Abazali Abaxhaphazayo—Abona Bacinezeli Bokwenene
“Ngenxa yokuba [abantwana] benombono omncinane woko kwenzeka ngaphandle kwentsapho, izinto abazifundayo ekhaya ngokuphathelele bona nabanye ziba yinyaniso engangxengwanga eyendele nzulu ezingqondweni zabo.”—UGqr. Susan Forward.
U MBUMBI wodongwe unokuthabatha isixa esithile sodongwe, ongeze umlinganiselo ofanelekileyo wamanzi, aze abumbe ngalo isitya esihle. Ngokufanayo, abazali babumba imbono umntwana anayo ngaye nangehlabathi elimngqongileyo. Ngothando, ukhokelo noqeqesho, umntwana ukhulela ekubeni ngumntu omkhulu ozinzileyo.
Noko ke, ngokufuthi ngakumbi, iingcamango eziphosakeleyo ezisengqondweni nasentliziyweni yomntwana ziyilwa ngabazali abaxhaphazayo. Ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo, ngokwasemzimbeni nangokwesini kudala imikhwa egqwethekileyo yokucinga eyendela ngokunzulu nekunzima ukuphinda ibunjwe ngenye indlela.
Ukuxhatshazwa Ngokweemvakalelo
Amazwi anokuntlitha kabuhlungu kunamanqindi. UJason uthi: “Andikhumbuli suku apho [umama] engazanga andixelele ukuba unqwenela ukuba ngendandingazalwanga.” UKaren uthi: “Ndandisoloko ndixelelwa ngokuphandle ukuba andilunganga okanye andilunge ngokwaneleyo.”
Ngokuqhelekileyo abantwana baya kukukholelwa oko bakuxelelwayo ngabo. Ukuba inkwenkwe kusoloko kusithiwa isisidenge, ngoko, ekugqibeleni, isenokuvakalelwa isisidenge. Xelela intombazana ukuba ayixabisekanga, yaye isenokukholelwa kanye ngolo hlobo. Abantwana banembono elinganiselweyo yaye ngokufuthi abakwazi ukuqonda okona kuchanileyo kunokunye noko kubaxwe ngokugqithiseleyo okanye okububuxoki.
Ukuxhatshazwa Ngokwasemzimbeni
UJoe ukhumbula indlela uyise awayemxhaphaza ngayo ngokwasemzimbeni xa esithi: “Wayedla ngokundixhimfa de andibethekise edongeni. Wayendintlitha kabuhlungu ngokokude ndimkelwe ziingqondo . . . Okona koyikisa ngakumbi kukuhlala ungayazi into eya kumbangela adubuleke ngumsindo!”
Yayisele isisiqhelo kuJake ukubethwa nguyise. Xa uJake wayeneminyaka nje emithandathu ubudala, koko kubethwa kwakhe wophuka ingalo. UJake ukhumbula oku: “Ndandingafuni ukuba yena okanye oodade wethu okanye uMama bandibone ndilila. Yayisele ikukuphela kwento endandithembele ngayo.”
Incwadi ethi Strong at the Broken Places ibonisa ukuba ukuxhatshazwa ngokwasemzimbeni ngexesha lobuntwana kunokuthelekiswa “nokuba kwingozi yemoto mhla ngamnye veki nganye, okanye nyanga nganye.” Ukuxhatshazwa okulolo hlobo kufundisa umntwana ukuba ihlabathi alikhuselekanga nokuthi akukho namnye umntu onokuthenjwa. Ukongezelela, ngokufuthi ugonyamelo lubangela olunye ugonyamelo. Iphephancwadi iTime lilumkisa ngelithi: “Ukuba abantwana abakhuselwa kwabo babaxhaphazayo, ngoko ngenye imini kuya kufuneka ukuba abantu ngokubanzi bakhuselwe ebantwaneni.”
Ukuxhatshazwa Ngokwesini
Ngokutsho kolunye uhlolisiso, intombazana enye kwamathathu nenkwenkwe enye kwasixhenxe baye banyanzelelwa ukuba neentlobano zesini kwithuba laxa beneminyaka eli-18 ubudala. Inkoliso yaba bantwana ikugcina ngaphakathi oku. Incwadi ethi The Child in Crisis ithi, “Njengabaphumi-mkhosi aboyisiweyo, bahlala kangangeminyaka bengabalahlekileyo kwisithokothoko soloyiko nokuziva benetyala.”
ULouise uthi: “Hayi indlela endandimthiye ngayo utata ngokundixhaphaza yaye hayi indlela endandiziva ndinetyala ngayo ngokumthiya. Ndandiziva ndihlazeke ngolona hlobo kuba kulindeleke ukuba umntwana abonakalise uthando ngabazali bakhe yaye ndandingakwenzi oko ngalo lonke ixesha.” Iimvakalelo ezilolo hlobo ezididayo ziyaqondakala xa umkhuseli oyintloko womntwana ephethukela ekubeni ngumenzi wobubi. UBeverly Engel ubuza oku kwincwadi ethi The Right to Innocence: “Sinokuyivuma njani into yokuba umzali wethu, uthile obelindeleke ukusithanda nokusinyamekela, abonakalise ukungasikhathaleli ngolo hlobo?”
Ukuxhatshazwa ngokwesini kunokuyiguqula ngokupheleyo imbono umntwana anayo ngobomi. UGqr. Susan Forward ubhala esithi: “Wonke umntu omkhulu owaxhatshazwayo ebuntwaneni ukhula eneemvakalelo ezigqwethekileyo zokungabi nto yanto ngokupheleleyo, zokungaxabiseki, yaye engumntu ombi ngokwenene.”
Le Mvakalelo Ayipheli
Umphengululi uLinda T. Sanford ubhala oku: “Asikuphela nje komzimba womntwana oxhatshaziweyo okanye otyeshelweyo. Iintsapho ezinengxaki ziyayonakalisa ingqondo yomntwana.” Xa umntwana exhatshaziwe, enoba kungokweemvakalelo, ngokwasemzimbeni, okanye ngokwesini, usenokukhula enemvakalelo yokuziva engathandeki yaye engaxabisekanga.
UJason, ekucatshulwe amazwi akhe ngaphambilana, njengomntu omkhulu wayeziva engaxabisekanga gqitha kangangokuba wachazwa njengomntu osengozini yokuzibulala. Ezibeka ngokungafanelekanga kwimeko esongela ubomi, wabujonga ubomi bakhe ngendlela unina awayemfundise ngayo eyile: ‘Ubufanele ukuba awuzange uzalwe.’
Esalathisela ingqalelo kwimiphumo yokuxhatshazwa ngokwasemzimbeni njengomntwana, uJoe uthi: “Le mvakalelo ayisuki nje iphele kuba ulishiya ikhaya okanye utshata. Ndisoloko ndinoloyiko lwento ethile, yaye ndizithiyile ngenxa yoko.” Unxunguphalo lokuxhatshazwa ngokwasemzimbeni ekhaya lubangela abantwana abaninzi bakhule benolindelo oluphosakeleyo yaye befuna ukhuseleko olungqongqo olubenza amakhoboka kunokuba lubakhusele.
KuConnie, iintlobano zesini kunye nelungu lentsapho zadala ingcinga egqwethekileyo ngesiqu sakhe eyabetheleleka ngakumbi xa wafikelela kubuntu obukhulu: “Ixesha elininzi ndisenengcamango yokuba abantu banokukhangela ngaphakathi kum baze babone indlela endicekiseka ngayo.”
Zonke iintlobo zokuxhatshazwa zinemfundiso eyityhefu esenokwendela nzulu xa ubani efikelela kubuntu obukhulu. Enyanisweni, oko kwenzekileyo kusenokulityalwa. Amaxhoba angenakubalwa aye achacha emva kokuxhatshazwa ebuntwaneni ayayingqina loo nyaniso. Kodwa hayi indlela ebekuya kuba kuhle ngayo ukuba abazali bebeqonda ukuba ukususela kwixesha lokuzalwa komntwana wabo, babumba okuninzi ngendlela aqiqa ngayo ngesiqu sakhe nangehlabathi elimngqongileyo. Impilo-ntle yomntwana engokwasemzimbeni nengokwasengqondweni ubukhulu becala ixhomekeke kubazali bakhe.
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 24]
Amazwi anokuntlitha kabuhlungu kunamanqindi