A Happy Family, Shattered and Rebuilt

When my wife, Kaye, gave birth to our daughter, Lauren, I had no idea how to be a good father. When our second child came along—a son, Michael—I was no better. My parents’ marriage had been marked by constant fighting, finally ending in divorce. Although I wanted to be a good family head, I just didn’t know how.

Making things worse, as a teenager, I had become dependent on alcohol and drugs. As an adult, my life was out of control. My addictions, which included gambling, led to a number of bad decisions. Things got so bad that Kaye left me and took our two children with her. I was devastated.

I asked Kaye how I could get her to return. She had already been having Bible discussions with Gloria, one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, so her terms were simple: “Study the Bible.” I didn’t know what that meant, but—as a ploy to get Kaye back—I agreed to meet with Gloria and her husband, Bill.

A Life-Changing Discussion

When Bill and Gloria came to our home, I was impressed by the close relationship that they had with each other. I learned that their grown children, who were about my age, were using their lives in meaningful ways. For the first time, I began to consider the thought that the Bible might be the key to a happy family.

On that visit, Bill and Gloria talked to me about my problems. They showed me what the Bible says at Galatians 6:7: “Whatever a person is sowing, this he will also reap.” I thought to myself, ‘If I had let that principle guide my decisions up until now, I could have avoided so much turmoil!’

Over time, I found that applying Bible principles greatly improved my life. Kaye and I stopped smoking, and I was helped to break free from my other addictions. In 1985, when we had our third child—a son, David, whom we affectionately called Davey—I finally felt equipped to be a good father.

United in Jehovah’s Service

As parents, Kaye and I found that teaching our children to love Jehovah drew us close to him as well. We learned so much from publications such as Listening to the Great Teacher! Meanwhile, families in our congregation provided good role models for us and for our children.

In time, all our children were pioneering. By early 2004, Lauren was in a Spanish congregation. Michael had just left Bethel to get married, and now he and his wife, Diana, were about to leave for a preaching assignment in Guam. Davey, 19, had recently begun serving in the Dominican Republic.

Kaye and I were proud of our children for the choices they had made. We felt as if we were living the words of 3 John 4: “No greater joy do I have than this: that I should hear that my children go on walking in the truth.” Little did we know that our life would change with one phone call.

A Heartbreaking Tragedy

On April 24, 2004, Kaye and I went out to dinner with two other couples. Since the restaurant was more than a hundred kilometers (60 mi) away, the six of us traveled in my car. Afterward, I dropped the others off at a café for dessert and went to find parking. My cell phone rang. It was a friend, and his voice was tense.

“Something terrible has happened,” he said. “Davey was in an accident.”

“How bad is it?” I asked, fearing the answer.

At first, he couldn’t say the words. Then, reluctantly, he told me that Davey had died.

After hanging up the phone, I prayed to Jehovah for strength. Then I went inside the café and told the others that I wasn’t feeling well and that it would be better if we went home. I didn’t want to tell Kaye about Davey until we were alone.

The 90-minute drive home was agonizing. I could hear Kaye excitedly talking to the others about how she was anticipating Davey’s upcoming visit. Meanwhile, before Kaye even knew that our son had died, text messages of condolence were accumulating on my phone.

After dropping off the other couples, we returned home. Kaye took one look at me and knew that something was terribly wrong. “What happened?” she asked. I knew that my next words would shatter Kaye’s life, even as the phone call nearly two hours earlier had shattered mine.

Dealing With Our Loss

Kaye and I had faced challenges before, and we knew that Jehovah sustains his people. (Isaiah 41:10, 13) But this was a different kind of trial altogether. I couldn’t help thinking, ‘How could this happen to Davey—someone who did so much for Jehovah? Why didn’t Jehovah protect him?’

Our other children were devastated as well. Lauren was like a second mom to Davey, so she took his death very hard. Michael did too. Although Michael had been living away from home for about five years, he had recently come to appreciate what a mature young man his little brother had become.

Right from the start, the congregation was a lifeline for us. For example, even as Kaye was getting over the shock of our son’s death, friends from the congregation were arriving at the house to provide comfort and assistance. (Proverbs 17:17) I will never forget the love they showed!

To cope with our grief, Kaye and I kept up our routine of prayer, Bible study, and attendance at Christian meetings. This didn’t erase our pain. But we knew that it was important to keep doing the things that would keep us spiritually strong.—Philippians 3:16.

Meanwhile, Michael and Diana settled closer to us, and Lauren rejoined our English congregation. Being together for the next few years helped all of us begin to heal. When Lauren later got married, her husband, Justin, became an invaluable support to us as well.

A Difficult Journey

Shortly after Davey’s death, there was another step we took to deal with our loss—a difficult undertaking that turned out to be a blessing. Kaye will relate the story.

“When my husband told me that Davey had died, I fell into a black hole, and I stayed there for a long time. I was so consumed by grief that I could barely function. I cried constantly. To be honest, at times I felt angry at Jehovah and at everyone else who was alive. I felt as if I had completely lost my balance.

“I wanted to go to the Dominican Republic. I needed to be where Davey had lived and served Jehovah during his final months. At the same time, I was still fragile, and I felt completely unable to make the journey.

“A close friend helped me by telling me that Davey’s friends in the Dominican Republic were grieving too and that they needed to meet Davey’s family. Her support gave me the strength to get on the plane.

“The trip that our family took was just what we needed. It impressed on us what a spiritual man Davey was. The only elder in the congregation where Davey served said that he could always depend on Davey to fulfill his assignments.

“As we walked down the street where Davey lived, people came to us and told us about the good deeds he had done for them. I always knew he was a kind person, but this experience impressed on me all the more how closely my son tried to walk in Jesus’ footsteps.

“We also met one of Davey’s Bible students—a man who was confined to his bed in a very small house. The man lived in poor conditions, but the friends in the congregation told us that Davey treated the man with the utmost dignity and respect. That made me so proud of him!

“This trip was the hardest I have ever made. Yet, it was healing for us to share both grief and comfort with others who knew Davey. It seemed to make our heartache not so heavy for the moment.”

Encouraged by Davey’s Example

The January 8, 2005, issue of Awake! contained an article about Davey’s death and his service in the Dominican Republic. At the time, our family had no idea how this article would affect readers. For example, in May 2019 a brother named Nick contacted us and told us the following:

“At the end of 2004, I was in college and had no spiritual goals. I wasn’t happy. I prayed to Jehovah, asking him to help me use the years of my youth in a better way. Not long afterward, I read Davey’s experience in Awake! It was the answer to my prayer!

“I left college and started pioneering. I also set a goal to learn Spanish and move to a foreign land. In time, I was able to serve in Nicaragua and also to attend the School for Kingdom Evangelizers with my wife. When people ask what motivated me to pioneer, I share Davey’s experience.”

We had another surprise after we met a sister named Abi, who was assigned to our hotel when we were delegates at the 2019 International Convention in Buenos Aires, Argentina. We were very impressed by her kind and loving demeanor. Kaye and I both felt that she reminded us of Davey.

When we got back to our hotel room, we sent Abi a link to the Awake! article about Davey. A few minutes later, she responded. She was desperate to talk to us, so we met her in the lobby. There, Abi told us, with tears, that it had been Davey’s experience that motivated her to begin pioneering in September 2011 and then to serve in an isolated territory. She said, “Whenever I have difficulties in my assignment, I reread the article.” She even had a copy with her!

Experiences like these show that we are part of a worldwide family. Nothing else in this world can come close to the unity of Jehovah’s people!

Kaye and I draw comfort from the fact that Davey had such a positive impact on others. And really, that is true of all of our dear young ones who expend themselves in Jehovah’s service. Perhaps in ways they do not realize, they touch the lives of people who observe their zeal, and by their example, they motivate others to serve Jehovah to the best of their ability.

“They Are All Living to Him”

At Luke 20:37, Jesus recounts Jehovah’s words when He called himself “the God of Abraham and God of Isaac and God of Jacob.” Jehovah did not say that he was their God only while they were alive but that he is still their God! Why? Jesus tells us in verse 38: “They are all living to him.”

Yes, from Jehovah’s viewpoint, all of his faithful servants are alive; that shows us how determined he is to resurrect them! (Job 14:15; John 5:28, 29) I am convinced that Jehovah feels that way about Davey, as well as all His other servants who have fallen asleep in death.

As much as I want to see Davey again, I have an even stronger desire—and that is to see Kaye reunited with him. I have never seen anyone in so much pain. The words of Luke 7:15 have special meaning for me: “The dead man sat up and started to speak, and Jesus gave him to his mother.”

In September 2005, I joined Kaye in the pioneer service. What a privilege it is to serve as a pioneer beside my wife, our children, and their spouses. As a united family, we support one another and stay focused on our future hope of a new world, where we will be reunited with our beloved Davey.