezinkingeni ngezinye izikhathi kuba amathemba angewona angokoqobo umngane womshado oyedwa noma bobabili abangase babe nawo. Izincwadi zothando, omagazini abathandwayo, izinhlelo zethelevishini, amafilimu angakha amathemba namaphupho ahluke kakhulu ekuphileni okungokoqobo. Lapho lamaphupho engafezeki, umuntu angazizwa ekhohlisiwe, enganelisekile, futhi enanenzondo. Abantu ababili abangaphelele bangayithola kanjani-ke injabulo emshadweni? Kudinga umzamo ukuthola ubuhlobo obuphumelelayo.
6. (a) IBhayibheli linikeza muphi umbono onokulinganisela ngomshado? (b) Yiziphi ezinye izizathu zokungezwani emshadweni?
6 IBhayibheli liwusizo. Liyavuma ukuthi kunenjabulo emshadweni, kodwa lixwayisa nangokuthi labo abashadayo ‘bayoba nosizi enyameni.’ (1 Korinte 7:28) Njengoba sekuphawuliwe, bobabili abashadile abaphelele futhi bathambekele esonweni. Ukwakheka komuntu ngamunye ngokwengqondo nangokomzwelo kanye nokukhuliswa kwakhe akufani. Ngezinye izikhathi imibhangqwana ixatshaniswa imali, izingane, abasemzini noma abasekhweni. Ukungabi bikho kwesikhathi sokwenza izinto ndawonye nezinkinga zobulili nakho kungadala ukungezwani.b Kuthatha isikhathi ukuxazulula izinkinga ezinjalo, kodwa khuthazela! Imibhangqwana eminingi eshadile iyakwazi ukusingatha izinkinga ezinjalo futhi ithole amakhambi avumelana nabo bobabili.
XOXANI NGOKUNGEZWANI KWENU
7, 8. Uma omunye umngane womshado ephathwe kabuhlungu noma kunokungezwani, iyiphi indlela engokomBhalo yokukuxazulula?
7 Abaningi bakuthola kunzima ukuzibamba lapho bexoxa ngezinto ezibaphatha kabuhlungu, izinto abangaqondwa kuzo, noma ukuhluleka komuntu siqu. Esikhundleni sokulimisa ngesihloko athi: “Nginomuzwa wokuthi awungiqondi kahle,” umngane womshado angase acasuke futhi enze inkinga ibe nkulu. Abaningi bangathi: “Uzinaka wena wedwa,” noma, “Awungithandi.” Engafuni ukuhileleka engxabanweni, omunye umngane womshado angase angaphenduli.
8 Inkambo engcono yokulandelwa iwukulalela iseluleko seBhayibheli: “Thukuthelani, kodwa nokho ningoni; ilanga malingashoni nisesimweni sokucasuka.” (Efesu 4:26) Omunye umbhangqwana ojabulayo emshadweni, lapho ugubha iminyaka engu-60 ushadile, wabuzwa ukuthi iyini imfihlo yokuphumelela komshado wawo. Indoda yathi: “Safunda ukungalali singakulungisanga ukungezwani, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kuncane kangakanani.”
9. (a) Yini ephawulwa emiBhalweni njengesici esibalulekile sokukhulumisana? (b) Yini ngokuvamile okudingeka abangane bomshado bayenze, ngisho noma kudinga isibindi nokuthobeka?
9 Lapho indoda nomkayo bengavumelani ngokuthile, ngamunye kudingeka “asheshe ngokuphathelene nokuzwa, ephuze ngokuphathelene nokukhuluma, ephuze ngokuphathelene nolaka.” (Jakobe 1:19) Ngemva kokulalelisisa, bobabili abangane bomshado bangase babone isidingo sokuxolisa. (Jakobe 5:16) Ukusho ngobuqotho ukuthi, “Ngiyaxolisa ngokukuphatha kabuhlungu,” kudinga ukuthobeka nesibindi. Kodwa ukuxazulula ukungezwani ngalendlela kwenza okukhulu ekusizeni umbhangqwana oshadile ukuba ungaxazululi izinkinga zawo nje kuphela kodwa futhi ube nemfudumalo nokusondelana okuyowenza ujabulelane ngokwengeziwe.
UKUNIKEZA IMFANELO YASEMSHADWENI
10. Yisiphi isivikelo esatuswa uPawulu kumaKristu aseKorinte esingasebenza kumKristu namuhla?
10 Lapho umphostoli uPawulu ebhalela abaseKorinte, watusa umshado “ngenxa yokuvama kobufebe.” (1 Korinte 7:2) Izwe namuhla libi njengeKorinte lasendulo, noma libi kakhulu kunalo. Izindaba zenkohlakalo abantu bezwe abazikhuluma ingcaca, indlela engenasizotha abagqoka ngayo, nezindaba ezivusa inkanuko ezikomagazini nasezincwadini, kuma-TV, nasezithombeni zebhayisikobho, konke kuvusa izifiso ezingalungile zobulili. KwabaseKorinte ababephila endaweni efanayo, umphostoli uPawulu wathi: “Kungcono ukushada kunokushiswa inkanuko.”—1 Korinte 7:9.
11, 12. (a) Indoda nenkosikazi bakweletanani, futhi kufanele banikezane yona ngamuphi umoya? (b) Kufanele sisingathwe kanjani isimo uma kudingeka banganikezani imfanelo yomshado okwesikhashana?
11 Ngakho-ke, iBhayibheli leluleka amaKristu ashadile: “Indoda mayinikeze umkayo okumfaneleyo; kodwa nomfazi makenze ngokufanayo kumyeni wakhe.” (1 Korinte 7:3) Phawula ukuthi kugcizelelwa ukupha—hhayi ukufuna ngenkani. Ukusondelana ngokomzimba emshadweni kwanelisa ngempela kuphela uma umngane womshado ngamunye emkhathalela omunye. Ngokwesibonelo, iBhayibheli litshela amadoda ukuba aphathe omkawo “ngokolwazi.” (1 Petru 3:7) Lokhu kuyiqiniso ngokukhethekile ekupheni nasekwamukeleni imfanelo yasemshadweni. Uma inkosikazi ingaphathwa ngothando, ingase ikuthole kunzima ukujabulela lesi sici somshado.
12 Kunezikhathi okungase kudingeke ngazo ukuba abangane bomshado bancishane imfanelo yasemshadweni. Kungase kube njalo ngenkosikazi ngezikhathi ezithile zenyanga noma lapho izizwa ikhathele kakhulu. (Qhathanisa noLevitikusi 18:19.) Kungase kube njalo ngendoda lapho ibhekene nenkinga engathi sína emsebenzini futhi izizwa itubekile ngokomzwelo. Izikhathi ezinjalo zokunganikezani imfanelo yomshado okwesikhashana zisingathwa kahle kakhulu uma bobabili abangane bexoxa ngokukhululekile ngendaba futhi ‘bevumelana.’ (1 Korinte 7:5) Lokhu kuyovimbela umngane womshado ngamunye ukuba afinyelele eziphethweni okungezona. Kodwa uma inkosikazi imncisha ngamabomu umyeni wayo noma uma indoda iyeka ngamabomu ukunikeza imfanelo yasemshadweni ngendlela yothando, umngane womshado angaba sesilingweni. Ezimweni ezinjalo, kungase kuphakame izinkinga emshadweni.
13. AmaKristu angenzenjani ukuze agcine ukucabanga kwawo kuhlanzekile?
13 Njengawo wonke amaKristu, izinceku zikaNkulunkulu ezishadile kumelwe zigweme izithombe zobulili ezingcolile, ezingase zivuse izifiso ezingcolile neziphambene nemvelo. (Kolose 3:5) Kumelwe ziqaphe imicabango nezenzo zazo lapho zisebenzelana nabobulili obuhlukile. UJesu waxwayisa: “Wonke umuntu oqhubeka ebuka owesifazane ukuze amkhanuke usephingile naye kakade enhliziyweni yakhe.” (Mathewu 5:28) Ngokusebenzisa iseluleko seBhayibheli mayelana nobulili, imibhangqwana kufanele ikwazi ukugwema ukuwela esilingweni nasekuphingeni. Ingaqhubeka ijabulela ukusondelana okujulile okujabulisayo emshadweni lapho ubulili bubhekwa njengesipho esihle esivela kuMsunguli womshado, uJehova.—IzAga 5:15-19.
ISIZATHU ESINGOKWEBHAYIBHELI SESEHLUKANISO
14. Yisiphi isimo esidabukisayo esiba khona ngezinye izikhathi? Ngani?
14 Kuyajabulisa ukuthi emishadweni eminingi yamaKristu, noma iziphi izinkinga eziphakamayo zingaxazululwa. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi akubi njalo. Ngenxa yokuthi abantu abaphelele futhi baphila ezweni elinesono elilawulwa uSathane, eminye imishado ifinyelela eqophelweni lokuba ichitheke. (1 Johane 5:19) AmaKristu kufanele abhekane kanjani nesimo esivivinya kanjalo?
15. (a) Yisiphi okuwukuphela kwesizathu esingokomBhalo sesehlukaniso nokuba nethuba lokuphinde ushade? (b) Kungani abanye beye banquma ukungahlukanisi nomngane womshado ongathembekile?
15 Njengoba kuphawuliwe eSahlukweni 2 salencwadi, ubufebe buwukuphela kwesizathu esingokomBhalo sesehlukaniso nethuba lokushada futhi.c (Mathewu 19:9) Uma unobufakazi obuqand ’ikhanda bokuthi owakwakho uye wangathembeka, khona-ke ubhekene nesinqumo esinzima. Uzoqhubeka ushadé naye noma uzofuna isehlukaniso? Ayikho imithetho. Amanye amaKristu aye amthethelela ngokuphelele umngane womshado ophenduka ngobuqotho, futhi umshado oye walondolozwa uye waba impumelelo. Amanye aye anquma ukungahlukanisi ngenxa yezingane.
16. (a) Yiziphi ezinye izici eziye zenza abanye bahlukanisa nabangane bomshado abonile? (b) Lapho umngane womshado ongenacala enquma ukuhlukanisa noma ukungahlukanisi, kungani kungafanele omunye umuntu agxeke isinqumo sakhe?
16 Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kungenzeka ukuthi isenzo sesono siphumele ekukhulelweni noma esifweni esithathelwana ngobulili. Noma mhlawumbe izingane kudingeka zivikelwe kumzali ozihlukumeza ngobulili. Kusobala ukuthi kuningi okudinga ukucatshangelwa ngaphambi kokwenza isinqumo. Nokho, uma uzwa ngokungathembeki kowakwakho bese kamuva uhlanganyela naye ubuhlobo bobulili, ubonisa ukuthi umthethelele owakwakho nokuthi unesifiso sokuqhubeka nomshado. Asisekho isizathu sokuhlukanisa nethuba elingokomBhalo lokuphinde ushade. Akukho muntu okufanele agxambukele futhi azame ukuthonya isinqumo sakho, futhi akufanele noma ubani agxeke isinqumo osenzayo. Kuyodingeka uphile nemiphumela yalokho okunqumayo. “Yilowo nalowo uyothwala umthwalo wakhe siqu.”—Galathiya 6:5.
IZIZATHU ZOKUHLALA NGOKUHLUKANA
17. Uma kungenziwanga ubufebe, yimiphi imingcele imiBhalo eyibekayo ngokuhlala ngokuhlukana noma ukuhlukanisa?
17 Ingabe zikhona izimo ezingase zikwenze kuvumeleke ukuhlala ngokuhlukana noma ukuhlukana nomngane womshado ngisho noma engenzanga ubufebe? Yebo, kodwa esimweni esinjalo, umKristu akakhululekile ukuba afune omunye umuntu ngenjongo yokuphinde ashade. (Mathewu 5:32) IBhayibheli, nakuba likuvumela ukuhlala ngokuhlukana kanjalo, libeka umbandela wokuthi lowo ohambayo kufanele “ahlale engashadile noma aphinde abuyisane nomyeni wakhe.” (1 Korinte 7:11) Yiziphi ezinye zezimo ezinzima kakhulu ezingase zenze ukuhlala ngokuhlukana kutuseke?
18, 19. Yiziphi ezinye zezimo ezinzima kakhulu ezingaholela umngane womshado ukuba acabangisise ngokufaneleka kokuhlala ngokuhlukana ngokomthetho noma ngesehlukaniso, nakuba engenakushada futhi?
18 Umkhaya ungase untule izinto ngenxa yokuthi indoda iyivila nangenxa yemikhuba yayo emibi.d Ingase igembule ngemali yomkhaya noma iyisebenzisele ukusekela ukuba umlutha wezidakamizwa noma wotshwala. IBhayibheli lithi: “Uma noma ubani engabondli . . . abangamalungu endlu yakhe, uluphikile ukholo futhi mubi kakhulu kunomuntu ongenalo ukholo.” (1 Thimothewu 5:8) Uma indoda enjalo ingafuni ukushintsha izindlela zayo, mhlawumbe ize ithathe nemali eholwa umkayo ukuze isekele imikhuba yayo, inkosikazi ingase ikhethe ukuvikela inhlalakahle yayo neyezingane zayo ngokufuna ukuba bahlale ngokuhlukana ngokomthetho.
19 Isinyathelo esinjalo esingokomthetho singacatshangelwa futhi uma umngane womshado enobudlova obuxakile kowakwakhe, mhlawumbe emshaya ngokuphindelela kuze kube sezingeni lokuba impilo nokuphila kube sengozini. Ngaphezu kwalokho, uma umngane womshado njalo ezama ukuphoqa owakwakhe ukuba aphule imiyalo kaNkulunkulu ngandlela-thile, umngane womshado osongelwayo angase acabangele ukuba bahlale ngokuhlukana, ikakhulukazi uma izinto zifika eqophelweni lokusongelwa kokuphila okungokomoya. Umngane womshado osengozini angase aphethe ngokuthi okuwukuphela kwendlela ‘yokulalela uNkulunkulu njengombusi kunabantu’ ukuhlala ngokuhlukana ngokomthetho.—IzEnzo 5:29.
20. (a) Lapho umkhaya ubhidlika, abangane abavuthiwe nabadala banganikezani, futhi yini okungafanele bayinikeze? (b) Abantu abashadile akufanele basebenzise okushiwo yiBhayibheli ngokuhlala ngokuhlukana nokuhlukanisa njengezaba zokwenzani?
20 Kuzo zonke izimo ezeqisayo zokuhlukumeza umngane womshado, akukho muntu okufanele acindezele umngane womshado ongenacala ukuba ahlale nowakwakhe ngokuhlukana noma baqhubeke behleli ndawonye. Nakuba abangane abavuthiwe nabadala bengase banikeze usizo neseluleko esisekelwe eBhayibhelini, ngeke bayazi yonke imininingwane yokuqhubekayo phakathi kwendoda nomkayo. UJehova kuphela ongabona lokho. Yiqiniso, inkosikazi engumKristu iyobe ayilihloniphi ilungiselelo likaNkulunkulu lomshado uma isebenzisa izaba eziwubala ukuze iphume emshadweni. Kodwa uma isimo esiyingozi kakhulu siqhubeka, akukho muntu okufanele ayigxeke uma ikhetha ukuhlala ngokuhlukana nowakwayo. Kungashiwo okufanayo ngendoda engumKristu efuna ukuhlala ngokuhlukana nomkayo. “Sonke siyokuma phambi kwesihlalo sokwahlulela sikaNkulunkulu.”—Roma 14:10.
INDLELA OWASINDISWA NGAYO UMSHADO OWAWUCHITHEKA
21. Yikuphi okuhlangenwe nakho okubonisa ukuthi iseluleko seBhayibheli ngomshado siyasebenza?
21 Ngemva kwezinyanga ezintathu uLucia, okukhulunywe ngaye ekuqaleni, ehlala ngokuhlukana nomyeni wakhe, watholana noFakazi BakaJehova futhi waqala ukufunda iBhayibheli nabo. Uyachaza: “Ngamangala kakhulu lapho iBhayibheli linginikeza amakhambi awusizo enkinga yami. Ngemva kokufunda isonto elilodwa, ngokushesha ngafuna ukubuyisana nomyeni wami. Namuhla ngingasho ukuthi uJehova uyakwazi ukulondoloza imishado esezinkingeni ngoba izimfundiso zakhe zisiza abangane bomshado bafunde indlela yokwazisana. Akulona iqiniso, njengoba kusho abanye, ukuthi oFakazi BakaJehova bahlukanisa imikhaya. Kimina, kwenzeka okuphambene nalokho.” ULucia wafunda ukusebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli ekuphileni kwakhe.
22. Yonke imibhangqwana eshadile kufanele ithembele kuphi?
22 ULucia akayedwa. Umshado kufanele ube isibusiso, ungabi umthwalo. Ukuze ube njalo, uJehova uye walungiselela umthombo omuhle kunayo yonke eyake yalotshwa yeseluleko ngomshado—iZwi lakhe eliyigugu. IBhayibheli ‘lingahlakaniphisa oyisiwula.’ (IHubo 19:7-11) Liye lasindisa imishado eminingi eyayisizochitheka futhi liye lathuthukisa eminye eminingi eyayinezinkinga ezingathi sína. Kwangathi yonke imibhangqwana eshadile ingathembela ngokugcwele eselulekweni somshado esinikezwa uJehova uNkulunkulu. Sisebenza ngempela!
[Imibhalo yaphansi]
a Igama lishintshiwe.
b Ezinye zalezi zinkinga sekuxoxiwe ngazo ezahlukweni ezingaphambili.
c Igama leBhayibheli elihunyushwe ngokuthi “ubufebe” lihlanganisa izenzo zokuphinga, ubungqingili, ukulala nesilwane, kanye nezinye izenzo zangamabomu ezingemthetho ezihilela ukusebenzisa izitho zobulili.
d Lokhu akuhlanganisi izimo lapho indoda, nakuba inezinhloso ezinhle, ingase ingakwazi ukondla umkhaya wayo ngezizathu ezingaphezu kwamandla ayo, njengokugula noma ukungatholi amathuba omsebenzi.
LEZI ZIMISO ZEBHAYIBHELI ZINGASIZA KANJANI . . . EKUGWEMENI UKUCHITHEKA KOMSHADO?
Umshado uwumthombo wenjabulo nosizi.—IzAga 5:18, 19; 1 Korinte 7:28.
Ukungezwani kufanele kuxazululwe ngokushesha.—Efesu 4:26.
Engxoxweni, ukulalela kubaluleke njengokukhuluma.—Jakobe 1:19.
Imfanelo yasemshadweni kufanele inikezwe ngomoya wokungabi nabugovu nangothando.—1 Korinte 7:3-5.
[Isithombe ekhasini 154]
Xazululani izinkinga ngokushesha. Ningavumi ilanga lishone nithukuthele