Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ngaba Kuyinto Eqhelekileyo Ukuba Nyulu?

Omnye ugqirha onobubele wabuza oku, ‘Jane, ngaba kukho into ekukhathazayo namhlanje?’

Ebuthandabuza wathi, ‘Gqirha, amantombazana amaninzi esikolweni athetha ngokusebenzisa iipilisi zoqingqo-nzala aze ke alungele yonke into. Ngaba kukho into ephosakeleyo ngam ngenxa yokuba ndingabi nazo iintlobano zesini?’​—⁠What Shall We Tell the Kids?, nguGqr. Bennett Olshaker.

UBUNYULU. Kumaxesha adluleyo babungumqondiso wesidima. Kwimihla yethu, ulutsha oluninzi lubujonga njengento elihlazo neziintloni, njengemeko engeyoyamvelo nanjengesifo esifanele “sinyangwe” ngokukhawuleza kangangoko kunokwenzeka.

Akumangalisi ke ukuba, amanani olutsha olubuncamayo ubunyulu balo aphul’ izikeyi. Ngokomzekelo, uhlolisiso olwenziwa ngowe-1983 kulutsha lwaseJamani lwatyhila ukuba lithoba ekhulwini kuphela lamantombazana aneminyaka eli-15 ubudala nesine ekhulwini samakhwenkwe aneminyaka eli-15 ubudala esasineentlobano zesini. Ngowe-1989 amanani aye antingela kuma-25 ekhulwini kumantombazana nakuma-20 ekhulwini emakhwenkweni! Kuphawuleka imeko efanayo ehlabathini lonke.

Noko ke, yintoni ebangela ukuba ubunyulu bungathandwa lulutsha? Kuye kwafuneka ukuba ulutsha lwazo zonke izizukulwana luhlangabezane neemvakalelo ezinamandla ezivuselelwayo ebudeni bokufikisa kwalo. Noko ke, ulutsha lwanamhlanje lukhulela kwihlabathi elinganikeli lukhokelo ngemilinganiselo yokuziphatha. Kwelinye ilizwe laseYurophu, iqela labadala abangamaKristu linikela le ngxelo: “Kungakhathaliseki ukubonakala kwalo ilelonqulo, ngokusisiseko eli lilizwe elingenayo imilinganiselo yokuziphatha. Ukuziphatha kakubi ngokwesini kuyamkelwa ‘njengobuthathaka bomntu.’ Abantwana bakhuliselwa kwiintsapho ezinabazali abangatshatanga. Ukubhengezwa kwezinto ezibalaselisa isini kubi ngakumbi kunalo naliphi na elinye ilizwe kwawaseNtshona.”

Ngokukwanjalo ulutsha kumazwe asakhasayo luchanabeke kumandla amakhulu empucuko nawezorhwebo akhuthaza ukuziphatha okubi ngokwesini. Kwelinye ilizwe laseAfrika ulutsha lulumkiswa ngokuba, ‘Ukuba umfana akabi nazo iintlobano zesini, ngoko umzimba wakhe uya kuba buthathaka.’ Ngokufanayo kukho inkolelo eqhelekileyo yokuba ‘intombazana ayibazi ubomi de ibe neentlobano zesini nenkwenkwe.’

Ngaphezu koko, ngenxa yokwanda kokungaqeshwa nobuhlwempu, intombazana isenokoyika ukwala xa lowo uyithembisa ukuyiqesha ecela ukuba neentlobano zesini kunye nayo. Ngokukwanjalo abafundisi-ntsapho basenokufuna ukuba neentlobano zesini nabantwana ukuze babaphumelelise kwibanga elithile esikolweni. Ewe, akunto ingaqhelekanga ngamantombazana ahlwempuzekileyo ukuba anikele ngesini ukuze afumane iintwana-ntwana azifunayo​—⁠nkqu nesepha le! Abakhi-mkhanya abakwelinye ilizwe elisakhasayo banikela le ngxelo: “Ukuba neentlobano zesini kugqalwa ngokufana nqwa nokusela okanye ukutya.”

Ingcinezelo Yoontanga

Noko ke, into enempembelelo ngokukhethekileyo yingcinezelo yoontanga. Osenyulu ngokunokwenzeka usenokuba lixhoba lokusoloko encithwa yaye exwaxwa. Yaye ukuba ungomnye wamaNgqina kaYehova, ngokukhethekileyo usenokuba sisisulu soku. Oontanga bakho basenokukuxelela ukuba akukabi yindoda okanye akukabi libhinqa lokwenene ukuba akukabi neentlobano zesini. Basenokuthi yingcamango entle ukuba “namava” ngaphambi komtshato. Okanye basenokuzama ukukubalisela amabali obuqhawe besini esingekho mthethweni.

Elinye ibhinqa eliselula lathi: “USally wayedla ngokuthetha into engenasiphelo ngendlela ebekumnandi ngayo ukuba neentlobano zesini nenkwenkwe athandana nayo. Kwakhona wayendenza ndicinge ukuba ndandiphoswa yenye yezona zinto zimnandi ebomini.” Lungaqondi ukuba “kukho ukuqhayisa, ukubaxa nokuxoka okuninzi kumava esini phakathi kwabeshumi elivisayo,” ulutsha oluninzi luphenjelelwa ngamabali anjalo. (Coping With Teenage Depression, nguKathleen McCoy) Elinye ibhinqa eliselula eligama linguMaria elaphulukana nobunyulu balo ngokuziphatha okubi ngokwesini likhumbula oku: “Ndaziva ndicinezelekile, yaye ndandifuna ngamandla ukwamkeleka. Nakubeni ndandisazi ukuba kuphosakele, ndandifuna ukufana naye wonk’ ubani​—⁠ndibe nenkwenkwe endithandana nayo.”

Izigidi zolutsha ngokufanayo ziye zawakholelwa amampunge athethwa lihlabathi zaza zakholelwa ukuba ubunyulu abuyonto yokwemvelo nakwelokuba isini sangaphambi komtshato sithetha okungakumbi kunokuzonwabisa nje okungenabungozi. Ngaloo ndlela iintombi ezinyulu phantse ziye zanqaba kakhulu phakathi kolutsha.

Ubunyulu​—⁠Imbono KaThixo

Sekunjalo, kukho inkalo kwisini sangaphambi komtshato oontanga bakho abasenokungathethi ngayo. UMaria ukhumbula oku: “Kamva ndaziva ndihlazekile yaye ndineentloni. Ndazithiya ndaza ndayithiya naloo nkwenkwe ndandithandana nayo.” Amava anjalo aqheleke kakhulu kunokuba inkoliso yolutsha ivuma. Walibale amabali amyoli nezinto ezibaxwayo osenokuziva koontanga bakho. Enyanisweni ngokufuthi isini sangaphambi komtshato sidla ngokubangela iimvakalelo ezibuhlungu nodandatheko​—⁠zinto ezo ezinemiphumo eyenzakalisayo!

Oku akufanele kukumangalise. Kuba ngoxa ihlabathi lisenokusijonga isini sangaphambi komtshato njengesisengqiqweni nanjengesiqhelekileyo, oku akusenzi sibe sesilungileyo emehlweni kaThixo. UYesu Kristu usikhumbuza ukuba “oko kuphakanyisiweyo phakathi kwabantu, kulisikizi emehlweni kaThixo.” (Luka 16:​15) UThixo unemilinganiselo eyeyakhe yokuziphatha okwamkelekileyo. IBhayibhile ithi: “Kuba oku kukuthanda kukaThixo, ukungcwaliswa kwenu, ukuba nikhumke kulo uhenyuzo; ukuba elowo kuni akwazi ukusizuza asiphathe esakhe isitya enobungcwalisa, enembeko . . . Kuba uThixo akasibizelanga ekungcoleni; usibizele ebungcwaliseni.”​—⁠1 Tesalonika 4:​3-⁠7.

Ngoko, kuThixo ubunyulu bomfana okanye ibhinqa abupheleli nje ekubeni yinto eqhelekileyo kuphela kodwa bucocekile yaye bungcwele! KuSirayeli wamandulo, iintombi ezinyulu zazinandipha isigxina esihloniphekileyo. Zazikhuselwe nguMthetho ekuxhatshazweni ngokwesini. (Duteronomi 22:​19, 28, 29) Yaye ubunyulu buyaqhubeka buhlonelwa ngamaKristu okwenyaniso. Ibandla lamaKristu ngokwalo lifaniswa ‘nentombi enyulu’ ngenxa yokuziphatha kwalo nyulu.​—⁠2 Korinte 11:⁠2; ISityhilelo 21:⁠9.

Akukho ndawo eBhayibhileni ebongoza ulutsha ukuba lujonge ubunyulu balo njengesiqalekiso. Ngokwahlukileyo koko, umpostile uPawulos wathi “omiyo eqinile entliziyweni yakhe . . . kwelokuba abugcine ubunyulu bakhe [ngokuhlala engatshatanga], uyatyapha ukwenjenjalo. Ngenxa yoko nalowo unikela ubunyulu bakhe emtshatweni uyatyapha, kodwa ke lowo ungatshatiyo nguyena ukholisayo.”a UPawulos wayengazigwebi iintlobano zesini ezibekekileyo emtshatweni. Kunoko, wayebonisa ukuba umKristu okhetha ukugcina ubunyulu bakhe ngokuhlala engatshatanga uya kukwazi ukunandipha ‘ukuhlala ehleli kakuhle eNkosini, engakruthakrutheki.’​—⁠1 Korinte 7:​25, 33-⁠38, NW.

Ngoko, ubunyulu bomKristu oselula abulophawu anokuziva eneentloni ngalo kodwa bububungqina bengqibelelo kabani kuThixo. Kuyavunywa ukuba, akulula ukuhlala unyulu; ukuzeyisa okusengqiqweni kuyafuneka. Kodwa iBhayibhile iyasiqinisekisa ukuba “ayinzima ke imithetho” kaThixo. (1 Yohane 5:⁠3) Umdumisi uyasiqinisekisa: “Izimiselo zikaYehova zithe tye, zivuyisa intliziyo; umthetho kaYehova unyulu, ukhanyisela amehlo.” (INdumiso 19:⁠8) Ukulandela iindlela zikaThixo kusoloko kusengqiqweni yaye kuyingenelo.

‘Ukona Umzimba Kabani’

Ngendlela eyahlukileyo, kweyoku-1 kwabaseKorinte 6:​18 iBhayibhile ithi: “Lowo wenza umbulo, wona owakhe umzimba.” Phezu kwayo nje imbali ethandwayo, akukho bungqina bokuba ukuzinxwema kwisini kuyawenzakalisa umzimba. Kukuzifica kuso okuqulethe iingozi zomzimba! Omnye ugqirha odumileyo uthi: “Izifo ezidluliselwa ngeentlobano zesini ziya kuqhubeka zisanda ngaphandle kokuba kusetyenziswe ubuchule bokuzilawula obunomphumo, yaye ukwanda kwazo kuye kwabangelwa, ngokuyinxenye, ngumgangatho owandisiweyo weentlobano zesini phakathi kwabantu abaselula.”​—⁠Current Controversies in Marriage and Family.

Ukuziphatha okubi ngokwesini phakathi kolutsha kuye kwabangela ukunyuka komlinganiselo wokumitha kwabeshumi elivisayo. EUnited States, isiqingatha soku kumitha sipheliswa kukuziphumela nokukhutshwa kwangabom kwesisu. Kwandule ke ukuziphatha okubi ngokwesini kuphumele ekwenzakaleni ngokweemvakalelo. UDiana oselula ukhumbula oku: “Emva kokuba ekufumene oko ebekufuna ixesha lonke, wandishiya kwesinomhlwa.” Amazwi kaPawulos avakala eyinyaniso. Isini sangaphambi komtshato ‘sisono kumzimba kabani.’

Kwakhona ukuhenyuza ‘kukwenzakalisa nokugxuphuleka kumalungelo’ abanye. (1 Tesalonika 4:⁠6, NW) Ubuncinane, kubandeza omnye ilungelo lokungenelela umtshato ekwimeko ecocekileyo ngokuziphatha. Iqabane lomtshato lexesha elizayo likwabandezwa ilungelo lalo lokuba neqabane elinyulu lomtshato.

Ngenxa yoko incwadi ethi Why Wait Till Marriage? inikela le nkcazelo isengqiqweni: “Ngokuqala nje kwakho ukuba neentlobano zesini, akusekho nyulu. . . . Unokukhetha kube kanye kuphela.” Yenza ukhetho olulungileyo! Musa ukukhohliswa yimpembelelo yehlabathi ekucingeni ukuba kukho nto ithile ephosakeleyo ngawe ukuba unamathela kwimilinganiselo yeBhayibhile. Ubunyulu abuyonto ingaqhelekanga okanye engeyoyamvelo. Kukuziphatha okubi ngokwesini okuthob’ isidima, okuhlazisayo nokunobungozi. Ngokugcina ubunyulu bakho, ulondoloza impilo yakho, impilo-ntle yakho ngokweemvakalelo yaye okona kubaluleke ngakumbi, kukuba ulondoloza ulwalamano lwakho noThixo.

Indlela oselula anokukwenza ngayo oku iya kushikixwa kumanqaku exesha elizayo.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 21]

Kukho ukuqhayisa nokuxoka okuninzi kumabali athetha ngesini