Abafelokazi Nabafelwa—Badingani? Ungabasiza Kanjani?

UJeanne usefulethini lakhe elincane futhi izibani zikhanya lufifi. Ngaphandle kokucabanga, ubeka amapuleti etafuleni. Uhlala phansi aqale ukudla. Kuthi kusenjalo abone ukuthi ubeke amapuleti amabili, abese eqhumuka akhale. Njengenjwayelo, ubeke amapuleti abantu ababili! Sekuphele iminyaka emibili umyeni wakhe amthandayo ashona.

KUNZIMA ngabantu abangakaze babhekane nalolu sizi ukuqonda ukuthi bujule kangakanani ubuhlungu bokushonelwa owakwakho. Eqinisweni, kuthatha isikhathi ukwamukela leli qiniso elibuhlungu. UBeryl oneminyaka engu-72, wakuthola kunzima ukwamukela ukushona komyeni wakhe ngokuzumayo. Uthi: “Kwakungathi ngiyaphupha. Ngangingakholwa ukuthi ngangingasophinde ngimbone engena emnyango.”

Ngemva kokunqanyulwa umlenze, ngezinye izikhathi abanye baye “bezwe” sengathi usekhona lowo mlenze onqanyuliwe. Ngokufanayo, umuntu oshonelwe umyeni wakhe noma umkakhe ngezinye izikhathi angase “ambone” esixukwini sabantu noma azithole esekhuluma yedwa ecabanga ukuthi ukhuluma naye!

Ngokuvamile abangane nezihlobo bavele bangazi ukuthi kufanele bathini noma basebenzelane kanjani nomuntu oshonelwe. Ukhona yini umuntu omaziyo oye washonelwa umuntu ayeshade naye? Ungamsekela kanjani? Yini okufanele uyazi ukuze ukwazi ukusiza abafelokazi nabafelwa ukuba babhekane ngokuphumelelayo nosizi lwabo? Ungamsiza kanjani umuntu oshonelwe ukuba kancane kancane aphinde ajabulele ukuphila?

Okufanele Ukugweme

Abangane nomndeni kungase kubacindezele ukubona umuntu abamthandayo elusizi ngenxa yokushonelwa bese bezama ukusiza ngokufuna ukuba asheshe azizwe ngcono. Nokho, umcwaningi owenza inhlolovo kubafelokazi nabafelwa abangu-700 wabhala: “Asikho isikhathi esinqunyiwe sokulila.” Ngakho, kunokuzama ukwenza oshonelwe akhohlwe ngokushesha, mnikeni isikhathi sokulila ngendlela afuna ukulila ngayo.—Genesise 37:34, 35; Jobe 10:1.

Nakuba kungase kufaneleke ukusiza ngamalungiselelo omngcwabo, ungacabangi ukuthi kumelwe ulawule zonke izinto. UPaul, umfelwa oneminyaka engu-49, uthi: “Ngicabanga ukuthi ngayithanda indlela abanye abangisiza ngayo ngokoqobo, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo bangivumela ukuba ngizenzele izinqumo eziphathelene namalungiselelo omngcwabo. Kwangijabulisa kakhulu ukubona zonke izinto zihamba ngohlelo emngcwabeni womkami. Ngaba nomuzwa wokuthi kwakuyinto yokugcina ehloniphekile engangingamenzela yona.”

Yiqiniso, abaningi bayalwazisa usizo. U-Eileen, umfelokazi oneminyaka engu-68, uthi: “Ukulungiselela umngcwabo nokulungisa amaphepha kwakunzima ngoba ikhanda lami laliduma. Nokho, indodana nomalokazana wami bangisiza kakhulu.”

Ungesabi ukukhuluma ngomufi. UBeryl, okukhulunywe ngaye ekuqaleni, uthi: “Abangane bami bangisekela kakhulu. Kodwa ngaphawula ukuthi abaningi babekugwema ukukhuluma ngomyeni wami, uJohn. Babenza sengathi akakaze abe khona, futhi lokho kwakungilimaza.” Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, abafelokazi nabafelwa bangase bafise ukukhuluma ngokukhululekile ngomuntu ababeshade naye. Ikhona yini into eyake yenziwa umufi ewumusa oyikhumbulayo noma indaba ethile ehlekisayo? Kuxoxele oshonelwe; ungavumeli ukwesaba kukuvimbe. Uma ucabanga ukuthi ofisa ukukusho uzokujabulela, mtshele izinto owawuzithanda ngomufi noma izinto ezikwenza umkhumbule. Lokho kungenza oshonelwe abone ukuthi nabanye bezwe ubuhlungu.—Roma 12:15.

Lapho uzama ukusiza oshonelwe, gwema ukumnika izeluleko eziningi ngokweqile. Kugweme ukumcindezela ukuba enze izinqumo ngokushesha.a Kunalokho, sebenzisa ikhono lokuqonda futhi uzibuze, ‘Yiziphi izinto eziwusizo engingazenza ukuze ngisize umngane noma isihlobo sikwazi ukubhekana nalesi sikhathi esinzima kunazo zonke ekuphileni?’

Lokho Ongakwenza

Ezinsukwini ezimbalwa ngemva kokushonelwa, umfelwa noma umfelokazi angase alujabulele usizo olungokoqobo. Ungakwazi yini ukupheka, ukuvula umuzi wakho ukuze kuhlale izihlobo ezivela kude noma ukuyomhlalisa kwakhe?

Kuhle futhi ukwazi ukuthi abesilisa nabesifazane balila ngezindlela ezingefani futhi babhekana nesizungu ngezindlela ezingefani. Ngokwesibonelo, kwamanye amazwe, ingxenye yamadoda ashonelwe engaphezu kwesigamu iphinde ishade phakathi nezinyanga ezingu-18—into engavamile kubantu besifazane. Kubangelwa yini lokhu?

Inkolelo evamile ethi amadoda aphinde ashade ukuze kube khona owanakekelayo nonelisa izidingo zawo zobulili ayilona iqiniso. Eqinisweni, amadoda athambekele ekuthululeni izifuba zawo kumakhosikazi awo kuphela; yingakho egajwa yisizungu kakhulu ngemva kokushonelwa omkawo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ngokuvamile abafelokazi bayakuthola ukusekelwa okungokomzwelo ngisho nalapho abangane bomyeni bebakhohliwe. Le nkinga yamadoda iyisizathu esenza amaningi abone ikhambi liwukushada ukuze akwazi ukubhekana nesizungu—naphezu kwezinkinga ezingase zivele ngokushada ngokushesha. Nokho, abafelokazi bakuhlomela kangcono ukubhekana nesizungu.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umngane wakho noma isihlobo sakho siyindoda noma singowesifazane, yini ongayenza ukuze usiphase lapho sibhekene nesizungu? UHelen, umfelokazi oneminyaka engu-49, uthi: “Abaningi bayafisa ukusiza, kodwa abasithathi isinyathelo kuqala sokwenza lokho. Ngokuvamile bathi, ‘Uma kukhona lapho singasiza khona, sicela ungesabi ukusho.’ Nokho, ngangijabula lapho abanye bethi, ‘Sisaya ezitolo, sicela uhambe nathi.’” UPaul, umkakhe owabulawa umdlavuza, uchaza isizathu esasenza akwazise ukumenywa. Uthi: “Ngezinye izikhathi, awukuthandisisi ukuba phakathi kwabantu noma ukukhuluma ngesimo sakho. Kodwa ngemva kokuchitha isikhathi nabangane, uzizwa ngcono; awuzizwa ulahliwe futhi uyabona ukuthi abantu bayakukhathalela. Lokho kwenza kube lula ukuthwala usizi obhekene nalo.”b

Lapho Abashonelwe Belwazisa Ngokukhethekile Uzwela

UHelen waqaphela ukuthi ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo wakudinga kakhulu ngemva kokuba iningi lezihlobo zakhe libuyele emakhaya nasendleleni yokuphila evamile. Uthi: “Ekuqaleni, abangane nomndeni bakusekela kahle kakhulu, kodwa babuyela ekuphileni kwabo okuvamile; okwakho ukuphila kuma nsí.” Ngokuhlale bekhumbula leli phuzu, abangane abahle bahlale bekulungele ukusiza nokusekela.

Mhlawumbe umfelokazi noma umfelwa angase amdinge kakhulu umuntu ongamchithisa isizungu ngezinsuku ezithile ezikhethekile, njengosuku ashada ngalo noma ngosuku owakwakhe ashona ngalo. U-Eileen, okukhulunywe ngaye ngaphambili, uthi indodana yakhe endala iyamsiza akwazi ukubhekana nesizungu aba naso ngosuku ashada ngalo. Uthi: “Minyaka yonke, indodana yami uKevin iyangikhipha siyoshaywa umoya ngalolo suku. Siyahamba siyodla ukudla kwasemini futhi sekuyisiko lethu leli njengomama nendodana.” Kungasiza ukuzikhumbula lezi zinsuku ezinzima kakhulu esihlotsheni sakho noma kumngane wakho ongumfelokazi noma umfelwa. Ungahlela ukuba wena noma abanye bachithe lolo suku naye.—IzAga 17:17.

Abanye abafelwa nabafelokazi baye baphawula ukuthi akuve kududuza ukuchitha isikhathi nabantu abashonelwa ababeshade nabo. Lapho ekhuluma ngesikhathi asichitha nomunye umfelokazi, u-Annie, owashonelwa umyeni wakhe eminyakeni engu-8 edlule, uthi, “Indlela aqine ngayo yangihlaba umxhwele futhi yangikhuthaza ukuba nami ngidondolozele ngiye phambili.”

Yebo, ngemva kokuba ubuhlungu sebudambile, abafelokazi nabafelwa bangabaqinisa idolo abanye, babanike ithemba. Kunabafelokazi ababili okukhulunywa ngabo eBhayibhelini, uRuthe owayesemusha nomamezala wakhe uNawomi, abasizwa indlela abasekelana ngayo. Leyo ndaba ethinta inhliziyo ibonisa indlela ukukhathalelana kwalaba besifazane okwabasiza ngayo ukuba banqobe usizi futhi babhekane ngokuphumelelayo nesimo sabo esinzima.—Ruthe 1:15-17; 3:1; 4:14, 15.

Isikhathi Sokuphola Kwamanxeba

Ukuze bakwazi ukuphinde bajabulele ukuphila ngendlela efanele, abafelokazi nabafelwa kudingeka balinganisele endabeni yokugcina izinkumbulo zabantu ababeshade nabo nokunakekela izidingo zabo. Inkosi ehlakaniphile uSolomoni yavuma ukuthi kukhona “isikhathi sokukhala.” Kodwa yabuye yathi kukhona “nesikhathi sokuphulukisa,” noma sokupholisa amanxeba.—UmShumayeli 3:3, 4.

UPaul, okukhulunywe ngaye ngenhla, uchaza indlela okunzima ngayo ukugwema ukucabanga kakhulu ngezinto esezadlula nokuqhubeka nokuphila kwakho. Uthi: “Mina nomkami sasifana nezihlahla ezathi uma zikhula zathandelana. Nokho, esinye sabe sesifa futhi sasiphulwa, esinye sasala singasenampilo. Ngangingakujwayeli ukuba ngedwa.” Bengafuni kubonakale sengathi bamkhohliwe umuntu ababeshade naye, abanye abafuni ukuqhubekela phambili nokuphila. Abanye bakhathazwa ukuthi uma bejabulela ukuphila kungase kubonakale sengathi sebemkhohliwe umuntu ababeshade naye, ngakho bayakugwema ukuvakasha nokwazi abanye abantu. Ungamsiza kanjani ngomoya omnene umfelokazi noma umfelwa ukuba akwazi ukupholisa amanxeba—aqhubeke nokuphila kwakhe?

Isinyathelo sokuqala singaba ukumsiza ukuba aveze imizwa yakhe. UHerbert, osebe umfelwa iminyaka eyisithupha, uthi: “Lapho nginezivakashi, ngangikwazisa kakhulu ukuzola kwazo zingilalele lapho ngixoxa ngesezadlula noma ngokuthile engangikucabanga kakhulu ngaleso sikhathi. Ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi kwakungemnandi kuzo ukuchitha isikhathi nami, kodwa ngangilwazisa uzwela lwazo.” Izenzo zomngane kaPaul ovuthiwe zamthinta inhliziyo ngokukhethekile ngoba njalo wayethatha isinyathelo sokumbuza ukuthi wayezizwa kanjani. UPaul uthi, “Ngangiyazisa indlela ayeqotho nayemnene ngayo, futhi ngangivame ukumtshela ukuthi ngizizwa kanjani.”—IzAga 18:24.

Lapho umuntu obhekene nosizi lokushonelwa eveza imizwa eguquguqukayo, njengokuzisola, umuzwa wecala noma intukuthelo, lokho kubonisa ukuthi usethatha isinyathelo esibaluleke kakhulu sokwamukela izimo zakhe ezintsha. INkosi uDavide yakhetha ukuthululela inhliziyo yayo kumngane omkhulu kakhulu, uJehova uNkulunkulu. Lokho kwayisiza ukuba ithole amandla, ‘ivuke’ futhi ibhekane namaqiniso abuhlungu okushonelwa indodana yayo isewusana.—2 Samuweli 12:19-23.

Nakuba kuba nzima ekuqaleni, umuntu oshonelwe kufanele abuyele ekuphileni kwakhe okuvamile. Ungakwazi yini ukumcela ukuba ahambe nawe lapho wenza izintwana ezithile, njengokuya ezitolo noma uyoshaywa umoya? Ungakwazi yini ukumcela ukuba akusize ngokuthile? Lena enye indlela yokumkhuthaza ukuba angabi unkom’ idla yodwa. Ngokwesibonelo, angakwazi yini ukukusalela nezingane zakho noma ukukubonisa indlela ukudla okuthile okuphekwa ngayo? Angakusiza yini ekulungiseni izinto ezithile endlini ezidinga ukulungiswa? Ngaphandle nje kokuthi izinto ezinjengalezi ziyamvuselela, ukumcela ukuba akusize kumqinisekisa ukuthi ukuphila kwakhe kusenenjongo.

Lapho oshonelwe evulela abanye isifuba, angakwazi ukuphinde ajabulele ukuphila, aze ngisho akwazi ukuzibekela imigomo emisha. Yilokho kanye okwenziwa uYonette, umfelokazi oneminyaka engu-44 nonezingane. Uyakhumbula: “Kwakunzima kakhulu ukubuyela ekuphileni okuvamile! Kwakungelula ukwenza imisebenzi yasekhaya yansuku zonke, ukunakekela izindaba zezimali nokunakekela izingane ezintathu.” Nokho, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi wakwazi ukuhlela ukuphila kwakhe nokusebenzelana kangcono nezingane zakhe. Wafunda nokwamukela usizo lwabangane.

“Ukuphila Kona Kuyigugu”

Ukuze babe usizo ngempela, abangane nomndeni akufanele balindele ukuthi oshonelwe uyokwenza ngendlela abafisa ngayo. Kungase kudlule izinyanga, ngisho neminyaka, umuntu owashonelwa elokhu eba nemizwa eguquguqukayo, namuhla abe nokuthula kwengqondo, kusasa acindezeleke kakhulu ngokomzwelo. Ngokuqinisekile, “inhlupho yenhliziyo yakhe” ingase iziphe amandla ngezinye izikhathi.—1 AmaKhosi 8:38, 39.

Oshonelwe angase akudinge ngalezi zikhathi ezinzima ukukhuthazwa ukuze abheke izinto njengoba zinjalo futhi angazahlukanisi. Lapho abafelokazi nabafelwa bethola ukusekelwa okunjengalokhu bayakwazi ukuthola indlela yokuphila ngendlela efanele. UClaude, umfelwa oneminyaka engu-60 futhi manje oyisikhonzi esishumayela isikhathi esigcwele e-Afrika, uthi: “Naphezu kobuhlungu bokulahlekelwa owakwakho, ukuphila kona kuyigugu.”

Ukuphila kushintsha kakhulu ngemva kokushonelwa owakwakho. Nokho, labo abaqhubekayo nokuphila kwabo ngemva kokushonelwa bangakwazi ukusiza abanye futhi babakhe.—UmShumayeli 11:7, 8.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 11]

Abangane beqiniso bahlale bekulungele ukusiza nokusekela

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 12]

Zigcinwe Noma Zingagcinwa Izimpahla Zikamufi?

UHelen, owashonelwa umyeni wakhe eminyakeni embalwa edlule, uthi: “Ngagcina izimpahla eziningi zomyeni wami. Njengoba isikhathi sihamba lezo zimpahla zingenza ngikhumbule izikhathi ezimnandi esaba nazo. Angizange ngithande ukuhlukana nezimpahla zakhe ngokushesha ngoba indlela umuntu azizwa ngayo ishintshashintsha kakhulu.”

UClaude, owashonelwa umkakhe eminyakeni engaphezudlwana kwemihlanu edlule, uthi: “Mina angidingi ukugcina izimpahla zomkami ukuze ngiqhubeke ngicabanga ngaye. Ngicabanga ukuthi ukuhlukana nezinto zakhe kuye kwangisiza ukuba ngibhekane namaqiniso futhi ngikwazi ukumlilela.”

Lokhu okushiwo ngenhla kubonisa ukuthi azifani izinto abantu abashonelwe abakhetha ukuzenza ngezimpahla zikamufi. Ngakho-ke, abangane nezihlobo abahlakaniphile kufanele bagweme ukuzama ukuphoqelela imibono yabo kule ndaba.—Galathiya 6:2, 5.

[Izithombe ekhasini 9]

Zikhona yini izinsuku ezithile ezikhethekile oshonelwe angalwazisa ngazo kakhulu usizo lwakho?

[Isithombe ekhasini 9]

Khumbula ukubamema

[Izithombe ekhasini 10]

Cela abafelokazi nabafelwa ukuba bahambe nawe lapho uyokwenza izintwana zakho zansuku zonke noma uyoshaywa umoya