Kuyini Okunganceda Asebekhulile Ukuthi Bangadivosi?

E-United States kusukela ngo-1990 kusiya ku-2015, inani labantu abaleminyaka edlula 50 abadivosileyo likhwele kabili besekusithi elalabo abaleminyaka edlula 65 lona likhwele kathathu. Kuyini okubangela ukuthi abanye abantu asebekhulile badivose? Lingenzani ukuze lani lingacini selidivosa?

Okusesihlokweni lesi

• Kuyini okubangela ukuthi abantu asebekhulile badivose?

• Elingakwenza ukuze lingacini selidivosa

• Elingaxoxa ngakho

Kuyini okubangela ukuthi abantu asebekhulile badivose?

• Izikhathi ezinengi okubangela ukuthi abantu asebekhulile bacine sebedivosa yikuthi bayabe belokhu beqhelelana kancane kancane. Abanye bacina bethanda izinto ezitshiyene lalezo ezithandwa ngabomkabo. Okunye okwenzakalayo yikuthi nxa belabantwana, abantwana labo besebesuka ngekhaya basala benanzelela ukuthi isikhathi sabo esinengi bebesisebenzisa ukunakekela abantwana kulokuqinisa umtshado wabo.

• Eminyakeni esanda kwedlula labo abacebisa abantu ngezindaba zomtshado bakhuthaza umuntu ngamunye otshadileyo ukuthi aqakathekise lokho okufunwa nguye. Bakhuthaza umuntu otshadileyo ukuthi azibuze imibuzo elandelayo: ‘Ngiyathokoza yini emtshadweni wonalo?’ ‘Umtshado wonalo uyanginceda yini?’ ‘Umkami uyangitshengisa yini ukuthi uyangithanda?’ Nxa impendulo zemibuzo le kungu-hatshi, bathi sekumele wenze isinqumo esinceda wena ngokudivosa umuntu lowo ubusutshada lomunye.

• Ukudivosa sekusamukeleka emphakathini. Isikhwicamfundo esibona ngokuhlalisana kuhle kwabantu okuthiwa ngu-Eric Klinenberg sabhala sathi: “Kudala kwakusithi nxa umuntu efuna ukudivosa umkakhe kwakumele abe lezizatho eziqinileyo zokwenza njalo. Kodwa lamuhla sekutshintshile ngoba abantu sebekhuthazwa ukuthi baqakathekise lokho abakufunayo ukwedlula lokho okufunwa ngomunye umuntu. Yikho abanye nxa bebona bengasathokozi emtshadweni wabo bahle bakhethe ukudivosa.”a

Iqiniso elikhona ngelokuthi ukudivosa akuqedi inhlupho kodwa kuphinda kudale ezinye. Ngokwesibonelo, okunye ukuhlolisisa kuveza ukuthi “ukudivosa abantu sebekhulile kubangela uhlupho lwemali ikakhulu kubomama.”

Kodwa kulokunye futhi okumele licabange ngakho. Ibhuku elithi Don’t Divorce lithi: “Lanxa ungadivosa ubusutshada lomunye umuntu akusoze kukutshintshe ukuthi ungumuntu onjani. Usuthuthukisile yini indlela okhuluma ngayo? Kuyini osukwenza khathesi nxa kube lokungazwanani?”b

Elingakwenza ukuze lingacini selidivosa

• Wobani kwazi ukuthi izimo zingatshintsha. Kumele likhumbule ukuthi umtshado wenu awusoze uhlale unjengalokho owawuyikho ekuqaliseni. Okunye okungabangela utshintsho emtshadweni wenu yikusuka kwabantwabenu ngekhaya kumbe lina liyabe selithanda izinto ezitshiyeneyo. Kulokuzikhathaza ngokuthi izinto zazinjani kudala, cabangani ngokuthi lingenzani khathesi ukuze lithuthukise izinto.

  

  Okutshiwo liBhayibhili: “Ungaze wathi, ‘Kungani insuku zakudala zazingcono kulalezi?’ ngoba ukubuza into enjalo akutshengisi ukuhlakanipha.”—UmTshumayeli 7:10.

• Yenzani izinto ezizalinceda ukuthi liqhubeke lithandana. Zama ukwenza izinto ezithandwa ngomunye wakho kumbe umncedise ukuthi afunde ukuthanda izinto lawe ozithandayo. Kukhona yini okutsha elingakufundela lindawonye kumbe elingakwenza? Lokhu liyabe likwenzela ukuthi libe lesikhathi esinengi lindawonye futhi kuzaqinisa umtshado wenu.

  

  Okutshiwo liBhayibhili: “Umuntu ngamunye kangazifuneli okunceda yena kodwa kaqhubeke esenza okunceda abanye.”—1 KwabaseKhorinte 10:24.

• Hloniphanani. Lingayekeli ukuhloniphana ngenxa nje yokuthi selilesikhathi eside lindawonye. Zimisele ukukhuluma kuhle lomunye wakho futhi uzame ukumtshengisa umusa ngendlela elalisenza ngayo lisathandana. Zijayeze ukusebenzisa amabala anjengokuthi “ngicela” lathi “ngiyabonga.” Hlala utshengisa omunye wakho ukuthi uyamthanda futhi umbonge ngezinto akwenzela zona.

  

  Okutshiwo liBhayibhili: “Wobani lomusa komunye lomunye, lizwelane.”—Kwabase-Efesu 4:32.

• Khumbulani izikhathi ezinhle elake laba lazo. Bukani amapikitsha elanga lenu lomtshado lindawonye kumbe likhangele amanye amapikitsha elake lawathatha lilonke. Ukwenza njalo kuzalinceda ukuthi lithandane kakhulu futhi lihloniphane.

  

  Okutshiwo liBhayibhili: “Kumele ngamunye wenu athande inkosikazi yakhe ngendlela azithanda ngayo, lenkosikazi kumele imhloniphe kakhulu umkayo.”—Kwabase-Efesu 5:33.