ICYO WAKORA KUGIRA NGO UGIRE IBYISHIMO MU MURYANGO
Uko waganira n’umwana wawe w’ingimbi cyangwa umwangavu mutajya impaka
“Umukobwa wanjye amaze kugira imyaka 14, yatangiye kujya amvugiramo. Iyo namubwiraga ngo naze arye, yaransubizaga ati ‘ndi burire igihe nshakiye;’ namubaza niba yarangije imirimo namuhaye, akambwira ati ‘mpa amahoro.’ Akenshi ibyo byatumaga dutera hejuru tugatangira gukankamirana.”—MAKI, wo mu BUYAPANI.a
Niba ufite umwana ugeze igihe cy’amabyiruka, mushobora kuzajya mugirana amakimbirane, bikagusaba kumwihanganira. Umubyeyi witwa Maria wo muri Burezili ufite umwana w’imyaka 14, yaravuze ati “iyo umukobwa wanjye ansuzuguye, birandakaza cyane. Twembi turarakara, tugatangira guterana amagambo.” Carmela wo mu Butaliyani na we yahuye n’icyo kibazo. Yagize ati “iyo jye n’umuhungu wanjye tugize icyo tutumvikanaho, buri gihe turarakaranya cyane, maze akajya kwifungiranira mu cyumba cye.”
Kuki abana bamwe na bamwe b’ingimbi n’abangavu bagira amahane? Ese byaba biterwa n’urungano rwabo? Ibyo birashoboka. Bibiliya ivuga ko abo twifatanya na bo bashobora kudutoza imico myiza cyangwa ingeso mbi (Imigani 13:20; 1 Abakorinto 15:33). Ku bw’ibyo, ntibitangaje kuba imyinshi mu myidagaduro ishimisha urubyiruko muri iki gihe, ishyigikira ubwigomeke n’agasuzuguro.
Icyakora hari ibindi bintu wagombye gusuzuma. Numara gusobanukirwa ingaruka bigira ku mwana wawe w’ingimbi cyangwa umwangavu, kumwihanganira bizarushaho kukorohera. Reka turebe bimwe na bimwe.
AGEZE IGIHE CYO GUKORESHA ‘UBUSHOBOZI BWE BWO GUTEKEREZA’
Intumwa Pawulo yaravuze ati “nkiri uruhinja, navugaga nk’uruhinja, ngatekereza nk’uruhinja, nkibwira nk’uruhinja. Ariko ubu ubwo namaze kuba umugabo, nikuyemo imico nk’iy’uruhinja” (1 Abakorinto 13:11). Ayo magambo ya Pawulo agaragaza ko abakiri bato n’abakuze badatekereza kimwe. Mu buhe buryo?
Abana ntibatekereza cyane ngo bagere kure. Ibintu biba ari bibiri: ni byo cyangwa si byo. Abakuze bo baba bashoboye gutekereza no ku bintu bidasobanutse neza, kandi bakarushaho gutekereza cyane mu gihe hari ikintu bagiye gufatira umwanzuro. Urugero, abantu bakuze batekereza ku ngaruka umwanzuro bagiye gufata uzabagiraho, cyangwa izo uzagira ku bandi. Baba bamenyereye gutekereza batyo. Abana b’ingimbi n’abangavu rero ni bwo baba batangiye gutekereza nk’abantu bakuru.
Bibiliya itera abakiri bato inkunga yo gukoresha “ubushobozi bwo kwiyumvisha ibintu” (Imigani 1:4). Koko rero, ishishikariza Abakristo bose gukoresha “ubushobozi bwo gutekereza” (Abaroma 12:1, 2; Abaheburayo 5:14). Icyakora hari igihe ubwo bushobozi bwo gutekereza bw’umwana wawe bushobora gutuma ahora akugisha impaka, n’iyo mwaba muganira ibintu byoroheje cyane.b Ashobora no kuguha igitekerezo gikocamye (Imigani 14:12). None se mu gihe bigenze bityo, wamufasha ute, aho kujya impaka na we?
GERAGEZA GUKORA IBI BIKURIKIRA: Jya wumva ko umwana wawe w’ingimbi atangiye kumenya gutekereza, aho kumva ko atava ku izima. Kugira ngo umenye neza icyo atekereza, jya ubanza umushimire ko afite ubwo bushobozi bwo gutekereza. Ushobora kumubwira uti “nubwo imyanzuro yose ufata tuba tutayemeranyaho, nishimira ko nawe usigaye ufite ibitekerezo byiza.” Noneho, mufashe gusuzuma imitekerereze ye. Wenda ushobora kumubaza uti “ese ubwo buryo umaze kumbwira, wumva wabukoresha mu mimerere yose?” Ushobora kuzatangazwa no kubona umwana wawe yongera kubitekerezaho, maze akagira ibyo anonosora.
Icyo ukwiriye kwitondera ni iki: mu gihe uganira n’umwana wawe, ujye wirinda kumwereka ko ari wowe uri mu kuri. Nubwo mu gihe uganira n’umwana wawe ushobora kwibwira ko urimo ugosorera mu rucaca, ashobora kuzavana amasomo muri icyo kiganiro kurusha uko ubitekereza, cyangwa kurusha uko we abikwereka. Ntuzatangazwe n’uko mu minsi mike nyuma yaho, ashobora kubona ibintu nk’uko ubibona, akaba yanavuga ko ari umwanzuro yigereyeho.
“Hari igihe jye n’umuhungu wanjye twajyaga dushwana dupfa ibintu byoroheje, urugero nko gusesagura cyangwa guhora aserereza mushiki we. Icyakora, akenshi wasangaga asa n’aho yifuza ko mubaza uko na we abona ibintu, kandi nkamwereka ko nishyira mu mwanya we, wenda nkamubwira nti ‘yoo, ese ni uko bimeze!’ Cyangwa nti ‘ese ni uko ubyumva?’ Iyo nshubije amaso inyuma mbona ko iyo nza kuvuga amagambo nk’ayo, hatari kubaho intonganya nyinshi.”—Kenji wo mu Buyapani.
AGEZE IGIHE CYO KWIFATIRA IMYANZURO
Ababyeyi b’abanyabwenge bafasha abana babo kumva ko bagomba kugaragaza ibitekerezo byabo bisanzuye
Kimwe mu bintu by’ingenzi umubyeyi urera umwana w’ingimbi cyangwa umwangavu asabwa, ni ukumufasha kuzavamo umuntu umukuru uciye akenge kandi ushoboye kwibeshaho igihe azaba atakibana n’ababyeyi (Intangiriro 2:24). Kimwe muri ibyo, ni ukumufasha kwimenya, ni ukuvuga imico ye, imyizerere ye n’amahame agenderaho. Umwana nk’uwo ugeze mu gihe cy’amabyiruka nahura n’abamuhatira gukora ibibi, azatekereza ibirenze ingaruka zishobora kumugeraho, bitewe n’uko azi uwo ashaka kuba we. Nanone azibaza ati “ubundi ndi muntu ki? Ni ayahe mahame ngenderaho? Ese umuntu ugendera ku mahame nk’ayanjye yakora iki ahuye n’iki kibazo?”—2 Petero 3:11.
Bibiliya itubwira ibirebana na Yozefu, umusore wari ukiri muto ariko akomeye ku mahame ye. Urugero, igihe umugore wa Potifari yamusabaga ko baryamana, Yozefu yaramushubije ati “nabasha nte gukora ikibi gikomeye bene ako kageni kandi nkaba rwose ncumuye ku Mana” (Intangiriro 39:9)? Nubwo Abisirayeli bari batarahabwa itegeko ribuzanya ubusambanyi, Yozefu yiyumvishaga uko Imana ibibona. Uretse n’ibyo kandi, kuba yaravuze ngo “nabasha nte,” bigaragaza ko yari yariyemeje kubona ibintu nk’uko Imana ibibona, iryo akaba ari ihame yagenderagaho.—Abefeso 5:1.
Umwana wawe na we arimo aritoza kugira amahame agenderaho, azagaragaza uwo ari we. Ibyo ni byiza kuko bizamufasha guhangana n’amoshya y’urungano no kutaganzwa na yo (Imigani 1:10-15). Ariko nanone, ibyo ni byo bituma adapfa kwemera ibyo umusabye byose. Wakora iki mu gihe ibyo bikubayeho?
GERAGEZA GUKORA IBI BIKURIKIRA: Aho kugira ngo ujye impaka n’umwana wawe, ushobora gusa n’usubiramo igitekerezo aguhaye. (Wenda uti “niba numvise neza, urashaka kuvuga ko . . . ”). Hanyuma umubaze ibibazo. (Wenda uti “none se ni iki gituma wumva umeze utyo?” Cyangwa uti “ni iki cyaguteye gufata uwo mwanzuro?”) Gerageza kumenya uko atekereza, kandi umureke avuge uko abona ibintu yisanzuye. Niba ibyo mutabona kimwe ari ibintu bijyanye n’amahitamo y’umuntu ku giti cye, kandi nta kibi kirimo, mwemerere gukora icyo yifuza. Icyo gihe uzaba umweretse ko wubaha imyanzuro ye nubwo waba utemeranya na we muri byose.
Ni iby’ingenzi ko umwana amenya uwo ari we n’amahame amuyobora, kandi birakwiriye. N’ubundi kandi, Bibiliya ivuga ko Abakristo batagombye kumera nk’abana bato ‘bateraganwa n’imiraba bajyanwa hirya no hino n’imiyaga yose y’inyigisho’ (Abefeso 4:14). Ku bw’ibyo, jya wemerera umwana wawe kugaragaza uwo ari we no kugira amahame amugenga, kandi umutere inkunga yo kubigenza atyo.
“Iyo neretse abakobwa banjye ko niteguye kubatega amatwi, bituma barushaho kumva ibitekerezo byanjye, nubwo byaba bitandukanye n’ibyabo. Mba maso simbahatire kwemera ibitekerezo byanjye, ahubwo nkabafasha kwitekerereza no kwifatira imyanzuro.”—Ivana wo muri Repubulika ya Tchèque.
MUJYE MWIRINDA KUJENJEKA ARIKO MUSHYIRE MU GACIRO
Kimwe n’abandi bana bakiri bato, hari abana b’ingimbi bagira ingeso yo guhoza ababyeyi ku nkeke bagira ngo babahe ibyo bifuza. Niba abana banyu bakunda kubikora, mugomba kuba maso. Nubwo kubemerera ibyo babasaba bishobora gutuma mwumva muruhutse ho gato, mu by’ukuri muba mubigisha ko guhoza umuntu ku nkeke bigira akamaro. None se icyo kibazo mwagikemura mute? Mukurikize inama Yesu yatanze agira ati “Yego yanyu ijye iba Yego, na Oya yanyu ibe Oya” (Matayo 5:37). Iyo abana bazi ko mukomera ku myanzuro mwafashe, ntibapfa kubagisha impaka.
Ariko nanone mujye mushyira mu gaciro. Urugero, jya ureka umwana wawe akubwire impamvu yumva ko amasaha yo gutahiraho yahinduka mu mimerere runaka. Niwemera ko muganira kuri icyo kibazo, ntuzaba ugamburuye. Ahubwo uzaba ukurikiza inama yo muri Bibiliya igira iti “gushyira mu gaciro kwanyu bimenywe n’abantu bose.”—Abafilipi 4:5.
GERAGEZA GUKORA IBI BIKURIKIRA: Muzakore inama mu muryango, muganire ku birebana n’amasaha yo gutahiraho n’andi mategeko y’umuryango. Ereka abana ko witeguye kwakira ibitekerezo byabo byose no kubisuzuma mbere yo gufata umwanzuro. Umubyeyi wo muri Burezili witwa Roberto, yatanze inama igira iti “abana b’ingimbi bagombye kubona ko ababyeyi babo baba biteguye kubemerera ibyo bifuza, mu gihe nta hame rya Bibiliya rirengerewe.”
Birumvikana ko ababyeyi badatunganye. Bibiliya igira iti “twese ducumura kenshi” (Yakobo 3:2). Nubona ko ushobora kuba wabwiye nabi umwana wawe w’ingimbi cyangwa umwangavu, ntugatindiganye kumusaba imbabazi. Iyo wemeye ikosa uba utanze urugero rwiza rwo kwicisha bugufi, kandi bizatoza umwana wawe kujya yemera amakosa.
“Igihe natonganaga n’umuhungu wanjye, nyuma yaho maze gucururuka namusabye imbabazi bitewe n’uko namubwiye nabi. Ibyo byatumye na we atuza, kandi arushaho kunyumva.”—Kenji wo mu Buyapani.
a Muri iyi ngingo, amazina amwe n’amwe yarahinduwe.
b Amahame akubiye muri iyi ngingo, areba abana b’ingimbi n’abangavu.
IBAZE UTI . . .
Ni uruhe ruhare ngira mu ntonganya zivuka hagati yanjye n’umwana wanjye?
Nakoresha nte inama zatanzwe muri iyi ngingo, kugira ngo ndusheho kwishyira mu mwanya w’umwana wanjye ugeze igihe cy’amabyiruka?
Nakora iki kugira ngo ndusheho gushyikirana neza n’umwana wanjye tudaterana amagambo?