Uthintelo Ekhayeni

UMonique wayeneminyaka esithoba ubudala xa waqalisa ukumxhaphaza. Waqala ngokumkroba xa ekhulula; wandula ke waqalisa ukumtyelela egumbini lakhe ebusuku aze aphatha-phathe amalungu akhe afihlakeleyo. Xa walayo, waba ligwele ngumsindo. Ngasihlandlo sithile wada wambetha ngehamile waza wamtyhiliza ukuze awe kwizinyuko. UMonique ukhumbula oku, “Akukho namnye owayendikholelwa”—nkqu nonina. UMonique wayexhatshazwa nguyise womtshato wesibini.

ASINGOMNTU ungaziwayo nozifihlayo, umntu oyinkom’ edla yodwa noncathame ematyholweni, obeka esona sisongelo sikhulu ebantwaneni. Lilungu lentsapho. Kwinkoliso yeemeko ukuxhatshazwa ngokwesini kwenzeka ekhaya. Ngoko ukuxhatshazwa kunokuthintelwa njani ekhayeni?

Kwincwadi yakhe ethi Slaughter of the Innocents, umbhali-mbali uGqr. Sander J. Breiner uhlolisisa ubungqina bokuxhatshazwa kwabantwana kwibutho labantu kwiindawo ezintlanu zamandulo—iYiputa, iTshayina, iGrisi, iRoma nelakwaSirayeli. Uqukumbela ngelithi ngoxa ukuxhatshazwa kwakukho kwelakwaSirayeli, kwakunqabile xa kuthelekiswa nezinye iindawo ezine zempucuko. Kwakutheni? Ngokungafaniyo nabamelwane babo, abantu bakwaSirayeli babefundiswe ukuhlonela amabhinqa nabantwana—imbono ekhanyiselweyo abayifumana kwiZibhalo Ezingcwele. Xa amaSirayeli ayesebenzisa umthetho ongokobuthixo kubomi bentsapho, akuthintela ukuxhatshazwa kwabantwana. Kwiintsapho zanamhla ifuneka ngakumbi kunanini na ngaphambili le milinganiselo icocekileyo nesengqiqweni.

Imithetho Yokuziphatha

Ngaba umthetho weBhayibhile uyasebenza kwintsapho yakho? Ngokomzekelo, iLevitikus 18:6 ifundeka ngolu hlobo: “Umntu ngomntu aze angasondeli nakwinye inyama yenyama yakhe, ukuba atyhile ubuze bayo: ndinguYehova.” Ngokufanayo ibandla lamaKristu namhlanje liqinisekisa ukuba imithetho enamandla enxamnye nazo zonke iintlobo zokuxhatshazwa ngokwesini iyathotyelwa. Nabani na oxhaphaza umntwana ngokwesini uzibeka engozini yokususwa kubudlelane, agxothwe ebandleni.a—1 Korinte 6:9, 10.

Zonke iintsapho zifanele ziyazi zize ziyihlolisise ndawonye imithetho enjalo. IDuteronomi 6:6, 7 ibongoza oku: “La mazwi ndikuwisela umthetho ngawo namhlanje, aze abe sentliziyweni yakho. Uze uwatsolise koonyana bakho, uthethe ngawo ekuhlaleni kwakho endlwini yakho, nasekuhambeni kwakho ngendlela, nasekulaleni kwakho, nasekuvukeni kwakho.” Ukuyitsolisa le mithetho kuthetha okungakumbi kunokusuka nje ngamathub’ athile ubashumayeze yona abantwana bakho. Kubandakanya ingxubusho eyenziwa rhoqo yaye elowo evelisa uluvo lwakhe. Ngokuphindaphindiweyo, bobabini umama notata bafanele baqinisekise ukuba bayayixhasa imithetho kaThixo mayela nombulo nezizathu zothando zale mithetho.

Kanjalo usenokusebenzisa amabali anjengelo likaTamare noAmnon, abantwana bakaDavide, ukubonisa abantwana ukuba kwimibandela yesini kukho imida ekungekho namnye—kuquka izalamane ezisondeleyo—ufanele ayitsibe.—Genesis 9:20-29; 2 Samuweli 13:10-16.

Ukuhlonela le migaqo kunokubonakaliswa nangamalungiselelo okoqobo endlela ekuhlalwa ngayo. Kwelinye ilizwe laseMpuma, uphando lubonise ukuba umbulo uqhubeka kakhulu kwiintsapho ezinabantwana abalala nabazali kwanaxa iimeko zoqoqosho zingakwenzi kube yimfuneko oku. Ngokufanayo, ngokuqhelekileyo yintswela-bulumko ukulalisa abantwana abahlukileyo ngokwesini kumandlalo okanye kwigumbi elinye njengoko bekhula, ukuba ikho indlela yokuba kungaphetshwa oku. Kwanaxa ingenakuphepheka ebomini into yokuba kuhlalwe kwindawo exineneyo, abazali bafanele basebenzise ingqiqo entle ekugqibeni ngendawo lungu ngalinye lentsapho elifanele lilale kuyo.

Umthetho weBhayibhile uyabalela ubunxila, inikela ingcamango yokuba bunokukhokelela ekwenzeni izinto ngendlela egqwethekileyo. (IMizekeliso 23:29-33) Ngokutsho kolunye uphengululo, amaxhoba ombulo anokuba ngama-60 ukusa kuma-70 ekhulwini anikela ingxelo yokuba umzali wawo owayewaxhaphaza wayeyindla-manzi ekuqaliseni kokuxhatshazwa.

Intloko-ntsapho Enothando

Abaphandi bafumanisa ukuba ukuxhatshazwa kuxhaphake ngakumbi phakathi kweentsapho zamadoda angoozwilakhe. Imbono enabe ngokubanzi yokuba amabhinqa akho nje ukuze anelise iintswelo zamadoda iphosakele ngokweZibhalo. Wambi amadoda asebenzisa le ngcamango ingeyoyabukristu ukuze angxengxezele ukubhenela kwawo kumntwana oyintombazana ukuze afumane nantoni na angenakuyifumana emfazini. Olu hlobo lwengcinezelo lunokubangela ukuba amabhinqa kwezi meko aphulukane nokulungelelana kwawo kweemvakalelo. Amaninzi ade aphelelwe nangumdla wemvelo wokukhusela abantwana bawo. (Thelekisa INtshumayeli 7:7.) Kwelinye icala, olunye uphengululo lwafumanisa ukuba xa oobawo abakhotyokiswe ngumsebenzi ubukhulu becala bengabikho ekhaya, maxa wambi kuye kwanda imeko yokuxhatshazwa komntwana oyinkwenkwe ngunina.

Kuthekani ngentsapho yakho? Ngaba njengendoda uyithabatha nzulu indima yobuntloko, okanye ngaba uyiyekela kumkakho? (1 Korinte 11:3) Ngaba umphatha ngothando, ngembeko nangentlonelo umkakho? (Efese 5:25; 1 Petros 3:7) Ngaba iimbono zakhe uyaziqwalasela? (Genesis 21:12; IMizekeliso 31:26, 28) Yaye kuthekani ngabantwana bakho? Ngaba ubabona bexabisekile? (INdumiso 127:3) Okanye ngaba uzibonela nje uxanduva lwento, ehlelele nje ukuxhatshazwa? (Thelekisa eyesi-2 kwabaseKorinte 12:14.) Shenxisa iimbono ezigqwethekileyo nezingezozazibhalo ngokuphathelele iindima zamalungu entsapho emzini wakho, yaye uya kukuthintela ngakumbi ukuxhatshazwa.

Indawo Ekhuselekileyo Ngokweemvakalelo

Elinye ibhinqa eliselula esiza kulibiza ngokuba nguSandi lithi: “Iimeko zentsapho yakowethu zazinokwenza kube lula ukuxhatshazwa. Yayiyintsapho ezahlulayo, yaye lungu ngalinye lalizahlula kwamanye.” Ukuzahlula, ukungabi namdla kwizinto nokukhotyokiswa kakubi kukuthanda iimfihlelo—esi simo sengqondo singatshongo khona nesingasekelwanga ezibhalweni ziimpawu zekhaya ekuqhubeka ukuxhatshazwa kulo. (Thelekisa eyesi-2 kaSamuweli 12:12; IMizekeliso 18:1; Filipi 4:5.) Benzele abantwana imeko-bume yekhaya eliyindawo ekhuselekileyo ngokweemvakalelo. Ikhaya lifanele libe yindawo abaziva besakheka kuyo, indawo abaziva bekhululekile kuyo ukuzityand’ igila nokuthetha ngokukhululekileyo.

Kwakhona, abantwana bazifuna kakhulu iimbonakaliso zasemzimbeni zothando—ukuwolwa, ukuphatha-phathwa, ukubanjwa ngesandla, ukudlala. Musa ukuyibaxa indlela osabela ngayo kwiingozi zokuxhatshazwa ngokwesini ngokuzibandeza ezi mbonakaliso zothando. Fundisa abantwana ukuba bayaxatyiswa ngokubonakalisa uthando ngokuphandle nangokufudumeleyo nokubancoma. USandi ukhumbula oku: “Imbono kamama yayikukuba nakuphi na ukuncoma nabani na ngayo nayiphi na into kwakuphosakele. Kuya kukwenza ukhukhumale.” Ubuncinane uSandi wanyamezela iminyaka elishumi yokuxhatshazwa ngokwesini ethule. Abantwana abangenalo unqabiseko lokwazi ukuba bangabantu abathandwayo, abaxabisekileyo basenokuqhathwa kukunconywa ngumxhaphazi, “usinga-thando” lwakhe, okanye izisongelo zakhe zokuba uza kuyeka ukubathanda.

Omnye owayeqhelisela iintlobano zesini nabantwana owaxhaphaza ngokwesini amakhulu-khulu amakhwenkwe kwithuba leminyaka engaphezu kwama-40 wavuma ukuba amakhwenkwe awayenentswelo engokweemvakalelo yomhlobo ofana naye ayesiba ngamaxhoba “angawona afumaneka lula.” Musa ukubangela umntwana wakho abe nentswelo enjalo.

Phelisa Lo Mkhwa Uqhubekayo Wokuxhatshazwa

Ekuvavanyo oluqatha uYobhi wathi: “Umphefumlo wam udimele bubomi bam; ngoko ndiya kuyivulela inkalazo yam phakathi kwam; ndithethe, ukrakra umphefumlo wam.” (Yobhi 10:1) Ngokukwanjalo, abazali abaninzi bafumanise ukuba banokubanceda abantwana babo ngokuzinceda bona. Kutshanje iThe Harvard Mental Health Letter yathi: “Kubonakala ukuba inkqubo eqinileyo yokuqinisekisa ukuthotyelwa kwemilinganiselo yentlalo nxamnye nokuba amadoda athethe ngale ntlungu ihambisela phambili lo mkhwa uqhubekayo wokuxhatshazwa.” Kubonakala ukuba amadoda angazange akhe athethe ngentlungu yawo malunga nokuxhatshazwa ngokwesini kunokwenzeka ukuba anamathuba angakumbi okuba nawo abe ngabaxhaphazi. IThe Safe Child Book inikela ingxelo yokuba inkoliso yabo bahlasela abantwana ngokwesini nayo yaxhatshazwa ngokwesini ebuntwaneni kodwa ayizange incedwe ichache. Ibonakalisa intlungu nengqumbo yayo ngokuxhaphaza abanye abantwana.b—Bona kwanoYobhi 7:11; 32:20.

Kwakhona abantwana basenokuba sengozini ngakumbi xa oomama bengazifundisi ukuhlangabezana nokuxhatshazwa kwexa elidluleyo. Ngokomzekelo, abaphandi banikela ingxelo yokuba amabhinqa awaxhatshazwayo ngokwesini esengamantombazana ngokufuthi atshata namadoda axhaphaza abantwana. Ngaphezu koko, ukuba ibhinqa alikwazi ukuhlangabezana nokuxhatshazwa kwexa elidluleyo, kuyaqondakala ukuba lisenokukufumana kunzima ukuxubusha nabantwana balo ngokuxhatshazwa. Ukuba ukuxhatshazwa kuyaqhubeka, lisenokungakwazi ukukuqonda lize lithabathe inyathelo elingqalileyo. Ngoko abantwana batsala nzima ngakumbi ngenxa yokuba unina engenzi nto.

Ngaloo ndlela, ukuxhaphaza kunokutyhutyha izizukulwana ngokulandelelana kwazo. Kambe ke, abantu abaninzi abakhetha ukungathethi nto ngexesha elibuhlungu langaphambili babonakala bekwazi ukuqhuba kakuhle ebomini, ibe oko kuyancomeka. Kodwa kwabaninzi le ntlungu inzulu ngakumbi, yaye kufuneka benze umgudu wenyameko—kuquka, ukuba kuyimfuneko, ukufuna uncedo lwengcali efanelekileyo—ukuze kunyangwe loo manxeba endeleyo obuntwana. Usukelo lwabo asikokuziduba ngokuzisizela. Bafuna ukuwuphelisa lo mkhwa uqhubekayo ongekho mpilweni nowenzakalisayo wokuxhatshazwa kwabantwana ochaphazela intsapho yabo.—Bona uVukani! kaOktobha 8, 1991, iphepha 3 ukusa kwele-11.

Ukuphela Kokuxhatshazwa

Xa isetyenziswa ngokufanelekileyo, inkcazelo eyandulelayo inokuba luncedo kanobom ekunciphiseni amathuba okuxhatshazwa kwabantwana kwikhaya lakho. Noko ke, khumbula ukuba abaxhaphazi basebenza ngokufihlakeleyo, basebenzisa ngokunengenelo into yokuba bethenjiwe, yaye basebenzisa amaqhetseba abantu abakhulileyo kubantwana abamsulwa. Ngoko, ngokungaphephekiyo, bambi babo babonakala bengabhaqwa baze bohlwaywe ngolwaphulo-mthetho lwabo oluhambis’ umzimba.

Noko ke, qiniseka ukuba uThixo uyakubona oko bakwenzayo. (Yobhi 34:22) Ngaphandle kokuba bayaguquka baze batshintshe, akayi kuzilibala izenzo zabo ezingatshongo khona. Uya kuzidandalazisa ngexesha lakhe elililo. (Thelekisa uMateyu 10:26.) Yaye uya kwenza okusesikweni. UYehova uThixo uthembisa ukuba kukho ixesha laxa bonke abo bantu banenkohliso beya ‘kuncothulwa emhlabeni,’ yaye ngabalulamileyo nabathantamisayo kuphela abo bathanda uThixo nabantu abaya kuvunyelwa ukuba basale. (IMizekeliso 2:22; INdumiso 37:10, 11, 29; 2 Petros 2:9-12) Ngenxa yedini lentlawulelo likaYesu Kristu sinelo themba limangalisayo lehlabathi elitsha. (1 Timoti 2:6) Ngoko, kungelo xesha kuphela, apho ukuxhatshazwa kuya kuphela ngonaphakade.

Okwangoku simele senze konke esinako ukukhusela abantwana bethu. Baxabiseke gqitha! Inkoliso yabazali iya kukulungela ukubeka engozini okwayo ukukhuseleka ukuze ikhusele abantwana bayo abancinane. (Thelekisa uYohane 15:13.) Ukuba asibakhuseli abantwana bethu, imiphumo inokuba yintlekele. Ukuba siyabakhusela, sibapha isipho esimangalisayo—ubuntwana obunemvakalelo yobumsulwa nobungenantlekele. Banokuvakalelwa kanye ngendlela awavakalelwa ngayo umdumisi, owabhala oku: “Uthi ke [ndiya kuthi kuYehova, NW] Yehova, Hlathi lam, Mboniselo yam, Thixo wam, endikholose ngaye!”—INdumiso 91:2.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 11]

Omnye owasinda kwiminyaka yokuba lixhoba lombulo wathi: “Ukuxhaphaza kuyababulala abantwana, kuyayibulala intembelo yabo, ilungelo labo lokuziva bemsulwa. Kungoko kufuneka abantwana bakhuselwe. Ngenxa yokuba ngoku ndimele ndiqale phantsi ukwakha ubomi bam. Kutheni ke kubangelwa ukuba abantwana abangakumbi benze oko?”

Kutheni ke ngenene?

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 11]

Baphulaphule Abantwana!

KWIBRITISH COLUMBIA, eKhanada, uhlolisiso lwakutshanje lwaqwalasela amanani achaphazela abantu abangama-30 ababehlasela abantwana ngokwesini. Imiphumo yayihlasimlisa. Bebonke, aba bantu bangama-30 babexhaphaze abantwana abangama-2 099. Isiqingatha sabo sasinezikhundla zembopheleleko—ingabafundisi-ntsapho, ingabefundisi, abalawuli nabo basebenza kumaziko okunyamekela abantwana. Omnye owahlasela abantwana ngokwesini, ugqirha wamazinyo oneminyaka engama-50 ubudala, wayexhaphaze phantse abantwana abangama-500 kwisithuba seminyaka engama-26.

Noko ke, iThe Globe and Mail yaseToronto ithi: “Kwiimeko ezingama-80 ekhulwini, iqela elinye okanye nangaphezulu ekuhlaleni (kuquka abahlobo okanye abo basebenza nabo banetyala lokuxhaphaza, iintsapho zamaxhoba, abanye abantwana, amanye amaxhoba) lakukhanyela okanye lakwenza kwabonakala kuyinto encinane ukuxhatshazwa.” Akumangalisi ke ukuba, “le ngxelo ibonisa ukuba ukukhanyela nokungakholelwa kubangela ukuba ukuxhatshazwa kuqhubeke.”

Wambi amaxhoba abaxela abaxhaphazi. Noko ke, “abazali bamaxhoba aselula babengenamdla wakukukholelwa oko babekuxelelwa ngabantwana babo,” iThe Globe and Mail icaphula ingxelo njengetsho njalo. Ngokufanayo, igosa laseburhulumenteni eJamani kutshanje licaphule ingxelo ethi amaxhoba angabantwana okuxhatshazwa ngokwesini kuye kwafuneka athethe nabantu abakhulileyo ebachazela ngebali lawo izihlandlo ezide zibe sixhenxe ngaphambi kokuba kukholelwe oko akuthethayo.

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 12]

“Fumana Uncedo Ngoku”

“UKUBA uyindoda kwaye uba neentlobano zesini nabantwana, usenokuba uzixelela oku, ‘Lo mntwana uyayithanda le nto,’ okanye ‘Uzifunele,’ okanye ‘Ndimfundisa ngesini.’ Uyazixokisa. Amadoda okwenene akabi nazintlobano zesini nabantwana. Ukuba usenayo nje nemvakalelo encinane yokumkhathalela ngokwenene loo mntwana, pheza ngoku ukumxhaphaza. Fumana uncedo ngoku.”—Isaziso ekucetyiswa ukuba sisasazwe kuwonke wonke, sicatshulwe kwincwadi ethi By Silence Betrayed.

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 13]

Abantwana baswele ingqalelo eninzi efudumeleyo neyothando