ʻE Lava ke Matuʻuaki ʻe he Nofo Malí ʻa e Afaá?

“Ko e meʻa kuo fakahoko ʻe he ʻOtua, ke ʻoua naʻa fakamavae ʻe ha tangata.”​—MĀTIU 19:6.

KO E ngaahi fale naʻe hā ngali fefeká naʻe tafiʻi mei honau ngaahi tuʻuʻangá, naʻe haveki ʻo movetevete ʻa honau ngaahi faʻungá. ʻI hono taaʻi ki muí ni ʻe he ngaahi fuʻu afā lalahi ʻa e ngaahi feituʻu takatakai ʻi he foʻi kolopé, naʻe siviʻi fakaʻaufuli ai ʻa e tuʻunga pea mo e ala tuʻu ʻa e ngaahi fale lahi.

Kae kehe, ʻoku fakaʻauha ʻe ha faʻahinga afā ʻe taha ʻa e makatuʻunga mo e faʻunga ʻo e fokotuʻutuʻu motuʻa ko e nofo malí. “Pe ʻe iku ki he lelei pe ki he kovi ange kuo toʻo ʻa e tuʻunga mahuʻingá mei he nofo malí ʻi he moʻui fakafoʻituituí mo fakasōsialé,” ko e fakamatala ia ʻa ha faihisitōlia ko Stephanie Coontz.

ʻE lava ke ke sio ki he ngaahi ola ʻo e liliu ko iá? ʻOkú ke ongoʻi ʻoku mole mei he nofo malí ʻa hono tuʻunga fakaʻapaʻapaʻi ʻi he sōsaietí? Kapau ko ia, ko e hā ʻoku hoko ai ení? Pea ko e hā ʻa e ʻamanaki ʻoku maʻu ʻe ha taha ki hono maluʻi pe tauhi maʻu ha nofo mali fiefiá? Kae kehe, ko e ʻuluaki meʻá, ko e hā ʻokú ne ʻai ʻa e nofo malí ke ʻi he tuʻunga fakatuʻutāmakí?

ʻOhofi ʻo e Nofo Malí

Ko e ʻohofi ʻo e nofo malí ʻoku ʻikai ko ha meʻa foʻou; naʻe hoko ia ʻi he kamataʻanga ʻo e hisitōlia ʻo e tangatá. Ko e ngaahi ʻulungāanga mo e tōʻonga naʻe tupu ʻi heʻetau ʻuluaki ongo mātuʻa fakaetangatá kuo taki atu ia ki he tuʻunga faingataʻa ʻi he nofo malí ʻa ia ʻoku tau hokosia he ʻaho ní. Naʻe faiangahala ʻa ʻĀtama mo ʻIvi ʻi heʻena ʻunua ki he ngaahi holi siokitá, pea ko ia naʻe “hoko [ai] ʻa e angahala ki mamani.” (Loma 5:12) Ko e lēkooti fakahisitōlia ʻo e Tohi Tapú ʻoku fakahaaʻi ai ʻi he hili pē ení, naʻe ‘kovi ʻatā ʻa e filioʻi kotoa pe ʻo e ngaahi fakakaukau ʻa e loto ʻo e tangatá maʻuaipe.’—Senesi 6:5.

Kuo ʻikai ha liliu lahi talu mei ai. ʻOku ʻi he lotolotonga ʻo e ngaahi filioʻi fakatupu maumau ʻokú ne fakamafasiaʻi ʻa e nofo malí ko e tuli taʻemapuleʻi ki he holi siokitá. Ko e malí tonu ʻoku hā ngali ko ha fokotuʻutuʻu ia kuo ʻosi hono taimí, ʻo ʻikai kei ʻaonga ʻi ha māmani fakaeonopooni ʻoku ʻi he malumalu ʻo e tākiekina mālohi ʻa ha tuʻunga fakamōlale foʻou. Pea ko hono fakangaloku ʻa e ngaahi lao ki he vete malí mo e fakataʻeʻaongaʻi ʻo e malí kuo toʻo ai ʻa e tuʻunga fakamā naʻe fekauʻaki ki muʻa mo e vete malí.

Ko e faʻahinga taʻekātaki ʻa ia ʻoku nau kumi ki ha ngaahi ola vave mo ha fakatōliʻa leva ʻo e holí, ʻoku siʻisiʻi pe ʻikai haʻanau fakakaukau ki he ngaahi nunuʻa ʻo e vete malí. ʻI hono tauheleʻi ʻe he ngaahi talaʻofa fakatauele ʻo e tauʻatāina mo e faʻifaʻitelihá, ʻoku nau tui ko e veté ʻe iku ia ki he fiefia.

Ko e niʻihi kehé ʻi heʻenau fehangahangai mo e ngaahi palopalema faingataʻa ʻi honau vaá ʻoku nau kumi tokoni ai mei he kau faleʻi ki he anga ʻo e fakakaukaú mo e kau faleʻi ki he nofo malí pe ki he ngaahi tohi kuo hiki ʻe he faʻahinga ko iá. Ko e meʻa fakamamahí, ko e “kau mataotao” lau pē ki he nofo mali ʻi onopōní kuo fakamoʻoniʻi ʻenau pōtopotoʻi ange ʻi hono pouaki ʻa e veté ʻo ʻikai poupouʻi ʻa e nofo malí. “Mahalo ko e ʻuluaki taimi eni ʻi he hisitōlia ʻo e tangatá,” ko e fakamatala ia ʻa e tohi ko e Case for Marriage, “ʻoku ʻi he malumalu ai ʻo ha ʻohofi lavameʻa, hokohoko mo fakaʻohovale ʻa e vakai ko ia ko e nofo malí ko e tuʻunga lelei tahá ia. ʻI he taimi ʻe niʻihi ʻoku fakahangatonu ʻa e ʻohó ʻo makatuʻunga ʻi ha tefitoʻi fakakaukau naʻe fai ʻe he kau ‘mataotao’ ʻa ia ʻoku nau tui ko ha fuakava ke anga-tonu ʻi he kotoa ʻo e moʻuí ʻoku taʻealalava pe fakamafasia.”

Liliu ʻa e Ngaahi Fakakaukaú

Ko e ngaahi fakakaukau fekauʻaki mo e natula pea mo e taumuʻa ʻo e nofo malí kuo toe liliu mo ia. Ngalingali kuó ke sio ki ha liliu ʻi he fakamamafá mei he mateaki mo e poupou ki he ngaahi hoa malí ki he ngaahi mali ʻoku nau tomuʻa ʻamanekina ʻa e lavameʻa fakafoʻituitui—ʻo faʻa fakatupunga maumau ki honau hoá. Ko e hiki ki he vakai siokita ko eni ki he nofo malí “naʻe kamata ia ʻi he 1960 tupú pea mahiki ki ʻolunga ʻi he 1970 tupú,” ko e fakamatala ia ʻa e Journal of Marriage and Family. Ko e ngaahi ʻuhinga tukufakaholo ki he nofo malí—hangē ko e holi ki he ʻofá, fekoekoeʻí, anga-tonú, fānaú mo e fakatou lavameʻá—kuo hōloa.

Kuo hoko ki muí ni ʻa e ngaahi meʻa kehe ʻo fakavaveʻi ai ʻa e liliu ʻi he nofo malí he ngaahi fonua lahi. ʻUluakí, ko e ongo ngafa tukufakaholo ʻo e ngāue paʻanga ʻa e tangatá mo e tauhi-ʻapi ʻa e fefiné kuo liliu ia ʻi he ngaahi fonua lahi. ʻI he hū ʻa e kakai fefiné ʻo ngāue paʻangá, kuo ʻi ai ha mahiki ʻoku taau ke fakatokangaʻi ʻi he fika ʻo e ngaahi fāmili ʻoku fakatou ngāue ai ʻa e ongo meʻa malí. Uá, ko e maʻu fānau ʻi tuʻa mei he nofo malí ʻoku fakautuutu hono talí, ʻo iku ai ki he ngaahi fāmili mātuʻa-taʻehoa lahi ange. Tolú, ko e nonofo taʻemalí ʻi heʻene fetongi ʻa e nofo malí ʻoku fakautuutu. (Sio ki he puha “Siʻi ʻEne Tuʻuloá ʻi he Ngaahi Nofo Malí.”) Faá, ko e mali ʻa e tangata mo e tangata, fefine mo e fefiné pea mo e ngāue ke fakalaoʻi iá kuo talilahia. Kuo hanga ʻe he ngaahi ākenga fakaeonopooni ko ení ʻo tākiekina ʻa hoʻo vakai ki he nofo malí?

Fakautuutu ʻa e Vete Malí

Tau vakai angé ki he ngaahi fonua ʻe niʻihi ke ʻiloʻi ai ʻa e anga ʻo hono taki atu ʻe he manakoa ʻo e veté ki he maumau lahi ange ʻa e nofo malí. ʻI ʻAmelika, fakatatau ki ha līpooti ki muí ni mai, “ko e lahi ʻo e ngaahi hoa mali kuo veté naʻe liunga fā ia ʻi he vahaʻa ʻo e 1970 mo e 1996.” ʻOku fakafuofua ko e toko 1 ʻi he toko 5 ʻo e kakai lalahí kuo nuiki ʻi he matangi fakatupu ʻauha ʻo e vete malí. Ko hai ʻoku laveangofua taha ʻi he taʻelavameʻa ʻa e nofo malí? ʻOku fakahaaʻi ʻi he ngaahi fiká ko e peseti nai ʻe 60 ʻo e vete mali kotoa pē ʻoku hoko ia ʻi loto ʻi he ʻuluaki taʻu ʻe hongofulú.

ʻI he ngaahi fonua kehé foki, kuo mahiki ai he ʻataá ʻa e vete malí. Ko e fika fakakātoa ʻo e vete mali ʻi ʻIngilani mo Uēlesí naʻe aʻu ia ki he 153,490 ʻi he 2004. ʻOku lava ke ʻamanekina ʻe he kau ʻAositelēliá ʻe ngata ʻi he veté ʻa e peseti nai ʻe 40 ʻo ʻenau ngaahi nofo malí. Naʻe hokosia ʻi he Lepupilika Kōleá ha tupulaki ʻo e ngaahi vete mali ʻe 21,800 ʻi he taʻu pē ʻe taha—mei he 2002 ki he 2003—ko ha vete ia ʻa e ngaahi hoa mali fakakātoa ʻe 167,100. Ko Siapani, ʻa ia ko e nofo mali ai ʻe 1 ʻi he 4 ʻoku ngata ʻi he veté, ʻoku meimei māʻolunga tatau ia he taimí ni mo e lahi ʻo e vete mali ʻi ʻIulopé. “Tokua ne ʻi ai ha taimi ko e ngaahi nofo mali mātuʻaki kovi tahá pē naʻe iku ʻo veté,” ko e fakamatala ia ʻa ha mataotao ʻi he ngaahi fakatotolo ki he fāmilí ʻi he ʻUnivēsiti Kolosi Kula ʻi Siapaní. “ʻI he taimi ní kuo hoko ia ko ha founga moʻui ke fili pē ki ai.”

ʻI he ngaahi fonua lahi ʻoku tokoni ai ʻa e ngaahi kautaha fakalotu fuoloá mo e ngaahi talatukufalaholo fakasōsialé ki he tuʻumaʻu ʻa e nofo malí. Kae kehe, ʻoku ʻikai te nau kei lava ʻo taʻofi ʻa e hehema fakautuutu ke tali fakasōsiale ʻa e veté. Hangē ko ení, fakakaukau atu ki he Siasi Katolika Lomá, ʻa ia ʻoku fai ai ʻa e vakai ki he nofo malí ko e meʻa toputapú. ʻI he 1983 naʻe fakangaloku ai ʻe he siasí ʻa ʻene ngaahi tuʻutuʻuni fekauʻaki mo e ngaahi haʻi ʻo e nofo malí pea ʻai ai ke faingofua ange ki he kau Katoliká ke nau fakangata ha nofo mali. Ko ia ai, ko e ngaahi fakataʻeʻaongaʻi ʻo e nofo malí kuo fakautuutu talu mei ai.

ʻOku hā mahino, kuo movete ʻa e ngaahi afo ʻokú ne haʻi ʻa e nofo malí. Ka ko e ngaahi ʻuhingá kotoa ʻoku ʻikai ke mahino. Ko hono moʻoní, tuku kehe ʻa e movete lahi ʻi he sōsaietí, ʻoku ʻi ai ha toe tupuʻanga lahi ʻo e fakautuutu ʻi he taʻelavameʻa ʻa e ngaahi nofo malí—ko e taha ʻa ia ʻoku ʻikai ʻiloʻi ʻe he tokolahi taha ʻo e faʻahinga ʻo e tangatá.

Ko ha Tupuʻanga ʻIkai ʻIloʻi ʻo e Afaá

ʻOku tala mai ʻe he Tohi Tapú ko Sētane ko e Tēvoló, ʻa e tefito ʻo e siokitá, ʻokú ne tākiekina taʻehāmai mo fakatupu maumau lahi ki he māmaní. Ko e hā ʻoku pehē aí? Koeʻuhí he kuo lī hifo ia mei hēvani ki he māmaní pea ʻokú ne ʻita lahi. Ko e moʻoni, ʻokú ne fakapapauʻi ke fakatupunga ʻa e “malaia,” pe faingataʻa lahi ʻo ka malava, pea ko e fokotuʻutuʻu fakaʻotua ʻo e nofo malí ko e taha pē ia ʻo e ngaahi tāketi ʻoku fai ki ai ʻa e ʻita loto-kovi ʻa Sētané.​—Fakahā 12:​9, 12, PM.

ʻI he lave ki he taimi hili hono tuli hifo ʻo Sētané, naʻe pehē ʻe Sīsū: “Ko e meʻa ʻi he ope ʻo e maumau lao, ʻe fakaaʻau ʻo momoko ʻa e ʻofa ʻa e tokolahi.” (Mātiu 24:12) ʻI ha tuʻunga meimei tatau, naʻe tohi ʻe he ʻapositolo ko Paulá: “Ko hono kakai te nau ʻofa kiate kinautolu pe, te nau ʻofa ki he paʻanga, te nau fielahi, te nau angataʻetokaʻi, te nau lea fieʻotua, te nau talangataʻa ki he matuʻa; ko e kau taʻehounga, ko e kau angataʻemolumalu, ko e kau taeʻofa-ki-hoʻota [pe ʻofa ki he fāmilí], ko e kau taʻe fakamolemole, ko e kau fakakovi, ko e kau taʻefakamaʻumaʻu, ko e kau angafakamanu, ko e kau taeʻofa ki he lelei, ko e kau lavaki, ko e kau ʻohonoa, ko e kau loto ʻaoʻaofia ʻi he ʻafungi, ko e kau ʻofa ki he malie ʻo ʻikai ʻofa ki he ʻOtua.” (2 Timote 3:​2-4) Ko e ngaahi ʻulungāanga fakalielia ko ení kuo ʻi ai maʻu pē ia ʻi ha tuʻunga, ka kuo nau hoko ʻo ʻiloa lahi ange ki muí ni, hangē ko ia kuo ʻosi lāuʻilo ki ai ʻa e tokolahi taha ʻo e kakaí.

ʻI he vakai atu ki he afā ʻokú ne haveki ʻa e fokotuʻutuʻu ʻo e nofo malí, ko e hā ʻe lava ke tau fai ke maluʻi ai kitautolu pea ke tau maʻu ha nofo mali fiefia mo tuʻuloa moʻoní? ʻE sivisiviʻi ʻi he kupu hoko maí ʻa e fehuʻi ko ení.

[Fakamatala ʻi he peesi 5]

“ʻI ha sōsaieti ʻa ia ʻoku anga ki hono liʻaki ʻa e meʻa ʻoku ʻikai fiemaʻú, ʻoku ngalingali ʻoku maʻu ʻe he kakaí ʻa e fakakaukau tatau ki he ngaahi vahaʻangataé.”​—SANDRA DAVIS, MATAOTAO ʻI HE LAO KI HE FĀMILÍ

[Puha/Fakatātā ʻi he peesi 4]

“Siʻi ʻEne Tuʻuloá ʻi he Ngaahi Nofo Malí”

Ko e ngaahi hoa lahi ʻoku nau nonofo ʻo ʻikai ha fuakava mali. Kae kehe, ko e ngaahi feohi peheé, ʻoku aʻu ʻo “siʻi ʻene tuʻuloá ʻi he ngaahi nofo malí,” ko e fakamatala ia ʻa ha līpooti ʻa e Ngaahi Senitā ʻAmelika ki Hono Mapuleʻi mo Taʻofi ʻo e Mahakí. Ko e niʻihi ʻi he ngaahi hoa ko ení ʻoku nau nonofó koeʻuhi ke fakafuofuaʻi ai pe ʻoku nau hoamālie ki muʻa ʻi he nofo malí. ʻOku fakangata ʻe ha fokotuʻutuʻu pehē ʻa e ngaahi hoa mali ʻikai hoamālié pea fakaleleiʻi ʻa e ngaahi nofo mali ʻoku hoko atu aí? Fakatatau ki he Journal of Marriage and Family, ʻoku fakahaaʻi ʻe he fakamoʻoní ia ʻa e meʻa ʻoku kehe. “ʻI he lotolotonga ʻo e faʻahinga tāutaha ʻoku malí, ko e nonofo ki muʻa he malí ʻoku felāveʻi ia mo e tuʻunga māʻulalo ange ʻo e fiemālie ʻi he nofo malí . . . , ngaahi līpooti lahi ange ʻo e ngaahi palopalema fakaemalí, mo . . . ha fakatuʻutāmaki lahi ange ʻo e movete ʻa e nofo malí,” ko e lau ia ʻa e Journal.

[Puha/Fakatātā ʻi he peesi 5]

Moʻui Fuoloá mo e Nofo Malí

Ko e kakai he ʻaho ní ʻoku nau moʻui fuoloa ange. Naʻa mo e meʻa lelei ko ení kuo fakalahi ai ʻa e faingataʻa ʻi he nofo malí. ʻI he ʻahó ni, ʻoku fakangata ʻe he veté ʻa e ngaahi nofo mali lahi ʻa ia naʻe mei ngata ia ʻi he maté he kuohilí. Fakakaukau angé ki ha mahaki faikehe ʻi he nofo malí ʻa ia ʻoku faingataʻaʻia ai ʻa e kakai fefine mali fuoloa ʻi Siapaní. Fakatatau ki he lau ʻa e Washington Post, ʻoku ui ia ʻe he kau mataotaó ko e “mahaki ʻo e husepāniti penisoní.” ʻI he manatu ki he penisoni ʻa hono husepānití, naʻe pehē ai ʻe ha uaifi ʻe taha, ʻa ia naʻá ne mali ʻo feʻunga mo e taʻu ʻe 40, naʻá ne fakakaukau ʻi he taimi ko iá: “ʻE fiemaʻu ke u veteʻi leva ia. Naʻe ʻosi feʻunga pē ʻa e pau ke u ngāue maʻana ʻi he taimi naʻá ne foki mai ai ki ʻapi mei he ngāué. Ka ko ʻene ʻi ʻapi ʻi he taimi kotoa peé naʻe fuʻu lahi ia ke u lava ʻo makātakiʻi.”