Ngendlela Umntwana Acinga Ngayo
INKOLISO yabazali iya kuvumelana ubuncinane kwingongoma enye yokuba: ukukhulisa umntwana ngokunempumelelo kuyenye yezinto ezilolona celomngeni lukhulu abakhe bajamelana nayo. Kuye kwabhalwa okuninzi ngendlela yokwenza oku nokukwenza ngempumelelo. Noko ke, kukho uhlobo olunye olunokusetyenziswa ngabantu abakhulu, enoba bangabazali, ooyisemkhulu, oomakazi, oomalume, okanye izihlobo nje. Xa kufikelelwa kumbandela wokuqonda nowokuqeqesha abantwana, ngaba ukhe wazama ukuzijonga izinto ngendlela umntwana acinga ngayo? Yintoni eqhubekayo kwezi ngqondwana zincinane?
Khumbula ukuba, abantwana bangabantu abancinane. Ukuba nale mbono ngabo kuya kusinceda ukuze siqonde indlela bona abasigqala ngayo. Bazalwa bebancinane kwihlabathi labantu abakhulu ngomzimba, abanegunya eliphakamileyo nabanamandla. Kwiimveku, abantu abakhulileyo basenokuba lukhuselo, intuthuzelo noncedo okanye babe ngabavuyelelayo.
Abangobantu Abakhulileyo Abancinane
Enye ingongoma ebalulekileyo efanele iqondwe kukulumkela ukwenza impazamo yokubaphatha njengabantu abakhulileyo abancinane. Ubuntwana bufanele bube lelinye lawona maxesha olonwabo ebomini. Akukho sizathu sakungxamela ukuba badlule kubo ngokukhawuleza okanye ubenze baphosane nabo kwaphela. Benze babunandiphe. Njengomzali, usenokulisebenzisa eli thuba ukumilisela kubo imigaqo efanelekileyo yokuziphatha efunekayo ukuze, kwixesha elizayo, babe ngabantu abakhulileyo abazinzileyo.
Xa uqhubana neentsana, ukuzijonga izinto ngendlela umntwana acinga ngayo akulolize. Ngokomzekelo, ukulila komntwana akumele kubangele ukuba abe lilifa lentonga yabazali abadandathekileyo. Ukulila okanye ukukhwina kuyindlela engokwemvelo yosana olusand’ ukuzalwa yokuvakalisa iimfuno zalo. Emva kokuba umntwana ephumele ngaphandle kwisibekelo sikanina ebesimkhusele, kungokulila kakhulu okwenza yaziwe imbono yakhe ngokuthile!
Khuthaza Uze Walathise Kunokunyanzelisa
Kuhle ukuyikhuthaza imigudu yabantwana yokuvakalisa izimvo zabo. Imbono yabo isenokutyhila iingxaki ezithile, yaye ingxaki eyaziwa ngokucacileyo kulula gqitha ukuyicombulula. Kodwa indlela esisabela ngayo kumazwi abo ibaluleke njengokubenza bazithethele. UWendy Schuman, omnye wababhali bephephancwadi iParents, enikela icebiso ngendlela esifanele sizame ukuthetha ngayo nabantwana uthi: “Ukubonakalisa uvelwano ngamazwi . . . kungumongo woko kusandul’ ukubhalwa ngeendlela zokuncokola komzali nomntwana. Kodwa lona ngokwalo olu velwano alwanele ukuba aluguqulelwa ekubeni ngamazwi okubonakalis’ uvelwano. Yaye inkoliso yabazali ayifane iwathethe la mazwi ngokuzenzekelayo.”
Ngamanye amazwi, ukuba umntwana akanambeko okanye uye wenza into eyothusayo, ekufanele alulekwe ngayo, sifanele sizame ngamandla ukuze isimo sethu sengqondo nemvakalo-lizwi yethu ingabonakalisi ukucaphuka okanye ukudandatheka. Kambe ke, kulula gqitha ukukuthetha oku kunokukwenza. Kodwa khumbula ukuba, iimpendulo ezirhabaxa nezibonakalisa ukugxeka, ezifana nokuthi, “Esi sidenge” okanye, “Akukho nto ilungileyo unokukhe uyenze ungumntu nje?” azikhe ziyiphucule imeko esele yonakele.
Abazali abaninzi baye bafumanisa ukuba ukubonakalisa uvelwano ngokuncoma, ngokungakumbi ngaphambi kokunikela isiluleko, kunokuvelisa imiphumo emihle. Kwakhona elo lithuba lokujonga izinto ngendlela acinga ngayo umntwana. Inkoliso yabantwana iqonda ngokupheleleyo xa ukunconywa okunjalo kusenziwa ngenkwalambisa okanye ngokungasuki entliziyweni. Ngoko ke, xa sincoma abantwana bethu, simele siqiniseke ukuba sibancoma ngokunyanisekileyo yaye bakufanele oko.
Isazi ngengqondo yabantwana esaziwayo uGqr. Haim G. Ginott, kwincwadi yakhe ethi Between Parent and Child, ugxininisa kwelokuba abazali bafanele bancome oko kuphunyezwa ngabantwana kunokuncoma umntwana ngokwakhe. Ngokomzekelo, emva kokuba unyana wakho ezenzele ikhabhathi yeencwadi aze enebhongo akubonise yona, ukuthi, ‘Loo khabhathi yeencwadi ayintle nje kuphela kodwa iyinto ebifuneka kakade,’ kuya kwakha intembelo yakhe. Ngoba? Kuba uncoma oko akuphumezileyo. Ngenxa yoko, unyanisekile ekumncomeni umntwana wakho. Noko ke, ibinzana elithi, ‘Ungumchweli olichule,’ lisenokungafaneleki, ekubeni kubhekisela kuye njengomntu.
UGqr. Ginott uthi: “Inkoliso yabantu ikholelwa kukuba ukumncoma umntwana kwakha intembelo yakhe aze azive enqabisekile. Inyaniso ikukuba, ukuncoma kusenokubangela ukuzixhalabela nokungabi nasimilo . . . Xa abazali bexelela umntwana, ‘Uyinkwenkwe elunge gqitha,’ usenokungakwazi ukukwamkela oko kuba imbono yakhe ngesiqu sakhe yahluke mpela koko . . . Kufanele kunconywe, kungebubo ubuntu bomntwana lowo, kodwa imigudu yakhe noko akuphumezayo . . . Ukuncoma kuneenkalo ezimbini: amazwi ethu nezimvo zomntwana. Amazwi ethu afanele ngokucacileyo abonakalise ukuba siyawuxabisa umgudu womntwana, umsebenzi, oko akuphumezayo, uncedo nolwazelelelo lwakhe.”
Eli cebiso lifanelekileyo lokuncoma livisisana necebiso eliphefumlelweyo lokubonakalisa ububele, njengoko lifunyanwa kwiMizekeliso 3:27: “Musa ukwala nento elungileyo kolunge nayo, kwakuba kusemandleni esandla sakho ukuyenza.”
Enyanisweni kunokutshiwo ukuba kungakhathaliseki ukuba liliphi icebiso elilungileyo okanye isiluleko sobulumko esifunda ngaso kwiindawo ethile, akukho ndlela lula koko bambi bakubiza ngokuba lucwangciso lweminyaka engama-20 yokukhulisa unyana okanye intombi yakho. Kufuna umonde, uthando, ukuqonda nolwazelelelo. Kodwa into eluncedo gqitha ukuze uphumelele kukufunda ukubona nokuqonda isimo somntwana wakho ngokwazi “ngendlela umntwana acinga ngayo.”
UKumkani uSolomon owayesisilumko wabhala wathi: “Unyana olumkileyo uyamvuyisa uyise.” (IMizekeliso 10:1) Ngamana ukuyiqonda kakuhle indlela umntwana wakho acinga ngayo nembono yakhe kungakunceda ukufikelela loo mekobume iza kukwenza uvuye ngokufanayo.