Yang’anani Ntsogolo Pakumala Kumwalana

Anthu anango asamwalana mbadikhira kuti umaso wawo unakhala mwadidi, ngakhale kuti anango asafuna kupitiriza ninga anyakumanga banja mbwenye iwo nkhabe kakamiza ndzawo toera kupitiriza kukhala pabodzi. Natenepa, azinji anamwalana asaona kuti umaso pakumala kumwalana ndi wakunentsa kakamwe kupiringana pikhadikhira iwo. Mwandimomwene, khala mwamwalana cincino, panango munaona kuti ndi cakucitika cakutsukwalisa kakamwe cakuti cipo mwathimbana naco. Pinadzakhala pyakuphedza kudinga uphungu wadidi wakubuluka m’Bhibhlya wakuti unakuphedzani toera kupembera pakuthimbana na nyatwa zakumwalana.

NYATWA 1: MABVERO AKUIPA.

Kutsukwala thangwi ya nyatwa yakusowa kobiri, ya anyakubala na kutsoperwa kunakwanisa kuthimizirika, pontho mabvero akuipa asadembuka kumala. Nyakudziwa pya m’manyerezero Judith Wallerstein aona kuti pakupita pyaka pa kumwalana, anango asapibva ninga asandukirwa na kusiyiwa, mbaona kuti “umaso ndi wakukhonda kutsandzayisa, pontho mbatsoperwa.”

MUNACITANJI

• Lekani kutsukwala kakamwe na pidaluzika. Panango munaluza xamwali wanu wakuti musapitiriza kunfuna. Ngakhale kuti uxamwali wanu nee ukhali wadidi, munakwanisa kutsukwala thangwi nee muli na kutsandzaya kukhadikhira imwe pakumala kumanga banja. (Misangani 5:18) Lekani kukhala na manyadzo toera kukhala na “ndzidzi wakulira.”​—Koelete 3:1, 4.

• Calirani kukhala mwekhene. Kupitiriza kukhala mwekhene pa ndzidzi wakutsukwala, ndi kwakusowa ndzeru. (Misangani 18:1) Longani mafala akuwangisa pakucedza na axamwali anu, nakuti kazinji kene kudungunya pya ndzanu adamwalana na imwe ngakhale na mathangwi adidi, mbipidatsukwalisa anango. Khala musafuna kucita pisankhulo pyakufunika pakumala kumwalana, sakani ciphedzo ca munthu ananyindira imwe.

• Tsalakanani ungumi wanu. Kazinji kene kutsukwala thangwi ya kumwalana kusabweresa nyatwa za ungumi, ninga kucimwanisa kuthamanga kwa ciropa peno kubva kupha nsolo. Idyani mwadidi, thathamulani manungo, pontho khalani na ndzidzi toera kugona.​—Aefesi 5:29.

• Bulusani pinthu pyakuti pinakucitisani kuipirwa na ndzanu adamwalana na imwe peno pinthu pyakuti nee musapifuna, mbwenye koyani pinthu pyakufunika. Khala pinthu ninga mafoto adabulusa imwe pakumanga banja asakucitisani kubva kupha mu ntima, aikheni m’bokosi, pontho kutali na ananu.

• Malisani manyerezero akukhonda thema. Olga, wakuti amwalana pidamala mamunace kucita upombo. Iye alonga “Ndapitiriza kubvundzika, ‘Kodi nkazi unoyu ali nanji cakuti ine nkhabe naco?’” Mu kupita kwa ndzidzi Olga adziwa kuti kupitiriza na manyerezero akukhonda thema mbukudabweresa “kutsukwala.”​—Misangani 18:14, Tradução do Novo Mundo.

  Anthu azinji asaona kuti kulemba maonero awo kusaphedza toera kudziwa mwadidi na kutsidzikiza manyerezero awo. Mungacita pyenepi, yeserani kukhala na manyerezero mapswa toera kucinja manyerezero akukhonda thema anathimbana na imwe. (Aefesi 4:23) Dingani pitsandzo piwiri.

  Manyerezero akale: Kukhonda khulupirika kwa ndzanga wa m’banja ndi thangwi yanga.

  Manyerezero mapswa: Nee ndi thangwi ya madodo anga adacitisa ndzanga wa m’banja toera kundisandukira.

  Manyerezero akale: Ndaluza pyaka pyadidi na mamuna wakuipa.

  Manyerezero mapswa: Ndinatsandzaya ndingayang’ana ntsogolo mwa umaso wanga, tayu nduli.

• Lekani kubvesera mafala akudzidzida. Axamwali adidi na acibale anakwanisa kulonga pinthu pyakuti ndi pyakudzidzida peno pyakukhonda thema kuna imwe, ninga: ‘Iye nee akhali wakuthema kwa imwe,’ peno ‘Mulungu asaida kumwalana.’b Na thangwi yadidi, Bhibhlya isapereka uphungu: “Leka kubvesera pyonsene pinalongwa na anthu.” (Koelete 7:21) Martina, wakuti papita pyaka piwiri mbadamwalana kale, alonga: “Mbuto mwakunyerezera mafala akudzidzida, ndayesera kuona pinthu m’maonero a Mulungu. Manyerezero ace ndi akusiyana kakamwe na athu.”​—Isaiah 55:8, 9.

• Phemberani kuna Mulungu. Yahova asawangisa alambiri ace toera ‘kutula kwa iye nyatwa zonsene,’ makamaka khala iwo ali pa nyatwa kakamwe.—1 Pedro 5:7.

NYATWA 2: UXAMWALI WANU NA NDZANU ADAMWALANA NA IMWE.

Juliana, wakuti akhali na pyaka 11 pyakumanga banja, alonga: “Ndadembetera mamunanga toera apitirize kukhala na ine. Pidandisiya iye, ndikhali wakuipirwa na iye pabodzi na nkazi adakwata iye.” Azinji anamwalana asapitiriza kukhala akuipirwa kakamwe mu pyaka pizinji na ndzawo adamwalana na iwo. Natenepa, iwo asakakamizika toera kucedza ndzidzi onsene, makamaka khala iwo ali na anapiana.

MUNACITANJI

• Khalani na uxamwali wacilemedzo na ndzanu adamwalana na imwe. Cedzani thangwi ya pinthu pyakufunika na khalani wacigwagwa. Azinji asaona kuti kucedza kweneku kusabweresa ntendere.​—Aroma 12:18.

• Calirani malongero akuphekesa. Makamaka mungasosiwa, uphungu wadidi wa Bhibhlya usalonga: ‘Nyandzeru ndiye ule analonga pang’ono.’ (Misangani 17:27) Khala nkhabe kwanisa kupitiriza na makani adidi, munakwanisa kulonga: “Ndisafuna kunyerezera thangwi ya pyenepi pidalonga imwe, tinadzalonga pontho.”

• Koyani pinthu pyanu kutali na pya ndzanu adamwalana na imwe mpaka panakwanisa imwe, kuphataniza matsamba a matongero, a banku na aungumi.

NYATWA 3: KUPHEDZA ANANU TOERA KUCINJA.

Maria asakumbuka pidancitikira pakumala kumwalana: “Mwananga wang’ono wantsikana akhalira ntsiku zonsene mbatoma kutunda pa talimba. Mbwenye mwananga wankulu wantsikana akhayesera kubisa kutsukwala kwace, ndikhaona kusiyana kwawo.” Mwakutsukwalisa, musapibva kuti nkhabe ndzidzi peno mphambvu toera kuphedza ananu pa ndzidzi unakufunani iwo kakamwe.

MUNACITANJI

• Wangisani ananu toera kulonga na imwe mabvero awo, ngakhale pinalonga iwo pisaoneka ninga “pyakukhonda kubveka”​—Yobe 6:2, 3.

• Pitirizani kucita mabasa akuthema. Ngakhale kuti musafuna ciphedzo toera kukhala wakukhonda kudzudzumika, panango mwananu anafuna kukuphedzani, mbwenye ndi pyakuipa na pyakuphekesa ungumi kuphemba mwana toera kuphedza nyatwa zakunentsa kakamwe. (1 Akorinto 13:11) Calirani kupanga mwananu pinthu pyakuti nee athema kupibva peno kuncita ninga nkwati wa mphangwa pakati pa imwe na ndzanu adamwalana na imwe.

• Tsalakanani mwadidi umaso wa mwananu. Kupitiriza kukhala pa mbuto ibodzi ene na ndandanda ibodzi ndi pyakuphedza kakamwe, mbwenye pyakufunika kakamwe ndi kupitiriza na ndandanda yadidi ya pinthu pyauzimu, ninga kuleri Bhibhlya na kulambira kwa banja.​—Deuteronomyo 6:6-9.

Munakwanisa kuyang’ana ntsogolo mwa umaso wanu pakumala kumwalana. Melissa, wakuti akhali na pyaka 16 pyakumanga banja, alonga, “Mudamwalana ife, ndanyerezera kuti, ‘Nee ndi pyenepi pikhafuna ine mu umaso wanga.’” Ngakhale tenepa, cincino, iye asakomerwa mwakukhonda tsalakana makhaliro ace. Iye apitiriza kulonga, “Mudasiya ine kuyesera kucinja pinthu pidapita, ndakhala wakutsandzaya.”