Bancede Bakhethe Iqabane Ngobulumko

NGABA abantwana bakho bayakwazi oko kujongwayo kwiqabane nendlela yokukhetha ngobulumko? Kubalulekile ukucinga ngalo mbandela nokubanceda benze ukhetho lobulumko, ekubeni oku kuya kuba kokubalulekileyo kulonwabo lwabo lwekamva.

Kumazwe apho ukwenza amadinga kulisiko, kukho ingcinezelo ekhulayo kwabaselula yokuba bahambisane besebancinane kakhulu. UGqr. Ronald W. Taffel, ugqirha onyanga abantu abagula ngengqondo waseNew York, wathi: “Abazali babantwana abaneminyaka eli-10 bandixelela ukuba baphantsi kwengcinezelo enkulu yokuvumela abantwana babo ukuba benze amadinga. Ngequbuliso abazali bazifumanise bejamelene neembambano ababengalindelanga ukuba bangadibana nazo de babe [abantwana babo] bayafikisa.”

Isenokuba yintoni imiphumo ukuba uyayekelela uze ubavumele abantwana bakho ukuba baqalise ukwenza amadinga besebancinane? IThe Journal of the American Medical Association yathi: “Ukwenza amadinga usemncinane yaye uwenza rhoqo kunxulunyaniswa nokuqalisa [ukuba neentlobano zesini].” Ewe, mhlawumbi uye wafunda ngeengxelo “zenani elikhulayo lokuzala kwamantombazana aneminyaka eli-10 ukusa kweli-14.”

Ngoko, yintoni onokuyenza ukunceda abantwana bakho?

Bafundise Besebancinane

Abazali bafanele babethelele iimpawu ezintle zobuKristu kubantwana babo baze babancede ukuba bazibonakalise. Yaye bakwafanele babancede bakwazi ukufanisa ezi mpawu kulowo uza kuba liqabane. Xa umntwana wakho ezisa umbandela ongokwenza amadinga, mcacisele ukuba oku akufanele kujongwe njengembutho yokuzonwabisa kwabangaphantsi kweshumi elivisayo okanye kwanakwabo basayiqalayo loo minyaka. Kunoko, benze bacacelwe kukuba ukwenza amadinga kokwabantu abakhule ngokwaneleyo ukuba bakhangele ngokunzulu umntu abaza kutshata naye.

Abantwana abanamava okuhlolisisa iimpawu zomntu, njengokuba nabo befanele bayamkele ngokulula loo nto. Intombazana yaseIndiya yakhe yamcacisela oku umcebisi ngemitshato: “Abazali bethu bakhulile yaye balumke ngakumbi, kwaye abakhohliseki lula njengathi. . . . Kubaluleke gqitha ukuba indoda enditshata nayo ibe yefanelekileyo. Ndinokuyenza ngokulula impazamo ukuba ndinokuzifunela ngokwam.” Ngokuqinisekileyo ulutsha lunokungenelwa kuncedo lwabakhulileyo!

Ngokufuthi abantu abaselula babajonga abo baza kuba ngamaqabane abo omtshato ngokwemilinganiselo engenakuthanani nokuba baya kukwazi ukuba ngamadoda okanye abafazi abalungileyo kusini na. Amakhwenkwe asenokudumb’ intloko ngenxa yobunzwakazi nokumila kakuhle​—⁠kodwa kuthekani ngokuhamba kwexesha? Imizimba nobuso iyatshintsha, yaye ekuhambeni kwexesha ngokungathandabuzekiyo inkwenkwe iza kufuna iimpawu zebhinqa elikhulileyo, eziquka ingqiqo namandla okuthwala iimbopheleleko. Amantombazana ngokufuthi into yokuqala ayijongayo bubunzwana benkwenkwe, ukunxiba kakuhle nokuba nengqondo ebukhali ngaphezu kweempawu ezibaluleke ngakumbi zokuba nobubele nokuba nothando ngoThixo nangabanye abantu.

Ngoko, yintoni onokuyenza? Kutheni ungazisi engqalelweni yabantwana bakho abantu ababaziyo nabanemitshato elungileyo? Usenokude ubachazele ukuba bambi baba bantu abazange bakhethe oyena mntu uyinzwakazi okanye oyena uyinzwana edolophini, kodwa bakhetha uthile owayeneempawu ezintle nowayekwanokhetho, izilangazelelo nosukelo olufanayo nolwabo.

Kutheni ungayixubushi le mibandela nabantwana bakho? Xa uAnn wayeneminyaka eli-13, unina wambuza ngeempawu awayezifuna endodeni. Bakuxubusha oku, yaye uAnn wenza uludwe lweempawu awayeya kuzikhangela. Le yayingeyonkwalambisa nje yoludwe. Lwaluquka nokuba yayifanele ibe ngumntu aza kumhlonela, yaye ukhetho nezilangazelelo zaloo mntu zifanele zifane nezakhe. Ngoku uAnn, engumakhulu owonwabileyo, usancomela ukuba nabanye balandele lo mzekelo.

KumKristu, kubalulekile ukuba umyalelo weBhayibhile wokutshata “ngokwaseNkosini” uqwalaselwe. (1 Korinte 7:​39) Umntu ‘ongokwaseNkosini’ ngulowo ungumKristu ozahluleleyo, obhaptiziweyo nozinikeleyo ekubeni nesabelo kumsebenzi uYesu awawenzayo. Abo bawutyeshelayo lo myalelo wokutshata kuphela ngokwaseNkosini ngokufuthi bahlangabezana nemiphumo eyintlekele. Ngoko qiniseka ngokubonisa abantwana bakho imbaluleka yokuba bacinge ngokutshata kuphela nothile olandela imigaqo yokuziphatha neyokomoya efanayo neyabo noya kuthi ngaloo ndlela akwazi ukubanceda bayidlulisele le migaqo kubo nabaphi na abantwana abasenokuba nabo.

Balungiselele Ukuba Bakwazi Ukusingatha Iingxaki

Xa uye waphawula ukuba abantwana bakho badala ngokwaneleyo ukuba bangenza amadinga, gxininisa kubo ubulumko bokuqhelana namaqabane abo kwiindawo zikawonke wonke, ngokwabelana ngemisebenzi, njengokuya kwiivenkile zokutyela, kwiimyuziyam, kwiindawo zokugcina izilwanyana, okanye kwiindawo zokubonisa ngezinto zobugcisa, oko kubavulela ithuba lokuncokola baze bazane ngaphandle kokuzikhetha kwabanye abantu. Bancede baqonde isizathu sokuba oku kububulumko ngakumbi kunokuchitha ixesha ekhusini kwinqwelo-mafutha emileyo okanye kwenye indawo apho kungekho bantu. Kwakhona, kubalulekile ukubafundisa ukuba xa befika ekhaya bevela kwenza idinga, kufanelekile ukuba umntwana athi busuku benzolo kuloo mfana emnyango aze angamvumeli ukuba angene ngaphandle kokuba ke, wena mzali ukho yaye usahleli.

Balumkise abantwana bakho ngoko kusenokwenzeka. Ngokomzekelo, ingxelo yeendaba ichaza ngomfundi owathi emva kwesidlo wamemela egumbini lakhe umfana enza naye idinga ukuze bangqungqe baze bancokole. Nakubeni wayeqalisile ukubonakalisa utyekelo lokwenza ukungcola, lo mfundi akazange azingise kwelokuba lo mfana makahambe. Kunoko, xa umfundi wayesala, umfana wayexolisa ngenxa yezenzo zakhe, kodwa ke aphinde azame ukumlukuhla kwakhona. Ingxelo ithi: “Ekugqibeleni ekuzeni kokusa watyhala ngesifuba” wamdlwengula. Enjani yona intlekele!

Ngoko qinisekisa ukuba abantwana bakho bayalazi inyathelo elingqalileyo lokuthatyathwa ukuba nabani na ukhankanya izenzo zokuziphatha okubi. Bafanele bayibaleke loo meko ngendlela awabaleka ngayo uYosefu oselula kumkaPotifare owayenyanzelisa. (Genesis 39:​7-12) Bafanele bazi ukuba ngokufuthi umkhohlisi uthanda ukusebenzisa isicelo sakudala sokuba, “Ukuba uyandithanda vuma.” Mhlawumbi nabani na owasebenzisayo loo maqhinga uwasebenzisa rhoqo, andule ke alishiye elo xhoba aze adlulele kwelitsha. Unyana okanye intombi yakho ufanele azi ukuba uhayi ongqongqo nongqalileyo yeyona mpendulo ilungileyo xa elukuhlelwa ekuziphatheni okubi.

Qiniseka ukuba uyayifundisa intombi yakho ukuba iziphephe iimeko ezisenokuyichanaba ekudlwengulweni. Gxininisa imfuneko yokumazi ngokwenene namphi na umfana esenokwenza idinga naye neyokuba wena, mzali wentombi, umazi kakuhle loo mntu. Ukuba abantwana bakho abasahlali kufutshane nawe, ngoko qinisekisa ukuba babuza kumveleli ongumKristu ngokuphathelele abo baza kuba ngamaqabane abo. Khumbula ukuba kukho abakhohlisi abazibanga bengamaKristu nabanyebelezele ebandleni, kwananjengokuba kwakunjalo ngenkulungwane yokuqala.​—⁠2 Petros 2:​13-15, 17, 18.

Ukongezelela, kufuneka ubafundise oonyana bakho ukuba amadoda okwenene akabenzakalisi ngabom abanye abantu. Ayabakhusela. Amadoda okwenene ayazilawula iimvakalelo zawo, akakhotyokiswa zizo. Afanele abaphathe kakuhle abo besini esahlukileyo njengokuba ebeya kwenza koonina okanye koodade wabo, ababeke aze abahlonele.​—⁠1 Timoti 5:​1, 2.

Ungaze ubayeke abantwana bakho bawulibale lo mgaqo usisiseko weBhayibhile: “Unxulumano olubi lonakalisa imilinganiselo emihle yokuziphatha.” (1 Korinte 15:​33, Revised Standard Version) Ngaloo ndlela, abantwana bakho bafanele bayiqonde imfuneko yokungazidibanisi nabantu abangaphili ngemilinganiselo ecocekileyo yobomi. Kwasebusaneni babo, ufanele ubenze bacacelwe lelokuba ngoxa abanye besenokungakuboni oko bakwenzayo, uThixo usoloko ekubona, yaye uya kusivuza sonke ngokwemisebenzi yethu.​—⁠Roma 2:⁠6.

Ukuziphatha Kakuhle Kwihlabathi Elingenayo Imilinganiselo Yokuziphatha

Nangona amagunya ehlabathi eye avakalisa ubuhlungu esithi “kuncinane gqitha akwaziyo ngendlela yokudimaza abangekatshati abakwishumi elivisayo ukuba bangaqalisi ukuba neentlobano zesini,” abazali abangamaKristu bona bayazi ukuba oko kunokwenziwa. Ngokumilisela kubantwana babo ukuthanda uThixo nentlonelo yokwenene ngemithetho yakhe, abazali babaxhobisela abantwana babo ukuxhathisa izilingo zeli hlabathi lingenayo imilinganiselo yokuziphatha nokuphila ubomi obuthe tye, beziphethe kakuhle. Ibutho elikhulu lezigidi zamaNgqina kaYehova libalasele ngokunamathela kwimilinganiselo ephakamileyo yokuziphatha yeLizwi likaThixo. KwaneNew Catholic Encyclopedia ithi ngeli qela “ukuziphatha okuhle emtshatweni nangokwesini kwalo kuqine ngokwenene.”​—⁠Umqulu 7, iphepha 864.

Abaselula phakathi kwamaNgqina kaYehova abaphila ubomi bokuziphatha okuhle bayazi ukuba bayafunwa yaye bexatyiswa kungekuphela nje ngabazali babo kodwa nangamanye amaKristu zwenibanzi. Baziva benelunda ngeziqu zabo, banenxaxheba kwiintlanganiso zebandla, bakhulisa ubuchule bokufundisa baze babe nenxaxheba kwimfundo yeBhayibhile. Babonakalisa imilinganiselo yokuziphatha yobuthixo, banandipha ukuba neemvakalelo ezikhuthazayo zokuzixabisa, yaye banethemba lekamva eliqaqambileyo kwihlabathi elitsha likaThixo lobulungisa.​—⁠1 Yohane 2:​17; ISityhilelo 21:​3, 4.

Ukuba, emva kokufunda eli phephancwadi, unemibuzo ethile ngeBhayibhile, nceda uzive ukhululekile ukubonana namaNgqina kaYehova kwiHolo YoBukumkani ekummandla ohlala kuwo, okanye bhalela abapapashi beli phephancwadi. (Bona kwiphepha 5.)

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 32]

Ngubani Oza Kutshata Naye?

Incwadi ethi Imibuzo Yabantu Abaselula​—⁠Iimpendulo Eziluncedo inikela amacebiso abalaseleyo ngendlela oselula anokuqhelana ngayo nomntu asenokuba unomdla wokutshata naye.a Ibonisa imfuneko yokwazi ukomelela kwakunye nobuthathaka bakhe, noko akuko ngokwenene. Unokukwenza njani oko?

Okokuqala, unokumqwalasela loo mntu. Unesimilo esinjani? Ubaphatha njani abanye abantu? Uthetha njani nabazali bakhe okanye namanye amalungu entsapho? Ezi zinto zibalulekile ngenxa yokuba zibonisa indlela ekugqibeleni wena oza kuphathwa ngayo.

Ngencoko nje engacwangciswanga, unokufumanisa enoba izilangazelelo nosukelo lwakhe luyafana kusini na nolwakho. Usenokufumanisa kwanoko abanye bakucingayo ngalo mntu.

Ufanele ufunde ngohlobo lomntu alulo, ngeengcinga, iimbono nobuntu bakhe bangaphakathi. Usabela njani xa ecinezelekile? Ngoobani abahlobo bakhe? Injani intsapho, yaye iphethene njani?

Ukusebenza kunye kunokwenza uziqonde ngakumbi iimpawu zaloo mntu. Kuvula nethuba lokuvela kwemikhwa engathandekiyo. Ngoko, njengokuba le ncwadi ibalaseleyo isitsho xa ithetha ngabantu abaselula abaye balandela la macebiso alunge ngolu hlobo: “Sikwazi kakuhle oko sikwenzayo, sinokungenela umtshato sinentembelo yokuba siya kukwazi ukuzinzisa ukungavisisani okuya kuthi kuvele. Ukuthandana ngaphambi komtshato okunempumelelo kuya kube kusenze salungela umtshato owonwabisayo nonempumelelo.”​—⁠Isahluko 29-⁠32.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 30]

Imbonakalo yomzimba enomtsalane inokuchukumisa, kodwa iimpawu ezintle zangaphakathi zibaluleke ngakumbi

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 31]

Ukuqhelana kwiindawo zikawonke wonke kububulumko ngakumbi kunokuchitha ixesha kwindawo esekhusini