Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .
Abazali Bam Baya Kundivumela Nini Ukuba Ndisebenzise Izinto Zokuthambisa?
UVukani!: Intombazana ifanele ifikelele kubuphi ubudala ngaphambi kokuba ivunyelwe isebenzise izinto zokuthambisa?
UJuliea: Mna bendinokuthi xa ineminyaka eli-13 ubudala.
UVukani!: Ngoba?
UJulie: Andazi.
UVukani!: Ngaba xa ineminyaka elishumi elinesibini isencinane gqitha?
UJulie: Kunjalo kanye.
UVukani!: Kodwa ngaba xa ineminyaka eli-13 ubudala ikhule ngokwaneleyo?
UJulie: Kunjalo kanye.
USallie: Mna ndicinga ukuba xa intombazana iyazi indlela yokuzisebenzisa ngokufanelekileyo yaye ingazenzi ikhangeleke njengemvumi yomculo werock okanye enye into, ifanele ivunyelwe izisebenzise.
UJohn: Mna ndicinga ukuba afanele azisebenzise kuphela xa engakhangeleki ngaphandle kwazo.
UGloria: Ewe, izinto zokuthambisa ziyayiphucula indlela okhangeleka ngayo.
ULarry: Kodwa sisiphi isizathu sokuba nabani na afune ‘ukuyiphucula indlela akhangeleka ngayo’ eneminyaka eli-13 ubudala? Ndithetha ukuthi, okwangoku akukabi yomfuneko! Mna ndicinga ukuba afanele abe neminyaka emalunga ne-18 ngaphambi kokuba aqalise ukuzisebenzisa.
EUNITED STATES, abakwishumi elivisayo bachitha ngaphezu kwamawaka alishumi elinesithathu ezigidi zeerandi ngonyaka kwizinto zokubenza bahle nakwiziqholo. Ngoko, kuyaqondakala ukuba, usenokuvakalelwa kukuba nawe unelungelo lokusebenzisa ilipstick, into yokuziqhunqa yamanenekazi (blush), okanye yokuqaba amehlo ukuba unqwenela oko. Noko ke, abazali bakho basenokungavumelani noko.
UNina oneminyaka eli-17 ubudala ukhumbula oku: “Ndambuza umama enoba ndandinokuzisebenzisa xa ndandineminyaka eli-13 ubudala. Wathi, ‘Nina, akuyomfuneko oku ngoku.’” UShelly oselula waphendulwa ngokufanayo ngabazali bakhe. “Ndacela imvume xa ndandineminyaka eli-13 ubudala, yaye bandixelela ukuba ndandingenakuzisebenzisa de ndibe neminyaka eli-15 ubudala. Ndabuza, ‘Ngoba?’”
Izinto Zokuthambisa—Isizathu Sokuba Zibaluleke Emantombazaneni
Njengoko incoko eyingabula-zigcawu ibonisa, kukho iingcamango ezininzi ezahlukahlukeneyo ngalo mcimbi kwanaphakathi kwabeshumi elivisayo. Ngoko, akumangalisi ukuba, wena nabazali bakho ninokuba nengxaki yokuvumelana ngokupheleleyo ngalo mcimbi! Sekunjalo, ukungavumelani kwabazali bakho noko kunokubonakala kungqongqo ngokungekho ngqiqweni. Elinye ibhinqa eliselula uMonica lithi: “Xa ukhangela onke amantombazana esikolweni, onke azisebenzisile.” Nawe unokuzibuza isizathu sokuba evumelekile ukuzisebenzisa umama wakho, kodwa wena ungavumelekanga! Ngaphezu koko, uyakhula, yaye indlela okhangeleka ngayo ibaluleke ngakumbi kuwe kunangaphambili.
Ukufikisa ebuntombini kuya kubangela iinguqulelo ezininzi kubude bakho, kubungakanani bomzimba nokumila kwakho. Kunjengokuba incwadi ethi The Secret of a Good Life With Your Teenager isithi, “ezi nguqulelo zilushiya [ulutsha] lubuxhalabele ngakumbi ubuhle balo kunangaphambili . . . Yaye kwakhona luxhalabele ukuqondakala ngokucacileyo ukuba lungabantu basiphi isini. Lufuna ukubonakala lungamanenekazi okanye amanene.” Okanye njengokuba omnye umbhali esitsho, ufuna “ukuqala ukuxonxa indlela yokuphila eya kuba yeyakho . . . [nto leyo] eya kuthi ikwenze uzive unguwe ngokupheleleyo yaye uzive wonwabile xa unjalo.” —Changing Bodies, Changing Lives, nguRuth Bell.
Kumantombazana amaninzi, izinto zokuthambisa ziyenye indlela yokumisela uhlobo lokuphila lobuqu nemvakalelo engakumbi yokuba libhinqa okanye yokuba nomtsalane. Enye intombazana ekwishumi elivisayo yacacisa isithi: “Xa ndizithambisile, ndizithemba ngakumbi.” UNina, ekucatshulwe amazwi akhe ngaphambilana, waleka umsundulo esithi: “Maninzi amantombazana amahle, yaye ukuzithambisa kundenza ndiqiniseke ngesiqu sam.”
Ukusebenzisa izinto zokuthambisa kwakhona kulisiko elithile elikhokelela kubuntu obukhulu. Kunjengokuba omnye okwishumi elivisayo ekubeka oku ngokuthi: “Akusafuni ukuba uphinde ujongwe njengomntwana.” Bambi banethemba lokuba inkangeleko yokuba ngokhule ngakumbi iya kubabangela bahlonelwe ngakumbi—okanye itsale amakhwenkwe amadadlana. Kwabanye, ukusebenzisa izinto zokuthambisa kuphela yindlela nje yokuhambisana noontanga babo. UDiane uthi: “Okukhona ukhangeleka umdala, kokukhona abanye abantwana becinga ukuba uzinze ngakumbi.”
Kodwa ulutsha oluninzi lufuna ukusebenzisa izinto zokuthambisa kuphela ngenxa yezizathu ezibonakalayo: ukuphelisa amabala olusu angafaniyo, ukugquma ulusu olubi okanye isiva esithile, ukubalaselisa ubuhle bobuso balo, okanye ukugquma inkangeleko engenamtsalane kangako. Kwanalapho, ukucel’ imvume yokusebenzisa izinto zokuthambisa kusenokubangela ukungavisisani kwentsapho. Kutheni abazali besoloko bekubhebhetha ngolo hlobo oko?
Isizathu Sokuba Babe Banokwala
Kuyinyaniso ukuba abazali maxa wambi banobunzima ekujamelaneni nesibakala sokuba abantwana babo bayakhula. Ngaloo ndlela bambi basenokutyekela ekubeni babe ngabangqongqo gqitha. Sekunjalo, inkoliso yabazali ibanqwenelela okona kulungileyo abantwana babo. Kungoko iBhayibhile iluleka isithi: “Luveni, bonyana, uqeqesho lukayihlo, nizibaze iindlebe ukuze nikwazi ukuqonda.” (IMizekeliso 4:1) Abazali bakho basenokuba abanabuchule ekuzibekeni ngamazwi iimvakalelo zabo. (Enye intombazana ekwishumi elivisayo ithi, “Abazali bam bebengandivumeli ukuba ndisebenzise imascara, kodwa abazange bandinike isizathu.”) Kusenokwenzeka ukuba banezizathu ezivakalayo zokuvakalelwa bengakhululekanga ngalo mbandela.
Usenokutyekela ekucingeni ukuba ukusebenzisa izinto zokuthambisa ngandlel’ ithile kulilungelo lakho, into ngokuzenzekelayo omele uyivunyelwe xa uqalisa ukuthi dlundlu, njengaxa uneminyaka eli-13 ubudala. Kodwa kunjengokuba umbhali wemihlathi uElizabeth Winship esalatha: “Akukho mthetho ngokuphathelele ubudala obuchanileyo ekuvumeleke kubo ukusebenzisa izinto zokuthambisa. Kuxhomekeka kuloo ntsapho nakumasiko asebuthweni.” Abazali bakho bavakalelwa kukuba ukusebenzisa izinto zokuthambisa kubudala obuthile kuya kujongwa kakubi ekuhlaleni okanye ngamaKristu angoowenu. Abazali bakho ngokukhethekileyo baya kuba nenkxalabo enxulumene noku ukuba bangamaNgqina kaYehova; njengoko bengasayi kufuna ukuba indlela ozilungisa ngayo iphazamisane nobulungiseleli bakho bamaKristu.—2 Korinte 6:3.
Kwakhona abazali bakho banokuvakalelwa kukuba ukusebenzisa izinto zokuthambisa kusenokuba nje akuyomfuneko yaye akufanelekanga ngeli xesha ebomini bakho. Ngapha koko, ukuba mtsha kunobuhle bako, uzuko olukhawuleza luphele. (INdumiso 90:10; IMizekeliso 20:29) Basenokuqiqa ngelithi, ‘Kutheni efanele enze into eya kusitha okanye iguqule imbonakalo yobutsha bakhe?’
Abazali bakho basenokuba kwakhona bayazi ngokwamava obomi indlela ezinokuba yinkohliso ngayo “iinkanuko zobutsha.” (2 Timoti 2:22) Basekwanokoyikela ukuba usenokuphinda wenze ezinye zeempazamo abazenzayo ngoxa babesebancinane, yaye bafuna ukukukhusela. Enye intombazana ekwishumi elivisayo ithi: “Umama waqalisa ukusebenzisa izinto zokuthambisa xa wayesemncinane gqitha. Wayendwebe gqitha yaye wayedla ngokunxiba imibhinqo ebetha entla kwamadolo aze azinyhibhele ngezinto zokuthambisa. Wayengafuni ukuba mna ndibe njalo.”
Asikuko ukuba uya kuba libhinqa eliziphethe vakalala ngenxa nje yokuba uthambise intwana yelipstick. Noko ke, basenokuba ngokufanelekileyo bayakoyikela kuba ukusebenzisa izinto zokuthambisa kusenokukuchanaba kwiingcinezelo ongekazilungeli. Umbhali uRuth Bell ucaphula amazwi oyise wamantombazana amabini akwishumi elivisayo athi: “Kuyachukumisa ukubona abantwana besiba ngabantu abakhulu. . . . Kodwa xa ndibakhangela ndize ndibone amantombazanana am, xa ndizithethela ndithi, ‘Abaya ngabantwana bam yaye bayakhula yaye kuza kufuneka bajamelane nehlabathi mna ndingekho ukuze ndibakhusele,’ kulapho kanye ndiqalisa ukuphambana khona. . . . Eli hlabathi linobundlobongela yaye banokwenzakala.”
Kuyenye into ukujongeka umdala. Kodwa ukuzenza izinto njengomntu omdala nokujamelana neengcinezelo zobudala kunokuba yinto eyahlukileyo. Ngaba ngenene ukulungele ukujamelana nokuncwaswa ngamakhwenkwe athe dlundlu—okanye kwanangamadoda akhulileyo—asenokuphandlwa nguwe ukuba izinto zokuthambisa zikwenza ubonakale umdadlana kunokuba unjalo ngokwenene?—Thelekisa iGenesis 34:1, 2.
Ukuzuza Okona Kulungileyo Kule Meko
Emva kokucingisisa ngako konke oku, usenokuvakalelwa kukuba ukulungele ukusebenzisa izinto zokuthambisa, yaye mhlawumbi kunjalo. Yintoni ofanele uyenze? Enye intombazana eyayikwishumi elivisayo yavuma yathi: “Ndisandul’ ukuqalisa ukuzisebenzisa. Ndithe nje tshwe intwana yento yokuthambisa amehlo, yaye umama wacinga ukuba ikhangeleka kakuhle.” Noko ke, ukusebenzisa izinto zokuthambisa ngaphandle kwemvume, kungumcimbi wokuzibeka esichengeni! IMizekeliso 13:10 ilumkisa isithi: “Ngokukhukhumala kuvuka ukulwa kuphela.” Kunjengokuba enye intombazana yavuma isithi: “Ndandisazi ukuba abazali bam babeya kucaphuka ukuba ndandiya kusuka nje ngequbuliso ndivele sendizithambisile.” Ngoko, yintoni onokuyenza? La ndinyana yeBhayibhile ihlabela mgama isithi: “Ubulumko bunabavuma ukucetyiswa.”
Ewe, khetha “ixesha elifanelekileyo” lokuwandlala lo mcimbi kubazali bakho. (IMizekeliso 25:11, NW) Ngokuzolileyo zichaze iimvakalelo zakho ngalo mcimbi. Sicacise isizathu sokuba oku kubalulekile kuwe, yaye ubazise ngokuchanileyo oko ucinga ngako. Ungabaqinisekisa ukuba akufuni kujongeka njengombatshileyo okanye njengepikoko yaye uyazixabisa izimvo zabo nogwebo lwabo kulo mcimbi. Mhlawumbi basenokuziguqula iingcinga zabo okanye ubuncinane bavumelane nawe ngokomlinganiselo othile.
Kwelinye icala, ngokufanelekileyo basenokugqiba kwelokuba akukakulungeli kwaphela ukusebenzisa izinto zokuthambisa. Kodwa oko akunto uza kulal’ utye yona. Yenza konke onokukwenza ukuze uzenze ukhangeleke ngeyona ndlela isemagqabini phantsi kweemeko ezinjalo. Ngokomzekelo, ukunyanyekelwa kakuhle kolusu kunokuzinciphisa iingxaki zenkangeleko yolusu. “Ukuba ulusu lwakho luqhekekile,” ucebisa esithi uJane Parks-McKay onolwazi ngolusu, “benze abantu banganikeli ingqalelo kulo . . . ngokunxiba ngendlela eya kukwenza ukhangeleke uyinyibiba—nantoni eya kwenza abantu banganikeli ingqalelo koko kungafanelekanga.” Ukuba nesidima, iinzipho ezichetywe kakuhle, ezicocekileyo, iinwele ezikhazimlayo—zonke ezi zinto zinokukunceda ukuze ukhangeleke umhle gqitha uzisebenzisile okanye ungazisebenzisanga izinto zokuthambisa!
Noko ke, kuthekani ukuba abazali bakho bayavuma ukuba uzisebenzise izinto zokuthambisa? Inqaku elilandelayo liya kuxubusha ngendlela efanelekileyo yokuzisebenzisa.
[Umbhalo osemazantsi]
a Wambi amagama aguquliwe.
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 16]
“Usebenzisa izinto zokuthambisa. Mna ndinokuzisebenzisa nini?”