Ni Iki cya Ngombwa Kugira ngo Ishyingiranwa Ribe Ryiza?

Mbese, wakwibira mu ruzi utarabanje kwiga koga? Igikorwa nk’icyo cy’ubusazi gishobora kukugiraho ingaruka mbi​—ndetse kikaba cyanaguhitana. Tekereza noneho ukuntu abantu benshi biroha mu ishyingiranwa, mu gihe nta kintu kigaragara baba bazi ku bihereranye n’ukuntu bazasohoza inshingano zikubiyemo.

YESU yaravuze ati “ni nde muri mwe ushaka kubaka inzu y’amatafari ndende, utabanza kwicara, akabara umubare w’impiya zayubaka, kugira ngo amenye yuko afite izikwiriye kuyuzuza?” (Luka 14:28). Ibiri ukuri ku bihereranye no kubaka inzu y’amatafari ndende, ni nako bimeze ku bihereranye n’ishyingiranwa. Abifuza gushyingiranwa, bagomba kubara ikiguzi cy’ishyingiranwa babyitondeye, kugira ngo bamenye neza niba bazashobora kuzuza ibyo ribasaba.

Duterere Akajisho ku Ishyingiranwa

Kugira umuntu mubana, mugasangira ibyishimo n’imibabaro y’ubuzima, mu by’ukuri ni umugisha. Ishyingiranwa rishobora kuziba icyuho giterwa n’irungu cyangwa kwiheba. Rishobora guhaza icyifuzo gikomeye twavukanye cyo gukundwa, kugira umuntu tubana no kugira incuti y’inkoramutima. Imana imaze kurema Adamu, yari ifite impamvu yumvikana yo kuvuga iti “si byiza ko uyu muntu aba wenyine; reka muremere umufasha umukwiriye.”​—Itangiriro 2:18; 24:67; 1 Abakorinto 7:9.

Koko rero, gushyingiranwa bishobora gukemura ibibazo bimwe na bimwe. Ariko nanone, bizazana ibindi bibazo bishya. Kubera iki? Kubera ko ishyingiranwa ari uguhuza abantu babiri bafite kamere zitandukanye, wenda zishobora guhuza, ariko zikaba zitameze kimwe neza neza. Ku bw’ibyo rero, n’abagabo n’abagore bashakanye bahuje neza neza, usanga rimwe na rimwe bajya bagirana ibibazo. Pawulo, intumwa y’Umukristo, yanditse avuga ko abashyingiranwa bazagira “imibabaro mu mubiri”​—cyangwa se nk’uko Bibiliya yitwa The New English Bible ihindura uwo murongo, bazagira “umubabaro n’agahinda muri ubu buzima.”​—1 Abakorinto 7:28.

Mbese, Pawulo yaba yari arimo yigira umuntu utarangwa n’icyizere? Oya rwose! Ahubwo yari arimo atera abantu bateganya gushyingiranwa inkunga yo kuba abantu bashyira mu gaciro. Ibyiyumvo by’ibyishimo bisaze byo kumva wikundiye umuntu runaka, si cyo gipimo nyakuri kigaragaza ukuntu ubuzima bw’abashakanye buzaba bumeze mu mezi n’imyaka bizakurikira umunsi w’ishyingiranwa. Buri shyingiranwa rigira ibibazo by’ingorabahizi hamwe n’ingorane byaryo bwite ryihariye. Ikibazo si ukumenya niba bizavuka, ahubwo ni ukumenya uburyo bwo guhangana na byo mu gihe byaba bivutse.

Ibibazo biha umugabo n’umugore uburyo bwo kugaragarizanya ko badakundana urumamo. Dufate urugero: ubwato bwo gutembereramo bushobora gusa n’aho bukomeye mu gihe buba buhagaze ku kivuko budakora. Ariko kandi, mu nyanja ni ho ubushobozi bwabwo nyakuri bwo guhangana na yo bugaragarira​—wenda no mu gihe cy’umuhengeri mwinshi watewe n’inkubi y’umuyaga. Mu buryo nk’ubwo, gukomera kw’imirunga y’ishyingiranwa ntikugaragarira gusa muri bya bihe by’amahoro, ubwo abantu baba bakirebana akana ko mu jisho. Rimwe na rimwe, kugeragerezwa mu mimerere igoranye, aho umugabo n’umugore bashakanye baba bagomba guhangana n’ingorane bakazigobotoramo amahoro.

Kugira ngo ibyo bigerweho, umugabo n’umugore bashakanye bagomba kuba indahemuka ku muhigo wabo, bitewe n’uko Imana yateganyije ko umugabo ‘abana n’umugore we akaramata,’ kandi ko bombi bagomba ‘kuba umubiri umwe’ (Itangiriro 2:24). Muri iki gihe, igitekerezo cyo kuba indahemuka ku muhigo, gitera abantu benshi ubwoba. Ariko kandi, bihuje n’ubwenge rwose ko abantu babiri bakundana by’ukuri, bakwifuza gusezerana kuzabana iteka babikuye ku mutima. Kuba indahemuka ku muhigo, bituma ishyingiranwa ryiyubaha. Bituma habaho urufatiro rwo kugira icyizere cy’uko umugabo n’umugore bazashyigikirana uko byagenda kose.a Niba utiteguye kuba wahiga umuhigo nk’uwo, ubwo mu by’ukuri nturitegura gushyingiranwa. (Gereranya n’Umubwiriza 5:3, 4, umurongo wa 4 n’uwa 5 muri Biblia Yera.) Ndetse n’abamaze gushyingiranwa, bashobora gukenera kurushaho gufatana uburemere ukuntu kuba indahemuka ku muhigo wabo ari iby’ingenzi, kugira ngo bagire ishyingiranwa rirambye.

Isuzume

Nta gushidikanya ko ushobora kurondora imico runaka wifuza ko uwo muzabana yaba afite. Ariko kandi, kwisuzuma kugira ngo ugene uko ushobora kuzagira uruhare mu gutuma ishyingiranwa riba ryiza, byo birakomeye kurushaho. Kwisuzuma mu buryo bwimbitse mbere na nyuma yo guhiga umuhigo w’ishyingiranwa, ni iby’ingenzi cyane. Urugero, ibaze ibibazo bikurikira.

• Mbese, ndifuza guhiga umuhigo wo kuzaba indahemuka ku wo tuzabana mu buzima bwanjye bwose?​—Matayo 19:6.

Mu gihe cy’umuhanuzi wa Bibiliya witwaga Malaki, hari abagabo benshi bari barataye abo bashakanye, wenda kugira ngo birongorere abagore bakiri bato. Yehova yavuze ko igicaniro cye cyari cyuzuyeho amarira y’abagore b’intabwa, kandi yahannye abagabo ‘bariganyaga’ abagore babo batyo.​—Malaki 2:13-​16.

• Niba ntekereza gushyingiranwa, mbese narenze imyaka y’amabyiruka, aho ibyiyumvo bihereranye n’ibitsina biba bikaze cyane kandi bikaba bishobora kugoreka ubushobozi bwanjye bwo gushyira mu gaciro?—⁠1 Abakorinto 7:36.

Uwitwa Nikki warongowe afite imyaka 22 yagize ati “gushaka ukiri muto cyane birimo akaga gakomeye.” Yatanze umuburo agira ati “ibyiyumvo byawe, intego zawe n’ibyo ukunda, bikomeza kugenda bihindagurika guhera igihe uba uri hafi kurenga ikigero cy’ubugimbi, kugeza igihe uba uri hafi kugira imyaka 30.” Birumvikana ariko ko kuba umuntu yiteguye gushyingiranwa bidapimirwa ku myaka gusa. Ariko kandi, gushyingiranwa umuntu atararenga igihe cy’amabyiruka, aho ibyiyumvo bihereranye n’ibitsina biba ari bishya kandi bikaze mu buryo bwihariye, bishobora kugoreka imitekerereze y’umuntu kandi bikamuhuma amaso ku bihereranye n’ibibazo bishobora kuzavuka.

• Ni iyihe mico mfite izamfasha kugira uruhare mu gutuma ishyingiranwa ryacu riba ryiza?—⁠Abagalatiya 5:22, 23.

Intumwa Pawulo yandikiye Abakolosayi igira iti “mwambare umutima w’imbabazi, n’ineza, no kwicisha bugufi, n’ubugwaneza, no kwihangana” (Abakolosayi 3:12). Iyo nama irakwiriye ku bantu bateganya gushyingiranwa, kimwe n’abamaze gushyingiranwa.

• Mbese, ndakuze bihagije ku buryo nazashyigikira uwo twashakanye mu bihe by’ingorane?​—Abagalatiya 6:2.

Umuganga umwe yagize ati “iyo ibibazo bivutse, usanga abashakanye bitana bamwana. Kumenya ugomba kubiryozwa si byo by’ingenzi cyane. Ahubwo, icy’ingenzi ni ukumenya uko umugabo n’umugore bashobora gufatanyiriza hamwe kugira ngo bateze imbere imishyikirano yo mu ishyingiranwa ryabo.” Amagambo y’Umwami w’umunyabwenge Salomo, areba abagabo n’abagore bashyingiranywe. Yaranditse ati “ababiri baruta umwe, . . . kuko iyo baguye, umwe abyutsa mugenzi we; ariko uguye ari wenyine, atagira umubyutsa, aba abonye ishyano.”​—Umubwiriza 4:9, 10.

• Mbese, muri rusange ndi umuntu ugira ibyishimo kandi urangwa n’icyizere, cyangwa ndi umuntu uhora yijimye kandi utarangwa n’icyizere?​—Imigani 15:15.

Umuntu utarangwa n’icyizere, buri munsi wose abona ko ari mubi. Ishyingiranwa ntirihindura iyo myifatire mu buryo bw’igitangaza! Umuseribateri​—yaba umugabo cyangwa umugore​—ukunda guhora anenga ibintu cyangwa utarangwa n’icyizere, nanashaka ni ha handi, azaba umuntu uhora anenga ibintu gusa cyangwa utarangwa n’icyizere. Bene iyo myifatire yo kubona ibintu mu buryo butarangwa n’icyizere, ishobora guteza amakimbirane akomeye mu ishyingiranwa.​—Gereranya n’Imigani 21:9.

• Mbese nkomeza kuba umuntu utuje iyo mputajwe, cyangwa ngaragaza umujinya utagira rutangira?​—Abagalatiya 5:19, 20.

Abakristo bategekwa ‘gutinda kurakara’ (Yakobo 1:19). Mbere yo gushyingiranwa no mu gihe umuntu amaze gushyingiranwa, umugore cyangwa umugabo yagombye kwihingamo ubushobozi bwo kubaho ahuje n’iyi nama igira iti “nimurakara ntimugakore icyaha: izuba ntirikarenge mukirakaye.”​—Abefeso 4:26.

Suzuma Uwo Uteganya Kuzabana na We

Umugani wo muri Bibiliya ugira uti “umunyamakenga yitegereza aho anyura” (Imigani 14:15). Nta gushidikanya, ibyo binakorwa mu gihe cyo gutoranya uwo muzabana. Guhitamo uwo muzabana, ni umwe mu myanzuro ikomeye kurusha iyindi yose umugabo cyangwa umugore afata mu mibereho ye yose. Ariko kandi, byaragaragaye ko abantu benshi bamara igihe kirekire batekereza mbere yo kugena ubwoko bw’imodoka bazagura, cyangwa ishuri bazajya kwigamo, kurusha icyo bamara bibaza uwo bazahitamo gushyingiranwa na we.

Mu itorero rya Gikristo, abahabwa inshingano ‘babanza kugeragezwa’ (1 Timoteyo 3:10). Niba utekereza gushaka, uzifuza kumenya neza ko ‘wagerageje’ uwo muzabana. Urugero, suzuma ibi bibazo bikurikira. N’ubwo byabajijwe byerekeza ku byo umugore ashobora gushingiraho, amahame menshi akubiyemo yerekeza no ku byo umugabo yashingiraho. Ndetse n’abashatse bashobora gusuzuma izo ngingo bakavanamo inyungu.

• Avugwa ate?​—Abafilipi 2:19-22.

Mu Migani 31:23 havuga iby’umugabo ‘umenyekana mu marembo y’umudugudu, yicaranye n’abakuru b’igihugu.’ Abakuru bo mu mudugudu bicaraga mu marembo yawo kugira ngo bace imanza. Bityo rero, biragaragara ko bari abantu biringirwa na rubanda. Uko umuntu abonwa n’abandi, bigaragaza ikintu runaka ku bihereranye n’ukuntu avugwa. Reba n’ukuntu abonwa n’abo ategeka niba abafite. Wowe muzabana, ibyo bishobora kukwereka ukuntu akari kera uzajya umubona.​—Gereranya na 1 Samweli 25:3, 23-​25.

• Ahagaze ate mu birebana n’umuco?

Ubwenge buva ku Mana, “irya mbere buraboneye” (Yakobo 3:17). Mbese, uwo uteganya kuzabana na we, ashishikazwa n’ibyo guhaza irari rye ry’ibitsina kurusha uko ashishikazwa n’igihagararo cye n’icyawe imbere y’Imana? Niba ubu adashyiraho imihati kugira ngo abeho mu buryo buhuje n’amahame mbonezamuco y’Imana, ni ikihe gihamya washingiraho wiringira ko azabikora nyuma yo gushyingiranwa?​—Itangiriro 39:7-​12.

• Ni gute amfata?​—Abefeso 5:28, 29.

Igitabo cyo muri Bibiliya cy’Imigani, kivuga ibihereranye n’umugabo ‘wiringira’ umugore we. Byongeye kandi, “aramushima” (Imigani 31:11, 28). Ntakabya gufuha, kandi nta n’ubwo agaragaza kudashyira mu gaciro mu byo amutezeho. Yakobo yanditse ko ubwenge buva mu ijuru ari “ubw’amahoro, n’ubw’ineza [“bushyira mu gaciro,” NW ] , . . . bwuzuye imbabazi n’imbuto nziza.”​—Yakobo 3:17.

• Afata ate abo mu muryango we?​—Kuva 20:12.

Kubaha ababyeyi, si inshingano ireba abana bonyine. Bibiliya igira iti “umvira so wakubyaye; kandi ntugahinyure nyoko ageze mu za bukuru” (Imigani 23:22). Mu buryo butangaje, uwitwa Dr. W. Hugh Missildine yanditse agira ati “usanga ingorane nyinshi hamwe n’ibibazo byo kudahuza bivuka hagati y’abashakanye, byarashoboraga kwirindwa​—cyangwa se nibura bikaboneka hakiri kare​—iyo umukwe n’umugeni baza kujya basurana mu rugo iwabo batunguranye, maze bakitegereza imishyikirano iri hagati ya ‘fiyanse’ wabo n’ababyeyi be. Uko afata ababyeyi be, bizagira ingaruka ku kuntu azajya afata umugore we. Umuntu agomba kwibaza ati ‘mbese nifuza ko azamfata nk’uko afata ababyeyi be?’ Kandi uko ababyeyi be bamufata, bizakwereka neza ukuntu na we ubwe azajya afata abandi, n’ukuntu azitega ko umwitwaraho​—nyuma y’iminsi y’ubukwe.”

• Mbese, agira umujinya w’umuranduranzuzi cyangwa amagambo asesereza?

Bibiliya itanga inama igira iti “gusharira kose n’uburakari n’umujinya n’intonganya no gutukana hamwe n’igomwa ryose bibavemo” (Abefeso 4:31). Pawulo yahaye Timoteyo umuburo ku bihereranye n’Abakristo bamwe na bamwe bari kuzaba ‘bashishikazwa no kubaza ibibazo, bakagira n’intambara z’amagambo,’ kandi bari kuzagira “ishyari, n’intonganya, n’ibitutsi, no gukeka ibibi, n’impaka z’abantu bononekaye ubwenge.”​—1 Timoteyo 6:4, 5.

Byongeye kandi, Pawulo yanditse avuga ko umuntu ukwiriye guhabwa inshingano zihariye mu itorero, agomba kuba ‘atari umunyarukoni​—ni ukuvuga “udakubitana,” dukurikije ijambo ry’umwimerere ry’Ikigiriki. (1 Timoteyo 3:3, NW, ibisobanuro ahagana hasi ku ipaji muri.) Ntashobora kuba ari umuntu ukubita abandi mu buryo bw’umubiri, cyangwa ngo abashyireho iterabwoba akoresheje amagambo akarishye. Umuntu ufite kamere yo gukoresha urugomo mu gihe arakaye, uwo si umuntu ukwiriye wo gushakana na we.

• Afite migambi ki?

Hari bamwe bakurikirana ubutunzi maze bikabaviramo ingaruka za simusiga (1 Timoteyo 6:9, 10). Abandi bo biberaho nta ntego na mba bagamije kuzageraho (Imigani 6:6-​11). Icyakora umuntu wubaha Imana, azagaragaza ko yamaramaje nk’uko Yosuwa yari ameze, we wagize ati “jye n’inzu yanjye tuzakorera Uwiteka.”​—Yosuwa 24:15.

Ingororano n’Inshingano

Ishyingiranwa ni urwego rwashyizweho n’Imana. Yehova Imana ni we wemeye ko rubaho maze ararushinga (Itangiriro 2:22-​24). Yagennye gahunda y’ishyingiranwa, kugira ngo habeho imirunga ihoraho ihuza umugabo n’umugore, ku buryo buri wese ashobora kubera undi ingirakamaro. Mu gihe amahame ya Bibiliya ashyizwe mu bikorwa, umugabo n’umugore bashobora kwitega kubaho mu buzima burangwa n’ibyishimo.​—Umubwiriza 9:7-9.

Ariko kandi, tugomba kumenya ko turi mu ‘bihe birushya.’ Bibiliya yahanuye ko muri iki gihe, abantu bari kuba “bikunda, bakunda impiya, birarīra, bibona, . . . batari abera, badakunda n’ababo, batūzura, . . . bagambana, ibyigenge, bikakaza” (2 Timoteyo 3:1-4). Izo ngeso zishobora kugira ingaruka zikomeye ku ishyingiranwa ry’umuntu. Ku bw’ibyo rero, abateganya gushyingiranwa, bagombye kubara ikiguzi bizabatwara babigiranye ubwitonzi. Kandi abamaze gushyingiranwa ubu, bagombye gukomeza gushyiraho imihati yo guteza imbere ubumwe bwabo binyuriye ku kwiga no gushyira mu bikorwa ubuyobozi buturuka ku Mana buboneka muri Bibiliya.

Koko rero, abateganya gushyingiranwa, byaba byiza barebye kure, inyuma y’umunsi w’ubukwe. Kandi bose ntibagombye gusuzuma igikorwa cyo gushyingiranwa gusa, ahubwo bagombye no gusuzuma ubuzima bwo kuba umuntu washatse. Shakira ubuyobozi kuri Yehova, kugira ngo uzatekereze mu buryo buhuje n’ukuri, aho gusunikwa gusa n’umuriro w’urukundo. Nubigenza utyo, ishyingiranwa ryawe rishobora kuzarushaho kuba ryiza.

[Ibisobanuro ahagana hasi ku ipaji]

[Agasanduku ko ku ipaji ya 5]

“Amagambo Asobanura Iby’Urukundo Meza Kurusha Ayandi Yose Nasomye”

Uwitwa Dr. Kevin Leman yaranditse ati “ni gute umenya ko ukunda umuntu by’ukuri? Hari igitabo cya kera kirimo amagambo asobanura iby’urukundo. Icyo gitabo kimaze imyaka igera hafi ku bihumbi bibiri, ariko kugeza na n’ubu ayo ni yo magambo asobanura iby’urukundo meza kurusha ayandi yose nasomye.”

Dr. Leman yari arimo yerekeza ku magambo y’intumwa Pawulo wari n’Umukristo, aboneka muri Bibiliya mu 1 Abakorinto 13:4-8:

“Urukundo rurihangana, rukagira neza; urukundo ntirugira ishyari; urukundo ntirwirarira, ntirwihimbaza; ntirukora ibiteye isoni, ntirushaka ibyarwo, ntiruhutiraho; ntirutekereza ikibi ku bantu: ntirwishimira gukiranirwa kw’abandi, ahubwo rwishimira ukuri; rubabarira byose; rwizera byose; rwiringira byose; rwihanganira byose. Urukundo ntabwo ruzashira.”

[Agasanduku ko ku ipaji ya 8]

Ibyiyumvo Bishobora Gushukana

Uko bigaragara, umukobwa w’Umushulami wo mu bihe bya Bibiliya, yari azi neza ibihereranye n’ukuntu ibyiyumvo by’urukundo bigira imbaraga zo gushuka umuntu. Mu gihe yarambagizwaga n’Umwami ukomeye Salomo, yabwiye abakobwa bari kumwe na we ‘kudakangura cyangwa ngo babyutse urukundo muri we, kugeza igihe rwari kubyishakira’ (Indirimbo ya Salomo 2:7, NW ). Uwo mukobwa w’umunyabwenge ntiyashakaga ko incuti ze zimuhatira gutegekwa n’ibyiyumvo bye. Ibyo ni nako biri ku bateganya gushyingiranwa muri iki gihe. Tegeka ibyiyumvo byawe. Nunashaka, bizabe bitewe n’uko ukunda umuntu runaka, bidatewe gusa n’uko ufite igitekerezo cyo gushaka.

[Ifoto yo ku ipaji ya 6]

Ndetse n’abamaze igihe kirekire bashyingiranywe, bashobora gutuma imirunga y’ishyingiranwa ryabo irushaho gukomera

[Ifoto yo ku ipaji ya 7]

Afata ate ababyeyi be?