Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . . 

Kutheni Wonk’ Ubani Etshata Kodwa Mna Ndingatshati?

“Akwaba benditshata. Bendiya kuvuya.”—UCheryl.a

KUNGOKWEMVELO ukufuna ukutshata. UThixo wajizeka indoda nomfazi ngomtsalane ongokwemvelo phakathi kwabesini esahlukeneyo. Kwaye wasungula umtshato njengomanyano olusisigxina phakathi kwendoda nomfazi.—Genesis 1:27, 28; 2:21-24.

Ngoko, kuyaqondakala ukuba, usenokuziva udimazekile ngandlel’ ithile okanye ulikheswa ukuba akukatshati—ingakumbi ukuba uninzi loontanga bakho sele lutshatile. Abahlobo obathembileyo banokongeza kule ngcinezelo. UTina uthi: “Ndineminyaka engama-24 ubudala kwaye andikatshati, kwaye okwangoku akukho mntu ndenza naye amadinga. Kubonakala ngathi wonk’ ubani ukuxhalabele ukungatshati kwam kangangokuba nam ndiqalisa ukukhathazeka. Bandenza ndizive ndidudelwe nguJambase okanye ndizive ngathi kukho okuthile okuphosakeleyo ngam.”

Kwabanye abantu ukungatshati kusenokuqala kubonakale ngokungathi ludonga, umqobo ongenakoyiswa, obahlukanisa nolonwabo. Nyaka ngamnye odlulayo, basenokuvakalelwa ngokungathi kuye kwabekwa omnye umqolo wezitena phezu kolo donga. Oselula usenokuqalisa ukuvakalelwa kukuba akanamtsalane okanye akathandeki. Elinye ibhinqa eliselula laseItali elinguRosanna lithi: “Ndisoloko ndiziva ndililolo kwaye ndingento yanto; kubonakala ngathi andinakuze nditshate.” Abafana banokuvakalelwa ngendlela efanayo. Ngokomzekelo, uFrank waqalisa ukuvakalelwa kukuba bonke abahlobo bakhe babebangela umdla ngakumbi kwaye bephucuke gqitha emva kokuba betshatile. Waqalisa ukuzibuza enoba umtshato wawunokumenzela okufanayo kusini na.

Ngaba uye uzifumanise uneengcinga ezifanayo? Ukuba akukatshati, ngaba maxa wambi uye wazibuza enoba kukho okuthile okuphosakeleyo ngawe okanye usenokuba ugwetyelwe ukuhlala ungatshatanga ngonaphakade?

Umtshato—Ingcamango Ngokuchasene Nesibakala

Okokuqala, makhe sihlolisise inkolelo ethandwayo yokuba umtshato ngokuzenzekelayo ukhokelela kulonwabo. Liyinyaniso elokuba umtshato unokufak’ isandla kulonwabo lukabani kwaye ngokufuthi wenjenjalo. Noko ke, ukutshata nje kukodwa akumenzi ubani onwabe. Kwaneyona mitshato iphumelelayo izisa umlinganiselo othile ‘wembandezelo enyameni.’ (1 Korinte 7:28) Ulonwabo emtshatweni luzuzwa kuphela ngokubonisa ngokuqhubekayo umoya wokuzincama nokuzibhokoxa. Okubangel’ umdla kukuba, oyena mntu ubalaseleyo wakha waphila, uYesu Kristu, wayengatshatanga. Ngaba ukho owayenokuthi wayengonwabanga? Nakanye! Wafumana uvuyo ekwenzeni ukuthanda kukaYehova.—Yohane 4:34.

Enye ingcamango yeyokuba umtshato usesona sicombululo kubulolo. Akunjalo! Enye indoda engumKristu etshatileyo yakhalaza isithi: “Umfazi wam akazange azityand’ igila kum okanye ancokole nam ngokunentsingiselo, nanini na!” Abanye abafazi abangamaKristu baye ngokufanayo bakhalazela ukuba abayeni babo bayasilela ukunxibelelana nabo kwaye babonakala benomdla ngakumbi kwimisebenzi yabo okanye kubahlobo babo kunokuba babe nomdla kubo. Okubuhlungu kukuba, ukutshata uze ube lilolo kuxhaphake kakhulu.

Kukwakho nabo bawugqala umtshato njengendlela yokubaleka iingxaki zentsapho. Elinye ibhinqa eliselula elitshatileyo lithi: “Ndicinga ukuba abazali bam babefanele bandinike ithuba lokukhula. Kodwa abazange bandivumele ukuba ndibe nomfana endithandana naye okanye ndiphume nabahlobo . . . Ukuba abazali bam babendinike ithuba, ndicinga ukuba ngendandingatshatanga ndineminyaka eli-16 ubudala. Kodwa ndandifuna nje ukubabonisa.”

Usenokuvakalelwa kukuba ubomi basekhaya bunemiqathango engqongqo gqitha. Kodwa umtshato uzisa iimbopheleleko ezinokuyimisel’ umda ngokugqith’ emgceni inkululeko kabani yobuqu. Cinga ngoko kubandakanyekileyo ekufumaneni umsebenzi, ukuhlawula amatyala, ukulungisa ikhaya nenqwelo-mafutha, ukupheka, ukucoca, ukuhlamba iimpahla kwaye mhlawumbi nokukhulisa abantwana! (IMizekeliso 31:10-31; Efese 6:4; 1 Timoti 5:8) Ulutsha oluninzi lothuka lungalibali xa lujamelene nezi mbopheleleko zobuntu obukhulu.

Bambi bakholelwa kwelokuba umtshato usisikhokelo esisa ekuthandweni ngabantu. Kodwa akukho siqinisekiso sokuba abanye baya kukunqwenela ukunxulumana nawe—okanye banxulumane neqabane lakho—ngenxa nje yokuba utshatile. Abantu baya kukuthanda ukuba unobubele, unesisa, kwaye ungongazingciyo, kungakhathaliseki ukuba utshatile okanye akukatshati. (IMizekeliso 11:25) Yaye kwanokuba ukuba sisibini kwenza kube lula ukuba nabahlobo abatshatileyo, indoda nomfazi bamele bakhumbule ukuba “banyama-nye.” (Genesis 2:24) Bafanele baxhalabele ngokuyintloko indlela abaqhubana ngayo bobabini—kungekhona nabahlobo babo.

Ngaba Uwulungele Umtshato?

Kambe ke, nokuba uyakubona ukuba sengqiqweni kwezi ngongoma, sekunjalo usenokuziva udimazekile maxa wambi. Umzekeliso wamandulo ukubeka ngale ndlela oku: “Ukulindela okubanjezelweyo kubulala intliziyo.” (IMizekeliso 13:12) Ngokomzekelo, uTony oselula wazifumana ekwimeko yonxunguphalo ngenxa yokuba wayengatshati. Waqalisa ukuvakalelwa kukuba wayekulungele ukutshata naye nabani na. Ngokukwanjalo enye intombazana eselula egama linguSandra yayidimazeka nanini na isiva ngokuqaliswa kothando; yayizibuza ngexesha elaliya kufika ngalo elayo ithuba.

Ngaphambi kokuzivumela ukuba udandatheke, zibuze, ‘Ngaba ngokwenene ndiwulungele umtshato?’ Ngeliphandle, ukuba ukwishumi elivisayo, impendulo isenokuba nguhayi oqinisekileyo! EUnited States, inkoliso yemitshato yabakwishumi elivisayo iqhekeka kwisithuba seminyaka emihlanu.b Kakade ke, lumbi ulutsha lusenokuqola ngakumbi kunobudala balo luze lukwazi ukuwenza umtshato walo uphumelele. Kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba wena ufanele utshate. Ngaba uye wazihlolisisa enoba ukulungele kusini na ukusingatha iimbopheleleko zomtshato?

Uhlolisiso olunyanisekileyo lobuqu lunokutyhila okuthile. Ngokomzekelo, uqole kwaye unokuzisingatha kangakanani iimbopheleleko? Ngaba uyakwazi ukugcina imali, okanye uyisebenzisa usandul’ ukuyifumana? Ngaba uwahlawula kuselithuba amatyala akho? Ngaba unako ukuwulondoloza umsebenzi okanye ukunyamekela umzi? Ngaba uqhubana kakuhle nabanye, njengabo usebenza nabo kunye nabazali bakho, okanye ngaba usoloko uxabana nabo? Ukuba kunjalo, unokufumanisa ukuba ukuqhubana neqabane lomtshato kuya kuba nzima kakhulu.

Ukuba usekwishumi elivisayo, usenokufumanisa ukuba ufuna iminyaka eliqela ngakumbi yamava ukuze uqole uze uzinze ngokufanelekileyo ukuze ube ngumyeni okanye inkosikazi elungileyo. Ukuqonda esi sibakala kusenokukunceda utshintshe ulindelo onalo uze uwujonge umtshato njengento enokwenzeka kwixesha elizayo. Oku kusenokukunceda ‘uqine entliziyweni’ ngemeko yakho yokungatshati, ubuncinane okwangoku.—1 Korinte 7:37.

Ukulungiselela Kakuhle

Noko ke, kuthekani ukuba ukholelwa kwelokuba ugqithile “entlahleni” kwaye uvakalelwa kukuba ukulungele ukutshata? Kunokukudimaza ukuba bambalwa abantu abanokuba ngamaqabane omtshato okanye ukuba uyaliwa sihlandlo ngasinye uvakalisa ukuba nomdla kwakho kuthile. Kodwa ngaba oku kuthetha ukuba akuthandeki? Akunjalo konke konke. UKumkani uSolomon akazange ahambele ndawo nentombazana eselula awayeyithanda—kwaye wayeyenye yawona madoda afumileyo, nanobulumko awakha aphila! Yayiyintoni ingxaki? Intliziyo yale ntombazana yayingatyekelanga ekubeni neemvakalelo zothando ngaye. (INgoma yazo iiNgoma 2:7) Ngokufanayo, isenokuba akukadibani nomntu ofanelana naye ngokwenene.

Ngaba uvakalelwa kukuba akukhangeleki umhle ukuba unganomtsalane kothile? Liyinyaniso elokuba, inkangeleko entle ineengenelo zayo, kodwa asiyiyo eyona nto ibalulekileyo. Xa ucinga ngezibini ezitshatileyo ozaziyo, ngaba akuyonyaniso ukuba phakathi kwazo kukho abantu abanobude, ukumila, kwakunye nemilinganiselo eyahlukeneyo yokuba nomtsalane? Ngaphezu koko, umntu owoyika uThixo ngokwenene uya kuba nomdla ngokuyintloko koko ukuko ‘kumntu ofihlakeleyo wentliziyo.’—1 Petros 3:4.

Kakade ke, akumele nangayiphi na indlela ungayikhathaleli inkangeleko yakho yomzimba; kusengqiqweni ukuzama ukuzibona ungomhle. Ukunxiba nokuzilungisa ngokungakhathali kusenokudlulisela kwabanye ingcamango ephosakeleyo ngawe.c Kwakhona ukungabi nabuchule bokuncokola okanye iziphako ezikubuntu bakho zisenokubangela abanye bangakuthandi ngaphambi kokuba bakwazi. Umhlobo oqolileyo okanye umzali unokukuxelela xa kufuneka uhlengahlengiso oluthile kwezi nkalo. Ukuxelelwa inyaniso kusenokuba buhlungu, kodwa ukuyamkela mhlawumbi kunokukunceda wenze uhlengahlengiso uze ngaloo ndlela ube nomtsalane ngakumbi kwabanye.—IMizekeliso 27:6.

Noko ke, okokugqibela, ukuxabiseka, okanye ukubaluleka kwakho, njengomntu akumiselwa kukuba utshatile okanye akutshatanga. Okona kubalulekileyo yindlela uThixo akujonga ngayo, kwaye “ukhangela intliziyo.” (1 Samuweli 16:7) Ngoko ke inkxalabo yakho ifanele ibe sekuzuzeni inkoliseko kaYehova ingabi sekutshateni. Zama ukuba ungavumeli umtshato ulawule iingcinga nencoko yakho. Baqwalasele ngobulumko abo unxulumana nabo, uhlobo lomculo owukhethayo, kunye nokuzonwabisa.

Liyinyaniso elokuba, umnqweno wokutshata usenokungapheli, kodwa musa ukungxama. Yiba nomonde. (INtshumayeli 7:8) Kunokukujonga ukungatshati njengesiqalekiso, yisebenzise ngokuzeleyo inkululeko eziswa kukungatshati kunye namathuba ekuwanikelayo okukhonza uThixo ungaphazanyiswa. (1 Korinte 7:33-35, 38) Usenokutshata ngexesha elifanelekileyo—mhlawumbi kamsinya ngaphezu kokuba ucinga.

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