Yintoni Efunekayo Ukuze Umtshato Uphumelele?
Ngaba ubuya kutsibela emlanjeni ungakhange kuqala ukufunde ukuqubha? Isenzo esinjalo ukungabhadli sisenokukwenzakalisa—mhlawumbi side sikubulale. Noko ke, khawucinge ukuba bangaphi namhlanje abantu abatsibela emtshatweni bengayazi indlela yokusingatha iimbopheleleko ezibandakanyekileyo.
UYESU wathi: “Ngubani na kuni othi efuna ukwakha inqaba angahlali phantsi kuqala aze abale indleko, ukuze abone ukuba unokwaneleyo kusini na kokuyigqiba?” (Luka 14:28) Indlela eyakhiwa ngayo inqaba iyafana nendlela owakhiwa ngayo umtshato. Abo bafuna ukutshata bamele babale iindleko ezibandakanyekileyo emtshatweni ukuze baqiniseke ukuba banako ukujamelana neembopheleleko.
Ukuhlola Umtshato
Ukuba neqabane onokukwazi ukwabelana nalo ngezinto ezivuyisayo nezinto ezibuhlungu ebomini kuyintsikelelo ngokwenene. Umtshato usenokuphelisa umvandedwa obangelwa bubulolo okanye kukuphelelwa lithemba. Unokwanelisa ukulangazelela kwakho ukuthandwa, ukufumana iqabane, nolwalamano olusenyongweni. Enenjongo yokwenene, emva kokuba edale uAdam uThixo wathi: “Akulungile ukuba umntu abe yedwa; ndiya kumenzela umncedi onguwabo.”—Genesis 2:18; 24:67; 1 Korinte 7:9.
Ewe, ukutshata kusenokuzicombulula iingxaki ezithile. Kodwa uya kukufaka kwezinye ezintsha. Ngoba? Ngenxa yokuba umtshato kukudityaniswa kobuntu obahlukeneyo gqitha yaye mhlawumbi busenokufaneleka kodwa bungafani nakancinane. Ngenxa yoko, kwanezibini ezifanelanayo ziya kuxabana ngamaxesha athile. UmKristu ongumpostile uPawulos wabhala wathi abo batshatayo baya kuba “nembandezelo enyameni”—okanye njengokuba iThe New English Bible ikubeka, “baya kuva ubuhlungu kulo mzimba wenyama.”—1 Korinte 7:28.
Ngaba uPawulos wayebona ububi kuko konke oku? Akunjalo konke konke! Wayebongoza nje abo bacinga ngomtshato ukuba bazithabathe izinto njengokuba zinjalo. Ukutsaleleka kumntu othile asinto obuya kuba yiyo ubomi bomtshato kwiinyanga nakwiminyaka eya kulandela emva kosuku lomtshato. Mtshato ngamnye unocelomngeni olwahlukahlukeneyo neengxaki zawo. Ingxaki asikukuba ziya kubakho kusini na kodwa yindlela yokujamelana nazo xa zivela.
Iingxaki zinika indoda nomfazi ithuba lokuba babonise ubunzulu bothando lwabo omnye komnye. Ngokomzekelo: Inqanawa isenokukhangeleka intle njengokuba imi kwindawo ezima kuyo iinqanawa. Noko ke, ukuba ifanelekile ukuba selwandle kubonakala xa ihamba elwandle—mhlawumbi phakathi kwamaza abangelwa sisaqhwithi. Ngokufanayo, ukomelela kweqhina lomtshato akujongwa kuphela xa kukho uxolo nokuthandana. Maxa wambi, liba lelokwenyani xa niphantsi kweemeko ezilingayo apho izibini zithi zoyise isaqhwithi esibubunzima.
Ukuze senjenjalo, isibini esitshatileyo kufuneka sizibophelele, kuba uThixo wayenenjongo yokuba indoda “inamathele kumkayo” ukuze abo babini “babe nyama-nye.” (Genesis 2:24) Namhlanje ingcamango yokuzibophelela iyaboyikisa abaninzi. Sekunjalo, kusengqiqweni ukuba abantu ababini abathandana ngokwenene babe baya kufuna ukwenza isivumelwano sokwenene sokuba bahlale kunye. Ukuzibophelela kuba negalelo kundiliseko lomtshato. Kunika isiseko sokuba nentembelo yokuba, enoba sekumnyam’ entla, indoda nomfazi baya kuxhasana.a Ukuba akukakulungeli ukuzibophelela okunjalo, akukawulungeli ngokwenene umtshato. (Thelekisa INtshumayeli 5:4, 5.) Kwanabo sele betshatile basenokufuna ukuyiqonda ngakumbi indlela ekubaluleke ngayo ukuzibophelela kumtshato oya kuhlala ukho.
Ukuzihlolisisa
Alithandabuzeki elokuba unokuzibala izinto ozifunayo kwiqabane lomtshato. Noko ke, kuba nzima kakhulu, ukuzihlolisisa uze ubone indlela onokuba negalelo ngayo emtshatweni. Ukuzihlolisisa kubalulekile, ngaphambi nasemva kokuba wenze izifungo zomtshato. Ngokomzekelo, zibuze le mibuzo ilandelayo.
• Ngaba ndikulungele ukuzibophelela ngonaphakade kwiqabane lam?—Mateyu 19:6.
Ngemihla yomprofeti weBhayibhile uMalaki, amadoda amaninzi ashiya amaqabane awo, mhlawumbi ngenjongo yokutshata amabhinqa aselula. UYehova wathi isibingelelo sakhe sigutyungelwe ziinyembezi zabafazi abashiyiweyo, yaye wawagxeka amadoda ‘awaqhubana ngobuqhophololo’ namaqabane awo.—Malaki 2:13-16.
• Ukuba ndicinga ngokutshata, ngaba sele ndidlulile ebutsheni apho iimvakalelo zesini zinamandla yaye zisenokundiphazamisa ekwenzeni isigqibo esifanelekileyo?—1 Korinte 7:36.
“Kuyingozi ukutshata uselula,” utsho uNikki, owatshata eneminyaka engama-22 ubudala. Ulumkisa ngelithi: “Indlela ovakalelwa ngayo, usukelo lwakho, izinto ozithandayo ziza kuqhubeka zitshintshatshintsha ngoxa ukwishumi elivisayo de ube phakathi okanye ngasekupheleni kweminyaka yama-20.” Kakade ke, ukuwulungela umtshato akunakujongwa ngobudala kuphela. Noko ke, ukutshata xa ubani engekadluli ebutsheni xa iinkanuko zesini zisaqala yaye zinamandla kusenokuphazamisa ubani kwiingxaki asenokuba nazo.
• Ziziphi iimpawu endinazo eziya kundinceda ukuze umtshato wam uphumelele?—Galati 5:22, 23.
Umpostile uPawulos wababhalela oku abaseKolose: “Yambathani umsa onofefe wemfesane, ububele, ukuthobeka kwengqondo, ubulali, nokuzeka kade umsindo.” (Kolose 3:12) Esi siluleko sifanelekile kwabo bacinga ngomtshato kwanakwabo sele betshatile.
• Ngaba ndiqole ngokwaneleyo ukuze ndixhase iqabane lam xa kunzima?—Galati 6:2.
Omnye ugqirha uthi: “Xa kuvela iingxaki utyekelo kukutyhola elinye iqabane. Ayibalulekanga into yokuba ngubani omele atyholwe. Kunoko, yindlela indoda nomfazi abanokwenza ngayo ukuze baphucule ulwalamano lwabo lomtshato.” Amazwi oKumkani osisilumko uSolomon abhekisela kwizibini ezitshatileyo. Wabhala esithi: “Kulungile ukuba babe ngababini kunokuba abe mnye. . . . Ngokuba xa bathe bawa, omnye unokumphakamisa uwabo; yeha ke, yena oyedwa, othe wawa! kuba akukho wesibini wokumphakamisa.”—INtshumayeli 4:9, 10.
• Ngaba ndingumntu owonwabileyo nonethemba ngekamva, okanye ndisoloko ndiqumbile yaye ndingakhululekanga?—IMizekeliso 15:15.
Suku ngalunye luba lubi kumntu ongenathemba. Umtshato awusiguquli ngokungummangaliso isimo sengqondo esinjalo! Umntu ongatshatanga—enoba yindoda okanye libhinqa—othanda ukugxeka nongenathemba uya kuba njalo naxa sele etshatile. Ukudakumba okunjalo kunokuwonakalisa umtshato.—Thelekisa IMizekeliso 21:9.
• Ngaba ndihlala ndizolile xa kukho ingxaki, okanye ngaba ndiye ndivuthe ngumsindo?—Galati 5:19, 20.
AmaKristu ayalelwa ukuba “acothe ukuqumba.” (Yakobi 1:19) Ngaphambi nasebudeni bomtshato, indoda okanye ibhinqa limele lizame ukuphila ngokuvisisana nesi siluleko: “Qumbani, ukanti ningoni; malingatshoni ilanga nikwimo yokucaphuka.”—Efese 4:26.
Ukuqwalasela Lowo Uza Kuba Liqabane Lakho
Umzekeliso weBhayibhile uthi: “Onobuqili uyakuqonda ukunyathela kwakhe.” (IMizekeliso 14:15) Oku kuyinyaniso ngenene xa ukhetha iqabane lomtshato. Ukukhetha iqabane lomtshato kusesinye sezona zigqibo zibalulekileyo eziya kwenziwa yindoda okanye libhinqa. Ukanti, kuphawulwe ukuba abantu abaninzi bachitha ixesha elingakumbi begqiba ngenqwelo-mafutha abamele bayithenge okanye isikolo abamele bafunde kuso kunokugqiba ngomntu abamele batshate naye.
Kwibandla lamaKristu, abo banikwe iimbopheleleko ‘bayavavanywa ukuba bayafaneleka na kuqala.’ (1 Timoti 3:10) Ukuba ucinga ngokutshata, uya kufuna ukuqiniseka ‘ngokufaneleka’ komnye umntu. Ngokomzekelo, qwalasela le mibuzo ilandelayo. Nangona ibuzwa libhinqa, uninzi lwale migaqo luyasebenza nasendodeni. Yaye nabo batshatileyo banokungenelwa xa beqwalasela ezi ngongoma.
• Waziwa njengomntu onjani?—Filipi 2:19-22.
IMizekeliso 31:23 ichaza umyeni ‘owaziwayo emasangweni, xa ebuthe namadoda amakhulu elizwe.’ Amadoda amakhulu esixeko ayehleli emasangweni ukuze agwebe. Ngoko ke, kuyabonakala ukuba le ndoda yayinesikhundla esithile ekuhlaleni. Indlela indoda ejongwa ngayo ngabanye ithetha okuthile ngendlela eyaziwa ngayo. Ukuba oku kuyasebenza kwimeko yayo, qwalasela nendlela ejongwa ngayo ngabo bangaphantsi kwegunya layo. Oku kusenokubonisa indlela wena, njengeqabane layo, oya kuyijonga ngayo ekuhambeni kwexesha.—Thelekisa eyoku-1 kaSamuweli 25:3, 23-25.
• Uziphethe njani?
Ubulumko bukaThixo “okokuqala nje bunyulu.” (Yakobi 3:17) Ngaba lowo uza kuba liqabane lakho unomdla ngakumbi ekwaneliseni inkanuko yakhe engokwesini kunokuma kwakhe okanye kwenu phambi koThixo? Ukuba akazimiselanga ngoku ukuphila ngokuvisisana nemilinganiselo kaThixo yokuziphatha, unasiphi isiseko sokukholelwa ukuba uya kwenjenjalo emva kokuba nitshatile?—Genesis 39:7-12.
• Undiphatha njani?—Efese 5:28, 29.
Incwadi yeBhayibhile yeMizekeliso isixelela ngendoda ‘ekholose’ ngomfazi wayo. Ukongezelela, ‘iyamdumisa.’ (IMizekeliso 31:11, 28) Ayinabukhwele ngokugqithiseleyo, okanye ilindele lukhulu ngokungekho ngqiqweni. UYakobi wabhala ukuba ubulumko obuvela phezulu “boboxolo, bube nengqiqo, . . . buzele yinceba neziqhamo ezilungileyo.”—Yakobi 3:17.
• Uwaphatha njani amalungu entsapho yakhe?—Eksodus 20:12.
Ukuhlonela abazali asinto nje elindeleke ebantwaneni. IBhayibhile ithi: “Mphulaphule uyihlo, lowo wakuzalayo, ungamdeli unyoko akuba mkhulu.” (IMizekeliso 23:22) Okubangel’ umdla kukuba uGqr. W. Hugh Missildine wabhala: “Iingxaki ezininzi emtshatweni nokungafanelani kusenokuphetshwa—okanye mhlawumbi kubonwe kusengaphambili—ukuba lowo uza kuba ngumtshakazi nalowo uza kuba ngumyeni utyelela ikhaya lomnye engalindelwanga aze abone ulwalamano olukhoyo phakathi ‘kwalowo aza kutshata naye’ nabazali bakhe. Indlela abaphatha ngayo abazali bakhe iya kubonisa indlela aya kwenza ngayo nakwiqabane lakhe. Ubani umele azibuze: ‘Ngaba ndifuna ukuphathwa ngendlela abaphatha ngayo abazali bakhe?’ Yaye indlela abamphatha ngayo abazali bakhe iya kubonisa indlela aya kuziphatha ngayo nendlela aya kulindela umphathe ngayo—kwiintsuku emva komtshato.”
• Ngaba ugqajukelwa ngumsindo okanye athethe ngendlela enyelisayo?
IBhayibhile iyaluleka: “Mabususwe kuni bonke ubukrakra bolunya nomsindo nengqumbo nokunkqangaza nentetho etshabhisayo kunye nabo bonke ububi.” (Efese 4:31) UPawulos walumkisa uTimoti ngamanye amaKristu ‘awayegula ngengqondo ziimbuzwano nokuxambulisana ngamazwi,’ nawayevumela “umona, iintetho ezitshabhisayo, urhano olungendawo, iimpikiswano ezishushu zochuku.”—1 Timoti 6:4, 5.
Ukongezelela, uPawulos wabhala wathi lowo uwafanelekelayo amalungelo athile ebandleni umele “angabi ngumbethi”—ngokutsho kwegama lesiGrike, “angabagqebhi iinduma,” abanye. (1 Timoti 3:3, umbhalo osemazantsi weNW) Akanakuba ngumntu obetha abanye emzimbeni okanye ngamazwi. Umntu otyekele ekubeni abe nogonyamelo xa enomsindo asingomntu ofanelekileyo ukuba liqabane lomtshato.
• Luyintoni usukelo lwakhe?
Abanye bathanda ukuba zizityebi baze bavune imiphumo ebuhlungu abangenakukwazi ukuyiphepha. (1 Timoti 6:9, 10) Abanye baphila nje bengenalusukelo ebomini. (IMizekeliso 6:6-11) Noko ke, indoda eyoyika uThixo iya kubonisa uzimiselo olwabonakaliswa nguYoshuwa, owathi: “Ke mna nendlu yam siya kukhonza uYehova.”—Yoshuwa 24:15.
Imiphumo Neembopheleleko
Umtshato lilungiselelo likaThixo. Wagunyaziswa waza wamiselwa nguYehova uThixo. (Genesis 2:22-24) Wenza ilungiselelo lomtshato ukuze ube lumanyano olungasokuze luphele phakathi kwendoda nomfazi ukuze bakwazi ukuncedana. Xa kusetyenziswa imigaqo yeBhayibhile, indoda nomfazi banokulindela ukonwaba ebomini babo.—INtshumayeli 9:7-9.
Noko ke, imele iqondwe into yokuba siphila ‘kumaxesha amanqam ekunzima ukuqhubana nawo.’ IBhayibhile yaxela kusengaphambili ukuba ngeli xesha, abantu baya “kuba ngabazithandayo, abathandi bemali, abazidlayo, abanekratshi, . . . abanganyanisekanga, bengenawo umsa wemvelo, abangayifuni kwaphela imvisiswano, . . . abangcatshi, abaneentloko ezilukhuni, abakhukhumele yinkqayiso.” (2 Timoti 3:1-4) Ezi mpawu zisenokuba negalelo elikhulu emtshatweni kabani. Ngoko ke, abo bacinga ngokutshata, kufuneka bazibale ngenyameko iindleko. Yaye nabo batshatileyo ngoku bamele baqhubeke besebenzela ukuphucula umanyano lwabo ngokufunda nangokusebenzisa imiyalelo kaThixo efumaneka eBhayibhileni.
Ewe, abo bacinga ngomtshato baya kuba benza kakuhle xa bejonga ngaphaya kosuku lomtshato. Yaye bonke bamele bahlolisise kungekuphela nje ukutshata kodwa kwanobomi bokuba ngumntu otshatileyo. Funa ukhokelo kuYehova ukuze ukwazi ukucinga ngezinto njengokuba zinjalo kunokuba uzicinge uqhutywa luthando. Ngokwenjenjalo, uya kuba namathuba angakumbi okuba nomtshato ophumelelayo.
[Imibhalo esemazantsi]
a IBhayibhile ivumela isizathu esinye kuphela sokuqhawula umtshato ngethemba lokuba uphinde utshate, eso ‘kukuhenyuza’—ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphandle komtshato.—Mateyu 19:9.
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 6]
Kwanabo kudala betshatile banokuwomeleza amaqhina abo omtshato
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 7]
Ubaphatha njani abazali bakhe?