Ukuhlolisisa Iintswelo Zabazali Bakho

UKUZE ube luncedo lokwenene kubazali bakho abaluphalayo, umele ukuqonde oko bakusweleyo noko bakuthandayo. Kungenjalo—uneenjongo ezilungileyo—usenokunikela uncedo neenkonzo abazali bakho abangaziswelanga nabangazifuniyo, nangona besenokuziva bemathidala ukukuxelela. Ngoko ulwalamano lwenu, olusekelwe kukungaqondani lusenokuzisa uxinezeleko olungeyomfuneko kungekuphela nje kuwe kodwa nakubazali bakho.

Ngokwenene Bafuna Ntoni?

Likholelwa kwelokuba ngaminazana ithile kuya kuba yimfuneko ukuba lifudusele abazali balo kwindlu yalo, ibhinqa lilungiselela loo mfuduko zisuka. Kamva lifumanisa ukuba abazali balo banokuzihlalela ekhayeni labo—yaye bebeya konwaba ngakumbi ngaloo ndlela!

Emva kokufudusela abazali bakhe endlwini yakhe, unyana uthi: “Anisayi kuhlawula mali ngokuhlala endlwini yam! Ngenxa yako konke enindenzele kona!” Noko ke, oku kubenza abazali bazive bexhomekeke kuye kakhulu. Ekugqibeleni bayamxelela ukuba bakhetha ukuncedisa ngenye indlela.

Intsapho inika abazali bayo abalupheleyo konke abakufunayo ukuze iqinisekise ukuba bonwabile yaye abanamisebenzi ifuna amandla. Kamva ifumanisa ukuba abazali bayo bafuna ukuzenzela izinto ezininzi.

Ngamnye kule mizekelo ingasentla, izinto ezenziwayo zazingeyomfuneko yaye zingafunwa ngabazali. Oku kunokwenzeka ngokulula ukuba unyana okanye intombi eneenjongo ezilungileyo ishukunyiswa yimvakalelo ebaxiweyo yokuba nembopheleleko okanye ayiziqondi iintswelo zokwenene zabazali bayo. Cinga ngoxinezeleko olungeyomfuneko oku okuluzisela bonke ababandakanyekileyo. Kakade ke, isicombululo sikukuhlolisisa iintswelo neemfuno zokwenene zabazali bakho.

Ngaba ngokwenene abazali bakho bafuna ukufudukela ekhayeni lakho ngeli thuba? Ngaba bayafuna kwaukufuna? Kusenokukumangalisa ukwazi ukuba abanye abantu abakhulileyo banqwenela ukuhlala bekhululekile kangangoko kunokwenzeka. Kuba besoyikela ukubonakala ngathi abanaluxabiso, basenokuthandabuza ukuxelela abantwana babo ukuba bebengathanda ukuzihlalela ekhayeni labo, phezu kwabo nje ubunzima obuthile. Basenokuba bayabathanda abantwana babo yaye bayakulangazelela ukuchitha ixesha nabo. Kodwa ngaba kufuneka baxhomekeke kubantwana babo? Hayi, basengathanda ukuzenzela izinto.

Mhlawumbi ngaminazana ithile kuya kuba yimfuneko ukuba ufudusele abazali bakho ekhayeni lakho. Noko ke, ukuba elo xesha alikafiki, yaye ukuba ngokunyanisekileyo bakhetha ukuzihlalela, kutheni ubabandeza le minyaka yenkululeko? Ngaba ukwenza uhlengahlengiso oluthile ekhayeni okanye ucwangciso oluthe rhoqo lokubatsalela umnxeba okanye ukubatyelela kuya kwenza bakwazi ukuqhubeka bezihlalela ekhayeni labo? Basenokuziva bonwabe ngakumbi ekhayeni labo, bezenzela izigqibo zabo zamihla le.

Omnye owayenyamekela umntu owalupheleyo wachaza indlela awangxama ngayo ekufuduseleni unina kwikhaya lakhe: “Xa utata wafayo, sathabatha umama sahlala naye, kuba simsizela. Into eyenzekayo kukuba, waphila iminyaka engama-22 ngaphezulu. Kunokuthengisa indlu yakhe, ngewayeqhubekile ehlala kuyo. Ungaze ungxame ngokwenza isigqibo ngamanyathelo ekufuneka ethatyathiwe. Ukuba kukhe kwenziwa isigqibo esinjalo, kunzima ukurhoxa.”—Thelekisa uMateyu 6:34.

Usenokuthi, ‘Kodwa, kuthekani ukuba kwenzeka into komnye wabazali bam ngoxa bezihlalela ekhayeni labo? Ukuba uTata okanye uMama uwile waza wenzakala, ndiya kuziva ndinetyala gqitha!’ Oku kuyinkxalabo esengqiqweni, ngokukodwa ukuba amandla okanye impilo yabazali bakho iye yankenenkene ukusa kwinqanaba lokuba babe sengozini yokwenzakala. Noko ke, ukuba akunjalo, zibuze enoba uxhalabela abazali bakho okanye isiqu sakho kusini na, oko kukuthi, uxhalabele ukuzikhusela ekuziveni unetyala ngokungafanelekanga.

Kwakhona cinga ukuba kunokwenzeka abazali bakho baneliseke ngakumbi kukuba sekhayeni labo. Kwincwadi ethi You and Your Aging Parents, uEdith M. Stern noGqr. Mabel Ross bathi: “Uhlolisiso lubonise ukuba abantu abakhulileyo bahlala bebatsha yaye benamandla ngakumbi xa behlala emakhayeni abo. Ngokufutshane, imigudu emininzi yempazamo yokwenza iminyaka yokugqibela yobomi babo ibe lula iphumela kuphela ekwenzeni baluphale ngokukhawuleza ngakumbi.” Ngoko, nceda abazali bakho bahlale benenkululeko kangangoko kunokwenzeka, ngoxa ubanyamekela yaye unikela iinkonzo abaziswele ngokwenene. Kwakhona ufanele amaxesha ngamaxesha uphinde wenze uhlolisiso nohlengahlengiso njengokuba iintswelo zabazali bakho zisanda okanye zincipha.

Yiba Ngophaphileyo

Sekunjalo ngenxa yempilo neemeko zabazali bakho, kusenokwenzeka ukuba ukuhlala nabo ekhayeni lakho kulolona khetho lulungileyo. Ukuba kunjalo, yiphaphele into yokuba kunokwenzeka bakhethe ukuzenzela izinto ezininzi kangangoko banako. Njengabantu babo nabuphi na ubudala, ngokunokwenzeka banqwenela ukuziva ukuba bangoobani na, ukuba nocwangciso lwabo lokwenza izinto nokuba nabahlobo babo. Oku kusenokubenza babe sempilweni. Ngoxa kunandipheka ukwenza izinto ezithile kunye njengentsapho eyongezelelekileyo, kusenokuba kokulungileyo ngawe ukubekela ecaleni izinto ezithile ukuba zenziwe yintsapho yakho kuphela uze uvumele abazali bakho bazenzele izinto zabo. Omnye owayenyamekela umntu owalupheleyo ngobulumko wathi: “Qinisekisa ukuba abazali bakho banefanitshala eqhelekileyo neefoto ezikhethekileyo kubo.”

Ukuze uqonde iintswelo zokwenene zabazali bakho, thetha nabo. Phulaphula oko bakuxhalabeleyo uze ukuphaphele oko basenokuzama ukukuxelela kona. Bacacisele oko unokukwazi noko ungenakukwazi ukubenzela kona ukuze bangadaniswa lulindelo lobuxoki. Omnye owayenyamekela umntu owalupheleyo wancomela oku: “Kuqonde ngokucacileyo oko kulindelekileyo kubo bonke entsatsheni. Yibani neengxubusho ngokuthe rhoqo ukuze uphephe iimvakalelo zokucaphuka nezokuba nentiyo enzulu.” Ukuba wenza naziphi na izithembiso zethuba elide ezinjengokuthi (“Ndiza kunitsalela umnxeba rhoqo ngemva kwemini ngoMvulo”; “Ndiza kunikhupha khe nibethwe ngumoya mpela-veki nganye”), kusenokufuneka ubacacisele ukuba ubungathanda ukukuzama kangangexesha elithile ukuze ubone indlela okusebenza ngayo. Ngaloo ndlela, ukuba akusebenziseki, lisavulekile ithuba lokuba uphinde uhlolisise imicimbi.

Akukho nanye kwezi zinto zingasentla efanele ithatyathwe njengezizathu zokubandeza abazali bakabani imbeko noncedo abalufaneleyo. Imbono yoMdali kulo mbandela icacile. Abantwana abakhulu bafanele babahlonele, babanyamekele baze babaxhase abazali babo. UYesu wabagweba abaFarisi ababezenza amalungisa ngokugqwetha izibhalo ukuze kungxengxezelwe ukutyeshela abazali. Amazwi acace gca akwiMizekeliso 30:17 atyhila indlela uThixo abathiye ngayo abo bangabahloneliyo abazali babo: “Iliso eligculela uyise, lidele ukumlulamela unina, aya kulikrukra amahlungulu asemlanjeni, alidle amathole exhalanga.”—Bona uMarko 7:9-13; 1 Timoti 5:4, 8.

Njengokuba unikela uncedo olufunekayo kubazali bakho, usenokujamelana neengcinezelo ezintsha. Unokuhlangabezana njani nazo? Inqaku elilandelayo liza kunikela amacebiso athile.

[Imifanekiso ekwiphepha 5]

Umzali usenokunandipha ukuzenzela izinto nabahlobo nentsapho