What Causes Family Distress?

‘SHE is lazy!’ Bob exclaimed. ‘She is a terrible housekeeper!’

‘That is just not true!’ retorted Jean. ‘He doesn’t appreciate a thing I try to do. He is the most critical man I have ever met.’

What went wrong in the life of Bob and Jean?a Their fledgling marriage was only four months old, but it was already close to disaster. However, their case is not exceptional, for statistics show that marital discord is common. Experts now say that half of all new marriages in the United States will end in divorce. Similarly gloomy statistics come from many other countries. Yet, divorce is just part of the picture. In unprecedented numbers and for various reasons, families are in distress.

Some Reasons for Family Distress

Children are greatly affected when distressing circumstances exist in a family. Newsweek magazine reports: “One third of all children born in the past decade [in the United States] will probably live in a stepfamily before they are 18. One out of every four children today is being raised by a single parent. About 22 percent of children today were born out of wedlock; of those, about a third were born to a teenage mother.”

Citing a related cause of family distress, child-abuse expert J. Patrick Gannon says: “Current surveys show that tens of millions of people grew up in dysfunctional [abnormally functioning] families where violence, incest, or emotional abuse caused by alcoholism was an everyday reality.” It is no surprise that many children exposed to such things may not know how to avoid family distress as adults.

Some observers might blame family distress on the economic, social, and moral changes that have swept over industrialized lands. For example, the large-scale entry of women into the work force has triggered an often disconcerting rearrangement of domestic roles and responsibilities. Mothers nervously hone rusty job skills, fathers reluctantly grapple with housework, and children tearfully adjust to life at day-care centers.

Many families are under intense pressure in lands around the globe. One working parent compared this to “living in a constant state of emergency.” It is no wonder that almost half of those polled during a recent Gallup survey said that the ‘American family is worse off today than it was 10 years ago,’ and few believed that the situation would improve.

Family distress is therefore a perennial topic of discussion on television and radio talk shows. The public devours self-help books on the family, some offering a measure of sound and practical advice. Although admonition to ‘communicate more openly’ or to ‘share one’s feelings’ can be helpful, it falls short of coming to grips with the real cause of domestic problems. The next article will do so and will show how to deal with family distress.

[Footnotes]