Indlela Yokuthintela Ukudlwengulwa
UEric wayemde ngethambo eyinzwana, yaye wayephuma kwintsapho yezinhanha. ULori wayeneminyaka eli-19 ubudala yaye wamenyelwa edingeni nguEric kwelo labo dinga kwakuza kubakho nalowo wayehlala noEric egumbini naye owayememe umhlobokazi wakhe. Wafika kudityenwe kusojiwa inyama ekhayeni likaEric, kodwa yena engazi, esinye isibini esasenze idinga sasingazukuphumelela. Ngokukhawuleza, inkoliso yeendwendwe yaqalisa ukuhamba ethekweni.
Wathi: “Ndaqalisa ukucinga, ‘Kukho undonakele, ikho into engamanga kakuhle,’ kodwa andizange ndizikhathaze ngoko.”
Xa uEric waba noLori kuphela, wamdlwengula. ULori akazange akuchaze oko kudlwengulwa emapoliseni waza kamva wafudukela kummandla okude kangangeekhilomitha ezingama-240 ephepha ukuphinda abonane noEric. Kunyaka emva koko, wayesakoyika ukwenza amadinga.
UKUDLWENGULA kusisisongelo esikhulayo, yaye eyona ndlela yokuzikhusela yamabhinqa kukuba nolwazi ngako nangokukuxhobela. Asizizo zonke iimeko zokudlwengula ezinokulindelwa kusengaphambili, kodwa ukwazi indlela abadlwenguli abacinga ngayo nabayiceba ngayo intlaselo yabo kusenokukunceda uqonde imiqondiso elumkisayo.a Umzekeliso wamandulo uthi: “Umntu onobulumko uyayibona ingxaki iseza aze ayiphephe, kodwa isiyatha siya kuzifaka kuyo size sizisole kamva.”—IMizekeliso 27:12, Today’s English Version.
Eyona ndlela ilunge ngakumbi yokuphepha imeko yokudlwengula kukuphepha izidlwengu. Ufanele ulwazi uhlobo lwesimilo sendoda—kwanaleyo uyazi kakuhle—esisenokuyifanisa njengenokuba ngumdlwenguli ngenye imini. (Bona ibhokisi, ekwiphepha 7.) Wambi amadoda asenokusebenzisa indlela ibhinqa elinxiba ngayo okanye ukuvuma kwalo ukuba babe kunye bebodwa njengesingxengxezo sokuba alidlwengule. Nangona ibhinqa lingabekek’ ityala ukuba indoda inezo mbono zigqwethekileyo, beliya kuba lilumkile xa lisiqonda eso simo sengqondo.
Musa ukuvumela ukuba nibe nodwa nendoda ongayazi kakuhle. (Kwanaleyo uyazi kakuhle, sebenzisa ubulumko.) Isidlwengu esingumtu ongamaziyo sisenokuza ekhayeni lakho size sizenze umntu olungisa into ethile. Hlola iincwadi ezisichazayo. Ngokufuthi isidlwengu esingumntu omaziyo siwenza amaxhoba abe wodwa ngokwenza imiyalezo ewacela ukuba atyelele endlwini yaso okanye ngokuwaxokisa sisithi kuya kubakho iqela labantu kuloo ndawo siceba ukudibana nawo kuyo. Musa ukukhohliswa.
Ukuze uphephe iingxaki zeemeko zokwenza amadinga, yenza idinga apho kuza kubakho iqela labantu okanye kubekho impelesi. Mazi kakuhle lowo wenza idinga naye, yaye misela imiqathango engqongqo kumlinganiselo wokusondelelana ngokwasemzimbeni, ukuba kukho, oya kukuvumela. Kulumkele ukusebenzisa nasiphi na isiselo esinxilisayo! Awunako ukuyiphaphela ingozi ukuba amandla akho okucinga aphazamisekile. (Thelekisa IMizekeliso 23:29-35.) Lithembe ithuku lemvelo onalo. Ukuba uziva ungamthembanga umntu othile, musa ukumcingela ukuba umsulwa akanazingcinga zimbi. Hamba apho.
Abazali abanabantwana abakwishumi elivisayo ngokukhethekileyo kufuneka baxubushe nabantwana babo ngendlela yokuthintela ukudlwengulwa, bangqale ngeemeko eziyingozi ngenxa yokuba inkoliso yezidlwengu neyamaxhoba okudlwengulwa ngabantu abaselula.
Khawulezisa
Ayizizo zonke iimeko zokudlwengula ezinokulindelwa kwangaphambili. Ungaqondanga, usenokuzifumanisa uwedwa ujamelene nendoda enamandla kunawe yaye efuna ukukunyanzelela ukuba nibe neentlobano zesini. Yintoni onokuyenza?
Khawulezisa, yaye khumbula usukelo lwakho: kukuphuncula. Ngokufuthi isidlwengu siye silivavanye ixhoba laso ngaphambi kokucinga ngokulihlasela, ngoko kubalulekile ukuwaphazamisa amacebo aso ngokukhawuleza kangangoko kunokwenzeka ngaphambi kokuba sibe nentembelo eyaneleyo yokuqalisa isenzo. Iingcali kumbandela wokudlwengula zinikela iindlela ezimbini onokwenza ngazo: ukuxhathisa ngaphandle kokusebenzisa amandla okanye ukuxhathisa ngokusebenzisa amandla. Okokuqala usenokukuzama ukuxhathisa ngaphandle kokusebenzisa amandla yaye, ukuba oko kuyasilela, dlulela ekuxhathiseni ngokusebenzisa amandla.
Ukuxhathisa ngaphandle kokusebenzisa amandla kusenokuquka ukulibazisa ngokuthetha nesidlwengu okanye kusenokuquka ukuzenza ngathi unesifo esithile esidluliselwa ngeentlobano zesini okanye ngokumhlanzela lowo ukuhlaselayo. (Thelekisa eyoku- 1 kaSamuweli 21:12, 13.) UGerard Whittemore kwincwadi yakhe ethi Street Wisdom for Women: A Handbook for Urban Survival wabhala oku: “Ubuchule bokuphumelela bulinganiselwa kuphela ngamandla omntu okucinga.”
Ubuchule bokuphumelela ngaphandle kokusebenzisa amandla—okuquka ukwenza yonke into ngaphandle kokulwa ngokwasemzimbeni nesidlwengu—bufuna ukucinga kakuhle yaye bufanele buyilelwe ukuba bumphazamise okanye bumthomalalise umhlaseli. Ukuba ukuxhathisa kwakho kumenza umhlaseli abe nomsindo yaye abe nogonyamelo ngakumbi, xoza mphini wumbi. Noko ke, musa ukuzivumela unyanzelelwe ukuba ube kwindawo esecaleni kakhulu ngoxa usacinga. Yaye khumbula eyona ndlela isebenza kakhulu yokuxhathisa ngaphandle kokusebenzisa amandla—kukukhala.—Thelekisa iDuteronomi 22:23-27.
Enye into onokuyenza kukubhebhetha yaye ungacengi. Mxelele umhlaseli wakho ungathandabuzi ukuba akusokuze unikezele kuloo nto ayifunayo. Kwimeko yokudlwengulwa ngumntu owenza idinga naye, usenokuzama ukusebenzisa icebo lokuphumelela lokumothusa ngokuyibiza ngegama loo ntlaselo. Ukukhwaza uthi, “Kukudlwengula oku! Ndiza kubiza amapolisa!” kusenokumenza lowo ebeza kuba ngumdlwenguli acinge kabini ngokuqhubeka athabathe amanyathelo angakumbi.
Yilwa
Ukuba ukuthetha akuncedi nto, musa ukoyika ukudlulela ekuxhathiseni ngokusebenzisa amandla. Oko akuthethi ukuba usemngciphekweni wokwenzakaliswa okanye ukubulawa, nokunikezela akusosiqinisekiso sokuba ukhuselekile. Ngoko ke, inkoliso yeengcali kumbandela wokudlwengula zicebisa ukuba ulwe.
Ukulwa kunokuba nzima kumabhinqa ngenxa yokuba ukususela ekuzalweni kwawo enzelwa ukuba abe ngabantu abangekho rhabaxa, abangasebenzisi mandla nabathobela yonke into kwanaxa besongelwa ngogonyamelo olungokwasemzimbeni. Ngoko ke, kufuneka ugqibe kusengaphambili ukuba uya kuxhathisa ukuze ungachith’ ixesha elibalulekileyo ngokuxakwa yinto omawuyenze ebudeni bokuhlaselwa.
Ufanele uvakalelwe kukuba sisithuko kuwe into yokuba omnye umntu akusongele okanye akunyanzele ukuba wenze into. Umele uqonde ukuba le ntlaselo yinto ebicetywe kusengaphambili, yaye isidlwengu sixhomekeke ekunikezeleni kwakho. Yiba ligqabi ngumsindo, musa ukoyika. Umphandi uLinda Ledray wathi: “Uloyiko lwakho sesona sixhobo sinamandla umhlaseli asisebenzisayo.” Musa ukuzikhathaza ngento yokuba izinto uzenza ngokubaxekileyo okanye usenokubonakala ungabhadlanga. Enye ingcali ikubeka ngolu hlobo oku: “Kulunge ngakumbi ukuba ube krwada kunokuba udlwengulwe.” Amabhinqa aye axhathisa ngokuphumelelayo kubadlwenguli ngokuqhelekileyo akwenza oko esilwa yaye azama ubuchule obungaphezulu kunobunye, kuquka ukuluma, ukukhaba nokukhala.
Ukuba uyoyisakala ukuzikhusela ekudlwengulweni, nikela ingqalelo ekubeni ungakwazi ukumchaza lowo ukuhlaselayo kamva. Ukuba kunokwenzeka, ukumkrwempa okanye ukukrazula impahla yakhe kuya kushiya igazi yaye uya kuba nayo into yokunikela ubungqina. Kodwa kweli nqanaba, usenokungabi nako ukuphinda ulwe kwakhona. Xa kunjalo, uRobin Warshaw kwincwadi yakhe ethi I Never Called It Rape wathi: “Musa ukuzigxeka ngelokuba uye ‘wamvumela’ wakudlwengula. Akuyomfuneko ukuba ude wenzakale okanye ufe ukuze ‘unikele ubungqina’ bokuba udlwengulwe.”
[Umbhalo osemazantsi]
a Azikho iimeko ezimbini ezifanayo, yaye alikho icebiso lokuthintela elingasileliyo. Kwaneengcali kumbandela wokudlwengula ziyaphikisana ngobungakanani nangohlobo lokuxhathisa ixhoba elifanele likusebenzise ebudeni bokuhlaselwa.
[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 7]
Inkcazelo Ngalowo Usenokuba Sisidlwengu
□ Ukuphatha kakubi ngokweemvakalelo ngokukuthuka, ngokungazikhatheleli iimbono zakho, okanye ngokuba nomsindo okanye acaphuke xa unikela icebiso.
□ Uzama ukulawula iinkalo zobomi bakho, njengendlela onxiba ngayo nabahlobo ofanele ube nabo. Ufuna ukwenza zonke izigqibo xa nenza idinga, njengendawo eniza kutyela kuyo okanye umfanekiso oshukumayo eniza kuwubukela.
□ Uba nomona ngaphandle kwesizathu.
□ Uwathoba isidima amabhinqa ngokubanzi.
□ Uyanxila okanye “andwebe kakhulu” aze azame ukuba nawe wenze loo nto.
□ Ukunyanzelela ukuba ube wedwa kunye naye okanye ukuba nibe neentlobano zesini.
□ Akavumi ukuba uhlawule iindleko xa nenze idinga yaye uba nomsindo xa uhlawula.
□ Ugadalala ngeendlela ezichuliweyo njengokukuxhakamfula okanye ukukutyhala.
□ Ukoyikisa ngokusondela kakhulu xa ehleli ecaleni kwakho, ngokukuthintela endleleni, ngokukubamba enoba awuvumi, okanye ngokuthetha ngathi ukwazi ngakumbi kunokuba ekwazi ngokwenene.
□ Akakwazi ukucombulula ukunganeliseki ngaphandle kokuba nomsindo.
□ Akakujongi njengolinganayo naye.
□ Uyazithanda izixhobo yaye uyakuthanda ukuphatha kakubi izilwanyana, abantwana, okanye abantu anokuba yingqwayingqwayi kubo.
Ngokusuka kwincwadi ethi I Never Called It Rape, nguRobin Warshaw.
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 7]
Amabhinqa aye axhathisa ngokuphumelelayo kubadlwenguli ngokuqhelekileyo akwenza oko ngokulwa yaye azama ubuchule bokuphumelela obungaphezu kobunye, kuquka ukuluma, ukukhaba nokukhala