Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Kutheni Isoloko Indim Onetyala?

“Utata unezinto ezingayilungeliyo impilo yakhe ibe usebenza nabantu abatshayayo. Maxa wambi, ufika ekhaya ephazamiseke gqitha. Ulahla izinto aze athi ndim ozilahlileyo. Xa ndimxelela ukuba zilahlwe nguye, uba ligqabi ngumsindo aze andixelele ukuba bendingafanelanga ukuba ndimlungise.”—Intombazana ekwishumi elivisayo.

NGABA maxa wambi uye uvakalelwe kukuba usoloko uyintlambo yokufel’ amahashe kwintsapho yakowenu? Ngaba kubonakala ukuba nantoni na engahambi kakuhle, isoloko ilityala lakho? Ubona ngolo hlobo uJoy oneminyaka eli-14 ubudala. Ukhulela kwintsapho enomzali omnye ibe usoloko enyamekela umntakwabo nodadewabo abancinane kunaye. UJoy ukhalaza ngelithi: “Ndidla ngokuba kwigumbi elikumgangatho ongaphantsi xa besilwa. Benza into ezingabhadlanga nezobuntwana, kodwa xa uTata efika, ungxolisa mna ngenxa yokuba ndingakhange ndibanqande.”

Ukuba abazali bakho bathi unguncanyelweni, ulivila, okanye akukhathali okanye bakuphe amagama abonisa ukuba ubuthathaka bakho abunakuze buncedwe, maxa wambi oko kusenokude kubonakale ngathi balindele ukuba usilele. Intsapho yakuloRamon yayisithi ulidlophatyapha—gama elo awayelithiye egazini. Ngokufanayo usenokulithiya igama elibalaselisa iintsilelo zakho, enoba libizwa ngenxa yokuba uthandwa. Kunokuba likukhuthaze ukuba uphucule, eli gama lingathandekiyo lisenokubethelela ingcamango yokuba usoloko unetyala.

Ukubekwa ityala kunokuba buhlungu ngakumbi ukuba kubonakala kususela ekukhetheni ubuso. Omnye okwishumi elivisayo ogama linguFrankie uthi: “Ndingowesibini ekhaya, ibe ndisoloko ndifumana eyona mpatho ibuhlungu.” Abantakwenu basenokubonakala bemsulwa kodwa wena ubekwa ityala isaqala nje ingxaki.

Isizathu Sokuba Abazali Babeke Ityala

Kambe ke, kuqhelekile ngabazali ukuba babalungise abantwana babo xa besona. Kaloku, ukulungisa ngendlela efanelekileyo neyakhayo yenye yeendlela ezisetyenziswa ngabazali aboyika uThixo ukuze bakhulisele abantwana babo “kwingqeqesho nasekweyiselweni kwengqondo kuYehova.” (Efese 6:4) Noko ke, maxa wambi kwanabona bazali balungileyo banokuzibaxa izinto okanye bafikelele kwizigqibo ezingezizo. Khumbula isiganeko esenzeka xa uYesu wayeselula. Ngesi sihlandlo uYesu wayelahlekile. Wafunyanwa etempileni kaThixo, exubusha ngeBhayibhile. Sekunjalo, xa abazali bakhe bamfumanayo, unina wabuza: “Mntwana, bekutheni na ukuze usiphathe ngale ndlela? Naku mna noyihlo sixhwalekile engqondweni sifunana nawe.”—Luka 2:48.

Ekubeni uYesu wayefezekile, kwakungekho sizathu sakoyika ukuba wayeza kubandakanyeka kubunjubaqa. Kodwa njengabo nabaphi na abazali abanothando, unina waziva ebophelelekile ngomntwana wakhe, ibe wakhalima, mhlawumbi esoyikela ukuba wayehlaselwa ngenxa yezinto awayexunele kuzo. Ngokufanayo, abazali bakho basenokuzibaxa izinto maxa wambi, ingekuba bathanda ingxwabangxwaba okanye bakhohlakele, kodwa ngenxa yokuba bekukhathalele ngokwenene.

Kwakhona, yazi ukuba siphila ‘kumaxesha amanqam ekunzima ukuqhubana nawo.’ (2 Timoti 3:1) Ukusebenza nokunyamekela ikhaya kubangela abazali bakho babe noxinezeleko olugqithiseleyo, ibe oku kunokuyichaphazela indlela abakuphatha ngayo. (Thelekisa INtshumayeli 7:7.) Omnye ugqirha wezigulo zengqondo wathi: “Kwezinye iintsapho, xa izinto zisonakala, abazali basenokubila ngumsindo baze benze izigqibo ngobungxamo nangona bengabantu nje abalungileyo.”

Abazali abangenamaqabane basenokutyekela ekukhupheleni udandatheko lwabo ebantwaneni, ngenxa nje yokuba bengenalo iqabane abanokuxubusha nalo izinto. Kuyavunywa ukuba, ukuthwala ubunzima ngenxa yeentsizi zomzali wakho akuyonto imnandi. ULucy oneminyaka eli-17 ubudala uthi: “Ukuba ndenze into yaye ndifanele ndohlwaywe, ndiyavumelana noko. Kodwa xa umama endohlwaya kuba kukho into emphazamisileyo, undidlel’ indlala ngokwenene.”

Ukukheth’ ubuso kusenokufak’ isandla. Nangona umzali ngokuqhelekileyo ebathanda bonke abantwana bakhe, akuyonto ingaqhelekanga ngaye ukuba atsaleleke ngendlela ekhethekileyo kumntwana omnye.a (Thelekisa iGenesis 37:3.) Ukuvakalelwa kukuba ungumntwana ongathandwa kangako kubuhlungu gqitha. Kodwa ukuba kubonakala ngathi iimfuno zakho ziyatyeshelwa okanye usoloko utyholwa ngezinto ezenziwe ngabantakwenu, ngokuqinisekileyo uba nengqumbo. URoxanne uthi: “Ndinomntakwethu uDarren. UMama umgqala njengengelosi. . . . Usoloko etyhola mna, kunokuba atyhole uDarren.”

Iintsapho Ezinengxaki

Kwiintsapho eziqhuba kakuhle ukudlel’ indlala kusenokubakho ngamaxesha athile. Kodwa kwiintsapho ezinengxaki abazali basenokuthi gqolo betyhola, behlazisa yaye bethoba isidima. Maxa wambi oku kutyhola kuphelekwa “bubukrakra bolunya nomsindo nengqumbo nokunkqangaza nentetho etshabhisayo.”—Efese 4:31.

Ngaba unokubekw’ ityala ngokugqajukelwa ngumsindo kwabazali okulolo hlobo? Liyinyaniso elokuba unyana okanye intombi engathobeliyo “ububuhlungu” kumzali. (IMizekeliso 17:25) Noko ke, iBhayibhile ithi kubazali: “Musani ukubacaphukisa [ngokoqobo, “nibaxhokonxela ukuba babe nomsindo”] abantwana benu.” (Efese 6:4) Njengawo onke amaKristu, umzali umele azeyise, ‘ahlale ezibambile phantsi kobubi.’ (2 Timoti 2:24) Ngoko xa umzali ephulukana nokuzeyisa, akanakukubek’ ityala oko kwiintsilelo zomntwana wakhe.

Ukuhlasela ngamazwi kunokubonisa ukuba umzali unoxinezeleko lweemvakalelo, udandatheko, okanye uphelelwa kukuzixabisa. Kwakhona kunokubonisa ukuba uneengxaki zomtshato okanye ulikhoboka lotywala. Ngokutsho komnye umthombo, abantwana abanabazali abakhotyokisiweyo basoloko beyintlambo yokufel’ amahashe. “Ayikho nje into abakhe bayenze ngendlela efanelekileyo. Basenokubizwa ngokuba ‘zizidenge,’ ‘abalunganga,’ ‘bayazingca,’ nangezinye iindlela. Ngoko amalungu entsapho anikela ingqalelo kulo mntwana (okanye abantwana) njengeyona ‘ngxaki’ ibe ayakulibala ukungonwabi neengxaki zawo.”

Ukuqhubana Nokutyholwa

UGqr. Kathleen McCoy uthi: “Ukutyibela, ukujongela phantsi nokuhlab’ amadlala ubuntu bomntwana . . . kunokufak’ isandla ekubeni okwishumi elivisayo aphelelwe kukuzixabisa, adandatheke aze angancokoli.” Okanye njengoko iBhayibhile isitsho, impatho-mbi ‘isenokubacaphukisa’ abantwana ize ibabangele ‘bafe iintliziyo.’ (Kolose 3:21) Usenokuzigqala njengongantweni. Kwakhona usenokubajonga ngendlela engafanelekanga abazali bakho. Usenokugqiba ngelokuba kuncinane gqitha onokukwenza ukuze ubakholise ibe akukho sizathu sakuzama ukuphucula. Kusenokuvela umsindo nengqumbo, nto leyo enokukubangela ukuba ugatye naluphi na uqeqesho—kwanokugxeka okwakhayo.—Thelekisa IMizekeliso 5:12.

Unokuhlangabezana njani noku? Oku kuya kuxhomekeka ubukhulu becala kwimeko yakho. Kutheni unganqumami uze ucingisise ngayo ngendlela esengqiqweni? Ngokomzekelo, ngaba ngokwenene kuyinyaniso ukuba usoloko utyholwa? Okanye kusenokwenzeka ukuba abazali bakho batyekele ekubeni ngabahlab’ amadlala ngokugqithiseleyo maxa wambi baze bathethe ngendlela engafanelekanga? “Sonke siyakhubeka izihlandlo ezininzi,” itsho njalo iBhayibhile, ibe kuqukwa nabazali. (Yakobi 3:2) Ngoko kwanokuba abazali bakho bakhe babe nomsindo maxa wambi, ngaba nawe kuya kukunceda ukuba nomsindo? Isiluleko seBhayibhile esikwabaseKolose 3:13 sinokusebenza kakuhle: “Qhubekani ninyamezelana yaye nixolelana ngesisa ukuba nabani na unonobangela wokukhalazela omnye. Kwananjengoko noYehova wanixolela ngesisa, yenzani njalo nani.”

Ukuba novelwano ngabazali bakho kunokukunceda ekwenzeni oku. IMizekeliso 19:11 ithi: “Ingqiqo yomntu imenza azeke kade umsindo; sisihombo sakhe ukulugqitha ukreqo.” Ukuba utata wakho ubonakala ecaphuka msinya ngendlela engaqhelekanga xa evela emsebenzini aze akutyhole ngento ongakhange uyenze, ngaba kumele kulalwe kutyiwe loo nto? Ukuqonda ukuba akonwabanga yaye udiniwe kunokukunceda ‘ulugqithe ukreqo lwakhe.’

Noko ke, kuthekani ukuba ukudlelw’ indlala akuyonto yenzeka ngenxa nje yokucaphuka ngamaxesha athile kodwa yinto eyenzeka rhoqo nangokuzingisileyo? Inqaku elilandelayo liya kuxubusha iindlela zokuphucula imeko yakho.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 21]

Abakudleli ndlala abazali xa bekunika isiluleko sokukulungisa xa kuyimfuneko