Fasin Blong No Stap Tru Insaed Long Mared—Ol Nogud Frut Blong Hem

“Mi ronwe.” Hemia mesej we Pata i harem long telefon. Ating tok ya, we hasban blong Pat i talem, i spolem hem moa bitim ol narafala tok blong hem. Pat i gohed blong talem se: “Mi no save bilivim fasin we hem i mekem, blong trikim mi olsemia. Oltaem mi fraet we wan dei hasban blong mi bambae i lego mi, mo i karem narafala woman. Be samting ya nao i kamtru.”

PAT, we i gat 33 yia blong hem, i wantem tumas we mared blong hem i rongud. Hasban blong hem i promes se neva bambae hem i lego hem. Pat i tingtingbak, se: “Mifala i promes blong stap tugeta, nating se sam problem oli kamaot. Mi rili bilivim hem. Be biaen . . . hem i lego mi. Naoia mi no moa gat wan samting nating—mi stap mi wan nomo.”

Hiroshi i neva save fogetem dei ya we oli faenemaot se mama blong hem i go slip wetem narafala man. Hem i rimemba, “long taem ya, mi mi gat 11 yia nomo. Mama i resis i gotru long haos. Papa i biaen long hem, i talem, ‘Wet smol. Yumi tokbaot samting ya fastaem.’ Mi filim se wan samting i rong bigwan. Papa i harem nogud bitim mak. Hem i neva kamgud fulwan bakegen. Antap long samting ya, hem i no save tokbaot problem ya wetem narafala. Taswe hem i tok wetem mi. Traem tingbaot: !Wan man we i bitim 40 yia, i nidim pikinini boe blong hem we i gat 11 yia nomo, blong leftemap tingting mo filing blong hem!”

Rabis fasin blong slip olbaot i save kamaot long famle blong ol king, ol man blong politik mo sinema, ol lida blong skul, mo i save spolem stret famle blong yumi tu. Yes, fasin ya blong slip olbaot i gohed blong mekem se plante man oli rili harem nogud. The New Encyclopædia Britannica i talem se: “Fasin blong slip wetem man no woman blong narafala i stap long evri kantri long wol, mo long sam ples, klosap olgeta man we oli mared oli mekem olsem.” Sam man blong mekem dip stadi oli talem se bitwin 50 mo 75 pesen blong ol man oli slip samtaem finis wetem man no woman we i no hasban no waef blong olgeta. Wan man we i stadi long fasin blong mared, we nem blong hem Zelda West-Meads i talem se nating se plante man i haedem fasin ya, be “ol pruf oli soemaot se fasin blong slip olbaot i stap kam antap.”

Fulap Trabol Long Saed Blong Filing

Ol man oli traem kaontem bigfala namba blong olgeta we oli no stap tru insaed long mared, mo blong olgeta we oli divos tu. Be tufala namba ya i no soemaot bigfala trabol we fasin ya i mekem long laef blong ol wanwan man evri dei. Antap long olgeta problem long saed blong mane, tingbaot ol filing blong ol man mo famle blong olgeta we oli krae bigwan, oli wari mo oli no save slip long naet. Olgeta we oli kasem trabol ya, maet oli save stanap strong tru long hadtaem ya, be ol soa mo trabol we oli kasem, bambae oli no save fogetem gogo plante yia i pas.

Wan buk (How to Survive Divorce) i talem se “Taem mared i seraot, ol strong filing oli kam antap, oli save mekem se yumi no moa lukluk klia long problem ya. ?Yu mas mekem wanem? ?Olsem wanem yu save winim trabol ya? Maet filing blong yu i jenis oltaem. Maet wan dei yu sua, ale biaen yu no moa sua. No maet wan dei yu kros, be biaen yu sem. No wan dei yu gat tras, be biaen no gat.”

Hemia ekspiryens blong Pedro afta we hem i faenemaot se waef blong hem i slip wetem narafala. Hem i talemaot se: “Taem narafala i mekem krangke long yu olsemia, ol strong filing oli fasfas long tingting blong yu.” Man olsem, i had long hem wan blong kasemsave long ol nogud filing blong hem. Be i had moa long ol narafala blong kasemsave, from we oli no fesem trabol ya. Pat i talem se: “I no gat wan we i rili kasemsave long filing blong mi. Taem mi tingbaot we hasban blong mi i stap wetem narafala woman ya, mi harem soa long bodi blong mi, wan soa we mi no naf blong eksplenem long wan narafala.” Hem i gohed, se: “Samtaem mi ting se mi stap kam krangke. Wan dei mi harem se mi bos long filing blong mi. Nekis dei, nogat. Wan dei mi mestem hem bigwan. Nekis dei, mi kros from ol rabis plan blong hem, ol giaman mo ol fasin blong daonem mi.”

Fasin Kros Mo Wari

Wan man we woman blong hem i no stap tru long hem, i talem se “samtaem kros blong mi i strong tumas.” Yu save kros from rong we narafala i mekem long yu. Mo tu, olsem wan woman blong raetem niuspepa i eksplenem, yu “harem nogud from jans blong gat wan hapi mared i lus.”

Ol filing tu, we yu no glad long yu wan mo we yu harem se yu no gud long wan samting, oli plante. Pedro i talem se: “Yu gat ol filing olsem: ‘?Maet ol man oli no ting se mi naes? ?No i gat narafala samting we mi sot long hem?’ Ale yu traem faenemaot poen blong yu.” Long buk blong hem (To Love, Honour and Betray) Zelda West-Meads, we i wok long ofis blong British National Marriage Guidance Council, i talem se: “Wan samting we i had tumas se . . . problem ya i spolem gudfala tingting we yu gat long yu wan.”

Yu Harem Se Yu Gat Fol Mo Tingting i Foldaon

Antap long ol filing ya, plante taem yu harem se yu gat fol. Wan waef we i harem nogud i talem se: “Ating ol woman oli safa bigwan from filing ya se oli gat fol. Yu ting se i fol blong yu mo yu askem se: ‘?Mi mekem wanem rong?’ ”

Wan hasban we waef blong hem i no bin stap tru long hem i tokbaot ol filing we oli save jenis bigwan. Hem i talem se: “Plante taem, tingting blong yu i save foldaon kwiktaem olsem we bigren i kam wantaem.” Wan waef i tingbaot taem hasban blong hem i lego hem, nao evri dei nomo, wota i ron long ae blong hem. “Mi rimembagud long fas dei we mi no krae. Hemia plante wik afta we hem i lego mi. Nao sam manis i pas bakegen, gogo mi spenem wan fulwik we mi no krae. Ol fas dei mo wik we mi no krae, mi makemgud olgeta, se mi stat blong kamgud bakegen.”

Hem i Spolem Yu Tu Taem

Wan samting we plante man oli no luksave se, man no woman we i no stap tru insaed long mared blong hem, i spolem waef no hasban blong hem tu taem. ?Olsem wanem samting ya i tru? Pat i ansa, i se: “I rili had long mi. Hem i hasban blong mi, mo tu hem i besfren blong mi long plante yia.” Yes, plante taem, waef i nidim hasban blong hem blong sapotem hem long taem blong trabol. Naoia, hasban i mekem trabol long hem, mo antap long samting ya, hem i no moa stap givhan long hem long bigfala trabol ya, olsem hem i mekem bifo. From wan samting nomo we hem i mekem, waef blong hem i harem soa tumas mo tu hem i lusum fren ya we oltaem hem i save talemaot filing blong hem long hem.

From tufala fasin ya, maet yu harem we hasban no waef blong yu i rili giaman long yu mo i daonem yu, we maet i hadwok long yu blong winim nogud filing ya. Wan woman we i givim advaes long saed blong mared i eksplenem from wanem wan man we i lego mared blong hem i spolemgud filing blong waef no hasban blong hem: “Ol hop, drim mo samting we yumi wantem, yumi putum insaed long mared, . . . , blong faenem wan man we yumi rili save trastem, wan we yumi save dipen long hem oltaem. Sipos wantaem nomo, tras i no moa gat, i olsem wan haos we oli wokem long ol kad, nao win i blu long hem, mo hem i foldaon.”

I klia nomo, olsem buk ya How to Survive Divorce i talem, ol man ya oli “nidim help blong stretem ol nogud filing . . . Maet oli nidim help blong luksave ol defren disisen we oli save mekem, mo olsem wanem blong mekem ol disisen ya.” ?Be wanem ol disisen ya?

Maet yu yu askem se ‘?Mitufala i save joengud bakegen?’ ‘?No bambae mi divos long hem?’ Mo sipos mared klosap i brok finis bifo we hem i mekem krangke long yu, maet yu kwik blong ting se divos i save stretem ol problem blong yu. Maet yu gat tingting ya se, ‘Baebol i agri long divos taem hasban no waef blong yu i mekem i krangke long yu.’ (Matiu 19:9) Be sipos yu folem defren rod, maet yu gat tingting ya se Baebol i no pulum strong yumi long divos. Nao maet yu harem se i moa gud blong joengud bakegen wetem hem mo wokhad blong mekem mared ya i strong bakegen.

Sipos yu divos no yu no divos long hasban no waef blong yu we i no bin stap tru insaed long mared, i prapa jus blong yu. Be, ?olsem wanem yu yu save se bambae yu mekem wanem? Fastaem, skelemgud ol samting we maet oli save givhan long yu blong luksave sipos yutufala i save joengud bakegen.

[Futnot]