Ziziphi Ezinye Iingxaki?
Ootatomkhulu noomakhulu, abazali nabazukulwana—izizukulwana ezintathu ezishiyana nje ngamashumi ambalwa eminyaka, kodwa ngokufuthi zinobuntu obahluke gqitha.
OOTATOMKHULU noomakhulu abaninzi babekho ngexesha eloyikekayo lemfazwe yehlabathi yesibini, nemiphumo yayo yonke etshabalalisayo. Mhlawumbi abantwana babo babeselula ebudeni bexesha loqhankqalazo nelokwanda koshishino kwiminyaka yee-1960. Namhlanje abazukulwana babo baphila kwihlabathi elingenamilinganiselo. Ngenxa yokutshintshatshintsha kwabantu abadumileyo abanempembelelo namhlanje, isizukulwana esithile asikwazi ukwenza esilandelayo siwaxabise amava aso. Kukho into esilelayo, into enokwenza abantu bezizukulwana ezahlukeneyo basebenzisane baze bahlonelane. Kodwa ingaba yintoni?
Ngokufuthi, ootatomkhulu noomakhulu abaneenjongo ezintle bayangenelela kwimicimbi yentsapho yabantwana babo abatshatileyo, bekhalaza ngelithi abazali babonakala bengqongqo gqitha okanye bebafekethisa gqitha abazukulwana. Kwelinye icala, iqhalo leSpanish lithi: “Isohlwayo esisuka kootatomkhulu nakoomakhulu asivelisi abazukulwana abalungileyo”—ekubeni ootatomkhulu noomakhulu amaxesha amaninzi befekethisa. Mhlawumbi bangenelela kuba bebengathanda ukuba abantwana babo baphephe iimpazamo ezithile, abathe ngenxa yamava abo, bakwazi ukuzibona ngokucacileyo. Noko ke, basenokungakwazi ukumqwalasela baze bamqonde ngokulungeleleneyo unobangela wokuguquka kolwalamano lwabo nabantwana babo abatshatileyo. Aba bantwana, abathe ngenxa yomtshato bafumana uzimelegeqe ekukudala bemlangazelela, abakulungelanga ukunyamezela ukungenelela kwabo. Ekubeni ngoku besebenzela ukuxhasa intsapho yabo, abakulungelanga ukwamkela izinto ezibaphazamisayo kwilungelo labo lokwenza izigqibo. Abazukulwana, abasenokucinga ukuba sele besazi yonke into, bayayicekisa imithetho nemimiselo yaye mhlawumbi basenokucinga ukuba ootatomkhulu noomakhulu babo basemva. Kubantu banamhlanje, ootatomkhulu noomakhulu babonakala bephelelwe ngumtsalane. Ngokufuthi amava abo aphoswa kwelokulibala.
Xa Kungasancokolwa
Maxa wambi ukungaqondani kuba ngumqobo ongenakuqatyelwa owahlula ootatomkhulu noomakhulu kwintsapho iphela kwanokuba bahlala nabantwana babo. Ngelishwa, oku kwenzeka kanye ngexesha laxa ukukhula kwabo kuqalisa ukuba luxanduva, ootatomkhulu noomakhulu befuna ngamandla ukuba kubonakaliswe umsa. Umntu akufuneki ade ahlale yedwa ukuze azive elilolo. Xa kungancokolwa, xa intlonelo nothando zithatyathelwa indawo yindelelo okanye kukukruquka, imiphumo iba kukuphela kwemvisiswano ngokupheleleyo nokudana okukhulu kootatomkhulu nakoomakhulu. Bakhathazeka gqitha. UMfundisi-ntsapho uGiacomo Dacquino uyabhala: “Uthando entsatsheni, othe omnye umntu kutshanje walufanisa nenqwelo-mafutha endala, ephelelwe lixesha, luselelona yeza lilungileyo kwiingxaki zabantu abalupheleyo. Inkangeleko yobuso ebonisa ukuqonda, uncumo olubonisa ububele, ilizwi lokhuthazo, okanye ukwanga kunceda ngaphezu kwamayeza amaninzi.”—Libertà di invecchiare (Inkululeko Yokukhula Ube Mdala).
Umzekelo Wakho Unokuziguqula Iimeko
Uloyiko olubangelwa kukudodobala kolwalamano lwentsapho nalo lungunobangela wezikhalazo ezingapheliyo zesinye isizukulwana sikhalazela esinye. Elinye ilungu lentsapho linokuvakalelwa kukuba nantoni na eyenziwa lelinye ilungu lentsapho iphosakele. Kodwa imiphumo ebuhlungu iviwa ngabo bonke. Abantwana bayakhel’ umkhanya indlela abazali babo ababaphatha ngayo ootatomkhulu noomakhulu, nendlela abasabela ngayo ootatomkhulu noomakhulu. Nangona abantu abakhulileyo, ngokuqhelekileyo, besenokunyamezela umvambo, abazukulwana bayeva, bayabona yaye bayakhumbula. Oko kuchaphazela indlela abafanele baziphathe ngayo kwikamva. Xa bebadala, ngokufanayo basenokubaphatha abazali babo ngendlela abazali ababephethe ngayo utatomkhulu nomakhulu. Awunakubalekwa umgaqo oseBhayibhileni othi: “Into athe wahlwayela yona umntu, wovuna kwayona.”—Galati 6:7.
Ukuba abazukulwana babona abazali bephatha ootatomkhulu noomakhulu ngendelelo—behlekisa ngabo, bebathulisa krwada okanye bebaphatha kakubi—le yindlela abaya kwenza ngayo kubazali babo xa besiba badala. Akwanelanga ukubeka ifoto efreyimishiweyo katatomkhulu nomakhulu phezu kwesideboard—bamele bahlonelwe baze bathandwe njengabantu. Ekuhambeni kwexesha, abazukulwana basenokubaphatha ngendlela efanayo. Kuthiwa into yokuphathwa kakubi kootatomkhulu noomakhulu iya isanda ngokubanzi. Kwamanye amazwe aseYurophu, kukho iindawo abanokutsalela kuzo umnxeba abantu abadandathekileyo ezenziwe ngenjongo yokulamla ekuphathweni kakubi kwabantu abalupheleyo, ezifana nezo sele zisetyenziselwa ukukhusela abantwana.
Ukuzingca, ikratshi nokungabikho kothando kukhuthaza yaye kunegalelo kanobom ekungaqondanini. Ngaloo ndlela, inani labo bazama ukwahlukana nootatomkhulu noomakhulu ngokubabeka kumakhaya abantu abalupheleyo liyanda. Bambi baxolele ukuchitha intywenka yemali ukuze bazikhulule kwingxaki yokunyamekela abantu abalupheleyo, bebagcinisa kumaziko akhethekileyo anobugcisa bala maxesha okanye kwiidolophana ezilungiselelwe abantu abadla umhlala-phantsi ezinjengezo ziseFlorida okanye eCalifornia, eUnited States of America, apho kukho iivenkile ezinkulu neendawo zokuzonwabisa kodwa sekunjalo ezingenabo abantu ababathandayo abanokuncuma nabo baze babange ekungekho nabazukulwana abanokubawola. Ngokukodwa ngamaxesha eholide, abaninzi babhula besela bekhangela indawo “abanokuxhwarhisa” kuyo umakhulu notatomkhulu. Maxa wambi eIndiya iimeko zibambi nangakumbi apho abanye ootatomkhulu noomakhulu bashiywa enyanyeni baze bashiyeke bezibonela.
Iingxaki zokugcina ulwalamano olusondeleyo lwentsapho zandiswa luqhawulo-mtshato. EBritani yintsapho enye kuphela kwezine enabazali bobabini abasahlala ndlwininye. Uqhawulo-mtshato lwanda ehlabathini lonke. EUnited States, imitshato engaphezu kwesigidi iyaqhawulwa nyaka ngamnye. Ngaloo ndlela ootatomkhulu noomakhulu bengalindelanga bazifumana bejamelene namanqam omtshato wabantwana babo yaye ngenxa yoko luguquke kakhulu ulwalamano lwabo nabazukulwana babo. Ngaphandle kweentloni zokuqhubana nobesakuba ngumkhwenyana okanye umolokazana kukho nengxaki “yokuvela komzukulwana ‘omtsha’” ukuba “iqabane lonyana okanye lentombi yabo belinomntwana kumtshato wangaphambili,” linikela loo ngxelo iphephancwadi laseItali iCorriere Salute.
“Ukuhlaziya Ubomi Bethu”
Sekunjalo, ukuba nolwalamano lobubele, nolunothando nootatomkhulu noomakhulu bakabani, enoba bahlala nentsapho yonke okanye akunjalo, kuyingenelo enkulu kubo bonke. URyoko, umakhulu othile waseFukui, eJapan, uthi: “Ukwenzela abantwana nabazukulwana bethu okuthile, kwanele ukuhlaziya ubomi bethu.” Ngokutsho kweziphumo zophengululo olwapapashwa yiCorriere Salute, iqela leengcali zaseUnited States kuthiwa lathi: “Xa utatomkhulu nomakhulu nabazukulwana benethamsanqa lokunandipha ulwalamano lobubele nolunothando, kubakho iingenelo ezinkulu kungekhona nje ebantwaneni kodwa kwanakwintsapho yonke.”
Ngoko, yintoni enokwenziwa, ukoyisa iingxaki zobuqu, imisantsa yesizukulwana notyekelo lwemvelo lokuzingca oluyingozi kulwalamano lwentsapho? Lo mbandela uza kuqwalaselwa kwinqaku elilandelayo.
[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 6]
“Into ebuhlungu ngokwaluphala kukuba akuphulaphulwa.”—Albert Camus, umbhali weenoveli ongumFrentshi