Ukuhlonela Amabhinqa Kubomi Bemihla Ngemihla
UKUBA amabhinqa afanele ahlonelwe ngakumbi kunanamhlanje, inguqulelo ifanele iqale nini yaye phi? Kaloku, oku kwahlukana nekhethe kudla ngokuqala phi? Ekhaya nasesikolweni, kwiminyaka yokukhula kwethu. Sivelisa isimo sethu sengqondo ngomlinganiselo omkhulu phantsi kwempembelelo yabazali. Ngoko ngoobani, ngokusengqiqweni, abanokuba nempembelelo enamandla kwisimo sengqondo abafana abaya kuba naso kumabhinqa? Licacile elokuba nguyise nonina. Ngoko ke omnye undoqo kule ngxaki yimfundo efanelekileyo enokungena emakhaya ize iphembelele abazali.
Indlela Ajongwa Ngayo Amabhinqa
Into yokuba ikhethe lakheka ekhaya iboniswe nguJenny, unobhala otshatileyo, ongumafungwashe kowabo olandelwa ngabasakwabo abathathu, owathi: “Njengamabhinqa aselula, sasisoloko sisixhalabele isibakala sokuba eUnited States, amabhinqa maninzi kunamadoda. Ngoko ukuba ufuna ukutshata, ufanele uzenze ufikeleleke.
“Ngoko, kwakhona, iimeko zibangela amabhinqa acinge ukuba azizidalwa ezingaphantsi. Maxa wambi nabazali bakho banokukwenza ucinge ukuba akuxabisekanga njengamakhwenkwe. Xa uthandana nendoda ethile, nayo ikwenza uvakalelwe ngolo hlobo, ukuba ungaphantsi kunamadoda.
“Yaye kutheni ukuzithemba kwethu kufanele kusekelwe ngokuyintloko kubungakanani okanye kwiziphiwo zomzimba okanye ekungabini nazo? Ngaba amadoda ajongwa ngaloo ndlela?”
UBetty, oneminyaka engama-32 etshatile, owayekhe wangumphathi wevenkile, wavelisa enye ingongoma: “Kutheni amabhinqa ejongwa ngokobuni bawo engajongwa ngokwamava, oko anokukwenza nengqondo anayo? Inye into endiyicelayo kukuba amadoda akuphulaphule oko ndikucingayo. Musani ukundijongela phantsi ngokobuni bam!
“Ngokufuthi gqitha amadoda agqala amabhinqa ngokungathi sizizibhanxa okaye izidenge—sizizibhanxa gqitha ukuba singenza isigqibo esifanelekileyo. Uyazi ukuba ndithini? Mawasiphathe ngendlela abeya kufuna ukuphathwa ngayo. Ngokukhawuleza oko kuya kuyiguqula indlela acinga ngayo!” Inye kuphela into ayicelayo kukuba amadoda asebenzise uMthetho Omkhulu, ‘Yenza kwabanye njengoko ubuya kuthanda benjenjalo kuwe.’—Mateyu 7:12.
La mabhinqa aye avelisa iingongoma ezibalulekileyo. Ukubaluleka kokwenyaniso kwebhinqa akumele kusekelwe kwinkangeleko nakwiimpawu zomzimba ezinomtsalane ngokugqithiseleyo okanye kwikhethe elingokwesithethe. Isaci saseSpeyin sikubonisa oku ngale ndlela: “Umfazi omanz’ andonga ukholisa amehlo; umfazi olungileyo ukholisa intliziyo. Ukuba omanz’ andonga usisacholo, olungileyo ububuncwane.”
IBhayibhile iveza ingongoma efanayo ngendlela eyahlukileyo: “Ubuhle benu mabungaxhomekeki kwisigqubuthelo esimbejembeje, okanye ekunxibeni isacholo okanye impahla entle, kodwa mabube bobobuntu bangaphakathi—ukungonakali okuthandekayo komoya ozolileyo nolungileyo, nto leyo exabisekileyo emehlweni kaThixo.” Yaye kanye njengokuba incwadi singayi kuyifunda ivaliwe, ngoko asimele sibacalucalule abantu ngokobuni babo.—1 Petros 3:3, 4, Phillips.
Ukubonakalisa Intlonelo Ekhaya
Isikhalazo esifanelekileyo samabhinqa amaninzi, ngokukodwa abafazi noomama abasebenzayo, sikukuba abayeni bayasilela ukuqonda imisebenzi yekhaya njengomsebenzi owongezelelekileyo, yaye ngokufuthi abayenzi indima yabo. USusan Faludi, ocatshulwe ngaphambilana, uthi: “Abafazi abanikwa ukulingana nabayeni babo emakhayeni abo, apho basenomthwalo ongama-70 ekhulwini emisebenzi yasekhaya.” Siyintoni isicombululo koku kwenziwa kokungekho sikweni?
Ngoxa mhlawumbi kusenokungamkeleki kubayeni abaninzi kwezinye izithethe, kufanele kubekho ucwangciso olungenamkhethe ekhaya, ngokukodwa ukuba nomfazi ufanele aphangele. Kambe ke, xa kusabelwana ngemisebenzi kukwafanele kuqwalaselwe iindidi zemisebenzi ngokufuthi eyimbopheleleko yendoda—ukunyamekela inqwelo-mafutha, ukulungisa iyadi nesitiya, imibhobho yamanzi, umsebenzi wombane, njalo njalo—noko ke, misebenzi leyo engafikeleliyo kwixesha umfazi alichithela kwimisebenzi yekhaya. Kwamanye amazwe abayeni bakwalindela ukuba abafazi bagcine inqwelo-mafutha ihlanjiwe yaye icocekile, ngokungathi isisongezelelo sekhaya!
Ngokomlinganiselo othile, eli cebiso lokwabelana ngemisebenzi yekhaya livumelana nesiluleko sompostile uPetros sokuba abayeni bahlale nabafazi babo “ngokokwazi.” (1 Petros 3:7) Phakathi kwezinye izinto, oku kuthetha ukuba indoda ayifanele isuke nje ibe liqabane lasekhaya elingenabuntu nelingenazimvakalelo. Ifanele iyihlonele ingqondo namava omkayo. Kwakhona ifanele iziqonde iintswelo zakhe njengebhinqa, umfazi nomama. Oku kubandakanya iintswelo ezingakumbi kuneyomphangeli wokuzisa umvuzo ekhaya; kwanabafazi abaninzi abasebenzayo bayakwenza oko. Ifanele iziqonde iimfuno zakhe ezingokwasemzimbeni, ezingokweemvakalelo, ezingokwasengqondweni, ezingokwesini, yaye, ngaphezu kwako konke, ezingokomoya.
Indoda ethi ilandela imigaqo yobuKristu inembopheleleko ethe chatha—leyo yokuxelisa umzekelo kaKristu. Wanikela isimemo esihle kubo bonke abo “babulalekayo, basindwayo ngumthwalo,” esithi: “Ndonihlaziya. . . . Ndinobulali, ndithobekile ngentliziyo; noyifumanela ukuhlaziyeka imiphefumlo yenu.” (Mateyu 11:28, 29, NW) Olunjani lona ucelomngeni oku okululo kumadoda nootata abangamaKristu! Ngamnye ufanele azibuze oku: ‘Ngaba ndiyamhlaziya umfazi wam okanye ndiyamcinezela? Ngaba ndilungile yaye ndiyafikeleleka, okanye ngaba ndityekela ekubeni yindoda engqwabalala, enogonyamelo okanye enguzwilakhe? Ngaba ndibonakalisa ‘uthando lobuzalwana’ kwiintlanganiso zamaKristu ndize ndingafuni kuchukunyiswa xa ndisekhaya?’ Akufanele kubekho amadoda angoontaka-mpuku ebandleni lamaKristu.—1 Petros 3:8, 9.
Ngoko ke, alunakuthetheleleka uhlobo lwendoda echazwa ngumfazi ongumKristu oye waphathwa kakubi: “Indoda eqhayisa ngobudoda bayo neyintloko engumKristu eba yelunge gqitha kwiHolo YoBukumkani ize ithengele abanye izipho kodwa emphatha umfazi wayo njengento engcolileyo.” Ukumhlonela okufanelekileyo umfazi akuvuleli thuba lakumcinezela okanye lakumdandathekisa. Kambe ke, le yinkalo yamacala omabini; nomfazi ufanele abonakalise intlonelo efanelekileyo ngomyeni wakhe.—Efese 5:33; 1 Petros 3:1, 2.
Ngokungathi uqinisekisa okungasentla, uGqr. Susan Forward uyabhala: “Ulwalamano olulungileyo lusekelwe ekuhlonelaneni.” Oko kuwenza omabini amaqabane abe nembopheleleko ngempumelelo. Uyaqhubeka: “Oku kuquka ukuba nenkxalabo nokucingela iimvakalelo neemfuno zikabani, nokuxabisa izinto ezenza iqabane ngalinye libe lelikhetheke kangaka. . . . Amaqabane anothando afumana iindlela ezisebenzisekayo zokusingatha ukungavisisani kwawo; akayijongi ingxaki nganye njengedabi ubani amele aliphumelele okanye oyiswe kulo.”—Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them.
Kwakhona iBhayibhile inika amadoda isiluleko esihle kwabase-Efese 5:28: “Amelwe amadoda ukubathanda abawo abafazi, njengokuba beyimizimba yawo. Lowo umthandayo umkakhe, uyazithanda.” Kutheni loo mazwi eyinyaniso? Kungenxa yokuba umtshato ufana nencwadi yasebhankini evulwe ngabantu ababini othe ngamnye wabo wafaka ebhankini isiqingatha saloo mali. Ukuba umyeni uyisebenzisa kakubi loo mali, wonakalisa imeko yabo bobabini ngokwasemalini. Ngokufanayo, ukuba umyeni umphatha kakubi umfazi wakhe ngayo nayiphi na indlela, ngoko ngethutyana nje elingephi okanye ekuhambeni kwexesha uyazenzakalisa naye. Kutheni kunjalo nje? Kungenxa yokuba umtshato wakhe ligalelo labantu ababini. Ukuba ulisebenzisa kakubi elo galelo, wenzakalisa bobabini abantu ababandakanyekileyo kulo.
Kukho enye inkalo ebalulekileyo emelwe ikhunjulwe ngentlonelo—ayifanele ifunwe ngenkani. Ngoxa iqabane ngalinye lifanele linike elinye intlonelo, ikwafanele isetyenzelwe. UKristu akazange afumane intlonelo ngokuzama ukusebenzisa amandla okanye isikhundla sakhe esongamileyo.a Ngokufanayo, emtshatweni indoda nomfazi bazuza intlonelo ngenyathelo labo lokucingelana, ingekuko ngokusebenzisa iBhayibhile njengesixhobo sokuxabela ukuze bayifune ngenkani.
Ukubonakalisa Intlonelo Emsebenzini
Ngaba amadoda afanele awagqale amabhinqa njengesisongelo kwigugu lawo lobudoda? Kwincwadi yakhe ethi Feminism Without Illusions, uElizabeth Fox-Genovese wabhala: “Enyanisweni, amabhinqa amaninzi namhlanje afuna oko kufunwa ngamadoda amaninzi: ukuphila ubomi obundilisekileyo, ukuziphilela okunomvuzo nokungena ehlabathini ngaphandle kokubangela iingxaki ezininzi.” Ngaba umnqweno okanye amabhongo anjalo afanele athatyathwe njengesisongelo kumadoda? Kwakhona wathi: “Kutheni singenakuqonda ukuba, zingakhathaliseki zonke iinguqulelo ihlabathi lethu eliye lathubeleza okanye elinokuthubeleza phantsi kwazo, ukwahlukana kuyaqhubeka yaye kunokunanditshwa?”
Amadoda angamaKristu asebenza njengabaphathi okanye abaveleli afuna ngokukhethekileyo ukuhlonela isidima samabhinqa asebenza nawo yaye ayakhumbula ukuba ngokweBhayibhile umfazi otshatileyo unendoda enye kuphela ‘eyintloko’ yakhe, umyeni wakhe. Amanye asenokuba kwizikhundla zokuvelela ibe ayahlonelwa ngenxa yoko; kodwa kwakhona ngokwengqiqo ecacileyo yeBhayibhile, ayikho enye indoda ‘eyintloko’ yaloo mfazi ngaphandle komyeni wakhe.—Efese 5:22-24.
Incoko emsebenzini ifanele isoloko iyefanelekileyo. Xa amadoda ebhenela kwincoko entsingiselo-mbini okanye kwizikweko ezingesini, akabonisi intlonelo ngamabhinqa, ibe akalukhulisi udumo lwawo. UPawulos wawabhalela oku amaKristu: “Ke umbulo, nako konke ukungcola, nokubawa, makungakhe kukhankanywe phakathi kwenu, njengoko kubafaneleyo abangcwele; kwanamanyala, nentetho yobuyatha, nobuhiba, izinto ezo ezingafanelekileyo. Makube kokukhona ninemibulelo.”—Efese 5:3, 4.
Ukutshintsha ibhinqa kwisabelo salo somsebenzi ngaphandle kokucinga ngeemvakalelo zalo yenye indlela yokungabonakalisi ntlonelo. UJean ongumongikazi, wathi: “Bekungakuhle gqitha ukuba kunokubakho uthethathethwano ngaphambi kokwenza iinguqulelo kwizabelo zomsebenzi. Ngokuqinisekileyo elo ibingalikhondo eliya kuzisa imiphumo emihle. Amabhinqa afuna ukwazelelelwa yaye afuna ukuva ukuba axabisekile yaye ayafunwa.”
Enye inkalo yentlonelo emsebenzini ngumsantsa wambi amabhinqa awubiza ngokuthi “yisilingi yegilasi.” Oku kuthetha “ucalucalulo olungokwasemthethweni lokwalela amabhinqa ukuba angazifumani izikhundla zokuba ngabaphathi abaziintloko kwimizi-mveliso yabucala.” (IThe New York Times kaJanuwari 3, 1992) Ngenxa yoko, uphando lwakutshanje eUnited States lubonise ukuba ngumlinganiselo ophantsi wemisebenzi ekwimigangatho ephakamileyo ekusebenza kuyo amabhinqa, ukususela kwi-14 ekhulwini kwiiHawaii ne-18 ekhulwini eUtah ukusa kuma-39 ekhulwini eLouisiana. Ukuba intlonelo iyabonakaliswa, ukunyuselwa kwiindawo zempangelo akuyi kusekelwa kubuni kodwa kuya kusekelwa kubuchule nakumava. Umalathisi wophando uSharon Harlan wathi: “Kuya kulunga ngakumbi, kodwa . . . kusekho imiqobo emininzi ewathintelayo amabhinqa.”
[Umbhalo osemazantsi]
a Bona IMboniselo kaMeyi 15, 1989, iphepha 10-20, “Ukubonakalisa Uthando Nentlonelo Njengendoda” nothi “. . . Njengomfazi.”
[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 14]
INTLONELO Anokwenza Ntoni Amabhinqa?
● ZIHLONELE uze ukulondoloze oko
● Kwenze kucace oko ukuvumela kuthethwe kuze kwenziwe xa ukho
● Zibekele imida efanelekileyo yehambo nentetho eyamkelekileyo
● Musa ukuzama ukukhuphisana namadoda ekuthetheni iziqhulo ezingcolileyo; oko kuyakuthoba njengenenekazi ibe akuwenzi wona abe ngamanene
● Musa ukunxiba ngendlela etsal’ amehlo, kungakhathaliseki oko isenokuba kuko ifashoni yangoku; indlela onxiba ngayo ibonisa umlinganiselo ozijonga ngawo wena
● Zuza intlonelo ngendlela oziphatha ngayo; amadoda waphathe ngentlonelo oyilindeleyo kuwo
● Musa ukudlala ngothando
INTLONELO Anokwenza Ntoni Amadoda?
● Onke amabhinqa waphathe ngentlonelo nangesidima; musa ukuziva usongelwa yinkqubela ibhinqa eliyenzayo emsebenzini
● Musa ukuqhelana ngokugqithisileyo nomntu ongenguye umfazi wakho, usebenzisa amagama othando angeyomfuneko
● Ziphephe iziqhulo ezingcolileyo nokujonga okukrokrisayo
● Musa ukuncoma ngokugqith’ emgceni, yaye kuphephe ukuphathaphatha okungafanelekanga
● Musa ukuwujongela phantsi okanye uwudele umsebenzi wakhe okanye yena ngokwakhe
● Buza, phulaphula uze unxibelelane naye ngendlela efanelekileyo
● Bonakalisa uxabiso ngomsebenzi ibhinqa eliwenzayo
● Fak’ isandla kwimisebenzi yekhaya. Ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba iyasithoba isidima sakho, kuthekani ngesakhe?
● Ukuba uhlala nabazali bakho, ziphaphele iingcinezelo umkakho azinyamezelayo. Ngoku uyimbopheleleko yakho ephambili yaye ufuna inkxaso yakho (Mateyu 19:5)