Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ukudlala Ngokuziphatha Okubi—Iyintoni Ingozi?

ULauraa ukhumbula oku: “Ngenye imini inkwenkwe endandithandana nayo yafika umama engekho ekhaya, ndandicinga ukuba yayize kubukela nje umabonwakude. Ekuqaleni yabamba nje isandla sam. Kwaza ngequbuliso, isandla sayo saqalisa ukundiphathaphatha nakwezinye iindawo. Ndandisoyika ukuyixelela ukuba iyeke; ndandicinga ukuba iza kukhathazeka ize ifune ukuhamba.”

NGALOO ndlela uLaura nenkwenkwe awayethandana nayo baqalisa ukuhamba ngendlela ekhokelela kwihambo embi nenzulu ngakumbi. Ukuncamisana ngendlela evusa inkanuko kwakhokelela nakokunye okungafanelekanga ngakumbi. Noko ke, bambalwa kweli hlabathi lanamhlanje ebebeya kuyicekisa ihambo enjalo. Ewe, uhlolisiso lubonisa ukuba uninzi lolutsha eUnited States luthi lufika kwiminyaka eli-19 ubudala lube selubandakanyeke kwiintlobano zesini! Ukuncamisana kakhulu kwanokuthanda ukuphatha amalungu afihlakeleyo omzimba kugqalwa njengento engenamsebenzi nengenabungozi yokuziyolisa. Lumbi ulutsha luqhayisa ngendlela oluhambele phambili ngayo kuphando lwalo lwesini.

Okubuhlungu kukuba lumbi ulutsha olungamaKristu luye lwabandakanyeka kwihambo embi ngolo hlobo. Kubonakala ukuba lucinga ukuba logama nje “lungabi neentlobano zesini,” akukho ngozi.

Ukonakala Ngokomoya

Akukho nto inokogqitha inyaniso. IBhayibhile iyabagweba abo banenkululeko engafanelekanga nowesini esahlukileyo. Oko abanye basenokuthi kukuphathaphathana “okungenangozi” kusenokubalelwa koko iBhayibhile ikubiza ngokuba kukungcola, uburheletyo okanye kwanombulo. Ezi zizono ezinzulu ezinokukhokelela ekugxothweni kwibandla lamaKristu.—Galati 5:19, 21.

Ngoko ke ukudlala ngokuziphatha okubi ngokwesini akuyonto emelwe ithatyathwe lula. ‘Kukudyobheka kwenyama nokomoya’—into enokulonakalisa ngokunzulu ulwalamano lwakho noThixo. (2 Korinte 7:1) Ekugqibeleni, kusenokude kubangele ingqondo yakho “imke ekunyaniseni kuye uKristu.” (2 Korinte 11:3) Oselula okhokelelwa kwihambo engacocekanga, okanye okhokelela omnye umntu kuyo, ngokucacileyo akanako ukubonisa olobuKristu “uthando oluphuma entliziyweni ehlambulukileyo, nasesazeleni esilungileyo, naselukholweni olungahanahanisiyo.”—1 Timoti 1:5, 19.

Lowo ugabadelayo ekuboniseni uthando unokwenzakala ngokweemvakalelo. Oku kungenxa yokuba, njengokuba inqaku lephephancwadi iSeventeen lisikhumbuza, “iindlela ezahlukeneyo abantu abanokubambana ngazo . . . zisenokubangela iimvakalelo zokusondelelana nezinamandla njengokuba iintlobano zesini zinjalo.” Ngoko nangona ukuncamisana nokuphathaphathana kusenokuchulumancisa ngokwasemzimbeni, ngokukodwa amantombazana asenokufumanisa ukuba loo mava awashiya enemvakalelo yokungabi nto yanto yaye ekhathazekile. IJournal of Marriage and the Family ithi: “Amabhinqa anikela ingxelo yokuba aziva enoloyiko, enetyala, enxunguphele, ephoxekile yaye ecaphukile.”

Ngaba Luthando?

Khawuqwalasele ingxelo yeBhayibhile ekwiMizekeliso isahluko 7, echaza ngokuhendwa komfana lihenyukazi. Loo mfazi uziphethe kakubi waxelela lo mfana oku: “Yiza ke sizikholise ngezincokoliso kude kuse, sizidlamkise ngothando.” Ngokungathandabuzekiyo ingcamango yokuthandwa yavakala inomtsalane kulo mfana. Kodwa eneneni eli henyukazi ‘lamthi gu bucala ngobuninzi bobuciko balo, lamwexula ngokumcenga kwalo.’ Lalingamthandi ngokwenene lo mfana; wayengumthengi nje. Lamxhaphaza kangangoko kunokwenzeka.—IMizekeliso 7:18-21.

Ngendlela efanayo, ulutsha oluninzi namhlanje—ngokukodwa amantombazana—luyaxhatshazwa. Ngokukodwa amantombazana ngokuqhelekileyo amelwe acengwe ukuze enze izinto ezingafanelekanga. Ngokutsho kwencwadi ethi The Compleat Courtship nguNancy Van Pelt, “olunye uhlolisiso lwatyhila ukuba awona mazwi axhaphakileyo asetyenziswa [ngamakhwenkwe] ngala: ‘Ukuba uyandithanda, uya kuvuma.’” Lo mbhali uphawula ukuba abasebuhlanti “kudala” bawasebenzisa loo mazwi.

Kodwa ngaba umntu onokukutsalela kwihambo engcolileyo negwetyiweyo nguThixo uSomandla ngokwenene ukubonisa uthando? Akunjalo ngokutsho kweLizwi likaThixo. Loo ncwadi isikhumbuza ukuba olokwenyaniso “uthando . . . alwenzi okuziintloni.” (1 Korinte 13:4, 5) Umbhali uNancy Van Pelt ubuza oku: “Ukuba ukufumene oko akufunayo, uya kuba nabuphi ubungqina bokuba uyakuthanda xa konke sekwenzekile? Ngokunokwenzeka ukuxhaphazile.”—Thelekisa eyesi-2 kaSamuweli 13:15.

Xa inkwenkwe icinezelela intombazana ukuba yonakalise ingqeqesho nesazela sayo sobuKristu, ilingqina liyimposiso naliphi na ibango lokuba iyithanda ngokwenene. Yaye ukuba inkwenkwe izibanga ingumKristu, ibungqina buyimposiso ubuKristu bayo bobabazo. Intombazana enikezelayo kwesi soyikiso iyaxhatshazwa, iyasetyenziswa yaye ithotywa isidima. Okubi nangakumbi, yenze isenzo esingcolileyo, mhlawumbi kwanohenyuzo, olukukwaphulwa okunzulu komthetho kaThixo.—1 Korinte 6:9, 10.

Enyanisweni, wambi amantombazana akulungele ukwenza oku. Kodwa ukuvumelana kwababini ekwenzeni into ephosakeleyo akuze kuyenze ibe yelungileyo. IMizekeliso 14:12 ithi: “Kukho indlela ethe tye phambi komntu, ukanti ukuphela kwayo ziindlela zokufa.”

Ukonakaliswa Kolwalamano

Bambi basenokuvakalelwa kukuba ukubonakalisa uthando ngokuphathana kukhulisa ulwalamano. Noko ke, ukukhululeka ngokungafanelekanga ngokwesini akulwenzi lube nzulu ulwalamano. Kuyaluthoba. Ubuncinane, kuphelisa ukuhlonelana nokuthembana. Enye intombazana eyabandakanyeka kwihambo engcolileyo ivuma ngelithi: “Ndayicaphukela loo nkwenkwe emva koko.”

Ukungakwazi ukuzibamba kwabo bathandanayo ngaphambi komtshato kusenokuqhubeka kusiba nomphumo ombi kwanaxa eso sibini sesitshatile. Ukuzeyisa, umonde nokungazingci kusisiseko seentlobano zesini ezanelisayo emtshatweni. (1 Korinte 7:3, 4) Kodwa ebudeni bokuthandana ngaphambi komtshato, ezinye izibini zisuka zinikezele kwinkanuko yokuzingca, ukuzibamba zikuphose kwelokulibala zize zityeshele iimvakalelo zomnye. Oku kusenokubangela umtshato ube nesiqalo esibi nesingathandekiyo.

Xa kuqalisa ukuncamisana nokuphathaphathana ngendlela evusa inkanuko, ngokuqhelekileyo unxibelelwano olunenjongo luyanqumama. Ukuncokola okuyimfuneko ngezinto zobuqu—usukelo, iinjongo neemvakalelo—kuthatyathelw’ indawo yihambo engekho ngqiqweni nevusa inkanuko. IMizekeliso 15:22 ilumkisa ngelithi: “Iingcinga ziyatshitsha ngokungabikho kokucweya.” Kuba ziye zasilela ekuwubekeleni isiseko esiqinileyo umtshato xa zithandana ngaphambi komtshato, izibini ezininzi zinxunguphala kakhulu zize zizive zinetyala xa ekugqibeleni zitshata.

Bhubhisa Inkanuko Ephosakeleyo

Enye inkalo emele iqwalaselwe ngumgaqo weBhayibhile okweyabaseKolose 3:5 othi: “Bhubhisani ngoko amalungu enu asemhlabeni: umbulo, ukungcola, ukuthabatheka okuhlazisayo, inkanuko embi, nokubawa, okuyinkonzo yezithixo kona oko.” Kunokunciphisa “ukuthabatheka okuhlazisayo,” ukuncamisana nokuphathaphathana kuphela kuyakuvuselela. Umfana ogama linguJack uchaza okwenzekayo kuye nakwintombi awayeza kutshata nayo ngolu hlobo: “Ekuqaleni yaba kukuncamisana nje. Kodwa okwalandelayo kwaba kukuncamisana okuvusa inkanuko nokuphathaphathana okunzulu, kwada kwasa kwinqanaba lokuba siphantse senze uhenyuzo. Ndandisazi ukuba oko sasikwenza kwakungafanelekanga ngokwemilinganiselo kaYehova.”

Oselula ogama linguVera, ngokukwanjalo naye owabandakanyeka kwihambo embi ngolo hlobo, uyavuma ukuba ukuncamisana nokuphathaphathana kwamenza wafuna “ukuba neentlobano zesini.” Maxa wambi oko kuye kwenzeka ngokwenene. IBhayibhile ibonisa ukuba isono sinomphumo otshisa isazela sikabani. (Hebhere 3:13) Njengokuba ubani eqhela ukuba nenkululeko ngokungafanelekanga, ububi buqhubela phambili. Elinye inyathelo eliya phambili lesini likhokelela kwelinye. ULaura (okhankanywe ekuqaleni) uvuma esithi: “Ngaphambi kokuba uqonde, ubandakanyeka ekuphathaphatheni ngokunzulu. Yaye kuphela kuba yimizuzwana kamva enithi nibandakanyeke kuhenyuzo. Oko koko kwenzeka kum.”

Okubuhlungu kukuba okufanayo kuye kwenzeka kolunye ulutsha oluninzi. Umzekeliso wamandulo unikela esi silumkiso: “Umntu unokuwuthabatha na umlilo ase esifubeni sakhe, zingatshi na iingubo zakhe?” (IMizekeliso 6:27) Impendulo icacile. Yaye ulutsha olungamaKristu, lufanele lusithabathe nzulu isilumkiso sikaThixo esithi: “Musani ukulahlekiswa; uThixo yena asingowokuhlekisa. Kuba into athe wahlwayela yona umntu, wovuna kwayona.”—Galati 6:7.

Lihlabela mgama, iLizwi likaThixo livakalisa oku: “Wonke umenzi wombulo, nomntu ongcolileyo, nolibawa, engumkhonzi wezithixo, akanalifa ebukumkanini bukaKristu noThixo.” (Efese 5:5) Ngaloo ndlela, ukudlala ngokuziphatha okubi kunemiphumo enzulu yaye kunokude kuphulukanise umKristu nethemba lakhe lobomi obungunaphakade kwihlabathi elitsha likaThixo.—ISityhilelo 22:15.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 18]

Ukuba nenkululeko engafanelekanga ngokwesini kuyaluthoba ulwalamano

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 17]

Ukwenza izinto njengeqela kukunceda ukuba uphephe iimeko zokulalanisa