Sinokubakhusela Njani Abantwana Bethu?

“Ungaze uyixele le nto. Siza kuyigcina iyimfihlelo yethu.”

“Akukho mntu uza kukukholelwa.”

“Ukuba uyayixela, abazali bakho baza kukuthiya. Baza kwazi ukuba ibilityala lakho.”

“Ngaba akusafuni na ukuba ngumhlobo wam okhethekileyo?”

“Akuthandi ukuba ndibanjwe, akunjalo na?”

“Ukuba uyayixela le nto ndiza kubabulala abazali bakho.”

EMVA kokuxhaphaza abantwana ukuze banelise iinkanuko ezigqwethekileyo, emva kokubahlutha unqabiseko lwabo nemvakalelo yokuba msulwa, abo bahlasela abantwana ngokwesini basafuna okuthile okungakumbi kumaxhoba abo—UKUTHI CWAKA. Ukuze baqinisekise ukuba athi cwaka, basebenzisa imvakalelo yokuhlazeka, ukukugcina kuyimfihlelo oko, nkqu nokuwoyikisa ngokuphandle. Ngaloo ndlela abantwana babandezwa esona sixhobo banokusisebenzisa ukulwa nokuxhatshazwa—umnqweno wokuxela, wokuzityand’ igila nokucela ukukhuselwa ngumntu okhulileyo.

Intlekele kukuba, ngokufuthi ibutho labantu abadala lingaqondi lisebenzisana nabo baxhaphaza abantwana. Njani? Ngokuzenza abangayiboniyo le ngozi, ngokukhuthaza isimo sengqondo sokuyifihla, ngokukholelwa iintsomi ezidla ngokuphindaphindwa. Ukungakhathali, inkcazelo ephosakeleyo nokuthi cwaka kukhusela abaxhaphazi, kungekhona amaxhoba.

Ngokomzekelo, iNkomfa Yoobhishophu BamaKatolika EKhanada kutshanje yagqiba kwelokuba yaba “liyelenqe eliqhelekileyo lokuthi cwaka” elabangela ukuba ukuxhatshazwa kanobom kwabantwana kuzingise phakathi kwabefundisi abangamaKatolika kangangamashumi eminyaka. Iphephancwadi iTime, linikela ingxelo ngesibetho esinwenwileyo sombulo, nalo lakhankanya “iyelenqe lokuthi cwaka” njengothunywashe “osuka ufak’ isandla ekuhambiseleni phambili le ntlekele” ezintsatsheni.

Noko ke, iTime yathi eli yelenqe ekugqibeleni liyabhencwa. Kutheni? Ngamafuphi, kungenxa yemfundo. Kunjengokuba iphephancwadi iAsiaweek likubeka ngolu hlobo: “Zonke iingcali ziyavuma ukuba eyona ndlela iyiyo yokuthintela ukuxhatshazwa kwabantwana kukwenza uwonke wonke akwazi oko.” Ukuze bakhusele abantwana babo, abazali bamele baziqonde izibakala zokwenene zesi sisongelo. Musa ukukhohliswa ziingcamango eziphosakeleyo ezikhusela abo baxhaphaza abantwana yaye kungekhona ezikhusela abantwana.—Bona ibhokisi engasezantsi.

Mfundise Umntwana Wakho!

UKumkani uSolomon owayesisilumko waxelela unyana wakhe ukuba ukwazi, ubulumko namandla okucinga ayenokumkhusela “endleleni embi, kubantu abathetha impenduka.” (IMizekeliso 2:10-12) Ngaba asikuko oko kanye abantwana bakufunayo? Phantsi komxholo othi “Ixhoba Eliqinisekileyo” iphecana iChild Molesters: A Behavioral Analysis leFBI lithi: “Kwinkoliso yabantwana isini ngumbandela oziintloni nabangafumani nkcazelo ibhekele phi nechanileyo ngawo, ngokukodwa kubazali babo.” Musa ukuyekela abantwana bakho babe “ngamaxhoba aqinisekileyo.” Bafundise ngesini.a Ngokomzekelo, akukho mntwana ufanele afikise engekazi nto ngendlela umzimba oya kutshintsha ngayo ebudeni beli xesha. Ukungazi kuya kubenza badideke, babe neentloni—yaye babe sengozini.

Elinye ibhinqa esiza kulibiza ngokuba nguJanet laxhatshazwa ngokwesini ebuntwaneni, yaye kwiminyaka yamva nabalo abantwana ababini baxhatshazwa ngokwesini. Likhumbula oku: “Kwindlela esakhuliswa ngayo, asizange sithethe ngesini. Ngoko ndakhula ndineentloni ngaso. Sasiyinto eziintloni. Yaye xa ndathi ndanabantwana, yaba yinto efanayo. Ndandithetha nabantwana babanye abantu kodwa ndingenakuthetha nabam. Ndicinga ukuba oko akufanelekanga kuba abantwana basengozini ukuba akuthethi nabo ngezi zinto.”

Ukuthintela ukuxhatshazwa kunokufundiswa kwasekuqaleni. Xa ufundisa abantwana ukubiza amagama amalungu omzimba njengelungu lesini lomntu obhinqileyo, amabele, iimpundu, incanca, baxelele ukuba la malungu afanelekile, akhethekile—kodwa ngamalungu afihlakeleyo. “Abanye abantu abavumelekanga ukuba bawaphathe—kwanoMama okanye uTata—kwanogqirha akavumelekanga ngaphandle kokuba uMama okanye uTata ukho okanye uthe kulungile.”b Ngokusengqiqweni, amazwi anjalo afanele athethwe ngabo bobabini abazali okanye umntu ngamnye okhulisa umntwana.

Kwincwadi ethi The Safe Child Book, uSherryll Kraizer uthi ngoxa abantwana befanele bazive bekhululekile ukungamnanzi, ukukhala, okanye ukubaleka kumntu obaxhaphazayo, abantwana abaninzi abaxhatshazwayo kamva bacacisa ukuba babengafuni ukubonakala bekrwada. Ngaloo ndlela abantwana kufuneka bazi ukuba bambi abantu abakhulileyo bayazenza izinto ezimbi nokuba kwanomntwana akamele athobele nabani na omxelela ukuba enze into ephosakeleyo. Kumaxesha anjalo umntwana unelungelo eligqibeleleyo lokwala, kanye njengoko wenzayo uDaniyeli namaqabane akhe kubantu abakhulileyo baseBhabhiloni ababefuna ukuba batye ukudla okungacocekanga.—Daniyeli 1:4, 8; 3:16-18.

Esinye isixhobo sokufundisa esinconyelwa kakhulu ngumdlalo othi “Kuthekani ukuba . . . ?” Ngokomzekelo, usenokubuza oku: “Kuthekani ukuba umfundisi-ntsapho wakho uthe betha omnye umntwana? Ubungenza ntoni?” Okanye: “Kuthekani ukuba (uMama, uTata, umfundisi, ipolisa) lithe kuwe tsiba kwisakhiwo esiphakamileyo?” Impendulo yomntwana isenokunganelisi okanye isuke nje ibe yephosakeleyo, kodwa musa ukumlungisa ngqwabalala. Lo mdlalo akuyomfuneko ukuba uquke amacebo othusayo okanye oyikisayo; enyanisweni, iingcali zincomela ukuba udlalwe ngobunono, ngothando kwanangendlela yokudlala.

Ngokulandelayo, fundisa abantwana ukuba bazibhebhethe iindlela zokubonakalisa uthando ezingafanelekanga okanye ezibenza bazive bengakhululekanga. Ngokomzekelo, mbuze oku, “Kuthekani ukuba umhlobo kaMama noTata ufuna ukukwanga ngendlela ekwenze waziva ungaziqondi kakuhle?”c Ngokufuthi kokona kuhle ukukhuthaza umntwana ukuba akubonise oko ebeya kukwenza, nikwenza kube ngumdlalo othi “Masenze ngathi.”

Ngendlela efanayo, abantwana banokufunda ukuzixhathisa ezinye iindlela ezichuliweyo ezisetyenziswa ngabaxhaphazi. Ngokomzekelo, usenokubuza oku: “Kuthekani ukuba uthile uthi, ‘Uyazi, ndikuthanda gqitha. Akufuni na ukuba ngumhlobo wam?’” Xa umntwana efunda ukuxhathisa amacebo obuqhetseba anjalo, xubusha ngamanye. Usenokubuza oku: “Ukuba uthile uthi, ‘Akufuni kundikhathaza, andibi?’ Uza kuthini?” Bonisa umntwana indlela yokwala ngamazwi nangezimbo zomzimba ezicacileyo nezingqalileyo zokwala. Khumbula ukuba, ngokufuthi abaxhaphazi bayayivavanya indlela abantwana abasabela ngayo kwiindlela ezichuliweyo zokubonisa uthando. Ngoko umntwana umele afundiswe ukuxhathisa ngokuqinileyo aze athi, “Ndiza kukuxela.”

Mqeqeshe Ngokucokisekileyo

Musa ukuluphelelisela uqeqesho olunjalo kwisihlandlo nje esinye. Kufuneka ubaphindaphindele abantwana. Sebenzisa ingqiqo yakho ekugqibeni ngendlela ofanele ulunikele ngokuphandle ngayo olu qeqesho. Kodwa lwenze ngokucokisekileyo.

Ngokomzekelo, qiniseka ukuba uthintela naliphi na ilinge lomxhaphazi lokwenza isivumelwano esifihlakeleyo. Abantwana bafanele bazi ukuba akuzange kube yinto efanelekileyo ngomntu okhulileyo ukubacela ukuba bafihlele nawuphi na umzali okuthile. Baqinisekise ngakumbi ukuba ngamaxesha onke kuyinto efanelekileyo ukuba baxele—nokuba babethembise ukungaxeli. (Thelekisa iNumeri 30:12, 16.) Bambi abaxhaphazi bayamqhatha umntwana ukuba bayazi ukuba loo mntwana akawuthobelanga omnye wemithetho yentsapho. Badlulisela isigidimi esithi “Andizi kukuxela ukuba nawe akundixelanga.” Ngoko abantwana bafanele bazi ukuba abasayi kuze babe senkathazweni ngenxa yokuxela kwabo—kwanaphantsi kwezi meko. Kukhuselekile ukuba baxele.

Kanjalo uqeqesho lwakho lufanele lubalungiselele ukuxhathisa izisongelo. Bambi abaxhaphazi baye babulala izilwanyana ezincinane phambi komntwana baza basongela ngelithi baya kwenjenjalo nakubazali bomntwana. Abanye baye balumkisa amaxhoba abo ngelithi baya kuxhaphaza abantakwawo abancinane. Ngoko fundisa abantwana ukuba bafanele ngamaxesha onke bamxele umntu obaxhaphazayo, kungakhathaliseki ukuba uboyikisa kangakanani na ngezisongelo.

Kule nkalo iBhayibhile inokuba sisixhobo esiluncedo sokufundisa. Ngenxa yokuba iwabalaselisa ngokucacileyo amandla amakhulu kaYehova, inokubangela ukuba izisongelo zomxhaphazi zingoyikisi kakhulu. Abantwana kufuneka bazi ukuba enoba ziziphi izisongelo ezenziwayo, uYehova unako ukubanceda abantu bakhe. (Daniyeli 3:8-30) Naxa abantu ababi besenzakalisa abo uYehova abathandayo, ngamaxesha onke unokuwulungisa umonakalo kamva aze abuyisele izinto kwimeko entle ngakumbi. (Yobhi, isahluko 1, 2; 42:10-17; Isaya 65:17) Baqinisekise ukuba uYehova ubona yonke into, kuquka nabantu abenza izinto ezimbi kunye nabantu abalungileyo abenza unako nako wokumelana nabo.—Thelekisa amaHebhere 4:13.

Ukuba Nobulumko Njengeenyoka

Banqabile abantu ababa neentlobano zesini nabantwana abasebenzisa amandla abo ukuze bahlasele umntwana ngokwesini. Ngokuqhelekileyo bakhetha ukuqala ngokwenza ubuhlobo nomntwana. Ngoko icebiso likaYesu lokuba “nobulumko njengeenyoka” lifanelekile. (Mateyu 10:16) Iliso elibukhali lomzali onothando yenye yezona ndlela zokubakhusela ekuxhatshazweni. Bambi abantu abahlasela abantwana ngokwesini bafuna umntwana obhadula yedwa kwindawo kawonke wonke baze baqalise ukuncokola ukuze bavuselele umdla womntwana. (“Ngaba uyazithanda izithuthuthu?” “Khawuze kubona izinjana kulaa lori yam.”) Liyinyaniso elokuba, akunakuba nabantwana bakho ngawo onke amaxesha. Kwaye iingcali zokunyanyekelwa kwabantwana ziyaqonda ukuba abantwana bayayifuna inkululeko yokukhe bazulazule. Kodwa abazali abalumkileyo bakulumkele ukusuka nje banike abantwana babo inkululeko egqith’ emgceni ngaphambi kwexesha.

Qiniseka ukuba ubazi kakuhle nabaphi na abantu abakhulileyo okanye ulutsha oluqabukileyo oluqhelene nabantwana bakho, ulumke ngakumbi xa ugqiba ngobani ofanele anyamekele abantwana bakho xa ungekho. Balumkele abagcini babantwana ababenza abantwana bakho bangaziqondi kakuhle okanye bangakhululeki. Ngokukwanjalo, balumkele abo bakwishumi elivisayo ababonakala benomdla ogqithiseleyo kubantwana abancinane nabangenabo abahlobo abaziintanga zabo. Wahlolisise ngokucokisekileyo amaziko okunyamekela abantwana ngethuba lasemini nezikolo. Hamba-hamba kuzo zonke izakhiwo zawo uze udlan’ indlebe nabasebenzi, uphawula ngenyameko indlela abasebenzelana ngayo nabantwana. Babuze ukuba bayakhathazeka na xa ufika ngokungalindelekanga ukuza kubona abantwana bakho; ukuba oku akuvumelekanga, yiya kukhangela kwezinye iindawo.—Bona uVukani! kaDisemba 8, 1987, iphepha 3-11.

Noko ke, inyaniso elusizi yeyokuba nabona bazali balungileyo abanakulawula yonk’ into eyenzeka kubantwana babo.—INtshumayeli 9:11.

Ukuba abazali bayasebenzisana, ikho into enye abanako ukuyilawula: imeko-bume yasekhaya. Yaye ekubeni ikhaya liyindawo apho ubukhulu becala ukuxhatshazwa kwabantwana kwenzeka kuyo, oko kuya kuxutyushwa kwinqaku elilandelayo.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 7]

Wacela Uncedo

“UKUCELA KuYehova Kunqumamisa Umhlaseli Ekuhlaseleni Oselula Ngokwesini,” watsho njalo umxholo wephephandaba laseUnited States iThe Arizona Republic ngoMeyi 5, 1993. Omnye otyholwa ngokuba uhlasela abantwana ngokwesini wathimba oselula oneminyaka eli-13 ubudala emalathe ngompu, wamsa kwigumbi lakhe. Xa lo uselula wadanduluka esithi, “Yehova, ndincede!” umhlaseli waphazamiseka waza wayiyeka le nkwenkwe yahamba ngokukhululekileyo. Kamva abakwantsasana bayibamba le ndoda.

Ngoxa ngokuqinisekileyo ukubiza egameni likaYehova kufanelekile kwiimeko ezinjalo, akuthethi kuthi abakhonzi bakaThixo abayi kuhlaselwa kule “mihla yokugqibela” enomngcipheko. (2 Timoti 3:1-5, 13) Ngoko ke abazali abangamaKristu bamele baqeqeshe abantwana babo ukuba balumkele bonke abantu abangabaziyo, kungakhathaliseki ukuba babonakala benegunya elithile.

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 8]

Fundisa abantwana ukusebenzisa amazwi nezimbo zomzimba ezicacileyo nezingqalileyo ukuze bamelane neendlela zokubonisa uthando ezingafanelekanga