Indlela Yokuhlangabezana Nokudlwengulwa
Kwiminyaka engamashumi amathathu anesithathu eyadlulayo uMary wadlwengulwa egrogriswa ngebhoso. Namhlanje, intliziyo kaMary isuke ingongoze yaye iintende zezandla zakhe zisuka zibile xa ezama ukukuchaza oko. Ezibambe ngeenkophe iinyembezi uthi: “Kuyeyona nto ithoba isidima ibhinqa elinokuyifumana. Kuyinto embi, eyoyikekayo.”
UKUDLWENGULA kunokuba sesinye seziganeko ezenzakalisayo ngokweemvakelelo ebomini bomntu, yaye imiphumo yako inokuhlala ubomi bakhe bonke. Kolunye uhlolisiso, phantse isinye kwisithathu sabo badlwengulwayo ekwadliwan’ indlebe naso sasiye sacinga ngokuzibulala, yaye inkoliso yathi oku kwabuguqula ngokusisigxina ubomi babo.
Le miphumo isenokuba ingxwelerha ngokukhethekileyo ukuba ibhinqa belimazi lowo ulihlaseleyo. Ixhoba lokudlwengulwa ngumntu elimaziyo alinawo amathuba okufumana inkxaso evela kwabanye ngenxa yokuba kusenokuba alichazeli mntu ngoko kwenzekileyo okanye liyakuchaza kuze kungabikho mntu ukholelwayo ukuba oko ibikukudlwengula. Ekubeni lenzakaliswe ngumntu ebelimthembile, kunokwenzeka ngakumbi ukuba lizibek’ ityala yaye liwathandabuze amandla alo okujonga abanye.
Yamkela Uncedo
Ekuqalekeni abantu abaninzi abadlwengulweyo baye bakhwankqiswe yaye bakuphike oko. Elinye ibhinqa ladlwengulwa kanye ngaphambi kweemviwo ezibalulekileyo zakwanokholeji. Layiphosa kwelokulibala into yokudlwengulwa lada lagqiba ukuchophela iimviwo. Omnye owadlwengulwayo wathi: “Andikwazi ukuzivumela ukuba ndikukhumbule oko ngenxa yokuba umntu endimaziyo ndambona ngala wam amehlo ezijika esiba ngumhlaseli. Andizange ndiyazi into yokuba ungadlwengulwa ngumntu omaziyo. Isenokuvakala ibubuphukuphuku, kodwa inkolelo yokuba umntu omaziyo nomthembileyo angakudlwengula yandishiya ndingenathemba. Ndaziva ndililolo.”
Wambi amabhinqa aqhubeka ekukhanyela oko kwenzekileyo ngokungaxeleli mntu ngokudlwengulwa kwawo. Kangangeminyaka ahlala phezu kwayo into yokuhlaselwa kwawo, nto leyo ebambezela inkqubo yokuncedwa nebangela ezinye iingxaki ezingokweemvakalelo yena asenokungaziqondi ezibangelwe kukudlwengulwa.
Awubuyeli kwimeko yakho yesiqhelo de ube uye wathetha ngoko kwabanye. Umhlobo othembekileyo usenokukunceda ubone ukuba oko kukwehleleyo ngokwenene ibikukudlwengulwa yaye ibingeyongxaki yakho. Umzekeliso wamandulo uthi: “Umhlobo uthanda ngamaxesha onke; umzalwana uzalelwe imbandezelo.” (IMizekeliso 17:17) Kwakhona, abalusi bokomoya basenokuzingqina “njengendawo yokuzimela umoya, neyokusithela esiphangweni.” (Isaya 32:2; 1 Tesalonika 5:14) Kwamanye amaxhoba, ukudibana namaziko asingatha imicimbi yamaxhoba okudlwengula okanye abantu abaqeqeshelwe ukunikela ulwalathiso kumaxhoba okudlwengula kusenokufuneka ukuze ancedwe ahlangabezane neemvakalelo zawo.
Ngokufuthi abo badlwengulweyo bayoyika ukuthetha ngokudlwengulwa kwabo ngenxa yeemvakalelo zokuziva benetyala, ngokukodwa ukuba bebeye bavukelwa ngokwesini ebudeni bokuhlaselwa. Basenokuziva bengcolisiwe, bengento yanto yaye bazibek’ ityala ngenxa yokudlwengulwa—nangona isisidlwengu kuphela umntu ofanele abe netyala.
UMary, owazityand’ igila kumKristu akhonza naye wathi: “Ukuba nomhlobo olungileyo endinokuthetha naye kwenza kwabakho umahluko. Ndathetha naye yaye andizange ndizive ndingcolile yaye andizange ndiweve namanxeba okudlwengulwa.”
Mxhaseni
Kwelinye icala, bekungayi kuba yinto efanelekileyo nokungabi naluthando ngabahlobo bexhoba ukuba babe bechaza into ebelifanele liyenze okanye bazigqibele enoba “lidlwengulwe ngokwenene.” Ungaze uyikhankanye into yokuba belikunandipha oko okanye ibikukuziphatha okubi. Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu umhlobo anokuyenza xa limcela ukuba alincede kukulikholelwa. Lomeleze. Kulungele ukuliphulaphula xa lifuna ukuthetha, kodwa musa ukube ulipheka ulophula ufuna iinkcukacha.
Ukuba belisandul’ ukudlwengulwa, abahlobo basenokulinceda ixhoba elo ukuba lifumane uncedo lwezamayeza yaye basenokulifunela indawo yokuhlala ekhuselekileyo. Likhuthazeni ukuba liye kukuchaza oko kudlwengulwa, kodwa liyekeni lenze isigqibo. Belisandula ukuba kwimeko apho beliphangwe konke ukuzilawula kwalo. Livumeleni ukuba lizame ukukufumana kwakhona oko kuzilawula ngokuliyeka ukuba lizikhethele emalikwenze.
Iintsapho zamaxhoba okudlwengula zimele zixhathise intshukumisa yokufuna ukwenza izinto ngokuqhutywa ziimvakalelo kule meko. Zisenokufuna umntu ezinokumbeka ityala ngokudlwengula okanye zizame iindlela zokuziphindezela kwisidlwengu eso, kodwa akukho nanye kwezo elincedayo ixhoba. (Roma 12:19) Ukubeka ityala loko kwenzekileyo kuye nabani na ongomnye ongesiso isidlwengu akuncedi nto, yaye ukufuna ukuziphindezela kuyingozi. Kuya kubangela ukuba lowo udlwengulweyo axhalele ukukhuseleka kwabo abathandayo endaweni yokunikela ingqalelo ekubuyeleni kwimeko yakhe yesiqhelo.
Iintsapho zimele zazi ukuba abantu abaninzi abadlwengulweyo iintlobano zesini bazijonga ngendlela eyahlukileyo emva kokudlwengulwa. Ezingqondweni zabo, isini siye saba sisixhobo, yaye basenokuba nobunzima ekubeni neentlobano zesini kangangexesha elithile, kwanokuba kukunye nomntu abamthandayo nabamthembileyo. Ngenxa yeso sizathu, indoda ayifanele imbongoze umfazi wayo ukuba baqalise ukuba neentlobano zesini kwakhona de abe ukulungele. (1 Petros 3:7) Iintsapho zinokunikela uncedo ngokwakha ukuzihlonela kwebhinqa eliselula nangokulibonisa ukuba lisathandwa yaye lisahlonelwa kungakhathaliseki oko kwenzekileyo kulo. Kuya kufuneka inkxaso eqhubekayo njengokuba lowo udlwengulweyo esahamba kuloo manqanaba maxa wambi aye abe made okubuyela kwimeko yakhe yesiqhelo ngokweemvakalelo.
Ukuhlangabezana Noloyiko Nodandatheko
Amabhinqa aye adlwengulwa athi eyona nto ewacinezelayo eyenzekayo kukoyika. Inkoliso yamaxhoba okudlwengula yayingayilindelanga into yokuba ingasinda kuloo ntlaselo. Kamva basenokoyika ukudlwengulwa kwakhona okanye basenokoyika ukuba ngengozi babone eso sidlwengu.
Uloyiko obelukho ebudeni bokudlwengulwa lusenokuvuselelwa zizandi, livumba nayindawo efana naleyo belidlwengulelwe kuyo. Ukuba ibhinqa belidlwengulelwe kwindlela emxinwa, lisenokoyika ukuhamba kwindlela emxinwa. Ukuba belidlwengulelwe kowalo, lisenokungaze liphinde lizive likhuselekile kwakhona yaye lisenokunyanzeleka ukuba lifuduke. Kwanokuva ivumba lesiqholo esifanayo neso besifakwe seso sidlwengu kusenokuchukumisa iinkumbulo ezibuhlungu.
Nangona zimbalwa izehlo zokudlwengula eziye ziphumele ekumitheni, amaxhoba amaninzi okudlwengulwa anoloyiko lokuba oko kunokwenzeka kuwo. Kwakhona abanye ngesizathu esivakalayo baxhaliswa yinto yokuba basenokuba bafumene isifo esidluliselwa ngeentlobano zesini. Malunga nesiqingatha sala maxhoba siba neemvakalelo zokudandatheka, ukungabi nathemba nokuziva engento yanto, ezinokuhlala kangangeeveki ezininzi ukuya kwiinyanga ezininzi. Kwakhona asenokuba nengxaki yexhala, ubuphakuphaku nokoyika ukuhlaselwa.
Nangona amabhinqa esenokungakwazi ukukuthintela ukudlwengula, ekuhambeni kwexesha asenokulawula iingcinga, iimvakalelo noko akwenzayo ngokuphathelele oku kuhlaselwa. Asenokufunda ukuthabathel’ indawo iingcinga ezingafanelekanga ngeembono ezifanelekileyo ngeziqu zawo.
ULinda Ledray kwincwadi ethi Recovering From Rape wathi: “Endaweni yokuzixelela indlela obuthathaka, ongeloncedo, okanye ongenakuzinceda ngayo, funda ukuzixelela indlela oqhuba kakuhle ngayo nendlela oye wazama ngayo kwisiphithiphithi esiye senzeka ngokukhawuleza emva kwaloo ntlaselo. Suku ngalunye uziva ungacinezelekanga kangako ziingcinga neemvakalelo ezingafanelekanga, zixelele oku, ‘Ndizama ukufumana ukuzilawula kwam kwakhona.’”
Kwakhona uloyiko kunokuqhutyanwa nalo ngokufunda ukukwazi kakuhle oko kulubangelayo. Xa ibhinqa likwazi kakuhle oko kubangela loyike, lisenokuzibuza oku, Lulolokwenene kangakanani olu loyiko? Ngokomzekelo, ukuba libona ubani ofana nalowo walidlwengulayo, lisenokuzikhumbuza ukuba akasosidlwengu yaye akazi kulenzakalisa.
Enye indlela enconyelwayo yokuqhubana noloyiko kukuceba kakuhle indlela yokudambisa iimvakalelo zakho. Ibhinqa lisenokwenza uludwe lwezenzo okanye lweemeko elizoyikayo, lizidwelisa ukususela kwelingazoyiki kangako ukuya kutsho kwezona lizoyikayo. Landule ke lizithelekelele likwimeko engacinezeli kangako de ibonakale ingoyikisi. Lenjenjalo ke licinga ngemeko nganye kolu ludwe lide liziqhele zonke ezo meko xa licinga ngazo.
Ngokuncedwa ngumhlobo, lisenokuhambela phambili ukusa kwinqanaba lokwenza ezi zinto ngokoqobo, njengokuphuma endlwini ebusuku okanye ukuba lodwa. Ekugqibeleni lisenokukulawula ukoyika kwalo ukuze kungaphinde kuzichaphazele izinto elizenza imihla ngemihla. Noko ke, ukoyika ezinye izinto—njengokuhamba kwindlela emxinwa emnyama ebusuku—kuyinto eqhelekileyo, yaye akukho sizathu sakuzama ukuhlangabezana nokuba nexhala kwiimeko ezinjalo.
Ukulungisa Ingxaki Yomsindo
Kwakhona abantu abadlwengulweyo baba neemvakalelo zokuba nomsindo, abasenokuthi ekuqaleni babe nazo nxamnye naye wonke umntu oyindoda, kodwa njengokuba ixesha lihamba, ngokuqhelekileyo basenokuzijolisa kwisidlwengu. Ngokufuthi abantu abanomsindo bawukhuphela nakubani. Abanye basenokuzicinezela iimvakalelo zabo. Noko ke, umsindo usenokukhutshwa ngendlela eyakhayo, yaye indlela ibhinqa elinokuqhubana ngayo nomsindo walo inokulinceda ukuba libuyele kwimeko yalo yesiqhelo. IZibhalo zithi: “Qumbani [caphukani], ningoni.”—Efese 4:26.
Okokuqala, abantu abadlwengulweyo akuyomfuneko ukuba boyike ukubonakalisa umsindo wabo. Basenokuwuchaza kwabanye okanye bathethe yedwa ekhwaza. Ngokubandakanyeka kwinkqubo engokwasemthethweni okanye ukugcina iingxelo kusenokuba yinto eluncedo. Kwakhona usenokuwuphelisa umsindo wakhe ngokwenza umthambo, njengokudlala umdlalo wentenetya, umdlalo weracquetball, ibhola edlalwa ngesandla, ukuhambahamba, ukubaleka, ukuqhuba ibhayisekile, okanye ukuqubha, zinto ezo ezinengenelo eyongezelelekileyo ukunceda ukoyisa udandatheko.
Unako ukubulawula kwakhona ubomi bakho.
Yintoni Eya Kuphelisa Ukudlwengula?
Ukuphelisa ukudlwengula kungaphezulu kunento yokuba amabhinqa aphephe izidlwengu okanye alwe nazo. Umbhali onguTimothy Beneke wathi kwincwadi yakhe ethi Men on Rape: “Ngamadoda adlwengulayo yaye ngamadoda ephela anamandla okuphelisa ukudlwengula.”
Ukudlwengula akunakuze kuphele de amadoda ayeke ukuphatha amabhinqa njengezinto zokwanelisa isini yaye afunde ukuba ulwalamano oluphumeleleyo aluxhomekekanga kulawulo olunogonyamelo. Kwimeko yomntu ngamnye, amadoda akhulileyo asenokuthetha aze aphembelele amanye amadoda. Amadoda namabhinqa anokukuchasa ukuthanda iziqhulo ezivuselel’ isini, ukubukela imifanekiso eshukumayo ebonisa inkohlakalo yokwenziwa kwesini, okanye ukuxhasa ababhengezi abasebenzisa isini ukuze bathengise iimveliso zabo. IBhayibhile iluleka isithi: “Ke umbulo, nako konke ukungcola, nokubawa, makungakhe kukhankanywe phakathi kwenu, njengoko kubafaneleyo abangcwele; kwanamanyala, nentetho yobuyatha, nobuhiba, izinto ezo ezingafanelekileyo. Makube kokukhona ninemibulelo.”—Efese 5:3, 4.
Abazali banokufundisa intlonelo kumabhinqa ngokuba yimizekelo. Banokufundisa oonyana babo ukuba bawajonge amabhinqa njengokuba uYehova uThixo ewajonga. UThixo akakhethi buso. (IZenzo 10:34) Abazali banokufundisa oonyana babo ukuba babe ngabahlobo namabhinqa yaye bazive bekhululekile xa bephakathi kwawo, njengokuba uYesu wenzayo. Banokufundisa oonyana babo ukuba iintlobano zesini zisisenzo sothando esigcinelwe iqabane lomtshato likabani kuphela. Abazali basenokubabonisa ngokucacileyo ukuba ugonyamelo alunakuze lwamkelwe, yaye ukuba yingqwayingqwayi kwabanye akuthandeki. (INdumiso 11:5) Banokukhuthaza abantwana babo ukuba baxubushe imibandela engesini ngokukhululekileyo nabo yaye bayixhathise ingcinezelo yokuba neentlobano zesini.
Ingxaki Eza Kupheliswa Kungekudala
Noko ke, ukudlwengula akunakuze kuphele ngaphandle kokuba kubekho inguqulelo enkulu kwibutho labantu behlabathi lonke. Umphandi onguLinda Ledray wathi: “Ukudlwengulwa akuyongxaki yomntu omnye [kodwa] kuyingxaki yentsapho, kuyingxaki yabantu basekuhlaleni, yaye kuyingxaki yelizwe.”
IBhayibhile ithembisa ngebutho labantu lomhlaba uphela eliya kube lingenagonyamelo, apho umntu engasayi kuphinda “agunyazele umntu, kube kubi kuye.” (INtshumayeli 8:9; Isaya 60:18) Elo xesha liza kufika ngokukhawuleza xa uYehova uThixo engasayi kukunyamezela ukusetyenziswa kakubi kwegunya okungakumbi, kuquka ukudlwengula.—INdumiso 37:9, 20.
Kwelo butho labantu lehlabathi elitsha, bonke abantu baya kufundiswa ukuba noxolo yaye baya kuthandana singakhathaliseki isini, uhlanga, okanye ilizwe abakulo. (Isaya 54:13) Yaye ngelo xesha, abantu abalulamileyo baya kuhlala ngaphandle kokoyika isihlobo okanye abantu abangabaziyo yaye ‘baya kuziyolisa ngobuninzi boxolo.’—INdumiso 37:11.
[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 9]
Ukuba Udlwengulwe
□ Funa uncedo lwezamayeza.
□ Ukuba uyafuna, cela umcebisi wamaxhoba okudlwengula ahambe nawe kwiinkqubo zezamayeza nakwezasemthethweni ukuba ukho ofumanekayo.
□ Biza amapolisa ngokukhawuleza kangangoko unako. Abacebisi bancomela ukuba uwazise amapolisa ukuze ukhuseleke nokuze kukhuseleke namanye amabhinqa. Ukunikela ingxelo akufani nokumangala, kodwa ukuba ukhetha ukumangala kamva, ityala lakho liya kugalelw’ amanzi ukuba kuye kwasilelwa ukunikelwa kwengxelo.
□ Gcina ingxelo. Emva kokuba udlwengulwe musa ukukhawuleza uhlambe, unxibe enye impahla, uhlambe okanye uchaze iinwele, okanye ucime imigca yesandla okanye eyonyawo.
□ Abasebenzi bezamayeza baya kuqokolela ubungqina baze bahlole izifo ezidluliselwa ngeentlobano zesini nokumitha. Ukuba banikela iziyobisi zokuthintela ukumitha, ezaziwa ngenye indlela ngokuba ziipilisi zokuthintela ukumitha (morning-after pill), amaKristu afanele azi ukuba iziyobisi ezinjalo zisenokubangela ukuba umzimba uqhomfe iqanda eliqanduselweyo.
□ Yenza oko unako ukuze uzive ukhuselekile—faka ezinye izitshixo, hlala nomhlobo, lwenze lunqabiseke ucango lwakho—enoba oko kusenokubonakala ngathi wenza izinto ngokubaxiweyo okanye akunjalo.
□ Ngaphezu kwezinto zonke, funa intuthuzelo kwiZibhalo, uthandaze kuYehova, ude ubize igama lakhe ngokuvakalayo, ebudeni nasemva kokuhlaselwa. Ukuze ufumane inkxaso thembela kubadala nakwezinye izinxulumani ezisondeleyo ebandleni. Yiya kwiintlanganiso ukuba kunokwenzeka yaye zama ukunxulumana namaKristu okhonza kunye nawo kubulungiseleli.