Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Kutheni Ufanele Uhlale Unyulu?

UMBHALI uLesley Jane Nonkin uthi: “Ubunyulu buye bafana namazinyo obuntwana, ‘into ekuphulukwana nayo ngaphambi kokuba kugqitywe isikolo.’” Amazwi afana nala abonisa isimo sengqondo sokuyekelela, nesokungakhathali ulutsha oluninzi olunaso ngesini. Kule mihla, oselula osenyulu ngokunokwenzeka ujongwa njengento enqabileyo nanjengongalandeliyo. Kolunye uhlolisiso lolutsha, amakhwenkwe avuma ukuba “ayenqwenela ngamandla” ukuphulukana nobunyulu bawo. Amantombazana anyulu avuma ukuba ayeziva “engaqhelekanga.”

Noko ke, njengokuba inqaku langaphambili libonisile, ubunyulu bufanelekile emehlweni kaThixo.a Ubugqala buxabiseke gqitha yaye uyasigweba isini sangaphambi komtshato njengesiphosakeleyo nesenzakalisayo ngokokuziphatha. (1 Tesalonika 4:​3-⁠8) Sekunjalo, ukuhlala unyulu kufuna ukuba ujamelane neengcinezelo ezinamandla. Kutheni oselula afanele enjenjalo? Ngaba zikho iingenelo zokuhlala unyulu?

Ngaba Siyindlela Yokufumana Uthando?

Ulutsha oluninzi lucinga ngesini njengendlela nje yokubonakalisa uthando​—⁠okanye ukuthandwa ngumntu othile. Kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukuthandwa. Yaye ngokufuthi ulutsha luneentswelo ezikhethekileyo kule nkalo. Incwadi ethi Coping With Teenage Depression icacisa isithi: “Ukuphela kolwalamano olusenyongweni nengqeqesho kwiintsapho ezininzi kubangela ukuba abakwishumi elivisayo bakhangele kweminye imithombo ukuze bafumane intuthuzelo nosondelelwano olunjalo. Namhlanje iintsapho ezininzi ziphila ubomi obuxakekileyo zingenalo kangako ixesha lomnye nomnye nelokwenza izinto kunye nelokuphalazelana imbilini. . . . Ukuba okwishumi elivisayo akalufumani uthando nokunyanyekelwa ekhaya . . . uya kubona ukuziphatha okubi ngokwesini njengenyathelo elisisiseko lokufumana usondelelwano nanjengobungqina bokuthandwa nokuxatyiswa.”

Oku kwangqineka kuyinyaniso kwintombazana egama linguAnn. Icacisa isithi: “Kukho abantu abaninzi abaselula abavakalelwa kukuba abathandwa, mhlawumbi ngenxa yokuba abazali babo ababaniki ngqalelo ingako. Kamsinya bafuna yaye banqwenela ukuthandwa okanye basondelelane nothile. Oku kwenzeka kum. Ndaphethukela kwenye inkwenkwe ukuze ndifumane uthando.”

Noko ke, uthando lokwenyaniso “alwenzi okuziintloni, alufuni okukokwalo kodwa.” (1 Korinte 13:​4, 5) Kwiqhina lomtshato elibekekileyo, isini siphumeza injongo ehloniphekileyo nentle. (Genesis 1:28; IMizekeliso 5:​15-19) Kodwa ngaphandle kweqhina lomtshato, ngokufuthi asiphumezi nto ingako ngaphandle kokuthomalalisa amanxeba angokweemvakalelo, sibe yindawo yokubaleka iingcinezelo, indlela yokuvuselela ukuzixabisa okuya kuphela ngokuphela, ukusabela kwingcinezelo yoontanga okanye ithuba lokunandipha usondelelwano lomtshato ngaphandle kokwamkela iimbopheleleko zawo. UGqr. Louis Fine wagqiba ngelithi: “Ubukhulu becala iintlobano zesini koselula ofikisayo zinobundlobongela, zinomsindo yaye zikukuzitshabalalisa; aziyombonakaliso yenkathalo, yokwabelana okanye yokuvelana.”​—⁠“After All We’ve Done for Them”​—⁠Understanding Adolescent Behavior.

UAnn wakufumanisa kuyinyaniso oku kwimeko yakhe. Ukhumbula oku, “Ndakhulelwa. Yaye xa oko kwenzekayo, ndaqonda ukuba abazali bam babenenkathalo yaye babendithanda. Yayingabazali bam abangazange bandilahle ngalo lonke ixesha endandikhulelwe ngalo​—⁠kungekhona inkwenkwe endaphethukela kuyo ukuze ndifumane uthando. Ayibonakali nomkhondo.”

Kwanaxa kungekho miphumo mibi, enjengokukhulelwa, iintlobano zesini ezingekho mthethweni ngokufuthi zimshiya ubani eziva enzakele yaye engento yanto. Incwadi ethi The Private Life of the American Teenager ithi: “Abanye baziva bexhatshaziwe ngamakhwenkwe abathandana nawo abasongela ngokubashiya ngaphandle kokuba bavume ukuba neentlobano zesini kunye nawo. Yaye ukuba bayavuma, ngokufuthi ekugqibeleni bavakalelwa kukuba baxhatshaziwe, ingakumbi ukuba olo lwalamano luyaphela okanye ukuba luqhubeka kuphela lusekelwe kwisini.”

Xa Umncinane Gqitha Ukuba Ungatshata

Abanye bavakalelwa kukuba isini sinokunceda abantu ababini ukuba basondelelane. Kodwa ukuba aba bantu babini basebancinane gqitha ukuba bangatshata, yiyiphi injongo ephunyezwa koko kusondelelana? Kuphela umphumo unokuba yintlungu engokweemvakalelo xa olo lwalamano ngokungenakuthinteleka luphela. Kwincwadi yakhe ethi How to Raise Parents, umbhali uClayton Barbeau usikhumbuza ukuba “ukufikisa lixesha lokuxonxa ubuntu bakho, uzifumanisa umntu onguye.” Ubuza oku: “Ukuba akuzazi umntu onguye, ungamthanda njani, uze ngoko umazi, omnye umntu?”

Ngaphandle koko, isini xa kuthandanwa ngaphambi komtshato sityekele ekukupheliseni ukuncokolisana okunentsingiselo, kunokukukhuthaza. Kwangaxeshanye, iimvakalelo zokuziva unetyala zisenokubangela ukuba eso sibini sahlukane. (Roma 2:​15) Enye intombazana yathi: “Ukuziva kwam ndinetyala kwabangela umsantsa ode wamkhulu ngakumbi kulwalamano lwethu. Ndayithiya [inkwenkwe endandithandana nayo] ngokundenza ndivakalelwe kabuhlungu ngolo hlobo. Ndandingasakwazi nokubajonga emehlweni abazali bam ndandineentloni gqitha.” Omnye oselula uvakalisa intlungu yakhe esithi: “Ndakuphosa kwelokulibala konke endandikukholelwa, imilinganiselo yam nokuzihlonela, nesazela sam esicocekileyo​—⁠konke ngenxa yokufuna ukuba ndizive ndithandwa.”

Ngaloo ndlela umbhali uClayton Barbeau wakushwankathela kakuhle oku xa wathi: “Ndicinga ukuba abakwishumi elivisayo abadlala ngesini bafana neentsana eziphatha initroglycerin [umchiza othile odubula ngamanlda].”

Ngaba Sisisikhokelo Kumtshato Owonwabileyo?

Olunye ulutsha luvakalelwa kukuba ukufumana amava esini kuya kulwenza lulungele umtshato ngakumbi. Izibakala zibonisa okwahlukileyo koko. Esinye isizathu sikukuba, iingxaki zesini emtshatweni ngokuqhelekileyo zinxulunyaniswa neemvakalelo​—⁠kungekhona ukungabi namava ngesini. Ngokunokwenzeka, isini sangaphambi komtshato siyawutshabalalisa umtshato. Siphelisa ukuhlonelana yaye sifundisa eso sibini ukuba sisondelelane ngokuyintloko ngomzimba; ukusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo kuyatyeshelwa. Kunjengokuba incwadi ethi Building a Successful Marriage isithi: “Iintlobano zesini zangaphambi komtshato ngokuyintloko zimele zenziwe ngokoqobo, ziphawulwa kukuzingca kungekhona ukucingela bobabini abantu ababandakanyekileyo.” Ekugqibeleni, imbono yokuzingca yesini iphumela kunxunguphalo lomtshato. Ulwaneliseko emtshatweni lubakho xa eso sibini sitshatileyo sisebenzisa imigaqo yeBhayibhile yaye sikuxhalabele ngakumbi ukupha ngaphezu kokuphiwa ngokuzingca.​—⁠1 Korinte 7:⁠3; thelekisa IZenzo 20:⁠35.

Incwadi ethi Why Wait Till Marriage? ichaza enye ingxaki: “Amadoda namabhinqa aye anesimo sengqondo sokuyekelela ngokwesini ngaphambi kokuba atshate awanakulindeleka ukuba atshintshe ngokumangalisayo xa etshata. Ngaphandle kwambalwa, ayaqhubeka eqhubana neenkanuko zawo zesini ngendlela awayesenza ngayo ngaphambi kokuba atshate.” Le ncwadi iqukumbela ngelithi: “Ukuba ukunyaniseka emtshatweni kubalulekile kuwe, ngoko qonda ukuba kunxulumene nokunyaniseka ngaphambi komtshato.” Ukuhlala unyulu de utshate kusenokukunceda ukhulise amandla okuziphatha afunekayo ukuze uthobele umthetho weBhayibhile othi: “Umtshato mawubekeke ngeendlela zonke, nesilili masingadyojwa; ke abenza umbulo nabakrexezi, uThixo uya kubagweba.”​—⁠Hebhere 13:⁠4.

Ngaloo ndlela ulindixesha ohlonelwayo wezamayeza ugqiba ngelithi: “Kucacile ukuba abo banyulu banethuba elilunge ngakumbi lempumelelo emtshatweni kuba ngokufuthi banezinye iimpawu, ezinjengokuzinikela kakhulu emsebenzini, ukukwazi ngakumbi ukubambezela umnqweno wokuzanelisa, inkxalabo engakumbi yokulandela imigaqo neempawu ezikwafanayo.” Ngaloo ndlela abo ngobudenge balahla ubunyulu babo baya kuzisola gqitha.b Enye intombazana yathi: “Ndineminyaka eli-14 ubudala yaye ndiphulukene nobunyulu bam. Ngentliziyo nangomphefumlo wam wonke, ndizisola ngokunzulu. Intliziyo yam ibuhlungu kuba bendifuna ukuba linenekazi elinyulu umyeni wam wexesha elizayo ebeya kulinqwenela.”

Kuphephe Ukuzenzakalisa

Kukho enye ingenelo yokugqibela kubunyulu ofanele uyiqwalasele. IBhayibhile ibonisa ukuba abo badela imiyalelo kaThixo “bayazenzakalisa njengomvuzo wokwenza okuphosakeleyo.” (2 Petros 2:​13, NW) Isini sangaphambi komtshato sinokuphumela njani ekuzenzakaliseni ngolo hlobo? Ngokomzekelo, khawuqwalasele elinye inqaku kwiphephancwadi iSeventeen elithi: “Abaphandi ngoGawulayo bathi baya besothuswa koko bakubona njengokusasazeka ngokukhawuleza kwentsholongwane kaGawulayo phakathi kwabeshumi elivisayo.” Sekunjalo, phezu kwako konke ukubhengezwa kwesi sifo sibulalayo, olunye uhlolisiso lutyhila ukuba “ngomnye kwabathathu kuphela [kulutsha olwahlolisiswayo] owalungisa ukuziphatha kwakhe ngokwesini ngenxa yoloyiko lwesi sifo.”

Kwakhona ulutsha olunjalo luyasilela ukuqonda ukuba ukuziphatha okubi kusenokuphumela ekumitheni, kwizifo ezininzi ezidluliselwa ngeentlobano zesini ukongezelela kuGawulayo, ukwenzakala ngokweemvakalelo, isazela esenzakeleyo yaye​—⁠okona kubi kunako konke⁠—​ulwalamano olonakalisiweyo noThixo. Musa ukuzenzakalisa. IMizekeliso 14:​16 ithi: “Isilumko siyoyika, sisuke entweni embi.” Musa ukuzivumela ukuba ukholelwe kwintsomi “yesini esikhuselekileyo.” NgokukaThixo, ekuphela kwesini esikhuselekileyo nesamkelekileyo seso siqheliselwa kwiqhina lomtshato. Kude kube ngoko, bugcine njengobuxabisekileyo ubunyulu bakho. Musa ukuvumela abanye ukuba bakwenze ube neentloni ngabo okanye bakuthundezele ukuba ubutshukutshele kude.

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Abaninzi abanikezela ngobunyulu babo ngaphambi komtshato baziva bexhatshaziwe yaye behlazisiwe